danae

Horoscopes for today...

His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): The energy in your life shifts now as you move your attention to a variety of situations. Most important on your list is how you manage your relationship with others. An unexpected twist can turn your day upside-down but if you are willing to be flexible, this can set you free from what was holding you back. Your logic is somewhat clouded now, so try to put off the most important decisions for a day or two.

mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): These have been times of growth for you in ways that are not necessarily seen by others. Your inner work has taken on a practical orientation, but it could be a while before the benefits become obvious. It can be frustrating, however, if you attempt to stay in the logical realms, for your imagination now needs to have some breathing room. Give yourself permission to dream or to daydream, without any need to be productive.

I think is weird how a topic comes up in one area of your life and then it seems to shoot up around you....isn't that odd? Does that happen to anyone else? Several lists I am on have been talking about - M/s groups, the need for friends and/or group that desire M/s relationships and also about prejudices against people in M/s relationships in the BDSM community when I wrote about that a few weeks ago. And now I am going over an article I wrote about collars and it seems to be a subject I am running into on a few lists.

In a post on December 21, I should not have said levels as that does not convey what I wanted it too (on my posts about who is better slaves or submissives.) I should have been clearer about that. I don't think it is a continuum....of you start as a bottom and work your way up to a slave. I have known people who have been slaves and then ended up being a bottom. I have known bottoms that have ended up as slaves. We each have our path. We each have to go in a direction that is best for ourselves and have our own personal process.

I mean I look at my path....how strange it is...

Started as kinky play at 16
Enslaved to Don at 18
And then it kind of goes all over the place from just being in vanilla relationships with occasional kink, to being submissive to my husband (no terminology for it - just me thinking I am being a "good" wife). And moving to being a bottom, to being in a long distance D/s relationship, to being a slave in a poly household, to being a bottom again and then in a D/s relationship and now a slave to Master.

I don't know how many times I wondered if I was submissive. I don't know how many times I was told I was not submissive. (More times then I care to remember) I was told that I could never be a slave. I was told I was too assertive and independent to be submissive. I was told I too strong willed. I was told I was too smart (yes really). I was told I had too strong of personality. I was told I was too opinionated (have a few friends that probably thought that one a few times *grins*)

But I am here now...it has taken a long time to get to this place of...being Master's property and slave. I think more importantly it took a long time before I allowed myself to be okay with being a slave. That I could be a slave and have a brain too. That I could be a slave and have an opinion. That I could be a slave and still be me. Because a slave is who I am…and when I fight it…that is when I feel unfulfilled.

On to other things...

I am getting nervous about speaking at SMART Fest. Master and I are going to speak about Living the Lifestyle within Reality. It is a topic near and dear to our hearts as it is something we have struggled with. We all, I think, go through a phase of thinking a 24/7 D/s relationship is hot S&M and sex 24/7 but of course we all know that is not true. But now that those expectations have been let down how do you learn to live within reality and enjoy your M/s or D/s relationship for what it is....real.

I have spoke a few times and I am terrible LOL I get sick to my stomach and so nervous I can barely speak. Yet, I have pushed myself to do things like this because I hope that it becomes easier. And I have been doing this...BDSM...for a while and been encouraged to share my thoughts and that is why I have done the public speaking thing.

So....Master and I are going to speak....not only once but 2 times too. I just am thankful it will be with Master and not alone. I remember when I was on a panel about submission...it was much easier then being up alone in front of a big group. The largest group I spoke to was 80-some people - and it was the first time I spoke (that is when I met Moni).

Okay what else...Oh New Years Eve...is usually kind of a bad night for me. It usually gives me flashbacks to things of the past. And this is the FIRST year that has not happened. I mean I thought about it but it did not send fear through me. It was more of a reflection...then a flashback. I am not sure that makes sense. But anyway, I was very happy that it turned out that way. No flashbacks just a nice quiet evening with Master. :)

This week has been a week of movie watching....Banger Sisters, White Oleander, Two Weeks Notice, and Mona Lisa Smile (plus Master watched Star Trek Nemisis).

Banger Sisters not a bad movie. I loved Suzette's (who was played by Goldie Hawn) references to sex. I related to it in many ways. I had seen White Oleander before, but liked seeing it again. I think Michelle Pfeiffer looks incredible in this movie. I like Hugh Grant. Four Wedding and a Funeral is such a funny movie to me. And I think he is very funny in Two Weeks Notice. And I like him with Sandra Bullock too.

On New Years Day we went to see Mona Lisa Smile. I thought it was a fairly good movie could have been better. I really wanted to see it because I am a Julia Roberts fan...yes really lol And then it had someone else I really like too...Maggie Gyllenhaal. Plus it had Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst and Ginnifer Goodwin (who Master liked and linked on His journal)