You know something I can't stand.....when people try to tell you what is best for you even when they are going by just some posts on the internet. They read your blog or posts on FetLife and decide they know you better then you do yourself. Even my close friends usually don't tell me what is best for me. They just remind me that I am the one with the answers for myself. So not sure why people who are strangers from the internet feel they know someone completely just from reading a blog online...why they feel they know them better then that person knows themselves.
Here is an example I keep coming across on the blog-o-sphere....
"You shouldn't be pursuing poly." Sometimes it is just that or sometimes they offer up more...a because - such as if the persons issues/struggles that then they shouldn't be poly.
I have in the almost 12 years of blogging and longer being in the community heard this for everything under the sun...
"You shouldn't be with him because if you are struggling it must not be meant to be."
"You shouldn't be with him because he is abusing you."
"You shouldn't do poly because are jealous."
"You shouldn't do poly because you have doubts of his love for you."'
"You should break up with him if he isn't doing what you want."
"You shouldn't do bdsm because you like pain too much so will put yourself in danger."
So on and so forth....of "You should or shouldn't..."
But what I say is - First if you are someone that offers up that "You should(n't)....", please stop and realize "You should(n't)...." really doesn't help. If you are someone that gets "You should(n't)..." from people just offering up their advice, PLEASE don't let someone on the internet who doesn't know you tell you what you should and shouldn't do or what is best for you. YOU are the only one that can know if poly is the right path for you. You are the only one that can tell if a relationship is abusive. You are the only one that can tell if person you are with is right for you.
We all struggle and have doubts at times. It is looking at those and deciding why and how to work through it is the right thing to do. And YOU are the only one who can do that....not any stranger or semi-stranger who comments on your blog.
Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink? My personal views are if those in the relationship are all consenting then that is all that matters. An ex always had problems hurting me because he just felt it wasn't right, now that was his issue or line, but for me I kept saying if both consent to it then what is wrong with it. I liked it and he did too, but the views he grew up with that it is wrong to hit a woman and that there is something wrong with being kinky - those thoughts always interfered. I am not a big fan SSC because who decides what is safe, sane or consensual. I like RACK, but again for me all the little slogans and mottos seems like we are trying to convince someone what we do is okay. If I am okay with it then, I really don't feel I need to justify that to anyone else. But....here are some things I have said in previous posts and essays that kind of go with this topic... BDSM Black List - this is a post I did not too long ago about the suggestion of a BDSM Black List which I am AGAINST - click on the link to read more of my thoughts on it. I think there are bad people out there we just need to be responsible for ourselves and use our head when going into all situations even those that are fun and kinky. BDSM for Beginners - listing this because I think it gives some things to help those new to BDSM find your own lines before jumping into things and then realizing that you had lines you didn't realize Slut - I am including this because some people do think that I am slut - had sex with too many people, too kinky, think my kinks are too weird, or whatever, but what matters is how I feel about what I do and how I live so falls under ethics to me because the only people you need to worry about is yourself and the people in your relationship. If you all enjoy it then that is all that matters. RACK vs SSC - essay I wrote a long time ago just telling the difference between the two. previous answered questions
* We have been traveling quite a bit - just day trips or a few days here and there. But soon we will be taking a longer trip. We will be going to see my sister and her family. After a few days with her, we will go do a work project and then after the work is done, we will spend the weekend with teacup as we will be in her neck of the woods. It is really great since we haven't seen her since June and it has been hard on all of us. But we see her again in November. She will be spending Thanksgiving with us.
* I have my follow up for my doctor coming up this week - for the sciatica. He did a treatment of cortisone that lasted 10 hours. Then he prescribed a pill that was for 5 days, but my doctor and my pharmacist were really at odds with each other on the drug. After taking this drug and seeing how I reacted, he will know better how to treat me. The drug worked great except for upsetting my stomach which was the pharmacist concern. But the positive of the drug it brought my pain down to zero on a pain scale and the most it would go up to is a 3. It still even almost a week after it has been done hasn't brought my pain back up to where it was before (a 7 was pretty much my daily consistent pain level).
* Yesterday we did yard work. Both of us are not fans of it. I have bad allergies that really just cause me to be miserable because I would love to have some garden but just can't keep up with it. But this was icky yard work - pulling weeds. We have rock landscaping, but weeds come up in them and with my sciatica being as bad as it has been there has been no way I could do it before now. It was hard to do it yesterday. Master ended up doing the backbreaking stuff. We had put it off until we couldn't any longer.
* The first of February is our anniversary, but the 1st of every month for the last 9 years Master says Happy Anniversary. We laughed that our morning was spent doing yard work - fun fun! But really I am thankful that we can have of course lots of fun together, but also make things we don't like doing go a little faster and better by doing them together. We did of course have some afternoon fun.
* We have all sorts of toys....whip, floggers, cane, evil stick, baton, leather strap and so on but the things that seem to always make marks on me are just things around the house. When teacup was here last time, Master was looking for a tie in a bondage book. It wasn't giving him the info he wanted to he decided to instead use the book to beat me. I ended up with some wicked looking bruises. Yesterday afternoon Master used a rubber band and I have nasty bruises on my breasts.
* We were out of town recently and when we arrived back in town we decided to get some errands out of the way before heading home. One thing was to go to the library as I figured I had some book waiting for me. I came with a HUGE pile. Master shouted from the car on my way out of the library carrying the huge pile of books that I didn't need to check whole library out. The lady in front of me got a chuckle. But the sad thing is that huge pile of books I only have like 3 left to read as I am going through a book a day still. I got through the Anita Blake series. All caught up again...I had been 3 books behind, but reread the entire series. I admit I got to one book there at the end - I think it was Hit List and thought of Kam. He used to read them out loud to me. I thought of him through the earlier books but Hit List for some reason really reminded me of him.
* Here is a youtube clip from the movie The Ugly Truth. I haven't seen the movie, but this clip is amusing. To me at least. Might be my lack of sleep. Or just thinking Gerard Bulter is hot.
