Saturday, April 07, 2012

Slaves Just Accept It

In reading a question on a FetLife group, I noticed that many answers to a question were "she is a slave she will just have to accept it."

Oh how simple that would be.  Just flip a switch and instantly accept it.

But acceptance isn't just as easy as saying I will accept it. Acceptance is a process and takes time to absorb internally. That’s why I feel statements like "she is a slave and will just have to accept it" does a disservice to the community in general.  I find this mostly comes from those that believe into the fluffy bunny realm where people end up thinking that is the reality of being a slave is so easy and just because you have desire to be one it is easy that it is like the fantasy that plays in your head.  I admit, I have been there where I believed the romantic notion that being Master's slave and just having to do whatever He says made me wet.

But reality really sucks the joy out of things sometimes.

Because you start serving face to face every day and there are struggles.  It’s not a matter of having rose-colored glasses or not.  Just because a person is enslaved doesn't mean that everything is easy or without struggles.  I have yet to come across anyone who hasn’t had some degree of struggle in their lives.  Everyone has struggles.  It’s part of life.  Anyone who claims they don’t struggle, I think is either in denial or like to look like they are perfect.  Additionally, I’ve seen others that are in a relationship where the slave has of more of a peer or equal type relationship status with the Master.  So they have more equal say and say no to things when they don't accept it or want to accept it.  In the end if someone says they don't struggle then I am probably not going to take them very seriously or think them to be very truthful.  We are human - we all face struggles - Master/slave or vanilla - we all have struggles in our lives.

A friend of mine wrote a post on Obedience that ties into this...because she talked about having to do things that go against who we are as people. That the angst we go through by obeying and surrendering ends up being worth it but that process can be a bitch. I am paraphrasing what she said as she said it better, but I totally believe that.

I go through many struggles. I don't want to have to do some things Master has me do, but I am obedient to Him. I do obey, but that doesn't mean my struggle goes away.  It remains there sometimes.  Yes, I do have to suck it up and just do it, but that doesn’t mean my internal acceptance is there.  I am human and I process things in the best manner I can and it doesn't always mean that it’s automatic or easy.

Sometimes it takes time, sometimes it takes talking it out, and sometimes it takes repetition before it slowly starts changing the internal mechanisms I go through.  Eventually, I know I have to work through it but most of the time just doing the act of obeying comes first.  Sometimes it is just sucking it up and doing it while I process and work through it internally.  He has authority over me and I obey.  It’s who we are to one another in this dynamic we have chosen to be a part of.  He knows that I have struggles and I know he does his best not to break me down where those struggles consume me internally.  Ultimately though, the struggles are mine to have and I do my best to work through them.

1 comment:

  1. I think that notion of struggling to achieve acceptance is very important in our discussions about power exchange. Placing the demands of personal ego in a "one down" position to another is never simple or easy. Once life moves past the point of fantasy fulfillment into real and serious obedience to the other, things get more complicated. Whatever our various relationship peculiarities are (and mine is as peculiar as any), we do ourselves and others a disservice when we insist on looking "perfect" in this realm. The truth is much darker and much more complex than the fantasies -- and it ought to be told. Thank you for being willing to open up the conversation.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...