danae

Last weeks life.....

Work has been hard but as I said to those that are close to me....if I keep going how I *always* have been it will be okay.

I hate to hurt people. I reach out and try to help those around me when they are in need. I do not always see they are in need but if they talk to me I do things to help. And that is what I did with my business too. I treat everyone as a friend but also give them advice and suggestions to make work better. But I now wonder if it is better to treat them like "employees" instead of friends...to have clear cut outlines of what they can and cannot do.

Anyway enough talk about work on to bigger and better things :)

Monday

Monday I had work to do during the day and I was running late. Something that is starting to bother me. I used to be on time or early to EVERYTHING. And lately I have been running late almost on everything. It was raining and the rain has been getting to me lately. I need sunshine I have found out. There is lots of work things I need to get done and I have not. And Monday I had quite a few but as the last 2 weeks had been so hectic and full of headaches I felt I deserved a break. And even though there was something I wanted done by Tuesday I opted to go to spend the night with Aslan....our first night together. Daddy felt I should be staying home and working. And part of me understood but the other part was like excuse me I put in 60 to 70 hours a week and I deserve a night to relax. I mean even when I am out and about with friends I am working as I always have my phone with me. So even at my night of relaxing I had my phone with me. So Aslan picked me up. We got the hotel and I noticed things about him right away. He dropped me off at the door and went and parked. He carried my bag in. He was a gentleman. I mean that might not seem like a big deal to some people but MANY Dominants I know are very selfish and inconsiderate. And that might sound harsh but it is true. Sit in a room at a BDSM gathering and see how many Dominates get up and get their own drink and if they do see if they offer to get their submissive anything. It is really hard because when I first moved to Ohio all the service oriented things were natural to me and now it is like I block them. Because I got hurt by them before my mind has blocked me thinking about those things. And I desperately want them back. I want to just want my body to react to what my Master is doing. If he is starting to undress go and help. If he starts to get up to get a drink or whatever go get it for him. I want to be to the point of anticipation. Where I know what he wants and needs before he has to react or ask. I just at this time feel it is a long way down the road.

We got to the hotel and I was nervous. He knew I was and he told me to undress and lay face down on the bed. Another thing to get check when I go to the doctors is my hearing. I have partial loss in one ear but right now it feels like both are hearing about the same level...and that bothers me. Reason I bring that up as I did not hear me say lay face down on the bed. He left and came back and sat on the bed next to me and proceeded to give me a massage. I have a few things that bother me as I do not I guess feel I deserve good things at times. And also I have touching issues. Touching - non-sexual touching to me is - intimate. And as I know every well I have an intimacy issue. So 1) I have someone touching 2) I do not think I deserve it 3) He is he Dominant and to me I am suppose to be giving him the massage so it was hard for me to relax. He got me talking and when I talked I relaxed some it is like it took my mind of what he was touching me lol

Aslan is very smart and he is very good at understanding me. He is a mindreader *smiles* I think about when I was in Tennessee with L and e. L definitly thought I needed a mindreader. And this birthday book I have it says the same thing lol And Aslan does seem to read my mind. Even when I cannot get to the real issue swimming around in my head and I am just talking about all the other outlining things in my head he knows. He knows that there is that center thing when I am not ready to face it.

Okay so he gave me a massage. We then had a discussion about some things I had discussed with him. And then we discussed a few issues. I tried to cover my face. And he put his hand in my hair and turned my face so I could not and then told me I was not to that ever again. He told me I had much to pretty of face to hide. *blushing but not covering face* :) We then laid in bed and talked and went to sleep. Which of course impressed me that this Dominant male was in bed with me naked and did not talk of sex or imply we would go there. I feel he wanted too. But that he looking to see what is best for me - for us.

Well I have like 5 ims going so I guess the rest of the week will have to wait til later tonight...

I am at my parents....it is good to be home but different also...

peace,
danae