Review: Beginner's Bondage Fantasy Kit

front of package

Folks trying something new need a starting place.  As folks read my blog throughout the years, a common question has been: "We are new to bdsm and wonder if you can recommend some toys to start out with?"  If you have never done any kind of bondage or bdsm and want to try it out, this kit is for you.  Even if you’ve started out on light bondage and enjoyed it, this may be a kit for you too.  It’s a great starting point for those new to bdsm, who want to learn more about how it feels to be restrained, blindfolded and try new positions.  It’s a really simple way to dabble in a little bit of everything because the kit provides a little bit of everything for you.

The kit comes with a blindfold and then 4 Velcro closure cuffs with 44" nylon strap connector ties so you can tie off to bed, chair and many other combinations.  Each cuff is made with nice soft fur in the inside and the long Velcro enclosures on the outside that are strong.  I had them and I couldn't tug out of them.  Master then had someone in them and they tried to pull out of them - but it didn't come undone.  Could they eventually pull out of it?  It is a possibility. This is a good kit for light bdsm activities – this kit can provide resistance play.

Some beginner kits I have seen over the years were pretty weak.  The Velcro wasn’t that tacky and it was easy to contort and get out of the cuffs.  This kit has good Velcro and none of us could believe how strong they were.  Our partner kept pulling and twisting, but the cuffs remained on.

closeup of the faux fur

The cuffs are easy to attach and really adjustable regardless if you have very small wrists/ankles or are on the plus side – you shouldn’t have any problems.  The one problem we kept having was that the blindfold kept coming off.  Our partner really liked the soft lining and the fit of the blindfold, but the mask didn’t want to stay put. She felt that is an easy fix so still worth getting the kit.  

Our partner, teacup, is new to bondage and this was a good way to introduce her in a non-threatening kind of way.  Because the kit is pretty straight forward, not a lot of experience is required to use it. The kit does require some creativity, but with the 44 inch nylon straps the possibilities are relatively endless.  Unfortunately due to how our hotel bed was setup – there were no tying points on the bed, however with a little creativity Master tied the ends together and then wrapped the end of the straps around his hand to guide teacup wherever he wanted her hands to go almost like a leash. He also tied  the ankles connectors together so they gave limited movement to her legs.  

Bondage can enhance the experience – by removing sight and limiting movement, the rest of the senses were heightened.  Every little touch seems to go that much more and can lead to greater, stronger orgasms.  By being able to experience it from the other side, seeing her reactions also create anticipation in watching her reactions.  She was helpless, unable to reach and touch us, while Master and I had open access to her – running our hands over her body, Master slapping her breasts while I lightly teased her nipples with my mouth and tongue.  She got the full range of sensations once her movements and sight were restricted.

back of package

It’s important to note that as with all bondage related activities – communication and building up trust is vitally important.  Oftentimes someone starting off new has no idea what to expect and unless there’s a great deal of chemistry between yourself and your partner, even something as simple as a bondage kit can lead things awry.  The best way to introduce someone is to do it together.  Take out the kit from its container and in a non-invasive way, test it out, play with it on each other … almost as a warm-up so that the anxiety of trying something new abates.  The next best thing to do is to take things slowly.  Ease into other aspects and gradually add things while keeping in constant communication.  Basically just use common sense like you would with any sex toys you use for the first time.

Beginner kits always seem to get a bad rap from lifestyle couples because they aren’t serious enough.  This bondage kit is a really good starter kit for couples (or more) that are experimenting in something new and different.  A lot of fun can be had with kits like this and the creative things you can do with them are virtually endless.

Means a little bit more

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." ~ Dr. Seuss

This year my Christmas means a little bit more as I am with my family.  I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Bound to Him

Decided to share this paragraph after I received a comment on it recently ...

He has bound me to Him in a way that can't be measured, weighed or expressed. He has infused my being - binding me to Him with all that is....and now He is a part of me. He invogorates my soul with passion, devotion and dedication to Him. 

It's December - Really?

* We had a chance to have lunch with good friends before we have to hit the road for the holidays. It was a lunch in unexpected place because none of the other options were available but we made due, We had good talks with like minded people who get us. It is so good to get together with them.  Also got a cute cute fabric candle ring she made - so cute!

* It was good to hang out and talk with them as lately I just feel so out of touch with all my friends. I haven't chatted with so many friends on im or phone lately and it is making me feel very far away from them. I miss them.

*We had out time at home cut down from having a week left to having 3 days. So I have had to cut all baking from my to-do list and if you had read this blog for any length of time you know I love to bake at the holidays so it is really hard for me to cut that off my list. It just doesn't seem like the holidays this month to me. Only thing that has been so fun is that I am making a gift for everyone on my list that is just a lot of fun and has a lot of meaning to me.  So that is making this time special.

* Domestic Servitude is posting every day in December and it isn't just me posting! :)  Please go check out all the great posts!

* I am so silly happy that a change in our holiday plans from flying to driving means we can meet up with teacup. yay!

 * Although I feel 2011 just flew by because it was so busy - it was a much better year then 2010.  Despite my health problems it still was a better year then 2010.  So many things to count as wonderful memories and blessings.

Versatile Bloggers

I was nominated by several blogs for the Versatile Blogger award. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all who nominated me and who read.

Part of the the award was to name 7 things about yourself and then nominate others. I am not nominate others because 1) it is hard to do without feeling I am leaving out someone fabulous 2) I think most people in the blogsphere have been nominated so I would just be naming them again :)

So just doing the 7 things about myself...
1. I am Harry Potter fan - no I should say I am addicted to Harry Potter. No that might not seem like a big deal but I just became a Harry Potter fan within the last 6 month.  Master has for the last 8 years been trying to get me to just watch the first movie and I said I didn't think I was interested. This was something yes he could have made me and at one point started too but other things interrupted it.  So I saw the interview Oprah did of JK Rowlings and then I decided I might want to read the books.  So when Deathly Hallows was coming out on DVD I said to Master that we should start watching them. I instantly loved them. I have read all the books and now watched all the movies so many times I can almost tell you the lines word for word.  I can't go a week without watching a movie or reading a book or I goon withdrawal. I addicted to Harry Potter.

2. I used to drink Diet Coke and now I am a Coke Zero fan

3. I am going to probably be with a woman again soon and I haven't been in 10 years and it scares the heck out of me as well as excites me to no end!

4. I feel like my body is betraying me in ways. I still feel as sexual as I always have thank goodness but  I am having a lot of pre-menopause symptoms that are causing some things to happen that aren't that fun. As much as I don't like my period and the migraines that come with them - I am not sure these peri-menopause symptoms are doing anything good for my emotional and mental health as well as physical.

5. I met some very wonderful people in 2011 - katie and her Master and then a couple that we jokingly say stalked Master and I and now live not to far and are good friends. I am so thankful for meeting both of couples. They are amazing and such good friends. I wish katie and her Master lived closer as I know Master and I would enjoy getting together with them more often.  We thought we might get together with them one more time before the year was up but that didn't happen.

6. I used Feria haircolor for the first time. I love it.  It covered better and lasted longer then any other dye I have done.

7. I am Joss Whedon fan but just recently watched The Dollhouse. I liked it.  As with all his series except Buffy, it didn't go on long enough.

Domestic Servitude

We are posting every day over on Domestic Servitude. There have been some good posts already....

Washing Delicates

Florentine  Cookie recipe

Herbed Sea Salt

Tuesday Tips

Tinsel Wreath

Chicken Potato Puff recipe

Plus many others and it will continue all the way through December. So please bookmark Domestic Servitude and check the new post for each day out. 

Simply Service is Coming Back!

Simply Service is a newsletter that is full of great service tips, thoughts, ideas,  personal experiences, and everything else service.  There hasn't been an issue in a while and Bootpig left a little teaser on FetLife about a month ago and then recently posted details.  I wrote her to ask if I could share the details here. 

So from Bootpig posted on Simply Service FetLife group:

As you know, from the previous little teaser, Simply Service is coming back in the first quarter of 2012, aiming for around Valentine’s Day. Partnering with me to share the workload…err… fun is Master Obsidian’s lovely slave, namaste. We have been friends for years, often joking that we’re twins. In case you didn’t notice, I’m the tall one. And maybe the loud one. She wears a sari better. 

The Spring edition – we’re hopeful so we’re calling January, February, March – “Spring” will be focused on New Beginnings, Setting Intentions, Starting New Habits (Resolutions, anyone?), Rebirth. We hope for a positive issue filled with ideas for bringing us all out of winter into a bright new year. Unless you’re coming out of summer and headed into winter, in which case, what are your intentions for that time of year?

How you can participate:

1. Send us your 2012 intentions, resolutions, new skills you’re acquiring, new habits and adventures. You can include a name or leave it off but we’ll have a list of what the goals and ideas for the year are. If it is in writing, you’re already on the way there. Commit to the new intentions. Mine is: Working on friendships with service people and building those relationships to increase my skills, particularly in some homesteading areas like natural healing & canning. I’d like to improve my yoga practice.

2. Send us articles to support this theme. You don’t need to ask if you can submit an article – just do it. Well, you may need to ask your Permission Department, but you don't need our permission. It may or may not be included but may appear in a future issue. Ideas for articles: how you changed a habit, how you helped an Owner change a habit, how-to articles for a new skill someone may be adding in their New Year. Remember, we’re not just about service philosophy, but actually getting the job done. We are particularly interested in skills that focus on holistic methods for integrating and upgrading service, including green/organic/healthy habits.

a. Articles will be due by February 1 – as a note, one of the reasons it was originally ended was that begging/chasing for articles isn’t fun. Please participate and help this be a resource for all of us.

b. Articles should be 500-1500 word unless otherwise discussed and include your short bio.

I can be reached at wmb.bootpig@gmail.com and namaste can be reached at Hisnamaste@aol.com

Happy Holidays from both of us, and our Permission Departments, who have blessed this adventure.

Excited about Poly

Master started talking to a woman on an online social network.   He hadn't told me about her at first because of meeting her on a site where we are known by our vanilla friends/family so put her in the vanilla column. He needs M/s in his life so being with someone who won't be his slave isn't an option for him.  But he was flirting with her and enjoying her company still. So eventually they admitted feelings for each other and Master went for it - he outed us. She didn't get scared off - which is what he figured would happen. She was actually intrigued. 

You know there is a mental list I have of things I view as poly-minded. So far not  many people we have met check things off that list - even though they say they are poly-minded. But this woman did right away. It was amazing to me someone who knew nothing BDSM and Poly was really coming into it with more acceptance and understanding of everything then some people who say they are kinky or poly. 

Anyway - she and I started exchanging emails and really get along. It thrilled me because the first time in this journey - I really felt comfortable and like wow this person feels right. It just feels different with her. 

Now I am totally realistic that we haven't met face to face or had day to day interactions - and those  things make everything different. But all this is more positive then it has been before.   I look forward to getting to know her face to face too.  We have started planning for a visit - either us to her or her to us.  The first moment of talking about a visit - made me so excited. Like bouncy excited - I can't wait to meet her, hang out with her,  and get to know her even better. 

I just wanted to get all that out as I have been excited about it.

Love Times Three - Part 2

As I said in a previous post I read Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I thought I would share some quotes I have flagged in the book.

"Plural marriage isn't easy. We're the first to admit that.  It's a lifestyle that requires of each woman a constant gentle empathy for her sister wives and a respect for boundaries and fairness. We face the same struggles that monogamous wives do, but those trying  times are often magnified because there are multiple partners whose perspective and feeling have to be considered."

Really good words. I think it requires quite a bit of empathy, respect for boundaries and fairness.I know it is really hard for people to do poly. One thing that many get hung up on is the not keeping every one in mind.  When I lived in the poly household, one of my clear signs that it might work was if that other person kept the women in the household on their mind.  Such as when they called did they ask about us or want to speak to us, did they try to form a relationship with each of us or just him,  or did they like to pretend we didn't exist.  Poly won't work if you don't take everyone into account and be very empathetic to what each person is going through.

"When people say I 'practice' polygamy, they've got it right: my efforts to live this lifestyle are contanst and ongoing. There are many religions that have practices aimed at deepening spiritual insights and expressing faith, such as fasting, saying the rosary, and making a pilgrimage.  That's what plural marriage is for me: a daily practice that focuses my attention on the highest ideals of my religion.  The benefits to me, in terms of spiritual and personal growth, joy and completeness, far outweigh the hard work and sacrifice it takes."


Poly is constant work.  The area of this quote I would change instead of saying it is "my highest ideals of my religion" - I would say it is the highest ideals of myself.

"We have the closeness of sisters and the comaraderie of friends. I love it when I head for the kitchen late at night for a taste of chocolate and find Vickie or Val there, spoon in hand and ready for conversation."

Yes. Oh yes.  The closeness goes beyond friendship to me...it is family but not in the sense of bio family. I mean my biological sisters don't know things about me that I have told sister slaves.  Some of my favorite memories of living in Ohio, where doing mundane things with the other women in the household. Bug sitting on the dryer folding clothes as I put the next load in - talking and laughing the whole time. Laur and I singing as we made dinner.  So many wonderful moments in the everyday living of life.  I want that again.


"Early on, I tried to assert my status as the husband to get my wives to do what I wanted, but playing the patriarchy card wasn't working for me. ... I realized I was trying to drive them, not lead them." 


Just liked that quote because with so many personalities sometimes I can see how "driving" might seem like the solution but it is quite the opposite because there are so many personalities - better to lead then to try to  force things to happen.


"That's something a lot of people miss when they look at this lifestyle: it requires a willingness to take personal responsibility and be accountable for yourself."  


Joe talks about how he can't carry 3 wives luggage through the airport.  And one of the wives talked about how she has some issues cropping up and she realized Joe couldn't fix it - can't fix everything - that she had to look at those issues and see why they were coming up and work on finding the solution.  It wasn't Joe's responsibility to help her with her issues - it was hers.  Throughout the book they all mention personal responsibility and I just feel that is something needed in all relationships just not poly. But with poly I can see how sometimes we have to take that responsibly because there are so many people in the household you can't put it on everyone else.

Joe and the wives mention that although they are taking personal responsibility - everything is easier because they have love and support from each other.

Overall, I liked the book.  Even though they come at poly from a religious standpoint...I still related to many things in the book.  The book starts out with them growing up, how they basically came into poly. That part I didn't relate too as they were all grew up around polygamy.  But the second half of the book is where they talk about their plural marriage and those are the parts I can relate too.  I hope their book does help give another perspective of polygamy - where they aren't on a compound and wearing prairie-garb.

They were on 20/20 a couple weeks ago. You can watch the episode online.

Here is a video clip I found from Our America with Lisa Ling about a young family.  I usually seem them mid-30 to 40's.

"Modern Polygamy: Spotlight on a Young Polygamist Family

Lisa visits Isaiah and his two wives to determine if what she sees in this young and modern families' daily lifestyle will change any of the preconceived notions we have about polygamy."

Review: Expert Guide To Oral Sex

My past profession means I have given quite a lot of blow jobs.  After watching another Tristan Taormino sex education video - I decided I wanted to take a look at  Expert Guide To Oral Sex: Fellatio.  Even though I have given a lot of blow jobs - I know I am not an expert.  I figured I might learn something from it - and even if I didn't then the porn in it would be fun to watch as women who are enjoying themselves giving a blow job always turns me on. 


This adult dvd starts out with Tristan introducing herself to a small group of women before going into a short lesson in male sexual anatomy. She uses good illustrations to point out arousal points on both circumcised and uncircumcised penis and talks about how different areas produce different sensations. She adds of course that every one is different and having a good open communication is key to figuring out what your partner likes.  

After the male anatomy lesson, Tristan brings out Roxy and Christian to help demonstrate parts of the anatomy on a real cock as well as going over four phases of a blow job. The four phases are - warm up, experiment, rhythm, and orgasm.  Tristan sits next to them and talks about the different phases as Roxy gives Christian a blow job. I think it would be very difficult to be aroused or stay aroused while someone talks about the blow job in a more technical form but Tristan is able to pull it off so it doesn't seem clinical but very casual.  Christian doesn't look like he is having any problems staying aroused. The group of women then ask questions such as what do you do when your mouth isn't producing enough saliva, can you change the taste of cum, and how to overcome gag reflect. 

Marcos & Lindsey

After the class is done, then the video breaks off into three separate couples demonstrating blow jobs and being interviewed by Tristain. Tristan narrates tips with each segment showing helpful “pop-up video” style bubbles to illustrate the point. The first couple is Kaiya and Alex in a bedroom setting. Kaiya gives an eager blow job while showing different stimulation techniques and positions.   The second couple is Lindsay and Marcos. Their session focuses on communication between two people have never met, incorporating hand job in with a blow job, different positions and the art of a sensual blow job. You can clearly see how much Marcos is enjoying himself.  Marcos is uncircumcised so it was nice to see how stimulation someone who is uncircumcised can be different.  It was also refreshing to see him start completely flaccid and see him grow hard.  The other sessions just start out with a hard cock.  The third couple is  Alec (same one who was with Kaiya) and Adrianna  who focused on sloppy blow jobs and also deep-throating techniques. 

Marcos & Lindsey

It then is broken into segments that show different styles of blow job: sensual, submissive, hand to mouth (this segment includes a sex toy - anal vibrator), sloppy, and sixty-nine.  Tristan doesn't narrate or have any pop up tips in these segments they are just straight oral action. 


As with the other Expert Guide dvds from Tristan, this one had a ton of extras.  It has segments of some couples without narration, Fellatio on an Uncircumcised Penis, Fellatio & Prostate Stimulation, more of the cast interviews, safe sex, behind the scenes, and trailers. In the behind the scenes Tristan, Adrianna and Kaiya do a little taste testing of flavored lubes.  Because some of the lubes are very bad, their comments and reactions are funny. In the safe sex segment they talk about flavored condoms. I used them when I worked - and I liked banana the best.  

Kaiya and Alec

I don't feel I did learn anything new from this dvd but it did give me some reminders of things I don't do that often that I should incorporate into giving Master a blow job.  I think that if you  feel you are lacking oral skills or if you just aren't enjoying giving blow jobs then you should watch this video. It is my guess you will not only learn something but you will gain different perspectives from the men and women in the video on why and how they enjoy blow jobs.  If you feel you won't learn anything new, then you will probably still walk away with reminders of things to do that you haven't done in a while - like I did. 

Love Times Three - Part 1

I am reading Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I first read about the book on Beliefnet.  NPR also had an interview. When NPR posted this on Facebook - reading the comments were interesting.  Everything from it is no ones business how they want to lead their lives to of course the predictable ones of these women are brainwashed and must have low self-esteem.

Although it is from the perspective of Independent Fundamentalist Mormons - I am relating to many things said in the book as someone who is poly too.  They also of course do say some things that have given me pause for thought.

The wives describe they went on a girls night out with a bunch of friends - some monogamous some not.  A monogamous friend was sharing some sexual details of her marriage and she asked if other women felt the same as her. She then turned to say okay now your turn to share. The 3 sister wives looked at each other and said no we don't do that. They don't share intimate details of their sex life with their husband - good or bad. They don't go on a date and then come home and gush about how good or how bad it was.  Those are between the husband and the wife.  But in the lifestyle I lead we are often very open with details (I mean I have been blogging details for 11 years)  so it is hard to stop things from coming out. I mean I will write on here the SM and sexual details and people we care about who are a possible 3rd to our family will read that.

I can see the benefit to not sharing but I think it would be hard because we are so open. Now...of course not all details are shared. But as I said if I write about it or do talk about an experience - how does that make someone feel?  When I was in the poly household and another girl shared something about her night with our Sir, I often just felt excitement - like a voyeuristic excitement. It also just made me feel good that that girl and him were having a good time.  When someone shared something sad, then it made me feel sad for them.  But over all I didn't feel jealous. At times envious of someone getting something I didn't and that is why the Darger wives don't say anything so one doesn't feel like they are being left out or not getting the same treatment. This way they all assume he is the same with each of them...that they each have unique aspects to their own relationship with him but that if he isn't have sex with them each time he sees them then he isn't having sex with the other wives each time he sees them.  So as I said I can see that benefit - just think it would be hard to not share.

It is something we have kind of run into too. Master was with someone really wanted privacy but Master is used to sharing so much with me. So it was hard for him to not share at times. He didn't feel the need to share every intimate detail but he did need to talk through some things and I have been his sounding board for almost 9 years so it isn't something he wants to turn off.  I get the need for some privacy but being open as we are...when things are effecting him - since I live with him they effect me. And the Darger's talk about that - that when one couple is having problems it is felt through the other 2 too. You can't turn that off with the other wife to me so I think it would be really hard not to talk about it - but according the Darger's book - the wives don't and Joe the husband doesn't share either. I am just not sure I agree with that. I mean I get some things are private but there is a point when privacy becomes mistrust of the others in the family.  Or at least that is how it comes across. If you are family can't you share with each other? I mean it seems like you should be able too. We want a family that is able to openly share with each other and not keep things compartmentalized so much that we end up feeling like acquaintances instead of family.

I am going to post this part and then do another post with some quotes from the book that I liked  in another post. 

Show Your Ta-Ta's Some Love

It is October and with it comes Breast Cancer Awareness.  I had my first mammogram shortly after my 40th birthday. The mammogram for me is not too bad and I often wonder if that is because of my masochist leanings. I mean it can get uncomfortable but not painful yet the techs apologize and explain that it will hurt before it happens.  I have heard horror stories about mammograms but all my techs have been so nice and very thoughtful with what they are doing to you. They know it is an invasion and that it is uncomfortable so try to do everything they can to minimize the experience.  If you aren't having that kind of experience when you get a mammogram, talk to your doctor about it and find other options but don't just skip a mammogram because of staff being rude or it hurts too much...which I have heard some women do.  

I have unfortunately always had flat breasts so I feel like they are trying to make me into a pancake.  The machine is basically two flat blocks of plexiglass looking material. You stand next to it and then lay one breast between them and it then compresses down on it like a vice grip.  I have really sensitive skin so I get abrasive marks from the rubbing of the blocks on my skin so I just lotion them when I get home and that helps. It is just a lot of pressure and as I said it uncomfortable but I wouldn't call it really painful.  It is done to each breast and then here the tech takes a look over the images quickly to make sure things are clear and then if they are - I am sent on my way.  

My very first test they noticed some calcium deposits so I was called back in 3 months later and then after that every 6 months for 2 years.   

From the Mayo Clinic about calcium deposits: "They appear as white spots or flecks on a mammogram and are usually so small that you can't feel them. Breast calcifications can be seen on mammograms performed in most women and are especially prevalent after menopause. Although breast calcifications are usually noncancerous (benign), certain patterns of calcifications — such as tight clusters with irregular shapes — may indicate breast cancer."

Although I haven't went through menopause yet  -  I had calcifications flecked here and there in my breast tissue but there was one cluster - small cluster not too close together but close enough that they wanted to keep an eye on it.  They didn't consider them to be suspicious enough to do a biopsy but just to keep monitoring it. So basically my first 2 years of mammograms were done every 6 months.  And I am very happy to say they didn't change shape or grow tighter together so they just feel it is how with that breast.  

It was scary of course - not knowing. Each time they came back with lets do another 6 month check up I was thankful they wanted to keep such a close eye on it but also worried that it was another 6 month check up.  They of course continue to monitor my calcium deposits but now it is done yearly and if anything were to look different I know I would be in there again more frequently but I am thankful that things look good/the same.  

I will continue to get my yearly mammogram.  I do think it is important to do self-tests too and to go to the doctor right away if anything feels different. 

I am going to share this website because I feel it is important and beautiful:  The Scar Project.  They say "Breast Cancer isn't a Pink Ribbon" and although I get what they mean I also believe in raising awareness and pink ribbons have done the job. 

So many great websites have been doing all they can to raise awareness and money for breast cancer research.  Eden Fantasys is one of those websites - they just did a contest and they also have all of their Evolved toys 25% off and are donating part of the profits to Breast Cancer Research. 

Isolation

I started this post back in June when I did a post titled "I'm Coming Out."  Over on lj and through emails - I had a few questions so thought I would do a blog post answering those questions somewhat. Or maybe better phrased that...I hope the blog post answers the questions as I am not posting their questions but just writing.

I have always has some social anxiety but since being isolated here in Master's household - it is now worse. It has become harder and harder for me to be around people.

My therapist and I have been working on it but it is one of those things that I am like do I really even want to be working on this?  There is parts of me that loves the life of isolation Master built for me. But then there are the other parts of me that remember all the groups, parties, outings, and such I did when I lived in Cleveland and even when I was married.  Even though I had anxieties then I pushed through them easier because I am social. I do like being social once I move past the anxieties.

So there is that rub of what to do.....Master isn't completely thrilled with the development of my anxiety but he also likes the isolation he keeps me in.  I feel the same - I feel the isolation really holds me in a place that I can't feel otherwise. It gives me a different feel of being property. I guess for me because I have such little freedom with isolation it creates him being the center of my world very easily. BUT on the other hand I really miss having friends and doing things like I did in Cleveland even though most of that isn't possible here in a small town.  As I am not out to people here. We just started developing a "community" but we haven't been able to actively participate in it much because of me being sick this summer. Even so I am not sure I will find the type of person I can be completely myself with and not have to hide because often Master and my lifestyle even freak those who are under the same umbrella but practice differently.

My therapist is pushing me to meet people.  I don't know how to do that anymore. Making friends how does one do that?  Where do you even start?   Really I don't even know how to make friends online anymore where that used to be easy too.  Because my time is Master's - I am not a consistent friend and that can bother people. Also because Master controls everything - I could stop contact and someone might not know why.   I don't get the freedom to decide when, where, who and how friendships will go because ultimately I am not in control of my life.  

I am lucky I have a few friends that do understand why I don't keep in consistent contact and  are really good about it.  I have had people that didn't understand though and were upset when I disappeared and it was hard to reconnect after that.  They want to understand and accept but at the same time it pushes their insecurity buttons and confuses them. I don't blame them...I am sure I would feel the same way in their position. But often I don't ever change my feelings towards the friendship...my time changes. 

I also take the thought of what this isolation is doing to me long term and what-if he wasn't here anymore. Master is younger then I but I still think about what if.....what-if he died and I was alone.  I don't know anyone here. I suppose I would move to be with family but I really don't want to do that as I have always lived far from my family for a reason.  But I think about what would I do...after being like this....for so many years.  Not being able to make friends and be in the world because my world centered around Him. 

So I worry about all this and even get annoyed at Master wishing that I could go and do things like I used to but at the same time I would be sad if this went away.  My number one thing I masturbate to is even more isolation then I have already. So I do want this it is just hard to find the balance and I am not sure there is a balance that goes with this type of relationship.  

5 Ways....

I was reading this "5 Ways to Love Yourself Completely - Right Now" and I realize that they are just good in general but as a person in service and placing in context of serving they work really well too.   The author Jess Weiner goes into each one with a little paragraph but I am just sharing the 5 ways and then my thoughts.


1. Forgive -One of the things she says is forgive yourself. I know I don't do that enough.  I hang on to my mistakes for a long time even little ones that I know Master probably isn't even thinking about - I still am not forgiving myself for making a mistake. Earlier in the week we ran a lot of errands and I only brought a few reusable shopping bags so we didn't have enough by the time we got into the last place. So had to use the store ones. I didn't beat myself up for that but Master is big on making sure you tie those plastic grocery store sacks so things dont' fall out and roll around in the back of the car.  I forgot to tie them and they had round cans in them so when took the first corner - out they all came rolling around the back.  Master got out at the stop light and tied the bags.  I have been beating myself up about this little mistake since.  It was a little mistake...I should get over it. Forgive myself and move on.

2. Take Small Steps of Action  - "Get out of your head and into your life."  is one quote from the text.  I have so much in my head that it stops me from trying and moving forward.  I just need to take even a small step of action. 


3. Practice Daily Grace  -   I really liked what she had to say about Practicing grace.  Those mistakes I talked about in #1 that I hang on to - well they are taking up space that could be used for other more important things. Ms. Weiner says to practice daily grace so that it is like a muscle.  I like to call muscle memory. It just becomes a part of you the more you use it. 


4. Pay attention to your Body - I know I am much better at this then I was when I was younger. I now can tell when my body needs rest or when things are wrong.  But when I was serving in the Poly Household - I often pushed myself and didn't listen to my body trying to tell me that I was pushing to hard. 


5. Make Friends with Patience and Progress - All of these are linked of course and #3 and this one are especially close.  If you are practicing daily grace then you will be able to more easily make friends with patience and progress. To see your growth in even small things and allowing yourself mistakes as they help us learn and grow. 


You can get the 5 Ways to Love Yourself Completely by Jess Weiner on her website. You have to fill in your email address and she emails them to you. 

Value & Contribution

I found this quote several weeks ago when I was going through things on my computer - trying to clear up some space.  I shared the quote with Master right away as I knew he would like it too. So now sharing it here too....

"A 'good' slave is one who has talents and attributes whose value and contribution is more than the maintenance you have to do to keep or inspire her service." ~ Soulhuntre 

Review: Expert Guide to Female Orgasms

DVD Cover

Several years ago Master and I went a workshop at Thunder in the Mountains by Tristan Taormino on Enemas. We really got a lot of good information from the workshop and thought she was a really good presenter. So when I saw she has a series of Sex Ed videos - I knew I would like to see them sometimes and I got my chance with Expert Guide to Female Orgasms. Tristan takes a different approach to the educational sex video using both education and porn. She uses porn stars in her video to demonstrate. I think that is a really interesting approach.

For the first 30 minutes approximately is the education portion by Tristan and then after that it is divided into 5 different couples being interviewed and having sex. Tristan describes the basics of the female orgasm, what happens as a woman becomes aroused and how that is expressed, the different parts of female sex anatomy, tips and suggestions to help achieve orgasm, and of course she stresses that every woman is different - so how each woman achieves an orgasm will be different. She mixes in the porn stars talking their personal experiences. All the information as well as sexual demonstrations are presented in a very open and non-judgmental, sex-positive light.

Tristan Taormino

Katie & Sean Michael

The five couples are - Katie St Ives and Sean Michael, Evanni Solei and Evan Stone, Jiz Lee and Madison Young, Dylan Ryan and Mr. Marcus, and Adrianna Nicole and James Deen. Before each scene starts there is an interview with each member of the couple. The females are asked how they have orgasms and what they need to have an orgasm. Some of them offer advice for achieving orgasm. I enjoyed hearing how each woman achieves orgasms as they were all different. Although the hitachi wand was a consistent star with each of them. I liked that they used sex toys as I feel many times couples do get intimidated by using toys. As Mr. Marcus says in the video he felt the first time someone wanted to use toys that he wondered if he wasn't "enough" - but now he sees them as just enhances the pleasure and it is part of the process to get there.

Evanni & Evan

I feel although they are porn stars they aren't acting. Maybe I am wrong but everything looks real. Their moves aren't overly pronounced as they are in porn movies - making sure that the camera gets that tongue on the pussy money shot.  No it is just couples having sex. It looks real. In one of the extra features on the DVD there is behind the scenes and Tristan is saying to Jiz and Madison that she doesn't allow anyone to fake an orgasm. And I watched the video before hearing that and felt they all were very real in their orgasms and interaction. Although they weren't "couples" in the sense that they are together enjoying ongoing intimacy - they were all enjoying themselves A LOT but it did lack some intimacy or at least I felt it did.

Dylan & Mr. Marcus

Besides the education portion and the five couples there are also several bonus features - Safer Sex, Kegel Exercises, Vibrator Guide, Masturbation Montage and Behind the Scenes. I really enjoyed all of these extra features. You are really getting a lot of video on this DVD.

My only criticisms of the video are that these are porn stars. Now I do think they did great. I enjoyed watching many of them and felt they all enjoyed each other but I do wish there would have been everyday couples with ongoing relationships and intimacy. I enjoyed the last 3 couples the most though. The first two couples were okay - they didn't turn me on much. I really liked Sean Michaels I just didn't feel Katie communicated very well. She came across ditzy which then turns me off when they had sex. I felt that Evanni communicated well but Evan Stone well he compared getting the female orgasm to fly fishing. Now he prefaces it with putting it in man speak but it still annoyed me. My mind has to be turned on for my body to be turned on - so because a couple actors made me cringe - it turned me off when they had sex. I did feel the other couples were very informative as well as very sexy.

Adrianna & James

Although James Deen said a few things that made me cringe too. He just sounded like a boy instead of a man. But he is right Adrianna exudes sex so I loved watching her. It was really hot seeing her facial expressions as she orgasmed. He also spits on her pussy - which I didn't find sexy at all. Adrianna said one thing too that I didn't feel was very good - she said that she felt those that haven't achieved orgasm weren't allowing themselves to have one (paraphrasing). And that bothered me. I know she was talking about those that never have had an orgasm - but it can be stretched to those who have trouble achieving aren't allowing themselves. Okay so that is hitting close to home - as the older I get I can at times have some trouble reaching orgasm - but I want to orgasm. I try. I am allowing myself to have it...as I want it very badly. But it just isn't as easy as that.

Jiz & Madison

My only other little annoyance is that the sex toys were covered with condoms and there is a feature on safe sex but yet many of the performers don't practice safe sex. I wish they would have all been covered - even if there wouldn't have been a safe sex feature on the video - I just prefer to see them practicing safe sex. If they had been couples in ongoing relationships that had a fluid bond then I wouldn't have had a problem at all seeing them without condoms.

Things I really liked about this video were that Tristan was very clear, open and sex-positive in her information. Mr. Marcus pulling Dylan's hair oh my....yes that set me off instantly! Really they were my favorite couple just really hot sex but the last three couples  turned me on.  I also really liked Dylan talking about the female ejaculation as I feel that will help so many women and men who don't know about it and want to know more. She did a good job of describing what it felt like and how she achieved it.

I feel the Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms is a good video for those who are wanting to know more about the female orgasm. I think it is especially good to watch with a partner. Master and I watched it together. I don't feel there was anything it didn't tell us that we didn't know but it might have given us some ideas to use that we haven't used in a while. Although there were some things I didn't like all that much, overall it was enjoyable, informative and a turn on.

Meeting a Friend

Master and I recently took a trip for his work. We had the extreme pleasure to meet someone I have known online for a long time. She is someone I have long been inspired by and admired her for domestic skills and dedication to service. Katie is a contributor to Domestic Servitude blog and has a tumblr - Daily Submission.

It was such a wonderful evening! Katie has been one of these people on my mental list of people I wanted to meet and just never thought I would. I mean I never thought I would get to her area. When I found out that we were going, I asked Master right away if it was okay if I contacted Katie about getting together and meeting. He said yes. He loves meeting lifestyles people - especially Master/slave couples as it is a rare occasion when we meet people with such similar paths.

Although I love meeting people especially that I have known for such a long time online - I still have social anxiety issues. So just calling and talking to her to set up times when we arrived in her area - I was so nervous. But at the same time I was so excited about meeting her.

Katie made us dinner and she is a hostess. She loves cooking for people and having them enjoy it. And we DID ENJOY dinner! OH my goodness - so so good! We had things from their garden. She made a cherry tart for dinner that was OUTSTANDING! I am wanting a piece right NOW please? :) It was that good. Katie sent us home with a basket of homemade goodies. She is just so thoughtful! Such a wonderful hostess.

We had such a wonderful time with her and her Master. We laughed and talked about everything from lifestyle things to politics and just had great conversations. I got a tour of her garden and home and it just was everything I imagined when I think of her. I loved it! Loved seeing her in this place that makes her so happy - it is so lovely! She is a beautiful person - just so lovely. I am so grateful that we got to meet and talk face to face. And I hope that maybe I can come back with Master again. It is people like her and her Master that make us miss being around lifestyle people of like mind. We loved being able to just be ourselves and not having to watch our words/conversation. It was nice being around people who understand our path also and don't judge it and walk a similar path too.

Katie has some writings on the Domestic Servitude blog. I don't think I have everything tagged with her label yet as I just started going back to label her posts. The Dandelion Massage Oil recipe is one of the things she gave us in the basket.

Review: Twisted Love Ties

I will tell you I was excited to try these out because it is a really great idea. Quick and easy bondage without having to break out the rope, cuffs, locks, or chains. Just wrap, twist and tada! What could be easier? We love everything that goes into restraining and bondage. I love rope bondage and Master loves cuffs and chains. Both our likes take up time to prepare to get it wrapped up and tied, fastened or locked. But if you are going at it hot and heavy, those things often aren't going to cut it. You don’t want to take the time for some intricate rope bondage or sort through stuff to get the wrist cuffs out and then find the right length of chain and make sure we know where the keys are to the locks on the cuffs in the middle of getting down and dirty. With the Twisted Love Ties we could grab and go without a great deal of pause in our fun.

Okay that is what I thought and I don't doubt we can do that, but unfortunately the Love Ties have a few problems. They can be twisted around the wrist/ankle to tightly with a great deal of ease. But they aren’t like rope or leather - where you can cut through it if necessary. You can’t do that with these due to the metal/wire center it has. You have untwist all the wraps to get out. On the other hand - on some ties I tested, I was able to just flip my hand over and slip out. While the metal/wire center makes the twist tie strong to pull on, if you want secure them in bondage, that’s going to take some additional planning and setup. The front of the packaging demonstrates a tie that looks like it might work, but if she twists her wrists a certain way, she could easily slip out (shown on the right in the green circle). That isn’t to say that you can’t get the twist bindings tight. You can, but as with any other form of bondage, pay close attention so that you don’t cut off circulation.

What I think these are ideal for is when being tied to something - such as a headboard, spreader bar, some tie down point (we have lots of hook eyes on our bed for bondage). I think they will be good for quickly tie to restraint for a short time such as being pushed down on the bed and taken. “Yes please!” I also think these would be great for traveling so that you don't need to bring a bunch of toys and they can be discreet when in a suitcase. They are innocuous enough to where most people wouldn’t even hazard a guess what they could be used for. Master and I spent time making up funny different explanations for the Twisted Love Ties such as a chic new belt. But really I do think they almost look like a bungee cord or just something very non-noticeable to me.

The Twisted Love Ties are 34" inches and come packaged two in set which can because of the length allow for a lot of different twists and ties. They have some kind of flexible wire core with foam padding that is covered by a stitched nylon material casing. Some ties we did caused the ends to stand up and were close enough to my face that I could have poked myself if we didn't tuck them under. It is covered completely so no sharp pointy edges but still can poke yourself so be careful with that and with not wrapping them too tightly. They go on tighter then they look at times so can pinch the skin and be abrasive against the ankles and wrists.

In all, the Twisted Love Ties are a good quick portable innocuous bondage solution. Even with the small setbacks, it is a quick and easy approach to bind your partner in nothing flat. Be mindful of how the ties feel against jointed areas and watch out for those end points but otherwise have fun with them as I am sure we will be throwing them into the suitcase with a few other sex toys at the end of the month when we go on a long road trip.

Can't Breath

I have been sick...well struggling with my asthma. I am almost at 3 weeks of not being able to breath and it really has got me down. A couple weekends ago we were suppose to go and be with some friends moving to the area. Help them paint and just hang out and talk but with my asthma we couldn't. And then this past Friday there was a munch that we couldn't go to. There are quite a lot of smokers and my asthma was really raging out of control so I knew I couldn't handle it. And it turned out to be the biggest munch that our area has had so far so really bummed we missed it.

Because I can't breath - I don't have a lot of energy and I just can't do a lot without causing more breathing problems. So things I had under control have slipped out of control again...like the house. It was clean and I was finally maintaining it pretty good and then I got sick and now I can't keep up.

I have several obligations I have fallen behind on - one being Domestic Servitude blog. I have several posts started - some I just needed to do some photos and don't have the energy. It is very frustrating so I have gotten down. I have had several days of melt downs which of course doesn't help my asthma. Being upset just exasperates it more of course so that doesn't help me but I just get so down about not being able to do anything. Master of course has been great and understanding. He has gone out of his way to help me in anyway he can. Even to the point of thinking of getting me a nebulizer to have here at home.

It is so funny - I didn't have to use my inhaler for over 2 years. And then this spring allergies started up and I needed it. I was shocked. I had to have my doctor call in a new one as all mine were expired. This inhaler has a counter on it and I am now down to 95 puffs left it started with just under 200. So in just a few months I have used it that much. But I have used it the most in the last few weeks. I am using it anywhere from 4 to 6 times a day - everyday. I have a doctors appointment coming up so see if there is anything else I can be doing. But still seems allergy related so not sure there is much they can do for me.

I just hope whatever is causing it to rage out of control goes away and things get back to normal. I just can't live this way. It sucks even more since I finally had gotten so many other things more under control - like having less migraines and my sciatica not causing me hardly any pain and able to walk normally. I want to be able to have those good days back.