Tuesday, April 10, 2012


A group on FetLife had a question about rebellion...on how slaves rebel. I had a hard time thinking of any but not because I don't rebel because a lot of time my rebellion is on the  inside where I tell him off and tell him how I am going to....do or not do such and such and then of course it never comes out of my mouth.  That usually happens when I am overwhelmed.  I don't act on the things I think about but I do get snappy at times and say things I still don't like but not really the thing I was thinking.  I think when overwhelmed I struggle to be serving him on top of the thing I am overwhelmed so it feels like why do I have to do this for him when I have 10 other things I need to do. It is a melt down for me where I just feel like can  I please get off the merry go round now and have a bit of down time.

I did think of something...an actual thing not just internal struggle - I have done this but can't think when the last time was that I did this....long ago...but  I have to ask for permission for some things while Master is at home. Such as I only have to ask permission to use the bathroom when he is at home. So my rebellion has come in the form of sometimes I don't want to ask but know he is going out in 10 to 30 mins so I will hold it just so I can wait and go without having to ask. I used to do this quite a lot when I was first here with him.  That first year or so...he worked outside the house and I would hold it in the morning knowing he was going to leave for work soon so I would just hold it until he left so I didn't have to ask.  Very silly and childish but many could say a grown woman asking to use the rest room is the same. But it is control and he likes having control over me and my bodily functions. And most of the time I like it too. :)

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