Can someone be 24/7 slave but live 200 miles from their Master?
I read someone's journal today and thought about that.....
I know that before I moved with Master...I was His always even though I was not with Him....but now that I am here with Him 24/7 there is no way what I did when I was in Ohio...."24/7" as I was not living with Him. I did what ever He wanted when He wanted when I was in Ohio. But there is just something about being here with Him that had made it "more"....for me. A deeper bond? A more personal bond because we can actually see each others expressions & body language? Maybe it just that we have grown as Master/slave and the submission I give is more towards surrender and so that is all it is...why it seems so different? I just don't know....
I do know that I never called myself 24/7 until I lived with Master. I think that 24/7 can almost take on a term of "living together" - It is actually something I have tossed around a lot. Is 24/7 a mindset or a just a physical state of being 24/7 with each other?
I have a friend that does not describe herself as a 24/7 slave, but to me - to my definitions she sounds like a slave when she describes her life. She lives with her Master 24/7. She does what he says. I have another friend that is a 24/7 submissive - she is not a slave - but submissive who lives with her Dominant 24/7. She just has more say then I do....and she considers herself a submissive. So is 24/7 just a physical state of being with someone 24/7?
I guess that is how I define it....that you are with someone 24/7 - living with them.
Another question that....can go along with this topic...kind of is can you be a slave without a Master?
I would - before I was owned be asked if I was slave or submissive. And usually I would say I am not owned but hope to be a slave one day. That seems so far away now....anyway....I now look back at my life...and can see where I made a conscious choice in that I "wanted" to be a slave - even if I could not admit it out loud at times. So was a slave from then on as I was working on myself to be a slave - even if I was not owned/collared then? I served others. I know that when I lived with Bill and Lisa I did things to me as a friend but also in service to them. I know that if Bill would have told me to do something I would have done it. I trust him and lived with him and so it just was a part of me. When I visited j, I served her Master....was I being a submissive or a slave? I don't know too many people who would have done what I did in his household. I just don't know....can you be a slave before you are owned?
I guess I feel I made a conscious choice at a certain point in my life that I wanted to be a slave and even if I was not owned at that time....I made that choice. Choice that word is bothering me as I am not sure it was a choice as well as maybe a "calling" - I felt there was something more....I needed to do to be fulfilled and when I started letting parts of myself open to possibilities I found what it was....being a slave. hmmm not sure that made sense.
Okay so what do others think...can you be 24/7 and not live with the Dominant? And also can you be a slave and not be owned? Tell me what do you think?
I need to go check on my cake. Making a Midnight Bliss Cake for Master to take to work tomorrow. It smells awesome...yummy...PMS and a cake with 3 kinds of chocolate in it....I am insane right? LOL
More later maybe....Master is working so I am free *giggles* well not free but you know what I mean!
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Monday, September 01, 2003
The Buddha compared people to four kinds of clay vessels. One type of vessel has holes in the bottom. We can pour in as much water as we like and it runs right out. When this type of person hears the Dharma, it goes in one ear and out the other. The second type of vessel has cracks. Though we pour in the Dharma, it seeps out slowly until the vessel is empty again. The third vessel is full to the brim with stale water--views and opinions. One can't pour anything new in, everything is already known. The only useful vessel is the fourth, without holes or cracks and totally empty. -Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"
I really like that...I have liked a lot of quotes that come from "Be an Island" Maybe it is a book I should look into. I guess it reminds me of the Cracked Pot .
We went and got new living room furniture. It was something that we needed and we kept kind of kicking around. And with Master's surgery coming up it was something we thought about more because His couch was is really bad and it is one those couches you sit "in" and I have in - in quotes because it means "in the couch" instead of "on the couch." You sink into it because it is so old. Help is needed when getting out of...which would be IMPOSSIBLE for Master when healing from surgery. But after we found out how much Master's surgery was going to cost we had to put it out of our minds. We decided we would live with what we have until far in the future because Master's insurance SUCKS big time! Just as we did that...here comes a flyer in the mail for a furniture store in the area...3 years no interest 1 year no payments....SOOOOOO it was like the universe was telling us get it now. It really was a matter of a day or so when that happened. It was kind of an odd coincidence. So now we have on order a new sofa, new chair and ottoman, and end table. It was pretty good prices too. We got a new microfiber couch, chair and ottoman that is kind of a creamy/light khaki color. (this was the closest I could find to what we bought.) It is very pretty.
I am already having visions of making pillows...maybe a couple of leather ones. :) Oh and new curtains....when we get all my stuff from Bill and Lisa's I will have my sewing machine. I am looking forward to getting started with lots of home projects when we get back....painting, sewing and building some furniture.
Yesterday was a very lazy day here. I made french toast for breakfast. I tried a new recipe - but switched after doing 4 pieces that way because they were falling apart - so I went back to my recipe which Master said He prefers. We ended the evening with Master putting a rope harness on me. Master has not been a big rope fan, but I think after He saw the rope harness on me last night - He could see the possibilities with rope. He then did some flogging on me too. That was nice. We broke in the new bunny flogger. Master broke the last one *smiles*
It had been a long time since we played and my pain tolerence was almost null and void. But I did get through it. And liked it...feeling pain again.
Today was our anniversary - we had a nice day. I got a NEW Teddy Bear! We have been looking for one, but had not found one that said, "yes take me home." This one did. I have named him Fitz. I am breaking tradition and not naming him a name that starts with a vowel. He is very soft and cuddly and has the qualites I was looking for. :) We went to a winery today. We got a couple bottles of wines for some one we are going to stop and see in Kansas City. The Gewurztraminer was the one that I liked the best of what I have had from there. There are a lot of wineries in this area. They have a Colorado Wine Fest in the area.
We have lots to be doing this week....as on Saturday we leave for our trip to Ohio. I am looking forward to seeing all my friends and introducing them to Master. :)
I really like that...I have liked a lot of quotes that come from "Be an Island" Maybe it is a book I should look into. I guess it reminds me of the Cracked Pot .
We went and got new living room furniture. It was something that we needed and we kept kind of kicking around. And with Master's surgery coming up it was something we thought about more because His couch was is really bad and it is one those couches you sit "in" and I have in - in quotes because it means "in the couch" instead of "on the couch." You sink into it because it is so old. Help is needed when getting out of...which would be IMPOSSIBLE for Master when healing from surgery. But after we found out how much Master's surgery was going to cost we had to put it out of our minds. We decided we would live with what we have until far in the future because Master's insurance SUCKS big time! Just as we did that...here comes a flyer in the mail for a furniture store in the area...3 years no interest 1 year no payments....SOOOOOO it was like the universe was telling us get it now. It really was a matter of a day or so when that happened. It was kind of an odd coincidence. So now we have on order a new sofa, new chair and ottoman, and end table. It was pretty good prices too. We got a new microfiber couch, chair and ottoman that is kind of a creamy/light khaki color. (this was the closest I could find to what we bought.) It is very pretty.
I am already having visions of making pillows...maybe a couple of leather ones. :) Oh and new curtains....when we get all my stuff from Bill and Lisa's I will have my sewing machine. I am looking forward to getting started with lots of home projects when we get back....painting, sewing and building some furniture.
Yesterday was a very lazy day here. I made french toast for breakfast. I tried a new recipe - but switched after doing 4 pieces that way because they were falling apart - so I went back to my recipe which Master said He prefers. We ended the evening with Master putting a rope harness on me. Master has not been a big rope fan, but I think after He saw the rope harness on me last night - He could see the possibilities with rope. He then did some flogging on me too. That was nice. We broke in the new bunny flogger. Master broke the last one *smiles*
It had been a long time since we played and my pain tolerence was almost null and void. But I did get through it. And liked it...feeling pain again.
Today was our anniversary - we had a nice day. I got a NEW Teddy Bear! We have been looking for one, but had not found one that said, "yes take me home." This one did. I have named him Fitz. I am breaking tradition and not naming him a name that starts with a vowel. He is very soft and cuddly and has the qualites I was looking for. :) We went to a winery today. We got a couple bottles of wines for some one we are going to stop and see in Kansas City. The Gewurztraminer was the one that I liked the best of what I have had from there. There are a lot of wineries in this area. They have a Colorado Wine Fest in the area.
We have lots to be doing this week....as on Saturday we leave for our trip to Ohio. I am looking forward to seeing all my friends and introducing them to Master. :)
Friday, August 29, 2003
Filthy Friday Five "Still Sadly Obsessed With the VMAs" Version
1. Consider, if you will, Madonna, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera. You have to fuck one of them, marry one, and push one off a cliff. Choose.
Marry....Madonna.. Fuck...Christina Push off the cliff...Britney.
2. Would you rather be like Gwyneth Paltrow and in a boring (though committed) relationship with a rich rock star, or would you prefer to fuck ONE superhot rocker for one night?
well since I am in a relationship....a wonderful relationship that I don't want to give up....it would have to be fuck one superhot rocker for one night.
3. Which MTV VJ (from any era) would you be most willing to fuck, and why? If you say "nobody," your answer will automatically default to "Jesse Camp," so pick someone.
wow I have not watched MTV in YEARS and can only remember Kennedy...so it would have to be Kennedy...not sure for the reason LOL
4. Is Jack Black attractive to you in any way? If you don't like guys in general, answer the question as if it said "Pink" instead of "Jack Black."
Yes, there are things about him that at times he is attractive to me :)
5. BE HONEST: Would you fuck the Olsen Twins if they were 18 and asked for you by name?
No but no doubt SoulHuntre would....*grins* So maybe I could say "hey I know someone..." LOL
1. Consider, if you will, Madonna, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera. You have to fuck one of them, marry one, and push one off a cliff. Choose.
Marry....Madonna.. Fuck...Christina Push off the cliff...Britney.
2. Would you rather be like Gwyneth Paltrow and in a boring (though committed) relationship with a rich rock star, or would you prefer to fuck ONE superhot rocker for one night?
well since I am in a relationship....a wonderful relationship that I don't want to give up....it would have to be fuck one superhot rocker for one night.
3. Which MTV VJ (from any era) would you be most willing to fuck, and why? If you say "nobody," your answer will automatically default to "Jesse Camp," so pick someone.
wow I have not watched MTV in YEARS and can only remember Kennedy...so it would have to be Kennedy...not sure for the reason LOL
4. Is Jack Black attractive to you in any way? If you don't like guys in general, answer the question as if it said "Pink" instead of "Jack Black."
Yes, there are things about him that at times he is attractive to me :)
5. BE HONEST: Would you fuck the Olsen Twins if they were 18 and asked for you by name?
No but no doubt SoulHuntre would....*grins* So maybe I could say "hey I know someone..." LOL
Found this quiz and since I did a blog on Buffy last night...I thought I would include it on the blog...
Under Your Spell...
Which Buffy Musical Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Under Your Spell...
Which Buffy Musical Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, August 28, 2003
I have not written in a few days....
Master has been super swamped with work and so just not much going on here. I mean there is, but I guess I just do not have the brain power to write. Master worked at home this morning and was home yesterday so that threw my schedule off this week (not that I am complaining - I always enjoy having Master home), so tomorrow I am going to have to kick ass and catch up before the long weekend.
We have lots to do this long weekend....start packing for our trip, go buy furniture, pull weeds, and other odds-n-ends. We planned the route of our trip last night. We are going to be going stopping in Manhattan, Kansas - Kansas City, Kansas - Terre Haute, IN on the way to Bill and Lisa's in Ohio. :) And then on the way back we are stopping in St. Louis, MO and Manhattan, KS again before heading over to Denver...and probably spending the night in Denver before heading over to Grand Junction. We have to stop in Denver for sure to pick up C1 and C2 (the kitties).
Master and I just finished a He said - she said article for SMART's newsletter. I will publish a link to my website shortly after it is published in SMART's newsletter.
I keep typing and erasing tonight...I hate when I do that....
I am feeling kind of blah...:(
PMS just started though so probably the reason...:(
There is a Buffy Marathon that starts tomorrow at noon (mountain time) on FX so as I kick ass cleaning and doing laundry I will Buffy keeping me company. So that is a good thing lol :) They actually had one of my favorite episodes...The Wish...on a week or so ago...Cordelia wishes that Buffy had never moved to Sunnydale creating an alternate reality created by demon Anyanka. Xander and Willow end up being Vamps and Willow is dressed up in leather! yummy! :) Cordy ends up being killed by Xander and Willow. Angel is in a cell - captured by the Master. Willow asks to play with the puppy and how she says it...every time just makes me wet! LOL She then goes and tortures Angel. Buffy does come to Sunnydale and she looks a hard-ass - no girly girly - more tomboyish I guess. She goes to stop the Master and the height of the fight just before Giles gets them back to present is - showing Buffy being killed by the Master. How they filmed it, the music, just the images from the section....made it for a really good climax. I really enjoy that episode. The season that episode appears actually is one of my favorite seasons - that and two. I really liked Faith so I liked having her in season 3. I really didn't like the seaons with Dawn as much as the other seasons. I liked them all but of course had favorites :)
With Spike joining Angel...I might have to start watching Angel again.
Master has been super swamped with work and so just not much going on here. I mean there is, but I guess I just do not have the brain power to write. Master worked at home this morning and was home yesterday so that threw my schedule off this week (not that I am complaining - I always enjoy having Master home), so tomorrow I am going to have to kick ass and catch up before the long weekend.
We have lots to do this long weekend....start packing for our trip, go buy furniture, pull weeds, and other odds-n-ends. We planned the route of our trip last night. We are going to be going stopping in Manhattan, Kansas - Kansas City, Kansas - Terre Haute, IN on the way to Bill and Lisa's in Ohio. :) And then on the way back we are stopping in St. Louis, MO and Manhattan, KS again before heading over to Denver...and probably spending the night in Denver before heading over to Grand Junction. We have to stop in Denver for sure to pick up C1 and C2 (the kitties).
Master and I just finished a He said - she said article for SMART's newsletter. I will publish a link to my website shortly after it is published in SMART's newsletter.
I keep typing and erasing tonight...I hate when I do that....
I am feeling kind of blah...:(
PMS just started though so probably the reason...:(
There is a Buffy Marathon that starts tomorrow at noon (mountain time) on FX so as I kick ass cleaning and doing laundry I will Buffy keeping me company. So that is a good thing lol :) They actually had one of my favorite episodes...The Wish...on a week or so ago...Cordelia wishes that Buffy had never moved to Sunnydale creating an alternate reality created by demon Anyanka. Xander and Willow end up being Vamps and Willow is dressed up in leather! yummy! :) Cordy ends up being killed by Xander and Willow. Angel is in a cell - captured by the Master. Willow asks to play with the puppy and how she says it...every time just makes me wet! LOL She then goes and tortures Angel. Buffy does come to Sunnydale and she looks a hard-ass - no girly girly - more tomboyish I guess. She goes to stop the Master and the height of the fight just before Giles gets them back to present is - showing Buffy being killed by the Master. How they filmed it, the music, just the images from the section....made it for a really good climax. I really enjoy that episode. The season that episode appears actually is one of my favorite seasons - that and two. I really liked Faith so I liked having her in season 3. I really didn't like the seaons with Dawn as much as the other seasons. I liked them all but of course had favorites :)
With Spike joining Angel...I might have to start watching Angel again.
Monday, August 25, 2003
First need to say I did a post yesterday but for some reason it did not publish but was saved so just got posted tonight. So there is an entry before this one.
Today was not too bad...
We finally got the spare room in order. So now we have a place to move all my stuff into when it gets here and I can work from there to getting it unpacked and organized. We leave Colorado the 6th and not sure of the return date yet....but we will be in going to the informal for Carpe Diem on the 12th. We will not be in Ohio long, but it is better then nothing. Master has to get back for a conference...so we need to get back and get things unloaded. Master will have a couple days home (but my guess is He will have some work to do in those days before the conference even though He took them off) and then He will be gone for a few nights. That will be very odd for me to be here with the kitties but without Master at night.
Speaking of kitties...the little girl kitty - who I am going to call C2 - looked so cute the other day. She came prancing out of the bedroom with a big yellow feather coming out of her mouth. She had clamped down on it in the middle and so there there was pluming feather coming out from each side of her mouth and she looked like a fancy kitty. LOL
C1 - the boy cat that Master has had longer - tolerates me, but will not admit he likes me. LOL He will not take snacks from me. But yet when he is lonely he will come meow at me to talk to him...not to pet him but talk to him. If I pet him and Master is home - he acts almost like "yucky a girl touched me..".and looks at Master like "make her stop I can't stand girl germs." C2 though she is affectionate. She is kind of skittish though...but has gotten a lot better in the months I have been here. She will climb up on to me and plop herself down when I am in bed. She will nuzzle up to my hand to make me pet her.
I am allergic to cats, but have been pretty good about taking allergy stuff and also I can't believe this is working, but I have been using the new Febreze Allergen Reducer and it works for me. I spray it especially in the bedroom....in the morning I turn the sheets back after Master leaves and spray it on and let it sit for at least 10 minutes and then pull the next layer up and do the same until I have made the bed. I spray it on the pillows and my Teddy Bear also since C2 does like to snuggle up next to Ellington. I also spray it on the living room floor (as I am not allowed on the couch so I try to spray it where I am in contact with cat hair the most.)
Tonight I made homemade pizza...Master loved it. He said everything about it was just like He likes pizza. He said that it would be good for Bronco games so I guess I will be making a lot of pizza this fall LOL Making pizza and giving blow jobs. Master loves the thought of me giving Him a blow job during the game. We already started that, but by half time He was wanting to fuck me *grins* For that blow job - Master could tell that the pro in me came out LOL I got all my toys and props. I knew it would be long so I wanted to be able to do a lot of techniques. *grins*
Master has a big project for work and so tonight we went to His coworkers ranch so they could work on it. The drive there was magnificent of course. And then her ranch is nice. She has LOTS of animals. What I enjoyed the most about being there was just talking to her though. She is really nice. I like her a lot. She is very down-to-earth. It was very odd in a way talking to her. I was nervous as I really don't "talk" with others - here - besides Master. And that has not really bothered me. But I did remember tonight I do love to socialize. It will be good to see all my friends in Ohio. :)
I did lots of updates on my website today. I have a really hard time finishing the website...and to top it off....I have started a redesign LOL But anyway here is some new pages that were added either today or very recently....
Rack vs. SSC
Discipline and Punishment
Respect and Protocol in the Lifestyle
Quite a few erotic stories from ages and ages ago....
I did not edit them or anything. I posted just as they were written so long ago. As I said on the erotic whispering page....they feel very far away. I am not the same person who wrote them - it feels. I mean I have done things in them. I have experience lots but not all of it. But they feel like fantasy instead of reality and so much of my life now is reality based so fantasies don't have a place. Not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, I added quite a few short erotic stories so just listing the link to the stories.
Added items to the Random Whisperings, Soul Whisperings, and Noteworthy Whisperings.
Well I guess I am going to go see if Master is near done...or ask to go to bed...as I am getting tired.
Today was not too bad...
We finally got the spare room in order. So now we have a place to move all my stuff into when it gets here and I can work from there to getting it unpacked and organized. We leave Colorado the 6th and not sure of the return date yet....but we will be in going to the informal for Carpe Diem on the 12th. We will not be in Ohio long, but it is better then nothing. Master has to get back for a conference...so we need to get back and get things unloaded. Master will have a couple days home (but my guess is He will have some work to do in those days before the conference even though He took them off) and then He will be gone for a few nights. That will be very odd for me to be here with the kitties but without Master at night.
Speaking of kitties...the little girl kitty - who I am going to call C2 - looked so cute the other day. She came prancing out of the bedroom with a big yellow feather coming out of her mouth. She had clamped down on it in the middle and so there there was pluming feather coming out from each side of her mouth and she looked like a fancy kitty. LOL
C1 - the boy cat that Master has had longer - tolerates me, but will not admit he likes me. LOL He will not take snacks from me. But yet when he is lonely he will come meow at me to talk to him...not to pet him but talk to him. If I pet him and Master is home - he acts almost like "yucky a girl touched me..".and looks at Master like "make her stop I can't stand girl germs." C2 though she is affectionate. She is kind of skittish though...but has gotten a lot better in the months I have been here. She will climb up on to me and plop herself down when I am in bed. She will nuzzle up to my hand to make me pet her.
I am allergic to cats, but have been pretty good about taking allergy stuff and also I can't believe this is working, but I have been using the new Febreze Allergen Reducer and it works for me. I spray it especially in the bedroom....in the morning I turn the sheets back after Master leaves and spray it on and let it sit for at least 10 minutes and then pull the next layer up and do the same until I have made the bed. I spray it on the pillows and my Teddy Bear also since C2 does like to snuggle up next to Ellington. I also spray it on the living room floor (as I am not allowed on the couch so I try to spray it where I am in contact with cat hair the most.)
Tonight I made homemade pizza...Master loved it. He said everything about it was just like He likes pizza. He said that it would be good for Bronco games so I guess I will be making a lot of pizza this fall LOL Making pizza and giving blow jobs. Master loves the thought of me giving Him a blow job during the game. We already started that, but by half time He was wanting to fuck me *grins* For that blow job - Master could tell that the pro in me came out LOL I got all my toys and props. I knew it would be long so I wanted to be able to do a lot of techniques. *grins*
Master has a big project for work and so tonight we went to His coworkers ranch so they could work on it. The drive there was magnificent of course. And then her ranch is nice. She has LOTS of animals. What I enjoyed the most about being there was just talking to her though. She is really nice. I like her a lot. She is very down-to-earth. It was very odd in a way talking to her. I was nervous as I really don't "talk" with others - here - besides Master. And that has not really bothered me. But I did remember tonight I do love to socialize. It will be good to see all my friends in Ohio. :)
I did lots of updates on my website today. I have a really hard time finishing the website...and to top it off....I have started a redesign LOL But anyway here is some new pages that were added either today or very recently....
Rack vs. SSC
Discipline and Punishment
Respect and Protocol in the Lifestyle
Quite a few erotic stories from ages and ages ago....
I did not edit them or anything. I posted just as they were written so long ago. As I said on the erotic whispering page....they feel very far away. I am not the same person who wrote them - it feels. I mean I have done things in them. I have experience lots but not all of it. But they feel like fantasy instead of reality and so much of my life now is reality based so fantasies don't have a place. Not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, I added quite a few short erotic stories so just listing the link to the stories.
Added items to the Random Whisperings, Soul Whisperings, and Noteworthy Whisperings.
Well I guess I am going to go see if Master is near done...or ask to go to bed...as I am getting tired.
Saturday, August 23, 2003
Whatever is not yours, abandon it. When you have abandoned it, that will lead to your welfare and happinesss. -Buddha, "Connected Discourses of the Buddha"
Well today Master has been busy on the guest bedroom. I have tried to help, but there was so much in there that just needed His attention that I felt very often in the way. Tomorrow after He has went through some stuff I will be able to get in there more.
I have been sad today and I think I am just kind on a low because Master has been so busy. He is my everything nd so when He is so busy that He does not have much time for me....I get down. We have not had much quality time this week and so it is just getting a little hard at times. Plus I have been worrying about His surgery even though really it is months away.
We did have some quality time last night - dinner and a drive. So that was very nice and I am very grateful for Master giving me that time. When we got home we went to bed shortly after - because Master had such a long day and was tired. I was disappointed, but certainly understood that He was tired after His long day and long week and was also grateful I had some time with Him.
My pain tolerence is dropping considerably since we have not played in quite a long time. That bothers me because punches he did before I could take - suffer - but take. Where now just punch of the same or even LESS level sends me to tears of pain. And I am of course not thrilled with that.
Being called away by Master.
Well today Master has been busy on the guest bedroom. I have tried to help, but there was so much in there that just needed His attention that I felt very often in the way. Tomorrow after He has went through some stuff I will be able to get in there more.
I have been sad today and I think I am just kind on a low because Master has been so busy. He is my everything nd so when He is so busy that He does not have much time for me....I get down. We have not had much quality time this week and so it is just getting a little hard at times. Plus I have been worrying about His surgery even though really it is months away.
We did have some quality time last night - dinner and a drive. So that was very nice and I am very grateful for Master giving me that time. When we got home we went to bed shortly after - because Master had such a long day and was tired. I was disappointed, but certainly understood that He was tired after His long day and long week and was also grateful I had some time with Him.
My pain tolerence is dropping considerably since we have not played in quite a long time. That bothers me because punches he did before I could take - suffer - but take. Where now just punch of the same or even LESS level sends me to tears of pain. And I am of course not thrilled with that.
Being called away by Master.
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Master's....SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): Your planning period may be coming to an end. You’ve been thinking about your future, travel plans or going back to school. Now it’s time to put your intentions into action. Well, not quite yet. You have a couple more days to dream. Then, you’ll be ready to move into an execution phase.
mine....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): You might as well keep your glass slippers polished, for you could be the belle (or prince) of the ball. Your charm and grace are working in your favor now and this is the time to make the most of whatever social activities you partake in. Have a good time. You’ve waited for this one.
Master's seems to be right on it to me. Mine I am not quite sure about lol - glass slippers? Belle of the ball? LOL oh well
Mini-Rant: Can someone tell me why people think that being a slave or becoming enslaved means - that a slave can't function or make decisions or be strong? I get so sick of that....that people think that because I am a slave means I can't make a decision or use my brain. My brain still functions even though I am enslaved. Master micromanages me, but that still does not mean I can't make a decision when I need too. I make them all through the day - even though I am micromanaged. It is reality we live in not a fiction novel. Rant over (for now *grins*)
This week has been kind of slow...Master has been studying at night. We did have a tv/movie night last night. We watched Mercy and then Monster House (off topic Steve Watson is HOT! *giggle*). Mercy has S&M themes in it. But not that they do a whole lot of it in the movie, but they show some equipment, toys and people dressed in fetish wear. But it had Peta Wilson in it and I drool over her. :)
Points I am ponder tonight is a question that is one Consensual Slavery. Can you be a slave or a Master if alone on the path/in search of your other half? I have always thought...no you are slave when owned and a Master when owning. But I am not quite sure about that now....after being owned and where I can say I am a slave more freely now (freely because I had problems saying I was slave before). I think being a slave is almost a conscious choice. And that choice can be made before you are owned. I think I made that choice before I was owned - I just was scared to admit it. Of course I was not enslaved....that path I am still on with Master. :)
BTW Jani I owe you an email and I will get it out to you :) I am sure I owe a few....know I will get to them. Sorry I am just not good at getting them out these days.
mine....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): You might as well keep your glass slippers polished, for you could be the belle (or prince) of the ball. Your charm and grace are working in your favor now and this is the time to make the most of whatever social activities you partake in. Have a good time. You’ve waited for this one.
Master's seems to be right on it to me. Mine I am not quite sure about lol - glass slippers? Belle of the ball? LOL oh well
Mini-Rant: Can someone tell me why people think that being a slave or becoming enslaved means - that a slave can't function or make decisions or be strong? I get so sick of that....that people think that because I am a slave means I can't make a decision or use my brain. My brain still functions even though I am enslaved. Master micromanages me, but that still does not mean I can't make a decision when I need too. I make them all through the day - even though I am micromanaged. It is reality we live in not a fiction novel. Rant over (for now *grins*)
This week has been kind of slow...Master has been studying at night. We did have a tv/movie night last night. We watched Mercy and then Monster House (off topic Steve Watson is HOT! *giggle*). Mercy has S&M themes in it. But not that they do a whole lot of it in the movie, but they show some equipment, toys and people dressed in fetish wear. But it had Peta Wilson in it and I drool over her. :)
Points I am ponder tonight is a question that is one Consensual Slavery. Can you be a slave or a Master if alone on the path/in search of your other half? I have always thought...no you are slave when owned and a Master when owning. But I am not quite sure about that now....after being owned and where I can say I am a slave more freely now (freely because I had problems saying I was slave before). I think being a slave is almost a conscious choice. And that choice can be made before you are owned. I think I made that choice before I was owned - I just was scared to admit it. Of course I was not enslaved....that path I am still on with Master. :)
BTW Jani I owe you an email and I will get it out to you :) I am sure I owe a few....know I will get to them. Sorry I am just not good at getting them out these days.
Monday, August 18, 2003
It is Monday.....
I wish it was still the weekend. :(
This weekend Master and I got a chance to go see our dream house up close and personal as they had an open house. It was really incredible. We ended up going around to a few - in and out of our price range. There were a few we liked. We also looked at some houses out that have 360 degree view. It would be really cool to live out there. There are neighbors but not up close and personal. So screaming would not be heard :)
Master on Sunday went out to the hardware store nice and early for a Sunday morning, because He decided to make me a "service" set. He attached chains from collar to wrists and then collar to hobble between my ankles. I know He loved the look of it...the chains draping down my body. It was one of those love hate things for me. I liked that it was restricting and I hated that it was restricting.
I have a new link to the right....Consensual Slavery. It is a discussion forum. And so far I like some of the discussions going on. I have not posted yet but have been lurking for at least a week. And then this one I stumbled on tonight and it looks like it might be good also.
Not sure why but I just am not sure what to be writing tonight so I am going to post now.
I wish it was still the weekend. :(
This weekend Master and I got a chance to go see our dream house up close and personal as they had an open house. It was really incredible. We ended up going around to a few - in and out of our price range. There were a few we liked. We also looked at some houses out that have 360 degree view. It would be really cool to live out there. There are neighbors but not up close and personal. So screaming would not be heard :)
Master on Sunday went out to the hardware store nice and early for a Sunday morning, because He decided to make me a "service" set. He attached chains from collar to wrists and then collar to hobble between my ankles. I know He loved the look of it...the chains draping down my body. It was one of those love hate things for me. I liked that it was restricting and I hated that it was restricting.
I have a new link to the right....Consensual Slavery. It is a discussion forum. And so far I like some of the discussions going on. I have not posted yet but have been lurking for at least a week. And then this one I stumbled on tonight and it looks like it might be good also.
Not sure why but I just am not sure what to be writing tonight so I am going to post now.
Chain-You would prefer to not be able to move
around. You are a masochist as well as a
sadist. You're strong-willed, forceful, loud,
and stubborn. But those aren't bad things at
all...in fact, they're rather good.
Which Bondage Material?
brought to you by Quizilla
That was what it came up the first time I did the quiz. I was waffling on one of the answers to one question. Here is what happened when I did the other choice....
Velvet-lined Handcuffs-You like strong but soft,
firm but sensitive. You're neither masochist
nor sadist, but you eat and talk and move and
do everything you do in a naturally seductive
and attractive way. You can be intimidating in
that way, but you're sweet and adorable. You
can be shy and sometimes prefer peace and
quiet. You rock!
Which Bondage Material?
brought to you by Quizilla
each kind of sound like me :)
around. You are a masochist as well as a
sadist. You're strong-willed, forceful, loud,
and stubborn. But those aren't bad things at
all...in fact, they're rather good.
Which Bondage Material?
brought to you by Quizilla
That was what it came up the first time I did the quiz. I was waffling on one of the answers to one question. Here is what happened when I did the other choice....
Velvet-lined Handcuffs-You like strong but soft,
firm but sensitive. You're neither masochist
nor sadist, but you eat and talk and move and
do everything you do in a naturally seductive
and attractive way. You can be intimidating in
that way, but you're sweet and adorable. You
can be shy and sometimes prefer peace and
quiet. You rock!
Which Bondage Material?
brought to you by Quizilla
each kind of sound like me :)
Saturday, August 16, 2003
Music: Evanescene
Mood: Happy
Topics: All over the place - which is usual for me :)
Lately I have been giving lots of thought to why….I get so tied up (no pun intended) that I am not worthy of Master or when I "can't" do something that He desires or expects that I am failing Him and He might not want me. I have this great fear of Him telling me to leave. And I am not sure why I have that fear, as Master has never given me that message - He has never said or done anything that should give me that emotional and/or mental message. In fact, everything He says and does says He wants me as His everything in good and bad times.
I just get in these moments of great fear of that if I can't give Him something or if I do something wrong that He will say, "okay you are not good enough - good-bye."
I would like to understand why I get that way.
Then there are other times….where you would think I would feel that way more, but I don't. There are times Master uses me, keeps His thumb over me tightly pushing me and I feel so clingy and dependent. I feel this overwhelming need of Him. That I need Him like I need air, but I always feel like I will be His forever in those moments. I feel that I am His everything.
It made me think of some lyrics in a Sade song:
I cherish the day
I won't go astray
I won't be afraid
You won't catch me running
You're ruling the way that I move
You take my air
This is the first relationship I have not felt like running. I have not felt like I am self-sabotaging it. I know that Master is the One that my soul has been searching for all my life. It is like there was this puzzle in me. And there were pieces floating all over the place some in place and others kind of sitting on the sides waiting….waiting for that key piece to be put in place. It was like there was something in me waiting just waiting for that right moment - for that right piece to fit in place. And now I have found that piece of the puzzle. It is Master. He has snapped things in place. I feel so much like I have found the thing I was searching for all my life - and it was a Master….my Master.
Okay not sure I am talking on just one topic…just going all over….but that is so me lol
I would really like anyone who knows out there is there something going on with the planets because I know A LOT of submissives going through bad times right now - they are restless, depressed, or just down - not able to being focus as clearly. I have been going up and down - I go from being very focused and then I will just start crying for no reason - and feel so tired.
The other day I just thought it was because Master and I were going through lots of serious discussions and so it was more of just being emotionally drained - but I am not sure now after reading so many journals lately that have been feeling similar.
Okay next thought…
It is kind of odd that the more I become a slave the more I feel I have come full circle. I mean there is more S&M play and sex, but the feelings of dependence and serving and pleasing - are closer to what I started with when I was married. So the more I become enslaved to Master the more vanilla my life seems almost. I can relate to - me - when I was I was first married many years ago. BTW this is not a bad thing to me.
Next…
Today was a good day with Master even though we have not anything accomplished that we wanted. But I think we had good quality time with each other - just being close together. I love being in Master arms. I feel safe and good. I feel that all just how it is to be forever….to be wrapped in Master arms and feel His strength, power and love. It is so good….
More on today….
There are moments all through the day that are active shows of His power and control. There is a subtle flowing through the day that show His power and control. There are moments of great force that come crashing into me and are intense moments of His power and control and one of those moments happened today….
Master grabbed my wrist when we were walking through a store today. When we got to the car in the parking lot He took me and pushed me into the car by using His fist in my hair to "guide" me. And when we got home He did the same thing pulling me out of the car by my hair. His fist tightly in my hair. He guided me forward through the house - harshly - powerfully - pushing me into the bedroom - pulling my panties down and taking me.
He took me I had no choice. I could have said no but it would not have meant anything to Him or to me. It is word that does not mean anything anymore. And in these moments where I am shown He can do anything to me - I find myself happy and contented. Instead of being freaked by my lack of control and say, I become more and more at peace in my enslavement and surrender to Master's desires…Master's will.
Mood: Happy
Topics: All over the place - which is usual for me :)
Lately I have been giving lots of thought to why….I get so tied up (no pun intended) that I am not worthy of Master or when I "can't" do something that He desires or expects that I am failing Him and He might not want me. I have this great fear of Him telling me to leave. And I am not sure why I have that fear, as Master has never given me that message - He has never said or done anything that should give me that emotional and/or mental message. In fact, everything He says and does says He wants me as His everything in good and bad times.
I just get in these moments of great fear of that if I can't give Him something or if I do something wrong that He will say, "okay you are not good enough - good-bye."
I would like to understand why I get that way.
Then there are other times….where you would think I would feel that way more, but I don't. There are times Master uses me, keeps His thumb over me tightly pushing me and I feel so clingy and dependent. I feel this overwhelming need of Him. That I need Him like I need air, but I always feel like I will be His forever in those moments. I feel that I am His everything.
It made me think of some lyrics in a Sade song:
I cherish the day
I won't go astray
I won't be afraid
You won't catch me running
You're ruling the way that I move
You take my air
This is the first relationship I have not felt like running. I have not felt like I am self-sabotaging it. I know that Master is the One that my soul has been searching for all my life. It is like there was this puzzle in me. And there were pieces floating all over the place some in place and others kind of sitting on the sides waiting….waiting for that key piece to be put in place. It was like there was something in me waiting just waiting for that right moment - for that right piece to fit in place. And now I have found that piece of the puzzle. It is Master. He has snapped things in place. I feel so much like I have found the thing I was searching for all my life - and it was a Master….my Master.
Okay not sure I am talking on just one topic…just going all over….but that is so me lol
I would really like anyone who knows out there is there something going on with the planets because I know A LOT of submissives going through bad times right now - they are restless, depressed, or just down - not able to being focus as clearly. I have been going up and down - I go from being very focused and then I will just start crying for no reason - and feel so tired.
The other day I just thought it was because Master and I were going through lots of serious discussions and so it was more of just being emotionally drained - but I am not sure now after reading so many journals lately that have been feeling similar.
Okay next thought…
It is kind of odd that the more I become a slave the more I feel I have come full circle. I mean there is more S&M play and sex, but the feelings of dependence and serving and pleasing - are closer to what I started with when I was married. So the more I become enslaved to Master the more vanilla my life seems almost. I can relate to - me - when I was I was first married many years ago. BTW this is not a bad thing to me.
Next…
Today was a good day with Master even though we have not anything accomplished that we wanted. But I think we had good quality time with each other - just being close together. I love being in Master arms. I feel safe and good. I feel that all just how it is to be forever….to be wrapped in Master arms and feel His strength, power and love. It is so good….
More on today….
There are moments all through the day that are active shows of His power and control. There is a subtle flowing through the day that show His power and control. There are moments of great force that come crashing into me and are intense moments of His power and control and one of those moments happened today….
Master grabbed my wrist when we were walking through a store today. When we got to the car in the parking lot He took me and pushed me into the car by using His fist in my hair to "guide" me. And when we got home He did the same thing pulling me out of the car by my hair. His fist tightly in my hair. He guided me forward through the house - harshly - powerfully - pushing me into the bedroom - pulling my panties down and taking me.
He took me I had no choice. I could have said no but it would not have meant anything to Him or to me. It is word that does not mean anything anymore. And in these moments where I am shown He can do anything to me - I find myself happy and contented. Instead of being freaked by my lack of control and say, I become more and more at peace in my enslavement and surrender to Master's desires…Master's will.
Friday, August 15, 2003
After my post the other night, Master took me to the bedroom, laid me down with Him...gathering me in His arms and said talk to me. He made it so safe for me to talk that I just opened up and starting letting some things pour out. And He handled it all. He answered all my questions. He did not get upset with me - which was of course what I thought might happen. He made His girl feel very safe and loved and good. After that conversation it felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulder. And I realized Master took that weight off...my shoulders....He made everything better....He seems to do that a lot. :)
We talked and snuggled. We started kissing and touching and one thing led to another and Master and I made love. It was nice I went to sleep feeling very much at ease again.
Yesterday, I first thought I had a touch of the flu or something because my body ached so very badly but then I realized that it was probably an emotional release. With all that Master and I have been talking about and such - I have been so stressed that I was holding it in my body. But with our talk after my blog entry the other night - I released it all yesterday from my body. And so it was aching from unwinding itself. I was really wishing I would know more about yoga because I think that would have helped let some of those aches out more healthily.
So yesterday I was not feeling great and then went to bake and have it not turn out. Cooking in High Altitudes is very frustrating....one time it will turn out and the next time it won't. So I was kind of frustrated even though I was happy to have things worked out with Master. Master called and I told Him about the aches and baking problems...He was very understanding. I am a lucky girl. Master had to run some errands for work and then He came home. And He came home with a bouquet of roses and another flower that I don't know what it is but it was very pretty. It is gorgeous. The roses are like a creamy peachy/yellow with red tips. They are so beautiful. I arranged them in a vase and put them on our table.
It was so nice of Him...I did not expect it at all and it was a very romantic kind gesture from Master and I appreciable it so much.
Master had some work to finish so He brought me with Him. And then shortly after we got home Master put me to bed. He read while I went to sleep. I just was in pain and just so tired. I went out fast and for the first time probably ever - since being here - I slept all through the night. :)
Oh...I just found out from a friend's journal that Ohio Leather Fest had the hosting hotel back out on them. The event starts tonight. I am wondering why the hosting hotel backed out. I will be interested in finding out.
I know Master and I are going to work on the spare bedroom this weekend. We are getting things ready for when we move the rest of my stuff here. But I hope we get some play time too. We have not played much in the last 2 weeks.
I am glad it is weekend and I get time with Master.
We talked and snuggled. We started kissing and touching and one thing led to another and Master and I made love. It was nice I went to sleep feeling very much at ease again.
Yesterday, I first thought I had a touch of the flu or something because my body ached so very badly but then I realized that it was probably an emotional release. With all that Master and I have been talking about and such - I have been so stressed that I was holding it in my body. But with our talk after my blog entry the other night - I released it all yesterday from my body. And so it was aching from unwinding itself. I was really wishing I would know more about yoga because I think that would have helped let some of those aches out more healthily.
So yesterday I was not feeling great and then went to bake and have it not turn out. Cooking in High Altitudes is very frustrating....one time it will turn out and the next time it won't. So I was kind of frustrated even though I was happy to have things worked out with Master. Master called and I told Him about the aches and baking problems...He was very understanding. I am a lucky girl. Master had to run some errands for work and then He came home. And He came home with a bouquet of roses and another flower that I don't know what it is but it was very pretty. It is gorgeous. The roses are like a creamy peachy/yellow with red tips. They are so beautiful. I arranged them in a vase and put them on our table.
It was so nice of Him...I did not expect it at all and it was a very romantic kind gesture from Master and I appreciable it so much.
Master had some work to finish so He brought me with Him. And then shortly after we got home Master put me to bed. He read while I went to sleep. I just was in pain and just so tired. I went out fast and for the first time probably ever - since being here - I slept all through the night. :)
Oh...I just found out from a friend's journal that Ohio Leather Fest had the hosting hotel back out on them. The event starts tonight. I am wondering why the hosting hotel backed out. I will be interested in finding out.
I know Master and I are going to work on the spare bedroom this weekend. We are getting things ready for when we move the rest of my stuff here. But I hope we get some play time too. We have not played much in the last 2 weeks.
I am glad it is weekend and I get time with Master.
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