Force

Music: Janet Jackson

Time for my journal entry......

Strength.....

It is a word I keep thinking about. Maybe I am thinking about it because I feel so lost right now. I do not feel the opposite of strong though...weak. I don't feel weak at all. I feel lost.

I wonder what it feels like to be a Dominant and know how much strength your submissive needs? I mean Sir Nick does seem to be aware of how much strength is needed to be my Master. I know a couple who I have talked about before and I am starting to see her Master's strength also. He seems unphased by it also. It does not seem to be "burden" to him. Where I have had people in my past where it felt like them having to be "strong" was a "burden." And I can certainly understand that concept as when I was married to Jim....I had to be strong most of the time and it felt like it was a burden to me.

There was a Dominant I went out with a few times in September that just not sure how to put it but he was not self assured. And when I told him that we would just be friends he could not understand why I would not see him more and I finally told him he was not self assured. He proceeded to tell me how talented and in demand he was for his work and on and on about how "great" he was....which of course further turned me off. It felt very much like he can't control himself so how will he control me.

And not that I don't want to have a Master that can't lean on me and such....I do VERY much. I want a partner as well as a Master. I want a Master that will share things with me and allow me to be there to comfort him in times of need.

I told someone tonight what I tend to do with Dominants is "dump" all this junk on them and then see if they run. As that Dominant said that it was not fair but that he saw why I did it...so that I could "see what they bring to the table." Some Dominants run...some stay around thinking that is all there is to me and so they have it all and can handle it. And very few have really wanted to get to know all of me.

Someone told me on Tuesday "The biggest obstacle that you will have is that you submit from a position of strength, not one of weakness...so it will take more effort to find someone who is strong enough to earn your respect, to "force" you to surrender." He is right I do submit from strength, but the obstacle I have found though is that no one really wants to "force" me to surrender. They want it handed over to them on a silver platter.....kneeling demurely preferably a busty petite blonde holding that platter. *rolls eyes* Or what happens is they see that strength and get scared of it. And don't know what to do with it.

Well, all I want to write about might be put on hold of a while. I am in a lot of pain tonight...physical pain.

Good night/Good Morning....Good day? lol

peace,
danae

ps: It was JJ's Birthday on the 6th Happy Birthday Sweetie!