We had a buffet at the pizza place and it was part of my job to break it down – so I was on the floor and if anyone knows about buffets they are filled with water to help keep the food hot…using steam and the hot water. So I had to drain all the water out in big buckets. I was on my knees on the floor – draining the water into the buckets and Don came over to me. I had my back towards him – he said, “you are coming home with me tonight and I am going to fuck you hard.” I started to turn to tell him to go to hell or fuck off…and I looked up at him…I couldn’t….the only words that came out of my mouth was “yes…okay” – they were stuttered. I felt flustered as soon as I saw him standing above me. He walked away.
As I was getting my jacket to leave...he came up behind me, he was standing close but not touching me, he told me I would follow him in my car to his place. The tone…the tone…reached down into me. I knew I was getting turned on already. I nodded and he said, “let's go.” I followed him to his place.
Don was a med student and lived in a big old Victorian house near the med school. He lived there with around 8 or 9 other guys - all of them med students. I can’t remember how many for sure now, but I think it was around eight or nine. He led me to his bedroom. I was nervous and usually had not been with other guys. I wasn’t sure how to act. I think he picked up on my nervousness but I am sure he had known, seen or heard that I was not nervous with guys – as I went through the rumor mill at the pizza place of being a slut. Funny though the people at my high school knew nothing of that and all thought I was actually very straight laced. So, as I said I think he saw that I was nervous so he had me sit down on the bed. He did a few things around the room – put his book bag contents away, lit some candles and we chatted a bit. He then got comfortable - undressing down to boxer shorts. He told me to strip. Not take my clothes off but strip. He told me how to do it….each movement, each button, each slide of my hand over and under my clothing. He directed my every movement and as he did the tone...the commanding tone made me wet beyond belief. What I still find amazing today – it never occurred to me to ask why or to just start doing it my way. I just did it…his way. After I was undressed, he stood up and pulled me to him…kissing me very passionately. He then led me to the bathroom where we took a shower – we both smelled like garlic - we worked in a pizza place. It was a hot soapy shower….where we touched and washed everywhere. We dried each other off. Again while in the shower washing – he told me what to do and how to do it. And the same when I dried him.Naked....freshly showered bodies pressed together kissing....passion and anticipation for what was to come next. He led me to his bed where he pushed me down roughly. He put my arms above my head and held them there fingers digging into me... holding me down. It scared me a bit but again I could still feel how turned on I was by it. As he held me down he would bite me and grab at me with his other hand. His hands and fingers digging into my body...hard..hurting me but it was that pain that just seemed to make me want more. He shoved into me and fucked me…hard and rough. He did just a little spanking and slapping. It was happening so fast and so intense that I didn’t have time to think or react with my brain just my body….my body reacting to his touch and what he was doing to me. I had a powerful exploding orgasm though. It all happened in that matter of moments…the whole interaction…he came fast too. After he came he slapped my tits, he squeezed them hard. He would bit, squeeze, twist, slap, spank and I remember just totally losing myself into it….and soon we were fucking again. I had an even more intense orgasm. After he was very loving and tender. He told me I was a good girl. I saw the time and knew my parents would start to worry soon if I did not get home. So I told him I needed to leave. He told me to get dressed. He watched me and right before I finished he called me to him. He kissed me and told me that I would come back tomorrow.
He told me when to be there, what to wear and what we would do when I got there. But I don't think I really heard all the words as I was floating so high up. I just felt it inside this knowing of it felt so right. I just said yes. (To see what happens the next day read the Nov 6th link at the bottom.)I became his from that moment. I didn’t admit until years later but I remember it clearly being the moment I became his. Completely? Well probably not in that moment but that did happen over time…short amount of time actually.
He controlled everything in my life – where I went, what I did, what I ate, what I spent money on, how I dressed, when I worked, when I studied, when I moved and breathed – that is what it felt like. It felt so natural and right. It felt like he had opened a part of me that I never knew was there….and let me be me. I really was thriving in process of becoming his possession. He was allowing me to have a dream – of being someone’s…being his.
Oddly enough I didn’t fall in love with him. I loved and cared for him. I was devoted and desired him. But the feeling that I had for Brian…the love I had for Brian was different then I had for Don. As I said I cared for Don and loved him in a way but not like I did Brian.
So all sound hunky dory with him right? Yes it was…unfortunately it did not stay that way. Don ended up developing a gambling habit. He had one I guess several years before I met him but had stopped and then started up again while we were together. He would drink more when he gambled and so a not-so-in-control part would come out more then. He ended up doing lots of things to me that should have made me leave but by that time I was enslaved and I couldn’t face leaving – be it I believed I couldn’t or my own fears of leaving or something else keeping me there.
I often look back and feel like I was Alice falling down the hole...was it all dream or a nightmare...somedays it feels like both. As the years pass the more and more I see my time with him differently. I see that although it would have been nice if he would have told me what we were doing - M/s and SM that it might have been easier and not confused my mind so much. But because the good times and bad times got meshed together - it confused me and so I just gave into it.
This entry and the entries below (all except the last maybe) will probably all look very much a like a normal M/s couple. It is what happen after these times I describe where the lines of abuse and M/s blurr and maybe I will share some of those times too. Those times....still turn me on too...even though I remember the fear associated with those times with him.
Some of these are in the midst of longer life update entries so I went and put astricks in so you can scroll down to those if you don't want to read the whole entry.
Nov. 6, 2003 - this entry has a little more - about what happened the next day - where I left off in this entry.
Nov. 7, 2003
Nov. 8, 2003 (I realized that this link was not working when I published earlier...it is working now)
Nov. 10, 2003
Dec. 8, 2003 - this one might be triggery for those with abuse in their history.
No comments:
Post a Comment