"Are You Having an Affair?"

So almost 2 weeks ago I had a conversation with Master asking Him if He wanted to add someone else to play - have sex with....why I asked this is because I was having one of those times where I just felt...very low in how I view myself (explaining this a little more below). I remember the expression His face -- utter shock. I knew it kind of hit Him out of left field. He said no right away.

The next day while taking a nap I had a dream that Master was having an affair. I have had torrid dreams of Master playing and having sex with others lots that I enjoy, but this one was not like that...it had the feeling of an affair. That is the closest word I can come to that would describe it - He was hiding it from me. So I had this dream and woke up thinking that is odd...about 30 minutes later calls me and tells me he has been out with co-workers having drinks was on His way home. Anyway, in that moment...I had a brief little thought of "is He having an affair?" And then went okay you are not awake -- get a grip!

Master came home and I told him about my dream and then what went through my mind He laughed...we laughed. He told me he was not having an affair...plus He told me He did not have time to have one as He has been extremely busy lately. And that is so true!

So why I am writing about this....because I find it so silly how things can spiral....into irrational thought.

First reality check -- Master is working LOTS! So much that we can hardly even have more then 20 minute conversation at a time lately.

Spiral of irrational thoughts -- Master is busy so not here enough to do much of anything with me -- even have a conversation. ---> Not having some of His attention is making me sad ---> I start getting depressed ----> Which spirals into low self esteem moments ---> Where I think Master is not turned on by me ----> I am not attractive so Master does not want to have sex with me that is why we have not been spending much time together ----> Which goes to He should have sex with someone else if He is not turned on by me ----> Which goes to He is having an affair.

So to end this...I don't think Master is having an affair. I do think that I am going through a bout of depression that is bigger than I have had in a very long time...thus spawning many irrational thoughts. I love Master and know that if He wanted to go out and find someone to have sex with...He would tell me. Unfortunately for Him -- He is working long hours...so not able to relax much at all - and making it impossible for Him to spend time with His girl.