Recently I listed all the essays we have on our website. I actually need to get another sent out this week - as they are written for a newsletter. This essay - though was requested as post in my journal also...not just in the newsletter or on the website.
Also I read a friends journal today and some things she said it reminded me of this essay...which reminded me I had a request to post it here.
Q &A: What do you do all day? or What is a typical day for you as a slave?
I get questions from readers every once in a while and a frequent question seems to be "What do you do all day?" or "What is a typical day for you as a slave?" Before answering that question, if anyone has a question about my life in a M/s dynamic, a question about the lifestyle in general, or even a topic suggest feel free to write me.
So on to the questions at hand, I think often when people write me and ask me, "What do you do all day?" or "What is a typical day for you as a slave?" -- there's an expectation that being in a M/s dynamic transforms all vanilla things into something more exciting. That something more can be a combination of erotica, SM, bondage, sex, isolation and all of the things that many perceive go into a M/s dynamic. I know there's a great deal of disappointment in my response to them, but I hate to say it but that just does not happen like it does in the books - we live in reality where there are bills, laundry, work stuff, cleaning the house, toilets overflowing and dishes to be done. I am a slave to my Master but just being an owned slave doesn't suddenly make washing dishes become erotic. But as I wash those dishes, I am still Master's slave and that does not change because where we take our dynamic is much more a part of who I am and a mindset. There is not overt and loud actions showing a person an "erotic and exciting" M/s dynamic. The M/s dynamic is always there just subtle and quiet. And it is a common misconception that people think they are going to see overt and loud actions showing something more exciting then other relationships.
Some people believe that the depths of your M/s relationship largely depends on how much SM 24/7 exists in your dynamic. I find that belief untrue as M/s can function without SM being apart of it. SM is the candy part of the relationship. It's all of the kinky, fun stuff that turns us on. In the SM side of things, at least one person needs to step outside to deal with the normal day-to-day stuff. As much as we would like to play all the time, it has no relevance as to the depth of our M/s dynamic. As I said we are who we are…Master is in control and has the ultimate power and responsibility in our relationship. And I am there to bend to his will - pleasing and serving him.
So being Master and slave is just who are. We don't need the props of SM to be those people. And while washing the dishes, I am a slave even if I am not naked and hobbled at the time. Because I am there to please my Master - I am there to enhance his life and make it better and doing those dishes will do that - in that moment without being naked and hobbled. But who knows the next day he may want me naked and hobbled while doing those dishes and if that is what he wants - then that is what will happen.
Let's not forget one other very important consideration: repetition. The more we repeat a certain, similar activity over and over again, the less pronounced it will be in future instances it's produced. It becomes second nature to us, but are we getting the same enjoyment from the act anymore? I know that Master and I would get bored if every day he had me wash the dishes in the hobble. Because each act (such as being naked and hobbled while doing dishes) can become disconnected and start to cause a lack of enjoyment from each act. It is like when you put up new curtains or move to a new area those things are exciting, new, bright and shiny at first, but soon the newness fades and you hardly notice the new curtains or the things you drive by everyday. There's no recognition, no acknowledgement. So doing those things repeatedly every day can start to make them not so exciting anymore. In having a very flexible structure/schedule allows Master to have those things on and off and not make them so ordinary. So, my schedule and what I do each day happens at his discretion as he is the Master and in charge.
My daily routine and structure was designed to make sure my Master's life is easier and nicer. My duty above all else is to please and enhance my Master's life by serving him. A typical day varies as there is no a real set structure or regimen. Initially, when Master and I were first together, he controlled my day much more strictly in order to help get things going in the direction he wanted. This could be viewed as what I believe many view as typical M/s situation: I had to account for my time, I needed to tell him what I had scheduled, he would tell me in what order he wanted things prepared by, he kept really close tabs on what was happening. Once I learned what he wanted - his likes and dislikes - that strict structure was eased up as Master no longer felt it was necessary to watch every move at every moment. Obviously if Master had a question or issue with the way I was doing something, it would be addressed right then. It may not be a totally scrutinized structure as it was, but again clearly the dynamic is still the same as he is the Master and in charge and I am there to serve and please him.
Master found that having a less rigid structure made it much more flexible for him to do what he wants, whenever he wants. He recognized the repetition issue and also saw that having a strict structure could make me depend or expect that type of structure. He wants me to be able to be flexible and bend to his wants and needs more easily - so there's a more sway to our structure that can better adapt to the changing ebb and flow of life.
So, my fairly ordinary day starts by…
# Master waking me up in the morning - sometimes he plays with me and uses me sexually and other time he just wakes me up to get our day on the way.
# I then do a little basic personal care before making us breakfast
# While Master is in the shower I set out his clothing unless I am in the middle of making breakfast which at times happens.
# After breakfast, Master leaves for work and I clean up the breakfast dishes and the kitchen.
# I then move on to my other chores. I have a schedule I follow loosely - showing what rooms I do on what days. I do things in an order that makes sense for Master's household - like cleaning the bedrooms on Friday. I clean them on Friday so that they are freshly clean for the upcoming weekend as we do spend quite a bit of time in there on weekends.
# I get food out to thaw for dinner (I usually have a menu that make when making a grocery list. I run the menu by Master after creating to see if he approved or has any changes)
# After the majority of my chores are done I might check my email, catch up on blogs, news and what not a bit before Master comes home for lunch
# Make lunch for Master and myself.
# Clean up lunch dishes
# Baking if needed is done after lunch
# Any other chores that need to be done get finished up
# Free time - devoted to reading, computer time, working on websites, researching something or doing my art
# Master usually calls me in the late afternoon to let me know when he will be home so I know when to start dinner.
# After dinner, I clean up and we then watch TV, hang out online or whatever Master wants.
We both love the fantasy of me waiting, kneeling scantly clad at the door for him every night, but with varied schedule, having dinner waiting, stress, illnesses, and just daily ins and out of life it doesn't make it very practical for us. And that is okay. That does not mean were not doing M/s. As he is always Master and I am always the slave even while doing the mundane things in life. So often my day looks like a typical homemaker's day. But there are subtle quiet parts of our dynamic that don't get listed in to a schedule because they just have become a part of the dynamic - such as protocols. I don't list that at each meal I wait for permission to eat. I don't list that I ask permission for diet coke or to use the rest room and many other little things during the day. So, those subtle things are not noticed when reading about my typical day as they are just there and a part of our dynamic. There are also SM element that don't get added in because they are random and happen when Master desires them. But again if you took out all the SM we would still be Master and slave. Our dynamic is there because it is who are and together that part of us meshes together creating a dyanamic that he owns me.
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