Sex Blunders....

Elsewhere it was asked, "what's your biggest and/or best sexual blunder? farting during oral sex? falling off the bed? getting caught?"

Well my list is so long that I thought I would do it as a whole post...

I have not anally farted but I have vaginally farted during oral sex - because of how they were fingering me was pressing lots of air into me. Or when having umm big toys used on me fast and hard..and lots of wetness well that thing happens...and yes I do get all red...even though I know it is something that just happens.

Yes in past relationships…

fallen off the bed during sex....

the bed broke during sex...

A futon broke during sex...

A table I was bent over broke...

A chair we were having sex in broke....

My ex-husband and I were having sex while married. We lived in a big apartment complex...the window was open. I forgot and after I ended my long screaming orgasm....we heard clapping. He peeked out the window the building was an L shape and several neighbors on their balconies were clapping and cheering me. I went out and took a bow (with a robe on). He was totally embarrassed but I was like so what...we know they all have sex and so do we….it is normal…so it was not a big deal to me but was to him.

In another relationship we were poly - our household had 2 males and 4 females at one point. Anyway, one male and I were doing SM play and having sex...it was a long session that ended with sex. Anyway, during it our air conditioner went out. One of the females called maintenance - and did not tell us. They came in and took a look but said they would come back later. She told us later that he for sure heard me moaning because she could. So he comes back later when we were up - and out - the maintenance guys said "nice to SEE you." -- And had this silly grin on his face...like he was saying nice to SEE you instead of just HEAR you! I wanted to die and hide but I just kind of nodded and walked away.

In the same relationship, we had a big plastic tub in the Master bedroom...it had all our SM toys...rope, floggers, sex toys (vibes, butt plugs), nipple clamps, clothes pins, gags, collars, leashes, chain and... tons of other toys. We had someone over and played the night before. I had not gotten a chance to get in there and clean up yet. So there was chains and cuffs attached to the bed, a butt plug and vibrator (that had been cleaned sitting on the night stand), rope in a pile next to the bed, a gag and blindfold hanging off the headboard, locks and more chain lying in a pile next to the bed, floggers and clamps hanging out of the plastic tub.

The man I was involved with - was hooked up to a breathing machine at night for sleep apnea (sp?) - but they needed to test blood oxygen levels to see if they had it set up right so needed to bring in another machine. Well he forgot to tell me they were coming by that morning. And so when the guy knocked at the door I was a little surprised. He said he needed to go into the bedroom to hook it up. I said, “umm well I need to go clean up” and told him I would be right back. He said, “oh no don't bother I have seen I am sure much worse”...and followed me into the bedroom. I saw him look around and then he cleared his throat and said – “so isn't all this rain terrible?” and proceeded to carry on a "normal" conversation. We talked about restaurants and food.

After he got it hooked up -- I had to fill out some forms -- so we did that in the living room. He said to me “you seem really cool.” I was still I think in a constant state of red from blushing from him being around all our toys. I said, “thanks.” He said, “you are very open minded.” I nodded and said, “umm yes.” And that is all the further he took it but I could see he wanted to ask more. I just was not sure how to open it up for him to talk. And so just left it alone.

Another time, same relationship, I was having a migraine and so laying under a bunch of blankets on the bed with head covered. I did not hear anyone knocking at the door. Well maintenance would knock, but if there was no answer they just let themselves in. Well they did -- they did not "notice" someone on the bed. Oh by the way I was naked - so I just lay there really still when I realized they had come in. They were changing out filters in the furnace (which was in the room where I was lying down) and changing out fire alarm batteries. So, I lay there just so still. On my computer that was in the same room - I had a screen saver with all sorts of bondage and SM porn -It was one of those slideshow type deals going through all the porn. So the guy gets done changing filter, turns around and sees it. He said, “wow.” Then he called to the other guy who was changing out batteries into the room. They stood their watching it and commenting on all the women and what was being done. Then they noticed the nipple clamps on the desk, the butt plug, vibe, and rope in a basket on shelving unit next to the desk....and commented on that. They were talking about how the people living here must really be kinky. Then they started asking each other about doing any of that kind of stuff they were seeing in the pictures. Then all of sudden -- I heard a whisper. See I think one of them realized I was in the bed…so they left quickly.

There are quite a few stories like these…that happened in that relationship. We heard that they called him “the guru” because he had all these women and did all these kinky things. They thought he must of been a guru of sex or something to keep all us women.