Life

I know I have a ton more questions to answer but it probably won't happen until April. And they will be scattered throughout April and possibly going to May...because...

One of my favorite Uncles has cancer. It diagnosed late (many reasons for this - not any of it his fault he was going to the doctors) and it spread all throughout his body. He doesn't have long. So I am going home because I want to see him before he goes. He is young and it is sad and scary.

Then when I get home I will be here for just under two weeks before I head to North Carolina to visit a good friend. I will be there a week...and finally home hopefully for a bit.

So since the news of my Uncle, I just have been busting my ass to get things in order to hopefully make Master's life easier while I am gone. He is wishing he could go with me but I understand completely why he can't. I will miss him bunches.

March Questions: Transition

How do you transition from being very independent and having so much freedom to being a live-in slave? I didn't even consider that being a slave would ever be a part of my life and now I am am a slave. Although I love being my Master's slave, I am struggling with the lack of freedom.


I am going to start by saying the same thing I say in practically every post where someone asks me for advice....

Really transitioning is different for each person so something that has worked for me might not work for you. But please know that going from being "free" to being a slave - no matter how much you want it - still is a struggle. It is hard to let go of those freedoms even though we want to serve and please. So what you are going through is normal. For me, keeping that in mind helps. When I struggle and know that the struggle is a normal thing - it helps me let go of it. Or see it more clearly as a normal part of the phase.

I then think about why am I struggling is coming up. Is it just in certain situations? What sparks it and then try to analyze why you struggle with it? Then talk through it logically to yourself. Often when I take things apart a bit I can see that I am being totally illogical. Such as I might have a fear I am losing myself but when I actually look at the situation has there been anything to show I am losing myself? And almost all the time that answer is no.

Talk to your Master and share the struggles with him. Such as the scenario above - if you do feel you are losing yourself - talk to him about it? What things are making you feel that way? Is there any solution to help you not feel that way?

Next reminding myself that I want this during those moments helps also. It seems pretty silly. And it may be but saying that when I struggling with something I want so much helps because in the moment I think it can be easy to forget because our fears or doubts creep up and override our real intentions.

Take one step at time. Sometime we want it all so much that we get going too fast and end up overwhelmed by the reality. And then the struggles come up faster. But when we take it slow and just let each part of the transition get into place and feel good - those struggles happen less or at least just one at time instead of being barraged with them. And if you do feel things are going too fast - again talk to your Master about it.

As I said at the beginning it really is different for each person. But first and foremost know that struggles are a normal part of the transition.

March Questions: Giving Up Things for Him

are there dreams or desires you have/have had for yourself that you, by being His slave, have had to leave to His choice whether you'll ever have opportunity to realize? what if you want something he doesn't? are you supposed to be satisfied with the idea you'll never have it? are you able to blindly dismiss your own desires and simply trust that whatever He does/doesn't want should just be sufficient to meet your needs?

I can't think of any dreams really that I have had to put aside for him. But desires yes. Some that I will never have the opportunity to realize. I think what happens is that you learn that some things are more important then others. Is it really okay that I give up being gang banged again to be in a relationship where I can serve in ways I never have before and fulfill me? I think that is an easy choice. I think no matter if we are in vanilla relationships or M/s, we all have things we won't ever have the opportunity to realize - it is just weighing how much that means to you in the over all scheme of things. And yes I do think that I have to trust that whatever he does/doesn't want should be sufficient to meet my needs. BUT if it isn't then I need to discuss that with him and hopefully we come up with answer or solution. In the rare occasion it is just something I have to suck up and deal with but again it is weighing what I have in this relationship verses the things I don't and knowing that the things I get out-weigh those things I don't get. Also sometimes having to suck it up - and just deal - gives me something. It makes me feel like I am really doing what he desires and pleasing him fulfills me. But always I discuss if/when needs aren't being met. Master's door is always open and he wants me to discuss anything with him.

March Questions: Poly

my Master and i are thinking about bringing another slave into our life.. do you have any do's and dont's for a poly relationship?

Okay these are what work for me and I know not all of them will work for others. Your relationship might not be seeking the same kind of poly set up that we are looking for - a triad. So some of these are general poly tips but some will be geared towards triads. And I am sure I come across negative against d-types but s-types do the same things. I am just wording them from my point of view - my experiences. So all of this can apply to the s-type.


* Really search yourself. Know if you are ready for poly or even want to explore poly. And be honest about it. If you don't think you are poly, say it. Just because I am submissive doesn't mean I shouldn't voice my issues. And I have seen many s-types that just follow without saying I don't think I am poly. It is okay to not be poly. Just be honest with yourself and your dominant/partner.

* Be open and honest. If you are having any problems, issues, concerns, reservations - EXPRESS them. If you aren't communicating it, then you can't work through it. And of course the reverse is true too - if the d-type has issues or concerns. Even if it is that you have had to unload the dishwasher the last 3 times even though it was her turn. Yes it sounds like sibling issues. But it still matters that you be honest and discuss it. (I will get into something about this morning down below.)

A few d-types have said to me when I tell them the above...."well she just goes on and on and on about this and that." And well although I know it can get tiresome/bothersome - it seems like so little to me to help your s-type be more secure in exploring poly. By talking about it as much as is needed. Because the more she feels secure the more lasting poly relationship you will have. And if the d-type is really pushing this issue - that he is done talking about it - it would give me red flags. Now I know this isn't the case always. But in my experience if this happens then I feel there are bigger problems in the relationship going on.

For d-types be honest too - if you are just wanting to explore poly for sex. Say it. Nothing wrong with just wanting to have sex with others - but again be honest. Also be honest about what is going on with you and the other person - if you went and saw the other person and played be honest. Yes I have heard well I didn't want to her feelings to be hurt - but hurting her feeling verses lying - what is the bigger problem here? Lying always. Hurt feelings can be worked through by communicating and being honest upfront. Lying and her finding out is a harder one to overcome as you are setting up long term trust issue from then on.

* If you are having problems in your relationship, it is my opinion to not start searching for another to add to the relationship. Poly isn't a fix it. It is just like a vanilla couple having a kid - thinking it will bring them closer. Poly can bring you closer but that usually happens when a couple has a strong foundation in the first place. Or during new relationship energy - but after that fades away the problems will come back up. And often if you are thinking poly is a fix it - bringing another in will just make those problems bigger and more complex or out of control.

* Make sure you talk about how you want things to go and problems that might come up for you both. Such as for us it is a must that we both meet the person at the same time. The reasoning for us is that it starts out on the same footing. If Master meets the person first, then I am coming in late to the party. They have had that first meeting getting out the jitters and they are more casual and comfortable with each other and then I am the odd man out feeling uncomfortable and will most likely feel like a third wheel. And if I met her first then it might feel that way for Master. (The hardest thing to deal with for me is here.)

* Group meetings dates are good, but remember to get to know the person on your own too. I think it is important for each person to have a bond and relationship with the new person. In one of my past poly relationship, the other s-type and I had lots of one on one time but I wasn't getting hardly anyway one on one time with the d-type. So it felt very unbalanced. Especially in a power dynamic.

Now some D/s geared advice...
* Respect the relationship flow. If he is the one in control - then he is the one in control. And respect that flow of power. If the "primary" submissive is giving the new submissive orders then it can be very confusing. There is a difference between helping and making suggestions and ordering. Just make sure the motivation to truly help and give suggestions.

* Also if he gives an order and it goes against how you do something then go discuss it with him if you don't like it - don't take it out on her. I have a post somewhere about how I read a post from a submissive who was fuming how the submissive put away laundry wrong and how it would make more work for her. But also even if she just was helping out and trying to serve by doing laundry because the slave was at work - that still was no excuse to yell at her. It would be better to go to the girl and tell her, "Master likes the laundry put away like this." OR if he has no preference it is just your preference say that. And tell her why. Tell her, "It is easier that pants go over here as those are the first thing Master grabs."

* Also use judgment when going to your owner to talk about problems with her. Because maybe you should just be going to her. If the dishes aren't getting done, maybe go to her and ask her if there is anything wrong as you had noticed that dishes hadn't been done by her for 2 times and is there anything you can do to help her. If it is a reoccurring problem then I would say it is time for the owner to step in. But remember we are all adults and should act like it. So it shouldn't be one running to the Master (Dad) telling on her (sister).

* This is for when the other moves in....if she moves in make sure you allow her to make it her home too. This is always Master's home first of course. But many things Master just allows me to use my best judgment. He doesn't care how the kitchen is organized because I am the one using it the most. When someone new joins us, they might have different way to many things - such as organizing the kitchen. And she should have some say in it. And I will need to be open to that her ways might be better then mine. So discuss on how to decorate, arrange and organize together - compromise. Also remember holidays - include her traditions too.

I am sure there are many things I am missing at this moment. But I would talk to others that have poly relationships. There are quite a few poly groups on FetLife too. And also remember some things that are musts for us aren't for you. And the power flow might be set up different too so there are many things that can be different for you and yours. Sometimes it is just making do with the best of your abilities. Talk talk talk is really what is about - as with everything.

I have written about poly quite a bit - our website has several links.


March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Questions: Sex

I am grouping several of the sex questions together.

Have you had a treesome (M-F-F)? Have you been with more then one man at a time? 3? 4 ? more? Have you been with more then one woman at a time?

Yes I have had threesomes....several. When I lived in the poly household, I had many. And then as an escort I had several too.

I have been with more then one man at a time, but it was a very long time ago....when I was 18. I haven't had a 3some with two men and myself. But I was gang banged and also done a train - so yes more then 3. But again those were when I was 18. And yes I would love to experience some of those again.

I haven't been with more then one woman at a time. I have made out with more then one girl at time. But not had sex.

Are you loud or quiet during sex?

I have changed back and forth over the years. I was very quiet younger - as I didn't want anyone to hear. Because you know having sex before I was married was a no-no in my family. I then became louder when I was married and didn't care if others heard as being married and having sex was okay. And after I left my husband, the first relationship I had - we met in hotel rooms as it was a long distant relationship and he wanted me to be quiet again. Then when I moved to be with the poly household, it was okay being loud. And he encouraged it so I became loud again. Master is mostly deaf so often I am quieter then usual because I know he won't hear me. That probably sounds odd.

Have you ever given a rim job? Received? I have given and received.

Ass to mouth: yes or no? yes I do ass to mouth.

What sexually would you like right now? Right in this moment?

Well if you follow my tumbler you can often figure out what I am thinking about. I mean yes I plan ahead and queue the photos up but just going over those images that I posted today but had planned several days ago - makes me wet with thoughts to go with them.

But what I have had images of over and over for several months is just the being turned on and brought to that edge over and over again. Through pain and fucked with toys and then finally fucked hard.

Describe your favorite sexual experience outside of your time with your Master? And then with your Master?

I have had many fantastic sexual experiences but the one that always pops to mind when people ask a question like this - is with my ex-husband.

He called me before he got off from work and told me to be kneeling on the bed naked. And to not speak to him or look at him until he told me I could. (BTW this is before we formally exploring D/s) So I heard him come in and talk to the dog. I hear him flipping through the mail. And he went to the bathroom and came into the bedroom and didn't speak to me. He undressed. And I heard him doing a few other things but wasn't for sure what.

He came up behind me and wrapped a silk cord around my neck and started to strangle me. He told talked dirty to me. Telling me that he could smell how wet I was when walked in the door. He let up with the pulling of the cords and played with my pussy. He fingered me bringing me close to orgasm but backing off before I did. And then pulled the cords again. I felt his hard cock pressing against me and would wiggle my ass and back - wanting him to fuck me. He let go for a moment and then tightened and thrust into my ass. He would let tighten and loosen as he fucked me and just as he orgasmed tightened. And tightened enough that I felt I was going to pass out. It was awesome.

I still get wet just thinking about it. You know why I think that time stands out - because I have had similar experiences since but they don't have the meaning that does to me. There was a closeness with us because of the relationship we had together. And that came through sexually.

One of my favorite times with Master is one I have described before....
He had beat me and slapped me until I was a fuzzy mess. I was of course at that point so dripping wet from the pain and wanting to feel him fuck me hard but instead he roughly pulled me off the bed and shoved me in the cage. And then he laid on the bed and masturbated. It was agony mixed with pleasure. I wanted so badly to touch him and feel him in my mouth or cunt but the sounds he was making and just watching his hand wrapped around his hard cock....was making me moan with pleasure. I really don't like to beg but I know I was begging at that point to touch and suck him. But he let me moan and drip. When he had his orgasm, he came over and wiped his cum all over my face and tits. Didn't even get to taste. It was so very hot to me.


March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Questions: Virginity

How did you lose your virginity? Details please!

Well if you have read back far enough in this journal (and I hope many of you have not as I was so neurotic) - it hints or barely talks about that I didn't lose my virginity consensually. So I usually don't count it as losing my virginity. What I do consider when I lost my virginity....was with the boy I consider my first real boyfriend* when I was 16, Jeff, and I started off with some D/s and SM -- I tried to please him even though I did not realize that was what I was doing. And then he and I were playful when we made-out. He spanked me a few times and I got very wet and turned on. He noticed. When it came time for us to have sex -- first time I had (consensual) sex -- he asked me if he could handcuff me to his bed and I nodded yes. And after that our sex included me being tied up, handcuffed and usually spanking or some type of resistant play was involved.

March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

* I say first real boyfriend because it was a boy who actually came to pick me up on dates. Where as in jr. high I "went with" boys and you know it was group dates or meeting them at the movie theater or pizza hut or whatever. And then it was also just kissing a light petting. My first real boyfriend it felt more serious and more overtly sexual.

March Questions: Dying + Love

Are you afraid of dying?
Yes and no. I say that because it depends on the day you ask me. Today not especially. Most days though I am afraid of dying. I have lived a life full of so many experiences but at the same time I feel like I have a lot more to do with my life. So I get scared I might not get the chance.


How many times have you fallen in love?
5 times. I love easily though - although I don't consider falling in love and loving the same. I also don't believe just because someone has left my life that I stop loving them. Such as my ex-husband...I fell in love with him and still love him today. I actually probably still think about him daily because I care about him so much. I have many friends in Ohio that I love and haven't seen them since 2004 but that love hasn't faded at all.

March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Questions: Blogging

Why do you blog? Why has your blog posts slowed over the years?

I blog really just to stay true to myself by writing my thoughts. And hopefully by looking back on my life to learn from the mistakes. I also blog just to keep track of my life. I want to be able to look back and remember.

When I first started blogging, I wasn't in an Owner/property relationship. I was struggling, searching and just trying to find out what exactly I wanted. So I BLOGGED a lot! Blogging to figure it all out.

Now I am living that life I was searching for so I am more busy serving than writing. I also have blogged for so long it just feels like I have said the same thing over and over. And the same things I still read in other blogs. So...why repeat it all. Sometimes in the moment I feel the need but if I get time to think about it - then I often delete the post just because it is a repeat.


March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Question Month

Okay okay I know I got tons of ideas for the 10 minute writings and then I haven't done any yet. I am planning on doing them though. I just have been super busy so not even 10 minutes to sit down and write. There are many things I enjoy falling to the way side. I am even more out of touch with friends then I was and I was out of touch before so you know it is getting bad. I hope to find a way to juggle everything better.

ANYWAY....it is that time of year....



Here are the rules ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments, over on LJ, on tumbler(you can ask anonymously there too) or via email. Comments on LJ are screened so no one else will see them. And tumblr works the same so that the question just gets sent to me and no one else sees it.

Please feel free to ask as many questions as you want. I always enjoy the questions and am fairly open about my life - so ask about anything.