Q&A about M/s and BDSM - 1

I joined a group recently that has many who are not familiar with the lifestyle. So me and a couple others who are in the lifestyle have been answering questions...which is something I don't mind at all and actually enjoy.

I asked their permission to post the questions/answers....and I am actually going to add a little more to some of these answers.


What exactly is BDSM?
For me BDSM stands for B = Bondage D = Discipline S = Sadism M = Masochism

Does that part refer to just the sex?
No, I think it can involve sex, but BDSM is just the kinky fun stuff! Being Spanked, flogged, tied up, nipple clamps, gags, blindfolds, and all that kind of kinky stuff.

I have heard about leather parties and kinky sex. so what about them?
Yep there are those. I used live in Ohio where I was very active in the BDSM community. There were quite a few parties -- private, house parties, dungeon type play settings which were mostly sponsored by BDSM meetings.

The ones held in public play spaces did not allow sex as could imply that they were breaking the law by selling sex for money....since usually it costs to get into the parties.

At one point my best friend owned a dungeon so that was nice as we could have private parties for close friends and sex was allowed and involved at times. I have also attended house parties and usually those allow sex with the BDSM.

I do at times miss having a dungeon setting with all the different equipment to play on. Also being an exhibitionist, I miss out on having people watch. That was a turn on for me but also scary.

And than I read of 24-hour slaves, so what about them?
You will often see me use M/s and SM. And the M/s for me is the relationship base – the serving, obeying...the dynamic that is there all the time. SM is the kinky fun stuff. And most of the time sex is involved, but in my past I have had partners were it was just the SM and no sex with it.

D/s, BDSM, SM, M/s, Top/Bottom, Sir, Masters, Mistress, Daddy, girl, boi, boy, leather, and so on...the combinations of how to do this lifestyle are endless.

So I am trying to figure out the balance, the difference, the continuum. Is possible to have a M/s relationship without the BDSM sex parts?
Yes, it is possible and I do know people who do that. I also know people who are in M/s relationships, but do BDSM and sex with different people. Such as Master Jim and slave marsha...he is a gay and she is a lesbian (she just recently wrote an entry on how that happened). So there relationship is M/s based.

I have served in domestic and administrative capacity also – without having sex or BDSM involved.

For the most part Master and I have a more M/s based relationship with the SM being secondary.

Also- is seems that most of the M/s people I've talked to are also in some sort of poly/open situation. Does the D/s scene always involve multiple partners??
No not always, but it does seem to involved open or poly type relationships quite a bit. I am not sure I understand why it happens to be that way but I am sure some would say that is because people involved in the BDSM community are more "open" but I find that a broad sweeping statement. Because I know many people who are not into BDSM but are open and poly also.