Thursday, February 07, 2008


Master has a latex and spandex fetish. He likes shiny clothing that tight around my body. being a bigger girl with lots of umm makes me very uncomfortable to wear such items at times. Also we found out I am allergic to latex. So it hasn't been an easy fetish to fulfill for him.

A couple years ago my sister's gave me a gift certificate to target. Master suggested I buy somethings to keep warm in the winter because I always seem to be shivering. So I got a nice fluffy warm robe but I also got cuddlduds. They are kind of like spandex on the outside and softer on the inside. And made to be an alternative to thermals/long johns. Master loved them instantly. He really raved every time I wore them he drooled. This hit his shiny tight fetish perfectly.

Today we were at Target and he said we should check them out. This is the time of year when stores start putting essential winter items on sale. And sure enough all of the cuddleduds had red clearance stickers on them. Master bought me 3 bottoms and 2 tops (tops I never had before).

So here is where I am struggling....I have "body" issues. And when wearing something like this -- those issues come up in my face even more. And I am thrilled Master loves the way I look and I am thrilled he gets turned on by it. And that helps me so much in wearing them...knowing he likes it helps me kind of push those issues aside and do a little mantra of He likes them, He thinks I am sexy, He is turned on. All things that make me smile. And also I am thrilled I am warm. But of course at times....internally I start to freak because I know if I wore them everyday it would be hard on me. I know that wearing white ones opposed to black that I have on now would make me uncomfortable to the point of how would I push past and just let the voice that says he is pleased be it. But when you have a big bag of issues that has been hanging around for quite a while....well it is hard to tune out the voices in my head that shout...."look at that roll there"...."hey did you see how fat her butt is"....."omg could those be any tighter around her tummy" -- and so on.

There is this girl I know that has a good body and has to post pictures of herself on her blog because her Master tells her. She always is worried about how fat she looks and I am amazed she even thinks she looks fat. She talks about all the feelings and thoughts that go through her head when she posts the pictures but she does it because her Master tells her. Master is not telling me I have to wear the cuddlduds but I know it please him so much that to me how could I go against that. So that is why I am sitting here in my snug to the body cuddlduds because I know it please him. But it doesn't stop the things going through my head though just like it doesn't stop the girl that thinks she looks horrible and fat.

So for now I am trying to wear them and get used to them...and wonder what I can do with those voices. And get back to that place I used to be in many years ago -- of just being comfortable in my own skin.

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