Tuesday, May 05, 2009


Today Master and I had a discussion on his way to Denver. Last night I responded to a FetLife thread not answering the question but in response a reply by the OP to a friend's comment. It is a topic that I am a little passionate about. It is one of my hot buttons. The topic is about M/s being deeper, that it has more trust involved...and just more of everything then a vanilla relationship. And I disagree with that. I don't think we can judge what another's relationship is just based on if it is M/s or vanilla. It is the people involved and what they put into it that creates the relationship. I have known vanilla couples that act like roommates more then a married couple - don't seem to have any trust and I have seen the same type things in some M/s couples. I think my Mom and Dad to have married at such a young age and made it through all these years have a pretty good level of trust and deep relationship. How can I say their relationship is less deep and has less trust then mine just because I am in a M/s relationship? I can't. Our relationships are different. But every relationship is different. Even every M/s relationship is different. A relationship is what the people in it put into it.


  1. I think you've really hit the nail on the head here. Each relationship is different based on the quality of both it and the individuals involved. We've all seen shallow, bitter vanilla relationships, as well as cheating, dishonest M/s ones- and the opposite true as well. A relationship is what the people involved make it, and sometimes also the result of the fires their lives have had to endure, and whether they let that pull them apart or seal them together.

  2. I suspect that for many, a M/s relationship *feels* deeper because they haven't been in vanilla relationships that click for them. I think you only open up and trust if you're comfortable with your partner. If something is missing, whatever that component might be, you'll hold back. I had an incredibly intense vanilla (but-with-a-lot-of-fudge-topping) relationship that set the bar really high. I've only matched that level in M/s relationships since then but none have been higher. So I'm right there with you on this. It's the people, not the type of relationship, that make for the quality of a relationship.


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