Locks of Love

Well I went to get my hair cut and I am terrible with measurements. I am always under so if I say I want 1 inch cut off I really wanted 3. I talked about probably getting 5 inches of hair off. I showed my hairstylist the length I wanted it to be and she said are you sure? Which I expected and I said yes. She said okay. So she brushes through all my hair and then get a ruler out and she tells me that is almost 8 1/2 inches. We discussed locks of love right away and said they needed 10 inches. And so I said, "do it...make it 10." Master wasn't with me but I knew he wouldn't mind because the length of my hair would fall into the range he likes. So now I have hair barely past my shoulders... where this morning it had been almost hip level.

I am happy I made the donation it is a great cause. Master's neice had cancer 2 years ago and had hair my length (this morning) that she lost. And so I thought of her when she got her wig. It is still kind of strange looking in the mirror but it does feel so much lighter and I know I will like it in a few days of getting used to it. It was great to sit down and not have to pull my hair out because usually I sit back in the car or a chair and my head gets pulled back because my hair is being tugged on by the back of the chair/seat. So that was great. I think I like it. I think I will like it more in a few days though. And as I said the thing that I like the most is that I could give to Locks of Love and help out someone like Master's niece.

Kevin Smith Dream...

I had an unusual dream this past weekend....

I was Kevin Smith's wife. We were having anal sex with lots of people watching and he was doing his An Evening with Kevin Smith type of routine while fucking me. I was naked and he was dressed.

The room was like this 70's room with one of those hanging bubble type of chairs but not clear. Shag carpeting, big silk screen painting above the bed. It had all these little knobs on the nightstand that closed the wall of windows (where the people were standing), put music on and started the disco ball above the bed. Yes....this was my dream!

Politics....

"We must disentrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Not something I post about very often but I had to today after viewing a video clip. There is a journal I read because she offers great thoughts and links on politics...TwistedChick.

Today one of the many links she shared was this one with Keith Oblermann regarding Fox slamming Clinton. I wanted to stand up, cheer and clap as I listened to it...damn powerful words. (In case you don't want to watch you can read this words.)

I mentioned on someone journal that every morning I pretty much start my day by signing petitions and writing state reps, senators, even the President. I get emails that are basically Take Action emails from all sorts of organizations. And I start my day off with taking a few moments to try to do something...to make a change.

This are some links to a few of them...
True Majority
Act for Change
Human Rights First
NARAL Pro-Choice America
Democrats.com Unity
Moveon.com - Democracy in Action
The Petition Site

Gratitude Tuesday

B....

~ Bagel: Had a good bagel for breakfast...

~ Breakfast: maybe I can talk Master into pancakes for breakfast tomorrow morning.

~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer: what I am watching at the moment and I am a HUGE fan...Buffy has provided me lots of entertainment through the years.

~ Blogging: I like blogging....even if at times I don't seem to - I always come back because it is just a part of my life now

~ Beads: I used to make jewelry and now I use beads in my art and so I am grateful for getting into making jewelry and now having them to see them in a different perspective in art pieces

~ Baking: I am grateful for time and enjoyment I get from baking

~ Books: Between Master and I - I think we could start a library. I enjoy reading, I enjoy seeing the images in art books, I enjoy learning from them and so on.

~ Bondage: Oh...bondage...oh the feeling of being tied up and just floating away...with the tightness of the rope around my body.

~ Bread: I am a carb girl and I love breads....all different kinds...sweet, savory, old fashion crusty bread

~ Bruschetta: oh yum! Tomatoes and Bread combined! yay for the yumminess!

~ Buddhism: Has given me so much peace in my life...and so I am very grateful that it came into my life

~ Breath play: One of my favorite SM activities! Oh the fear, the sensation....turn me on

~ Beans: LOL okay I know sounds like a strange one but I like beans - great northern, black beans, green beans....very tasty and so many ways to prepare them

~ Black and blue marks: I wish they lasted longer but glad I get them from Master....a random brush from hitting the corner of the table is not so much fun!

~ Barbie: As a little girl I loved playing with my barbies. I spent a lot of time playing with them - even putting them in bondage as they were kidnapped and ravished!

~ Belle: my favorite Disney Princess! Daddy bought me several Belle things a while back and all of them are so fun to play with!

~ Blue: Master has the most amazing blue eyes. And when he wears blue they are even more intense and I lose myself in them.

~ Bisexual: I am thankful for being bisexual....and not sure I can explain this one but it is something I am glad that I am bisexual and it has nothing to do with sex and more to do with intimacy.

~ Babygirl: she knows who she is and I am thankful for her. She is a good friend and I am thankful to have her in my life.

~ Bill and Lisa: they are friends who helped me out when I really needed it and I will be forever grateful for them.

~ Backyard: When I was a little girl we had a big backyard with a swing set and lots of just space to play. I always enjoyed playing with my friends there.

~ Butterflies: I am grateful for them as they are beautiful and inspire me often

~ Believing: I am grateful for the ability to just believe.

~ Birthdays: not just mine...I enjoy celebrating each person's birthday...each persons life.

Positive Monday

5 Positive in my Life...
1. It was a productive day
2. Daddy did find a knee brace online that will be here in 2 days
3. It was a sunny day...having the sun out made me feel better
4. Good friends
5. Camera phones so that little girls can capture their Daddy having fun at walmart

Daily Om Libra Horoscope

Just a snippet from A Solitary Release from September 21:

"Strong feelings of isolation can indicate that we have neglected our personal needs and should devote a portion of our time to reconnecting with our inner selves. The company of others is typically energizing yet can become exhausting when we are feeling socially detached and unsure of ourselves. Retreating into the tender embrace of willing solitude enables us to get reacquainted with our values and ambitions away from the distractions of a noisy world. Alone, it becomes easier to recall what is meaningful to us and to relax in the manner we find most refreshing. As you grow in solitude and once again feel comfortable being yourself today, the thought of spending time with others will become a joyful rather than traumatic one."

Notes from the Universe

I am cleaning out my email box at the moment so there might be quite a few random posts today...

A few weeks ago a friend mentioned on her journal that she gets "Notes from the Universe" in her email box. And so I signed up for them and they have been interesting. And for me right now - without lots of concentration they are quick little notes of realization or pondering.

Thursday's message....
"9 out of 10 old souls agree, danae, that one of the very best things about spiritual maturity, besides the discounts, is appreciating that age is so very meaningless."

Daily Om Libra Horoscope

Just a snippet from todays Replacing Worry With Prosperity:

"When we no longer feel the need to worry about day-to-day survival matters, we are free to pursue opportunities that demand the whole of our attention while promising rich rewards. Anxiety drains our energy stores by monopolizing our focus and exhausting us physically. During bouts of worry, we are rendered unable to concentrate on activities that fall outside of the scope of mundane concerns. By banishing anxious thoughts from our minds and endeavoring to create an existence suffused by security, we empower ourselves to focus wholly on long-term goals and pleasurable pursuits. We draw prosperity into our lives by simply grounding our thoughts in visualizations of our ultimate futures. You are at liberty to explore your world today in part because you have built a sturdy foundation of stability in your life."

Life Update and Gratitude Tuesday...

Still battling depression. I am really tired - but having insomnia. At 3am I was cleaning the bathroom and then cleaned the kitchen after that. I feel burnt out and know I am missing things. I am not happy about that. I have lists that I make they just get put in a pile with other lists not really addressed as I can't get to it all. Truly I have a list in my inbox from last week that I didn't even have time to open/do so it is still sitting there unread. I have lists all over the place and either I am so busy that I can't get to them or I forget about the list. I feel like I am juggling all these ball and now I am standing there watching them fall and trying to decide what ball to try to catch first. And so I might get in my grasp a few but the rest are scattered all over.

On top of that I was starting to get a cold and then hit the airborne heavy and so far so good....it has back off! So that was a good thing.

Speaking of good things....

Ceeci started Gratitude Tuesday...so since this is my first one I will be starting with "A"



~ Air: When I was cleaning the bathroom at 3am - I ended up using some bleach and so I became very appreciative of air as bleach even in little amounts doesn't like my asthma

~ Airborne: That seems to have kept my cold from getting worse.

~ Art: doing and seeing art

~ Antiques, Architecture, Archeology: Each thing has a piece of history...each has a story. And also at the time it is today and present. Which made me think of a quote: "Art is not a treasure in the past or an importation from another land, but part of the present life of all living and creating peoples." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

~ Aquafina: I have been going through a lot of bottle water lately...the colder the better

~ Anal sex: decided to do one naughty one....because oh how I like anal sex

~ Apple: It is starting to get into that season when apples with peanut butter are such a great snack

~ Apple Cider: I really enjoyed hot apple cider in the fall.

~ Autumn: It is almost upon us. I love the crisp, cool air. I love the colors of leaves...the changing of the seasons. So beautiful.

~ Age: I am going to be 39 in a month and although I am feeling down about it...I really should be grateful for each birthday and day of life I get.

~ Acid free papers: Use them in art so that they don't fade and make the things on them change colors or deteriorate.

~ Asiago Cheese - I just like the flavor so much!

~ Archives: right now I am thinking of archives of lj - I couldn't remember when something happened and I just went back in my archives and found it. So right now it is my memory and thankful for it.

~ Acceptance: It is just something that I am grateful to those that do accept me.

~ Acknowledgment: Kind of goes with the one above for me as today I was at least acknowledge in something by Mom that I needed to hear. It wasn't perfect but it was better then it has been in the past. So I am grateful for that.

So that is it for this weeks Gratitude Tuesday!

On with my life update....

Master is healing. He is on crutches still but he is able to get around a little more...put more weight on it...bend it more and more. I am glad he is healing. He has been busy now that he can move around more - he is catching up on work. My Grandmother is turning 90 and so he is doing a video for her birthday party. He is the BESTEST Daddy!

So what else to write....

Food equals comfort...

Saturday I made a concoction for dinner that turned out very well - a steak cut into chunks, can of diced tomatoes with juice, 1 cup of beef broth, garlic, onions, green beans, great northern beans with some black pepper and a little oregano thrown into the crockpot and cooked all day. I stirred in some rice at the end. It was very yummy and made the house smell amazing.

Last night I made balsamic roasted chicken but I don't feel it was very flavorful. Master loved it and raved about several times throughout the evening. But I was a little ehh on it. I couldn't taste the balsamic at all.

Tonight I made nachos and they were so good! I think we both had been craving them.

Not much else going on....working. I have a pretty big project to finish before we head out of town the first week of October. And then one other appointment to do also.

Linkage...

A friend over on LJ posted this link....and I wanted to share too.....

Target goes Kinky for Halloween

50's Housewife

Halima has had some interesting posts about being a 50's housewife. She wants the whole June Clever look. It is something I would like to do too, but I don't have her talent for sewing. At least not at this time. But she did post several links to places that make vintage look clothes. I have had fun looking at them tonight. It then reminded me of a link I have....saved away for rainy days to dream....Posh Girl Vintage Clothing.






(ps: if you come to this entry via Ownership and Enslavement blogs please know this is not the last entry for some reason beta blogger and rss feed aren't playing nice together so please go to current page entries.)

Reason #221....

...why I am not liking beta blogger....

RSS feed is not working. If you follow the link from Slave Registers Ownership and Enslavement Weblogs, then you are coming in on an entry that is very old that just keeps updating with a new day even though there are many new...current entries.

I am sure there are fixes...well I hope there are....but frankly I am just not up for searching them down, playing with the code to make it work.

When we launched within Reality Master toyed with the idea of us moving our blogs there. And I pretty much begged to stay at blogspot. In October, I will have been here at blogspot with this blog for 6 years. And so the thought of moving it of this place that I launched it from makes me sad....even though I know I could move all my archives...I guess I just feel a little nostalgic with blogspot.

Anyway, kind of annoyed with beta blogger. I know I know everyone is going to get sick of me writing about my annoyance of beta blog. I promise to post something more soon.

No More Pretty!

So one thing I am NOT enjoying about beta blogger is the template thing. I noticed tonight on my (current) purple and black goth-ish template that my archives aren't working. I tried to just work with the code to make beta blogger coding work with my template - but of course that lasted about 2 minutes. It has a lot of xml and widget/wyzwig type coding in it that I am not familar with so I gave in and just chose one of their templates and used that for about 3 hours and now am going back to my purple goth type layout.

Doesn't anyone have any references that tell how to really customize and make their own templates with beta blogger?

Catalogs....

So I opened the mailbox today and saw IKEA! I almost squealed standing right there was but was worried it would scare Master while he was trying to crutch it up the porch stairs!

For 3 years of living here I often go to the IKEA website to request a catalog and each time they say no they are out of my area. Recently I heard that Denver is getting an IKEA so I stopped by the website tried the request a catalog form again....and this time it went through! I was holding my breath though so when I opened the mail box to see the catalog I was positively delighted! Yes, I know quite silly. But I love IKEA!

Also really like catalogs...just to look at and read -- for entertainment. One of my favorite catalogs is The Baker's Catalogue. It is full of baking products from King Arthur Flour. It is not even like I buy lots from catalogs these days but I still like looking.


ps: I am starting to use beta bloggers labels so I won't be using del.icio.us tags anymore and probably soon get rid of those all together.

these painted clouds will be erased...

I need to first thank Master. Tonight we talked even though I was dreading it because we were going to discuss me not feeling much of anything but sadness lately. I don't think we solved the worlds problems but for a first step he helped me so much. Thank you Master for saying ALL the things you did tonight....I needed to hear them....and feel them and I did! Thank you for being you....I love you so much!

Last night I broke down in tears....not that is unusual of late....

I broke down in tears because first read....Dave and Am's blog. And they didn't say anything unusual or sad to make me cry. I just was crying because I have read their journal since they started this journey and I am happy for them...and where they are at together. I then took a peek at Master Jim and slave marsha's blog - reading this entry. And then I really broke down. Because I haven't had my heart in it for a REALLY long time. And so that is what Master and I discussed tonight.

Linkage....

annissa posted this and I wanted to share it too....

Jana Marcus "Transfigurations": A photo and essay presentation about people who are transgendered.

Jana Marcus "Transfigurations"

Positive Monday

5 Positives...
1. always one...Master. I am very grateful to be owned by him and to laugh, smile and just -be- with him.
2. Art - many levels to this one....seeing wonderfully talented people grow and to be able to put myself out there more with my art also
3. Master feeling much better and was able to get out and to more today
4. Cupcakes with pink frosting!
5. Having pretty long conversation with my sister today - hadn't talked to her in a while

Linkage...

Xeorx is sponsering a program that sends postcards to troops overseas....and all you have to do is 3 easy steps to send a FREE postcard to military personal overseas.

Here is the link....Let's Say Thanks

Listy Update

* I have been going through depression right now....so I have been quiet. I don't write as much when I am this way.
* This past week I finished up something important for/to me. And it felt really good.
* I have really good friends that support me. I have been really stressing this weekend about my parents acceptance of me doing art. They never have and I always keep this hope that they will finally come around. And it just doesn't seem to happen. I need to let it go. And be thankful I do have people in my life that do and more importantly I know what it means to me to do art and it is important to/for me.
* I need to clean house this week and start my next work project. I did a really good clean of the house except the Master bedroom but last week after that I seemed to have dropped the ball a bit but I know that is because I was working on the thing that was important to me.
* I hope to do some art this week.
* I want to finish an art doll I started a long while ago
* I have a stack of photos on my desk and frames for them....I really should do that sometime soon. I am sure it is bad Feng Shui to have empty frames sitting around. I also have a Buddha wooden mask carving that I should hang up.
* Master is doing much better. He is getting around better (still on crutches though). Able to support himself longer when standing.
* I think I am going to make breakfast burritos tomorrow - for breakfast....I have been craving them.
* I need to take the garbage out tonight before I go to bed...I know the excitement of my life is earth shaking.

Some Snippets from Daily OM

A Life of Passion
"Forgetting about what you love to do can be a form of self-sabotage. If you can forget about your dreams, then you never have to risk failure. But just because we've decided to ignore our passions doesn't mean they no longer exist."


Staying Afloat
"Because life is dynamic and always changing, it is when we try to make the wave stand still or resist its direction that we are likely to get pulled under by its weight."

Fully Present in Time
"Our lives are so complex and full that we tend to focus on the big picture rather than on the minute details that make up the picture. Individual moments are lost among the day's clutter, and we are overwhelmed by the burdens, tasks, and responsibilities we must face. To cope, we spend much of our time recalling the bliss the past held or anticipating the blessings the future will bring. However, while life is often demanding and hectic, it is nonetheless made up of immeasurable moments that each carry the potential to delight. A consciousness fixed in the present exists in a state of optimal sensitivity. It responds to life as it comes, reveling in the pleasures of the moment and then gladly letting that moment go."

Complementary Energies
"It is easy to get caught up in the demands of home life because they never stop. There is always one more thing you can do, another dish in the sink, a counter that needs wiping, or a person who needs a ride somewhere. If you don't set some boundaries, you will find yourself on an endless journey of housework and doing for others. Eventually, you will probably feel drained and out of touch with your inner life force. Instead of waiting for this to happen, integrate self-care into your daily schedule. Even Buddha insisted that he have one hour completely to himself every day. There are times when even that will not be possible-for example, with a new baby or a sick relative. At times like this, retreating inward energetically can be a lifesaver. You can always find five minutes to close your eyes and breathe consciously. You may even be able to meditate. "

Choosing a New Response
"Everyone has fears-it is a natural part of being human. Fear can protect us from harm by sending a rush of adrenaline to help us physically deal with potential danger. But there are times when fear may keep us from participating fully in life. Once we realize that fear is a state of mind, we can choose to face our fears, change our minds, and create the life we want to live."

The Journey of Release
"When we become overwhelmed and things are not going as planned, it is natural to hold tighter to our goals and try to force things to go our way. In the process, we tie ourselves in knots, tensing our shoulders, jaws, and muscles throughout our bodies. Our mind tells us that this is how to get a firmer grip on a situation that feels out of control, but as we create knots in our bodies we are blocking the flow of our energy, exhausting ourselves by exerting more effort yet accomplishing less. At these times, though it may seem counterintuitive, our higher selves know it's better to let go."

FYI

By the way I have switched to beta blogger and I notice a few problems with my template but I don't have time to fix them right now so things might be a little wonky around here for a few days.

Surreal....

Okay so I have never been fond of driving. Because my birthday is in October I could have been driving before my classmates when turning 16. And really I still was but I didn't get my drivers license *on* my birthday because I just don't like driving. It really has never changed. Before I get in the car I think about where I am going, how I will get there exactly, what lanes I need to be in and where I will try to park when I get there. Driving stresses me out and sends me into almost a OCD mode and so I don't like driving. Well not true...I don't actually mind long distance driving. I used to kind of enjoy the drive from Cleveland, Ohio to Topeka, Kansas - did that several times. But city driving makes me anxious. So when I moved to be with Master, I drove here, parked my car in his drive way and it sat here until we got rid of it. (Just to say my car had problems also so not that best thing to drive.)

If I need to go store or need something, I rely on Master. I request it and then Master says yes or no...if yes he goes and gets it for me or he tells me when we will go together to get it. I don't go anywhere without Master. I don't drive very often with Master but at times I do just to keep up with it.

So a few weekends ago Master went out of town - he flew so his car stayed here with me and I dropped him off and picked him up at the airport. He gave me fun money to spend on myself and so I went to Michael's Arts and Crafts. I didn't really venture out much more. But it was a little taste...

I drove to Michael's and thought wow...this is odd but it isn't bad. And it really...kind of felt good. It really did...it made me nervous too though because I hadn't drove in a while and it was odd just to be alone in the car - going someplace without Master. But I have to say I probably liked it more then I want to admit. I became nostalgic of good days - in years past of driving and getting away alone...just doing things for me. I liked that feeling so much that next day I had a "bad" delay reaction to it. I was feeling horribly guilty for enjoying the freedom. I felt bad for for having the thoughts I did about freedom.

So it had been very brief little moments of driving by myself that weekend. Fast forward...Master hurt his knee the day after he came home from his trip so he is pretty much immobile -- so I have *had* to drive. Since Master's injury when I have had to drive it just basically one thing to do - go, do it and come home again. But today I drove several places and I was gone several hours and then came home. I then drove again but Master was with me as a passenger - he had his first venture out in over a week. He got down the stairs to the porch and into the car fairly well for a first time.

Before I left I had a little panic attack but then after I started driving it seemed to go away. There was one errand that Master had me do that did stress me again at the moment of it but I got through it.

It was just so odd and surreal....

I am not sure even how to process how it made me feel.

I know I have worried at times if I could function after being dependent on Master for so much but I did...function. All the things that were there before Master kicked in....I can take care of things that he normally does.....I even can drive after 3 years of never going anywhere without Master.

Although it still is all very odd and surreal to me.


Yes I am adding a PS to my blog....
PS: Master has a hot car....men especially seem to notice his car and ALWAYS comment on that it is a "sweet" ride or "AWESOME car" - and you should see them look when it is a girl driving it. It was quite funny watching their reactions.

Positive Monday....?

Today is Monday and I have tried all day to do a Positive Monday post. And right now I am so angry and sad that I haven't been able to do it....and that annoys me as I know there are good things in my life....so I need I suppose just do the basic....

1. I have a roof over my head
2. I had meals, snacks and diet coke
3. I refrained from yelling
4. That in a little over a month I will be seeing my family.
5. That I got a lot of work done for my website.

There is lots going on that I could write and complain about but I will refrain from that too.

Sometimes I feel a little fragile

Okay so I haven't been posting very regularly. Monday Master slipped and dislocated his knee and so I have been taking care of him. He is in a lot of pain and I am really worried about him. I also have been working lots...I finished up a big project this week. So glad it is done! But I have started working on the next project.

And I am down/sad right now and just trying to deal with all my feelings. I would just like to curl up in bed and sleep for a while as I have been going through lots of insomnia lately. I owe several people emails (Jim that includes you - I did get yours) but my concentration lately sucks and when it is working I work.

Master and I have watched quite a few movies this week while he has been having to take it easy. A few on the list: Walk the Line, Timeline, Firewall, Robots, The Jacket, Capote, The Thomas Crown Affair (new one with the old probably to be watched Sunday night). I don't have cable in my studio but I have a dvd player so if I don't have music on I have a dvd playing so I have been going through lots of movies lately - I like the noise while I work. It is kind of good because I am going through lots of movies that we have maybe watched a few times but not more. So in the last couple of months I have watched/listened the Memoirs of a Geisha, Mona Lisa Smile, Spy Game, Sneakers, Frida, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Swordfish, Serenity, Serendipity, Sweet Home Alabama, Almost Famous, Matrix Trilogy, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (extended versions), Bourne Identity and Bourne Supremacy, Kate and Leopold, X-Men, X-Men 2, Hidalgo, When Harry met Sally, The Remains of the Day, Meet Joe Black and The Last Samurai -- and I am sure I am missing some. Some sitting in my pile to watch: Gosford Park, 2 Days in the Valley, The Piano, A Beautiful Mind, The Phantom of the Opera, Enemy of the State, The Notebook, and A Field of Dreams. And we still have more I could go through and watch too.

Not much else going on...or more else for me to say at the moment.