Taking Submission

Well, Wednesday morning was interesting….

I got up with a low-level migraine. I took some meds and signed online to do work. I check all the work email addresses and then I signed on to danae and icq. And Mistress DM was online. She of course had to give me a touch of reality. lol As someone said to me this morning, “there's nothing more frustrating than having your illusions taken away...lol”

She told me reason I am throwing myself into work right now. What gets me with her is she always has to push the truth on to me when I do not want to see it lol and then she gets me to feel submissive to her at the same time.

There is this Master/slave couple I know (which I will talk about him further later in this post). And he pushed the slave so that she got so mad in a scene that she said she hated him. I always felt that had to have been a very intense scene. And I could actually never see myself reacting that way. I do not think I could let go to say it. But Mistress DM pushes me a lot to get frustrated….because she makes me admit that truth. This morning it is hard because I am getting frustrated but I am also submissive towards her. And I really do not have a choice in it lots of time it feels like. It just happens. Today she asked a question that I wanted to say no to. But I could not think of using the word “no” with her. It is very irritating.

Then she signs offline. And the Master of the Master/slave I was talking about before messaged me… Monseigneur_E. I had not talked to him in a long time.

He does intrigue me. He takes submission. And that always intrigues me. Because it is how I feel my submission has to come out …..to be pulled and taken from me. Like with Mistress DM..I do not consciously choose to be submissive towards her. She pulls it from me and makes me. But at the same time she is not even trying ugghh so what would she be like when she tries lol

So this Master said, “If you admit it to me once, I'm likely to start taking some more little aspects of your submission without asking because I will know the feelings are there....and that implies some level of consent.” And to me he is right and I think a lot of submissive feel that way. That they have expressed their feelings so the consent it there and they just wait for the Dominant to make their move then to show they want the submissive.

I think that is actually how one enslaves another - that is how it starts. There is admission that He/She makes you feel submissive and then there is an unspoken term of consent. Now that does not mean that if you are submissive to your boss in a way that give him/her unspoken consent. I do think it gives them unspoken permission though that the next time “that” situation comes up that you submitted to before – that the boss would expect it again.

I keep thinking about a post that someone wrote on a mailing list. I wrote her and asked if I could quote her…so I will post it now. It kind of fits in this conversation….

azxure@email.msn.com wrote:
“being a slave to me is declaring/accepting/being forced to accept that you are not equal to those around you, never were, and never will be. i guess i still think of slaves as what was brought over and used (unjustly) as household help. i realize in bdsm the term brings on different meaning, but in my mind, it has just that meaning. you have no rights, no privileges, no nothing, you exist solely to serve your master.”

I love that first part…..declaring, accepting, being forced to accept that you are not equal…

That is it for me. I have declared I am submissive. I have accepted. But at times I need to be forced to accept I am. I need to be forced to serve and please. And some might call that “abuse” but to me it is surrender. That it the only way I see to surrender.

The talk with Monseigneur_E also became interesting because we talked about Poly. He is the FIRST….Male Dominant I have encountered with this view. Well, Daddy has this view too, but Daddy at did not at first. But does now.

I told him that I encounter Male Dominants who as soon as I told them I was in love with honey that they said “well either she would have to become mine or you have to give that relationship up.” They would tell me I could not be totally enslaved if I had an outside involvement.

He said, “IMO, a set of circumstances, a commitment, a relationship that exists at and prior to the enslavement should be accepted, honored, and allowed to be fulfilled. Requiring the abandonment of those commitments would degrade the value of the slave, and in turn the integrity of the Master.”

This will sound strange but I almost cried when I read those words. “Hope is a waking dream”….it was as if I woke from a dream. Because I really did not think any male Dominant had this view.

I am lucky with Daddy that he really, I believe, felt how important honey was to me. I know it was really hard for him to let me be with her 3 years ago when she and I met in Little Rock.

I had lots of work to do yesterday and did not get it all done. But I got lots done today even though I woke up this morning with a killer headache.

I got website work done. I did other work related stuff. M called today. : )

He talked for a while. He writes but not professionally but should. He wrote a piece that the Cleveland Free Times is looking at but thinks is too controversial. I am sure they are right. The scene would be a better place for it, but the scene I know will not touch it.

It was nice was nice to talk to him for so long. I want to see him and he wants to see me too - it looks like maybe Saturday night we are getting together. I sent him 2 “scene reports.” And he liked them. He said the one kind of reminded him of us. And I agree. He is a lot like the guy in the scene report I guess that is why I sent them – well one reason. They are really hot lol

This weekend with work will be busy! I am really happy that things are going good. And I know once I do a few more things to the business it will be flying : )

Daddy talked to me tonight about getting the 3rd bedroom’s carpet cleaned and do what we need to in there to make it a playroom : ) I am THRILLED of course! For Christmas I bought him hunter green and black rope, some little odds-n-ends, and then 2 new floggers – one has a black wooden handled with hunter green suede tails and the other is absolutely gorgeous. It is black long thuddy – weighted handle – turks knots on the handle – handle is black and gold leather and the tails are black deerhide I think it said. It is beautiful. We were going to play last Thursday night when we spent the night in a hotel. But some work things came up and he went to take care of them for me and by the time he got back we both were so tired and it was so late and I thought we might wake other hotel patrons that we did not play. I think he wanted to play this Saturday but I mentioned seeing M so he did not bring it up again.

Well I need to get to bed. It is Friday tomorrow and busy as usual.