danae

don't wanna leave....

I am feeling neurotic this morning….very scared of what will happen now….once we are not living our life – face to face. I am feeling panicked and overwhelmed. I am doing the whatif’s even more.

We are leaving soon to head to Denver…He is getting ready so I thought I would try to write so that I could….calm my neurotic feelings.

It is hard to express my insecurities to Him as…He views them differently. I express them and hope that they will be quieted or solved but instead often they are intensified with His thoughts.

When someone expresses feelings to me….I will try to show them, tell them or through action – quiet their insecurities. But that really is not what happens….here. I am not even sure how to explain what happens but I end up more scared usually.

We have bumps – we are still learning each other and I know that….

We have lots and lots of positives. But in these final moments of being here…my focus seems to be on the negatives….

Is it a form of self-sabotage? Is it just the fears of being away from Him and in my chaotic life? Is it just insecurities of not being able to reach out and touch Him and feel that closeness – that rightness?

It could be all of those I guess….

I am just very scared.

I don’t want to leave….here.