Just Sex

Music: Staind, Creed, Nickleback, Coldplay, Remy Zero (mix of them all)

Well this weekend has been a nice weekend at home.

I spent time working on a website, chatting with Mistress DM, her bois, Monseigneur_E and his slave. I also made a new friend this weekend. He has *lots* of everyday things in common with me - one being he is an artist and two we both have the same religious background. In all my years online, I do not think I have ever met anyone who was Lutheran. He sounds like he is where I am kind of though on spirituality. Anyway he is a nice guy and I am sure we will become good friends.

Today during a chat I asked Mistress DM what was difference between myself a friend of ours and one of Mistress DM's bois. Our friend said just at that time (mind this will be REALLY out of context)....."my partner...my love...my Master...my All." And Mistress DM said I would say "my love, my partner, my Master" and boi would say "my Mistress, my all, my love." So not my "all"......and so much I want to find someone that is my "all."

Is it a myth? Can one person be enough for someone?

I wrote that I had been thinking about Poly again the other night. I have been. I am just not sure I can do it. Right now I have some of Nick's attention and some of Kevin's. And because neither are in real life yet....I am not getting the basic need fulfilled yet. I need someone I can be with 24/7. Mistress DM said that a person can't be all for me as I want girlfriends, suitors and playmates. The girlfriend part is right I am sure I will want a girlfriend again (well I know I do as it is something I have been wanting lately lol). But suitors no and my first instinct to playmate is no also. Once I have some fulfilling those "basic" needs I do not see the need for others.

Also need is different then want. But I still can't see myself if the basic need is fulfilled to want others. Just as I have not played since September 4th. I have had opportunities to but I have not. Is it because of the need or want that I did not play?

Last night in a discussion we were talking about the difference between all the different kinds of sex (such as making love, f**king, and so on) There is so many differences between them all...they can't just be under one word sex. They all have different meanings. I was watching part of a movie today where a gentlemen on it was talking about that men can just have sex for sex and women can't. He said it is because they have a penis and it is an outward thing and women have a vagina and it is inward. I found that funny. I am woman that most certainly can have sex for sex. lol

There is f*cking to me it is just basically having sex with someone don't even need their first name and just go at it, sweaty, hot. F*CKING to me is that being taken or taking. Powerful, rough, hard, maybe hurting because just taken. I have had just sex where it is with just with someone and it did not do anything much for me. I am not sorry it happened but it was something just there. And then making love is something I have not done in a very long time. That is tender and intimate. And then their is torture which to me is F*CKING and also S&M mixed.

I am sure I could come up with more ways to define sex lol But those are my basics.

I am kind of out of it tonight and been up and down. And I know why.....I am not sure I am doing the right thing. I mean it feels right to me but I can hear the lectures.

My favorite quote keeps coming to mind....

"A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . .Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use." -- Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan

I suppose I should end this as my mind is spinning about some things.....and I can't write about them right now...

good night...

peace,
danae