danae

Lots of random thoughts...Out of town, Labels, Expectations, Suggestions

I won't be writing for a few days most likely as Master and I are leaving in the morning for Denver. He has work related things to do over there. We are staying with his parents and then on Saturday be having a "family" dinner. We then will come back on Sunday. So it is going to be a long few days.

I feel so tired lately. I feel very isolated and alone. Master has been busy with his project. And so I have tried not to bother him.

I was reading a site and she did not want to label what she does....I don't blame her. But I like labels for myself. I like to say I am an artist. I am bisexual. And so on. The person went on to describe all these different labels - submissive, D/s, DD (domestic discipline), SM, slave, surrendered wife...all these labels did not quite do it for her. Because they all said things that she did not agree with. Well, I don't agree with all the definitions of bisexual. I don't agree with all the definitions of an artist. I don't agree with all the definitions and things said on Master/slave websites or by people in the lifestyle.

But we take what fits for us and bend it to work. We make it work in our lives.

Master and I make our life work in ways that might not work for others but it works for US. And that is all that really matters.

Expectations are still giving me problems. I think I get them battled and then reality comes up and bits me in the ass. I just wish I could let go of them. I right now have all I "need" - but I don't have things I want. So why can't I let go of those expectations? Why? I am so frustrated with myself and that is tiring all in it self.

Ugghh just sad, frustrated, lost and I go between just being serving and being content with it and then I want sex and SM and then I want to just have hugs and snuggles with me. I hate that I still have these struggles and wonder if they ever go away? At times it is so easy....just seems so natural and light. And then other times I am so tired and frustrated with it. I never get to the point of not desiring it but I do get to the point I am just so tired...that I know my service is not as good as it could be.

Okay on to something else...

When you first discovered you were submissive or Dominant what did you do to explore? I called one of my long time vanilla friends tonight and she is dating a woman who wants to be dominated and she wants me to help her. I am not even sure what sites and books to suggest right now.

Again I won't be writing until Sunday or Monday most likely - saying most likely as Master will have laptop with Him so not sure if I will have time to do a blog or not. A good thing about going to Denver much better shopping then here in Grand Junction! :) So shopping therapy will be good for me! LOL