danae

I have so many thoughts and feelings floating around inside me. I have lots of things to discuss with Aslan. Question pop up all the time I am going to have to start keeping a notebook with me so I remember them all lol

Today my mom asked me if I love him. I reminded her that I have only known him *real life* for a few weeks. She nodded...and told me to be careful but if I was in love with Aslan to be happy. She felt that people as the get older know who they are and know their feelings more clearly and so she felt people could fall in love quickly and it be "right." The question scared me. I walked around the answer and I know she noticed but I was not ready to answer it. I told Aslan on the phone tonight that she asked.

Something came up tonight.....amusement parks.......

I hate them....

I hate the rides. I hate all the people. I hate the sweaty hands and sticky bodies....now is that a strange thing to think of when thinking of amusement parks? probably *shrugs*

Past Past Past....

I hate that things still get to me. But it is a fear I do not think I am ready to face....

I close my eyes and see it...I feel the rush of the wind on my face from the roller coaster. I feel his hands....on me. My screams are not screams from the rushing of the roller coaster. I see a dark theater type thing again his large sweaty hands and sticky....lots of fast images and the music of the carousel in the background.

My life is changing so fast. But they are needed changes. When I get back I need to get together with SJ so that I can have a tarot reading. I need one a lot. I feel it....and so I need to do that as soon as I can.

This week should be busy with work. I need to get more sleep this week but I also want to spend time with Aslan but time where we do not have to spend our quality time together at 2am in the morning.

I did not talk about what happened on Wednesday night because I care what people think when they read it, as some of it will be extreme to some people I know in the community. I did not write about it because it is something special for just me. Something that I do not want to have to share with anyone but Aslan. I guess I feel like I have never had anything special just to myself. With Daddy there were always others in our life that things were shared with. When I was married everything was told to Jim's parents. So I guess I wanted that night...to just be mine. And even though this blogger is mine. It is not and I do see that.

This weekend with my mom and dad has gone much better then the last time I was here. It is not so strained. I am soooo much more relaxed and I know my parents see that. I think for the first time in their lives they see a very happy person in front of them. My mom and I have SHOPPED a LOT! lol

Today we were in Godiva Chocolates and my mom's day was made lol....The lady behind the counter asked if we were sister or related and I said yes she is my mom and you just made her day as it is her birthday. She then gave my mom a raspberry truffle for free. :)


I bought a journal today. I journal lots but it is on pieces of paper here and there. Notepad on the computer and just save it and lots of things do not even make it to the blogger. I want more of it too be here.

Aslan and I were just having this conversation online. He feels I worry about what people think of me. And I would say that a year ago that would be VERY true but now I do not worry about it. I do worry that I will hurt someone with my words thoughts or feelings but if they like me or not I really do not care either way. There are some things I need to write about and I feel it would hurt the person to read about them before I sat down and talked to them in person. Then after I talk to them then I can write about it here how I felt and how things went. But to have them read those things here before I could say anything seems almost cruel. And I just cannot hurt people intentionally. I have said things in the blogger I know would not go over well but it did not stop me from posting how I felt and expressing myself. I am defensive about this issue for a reason that is work related. In work the image of the company is very important and so I handle business things with diplomacy because it will get us further then me just going off on someone.

Nothing like going from one thing to another...

I was well thinking some hmmm sexual thoughts. I was thinking of Aslan's tongue on my clit *blushing* And right at that time he asked me if I still feel anxiety about him doing that. It is like he reads my mind. And at that moment I was not thinking anything but pure pleasure. My clit is swollen and throbbing and wanting his tongue there VERY badly lol

It is close to my bedtime....

good night...

peace,
danae