Monday, July 02, 2012


Tora wrote a blog entry about processing issues slowly.  I know that I do too.

I remember when I started having flashbacks of when I was raped. I couldn't understand why 10 years later it was happening.  Why at that time -  I kept asking myself and my therapist.  But my therapist  reminded me that I was in therapy and learning to cope in better - healthier ways and so I was *able* to process it then. Unfortunately though, when it happened, those around me wished it was going faster and felt I should be over it.  When that happened it really caused me to question myself and caused me to stumble. There came a point where I didn't want to deal with all their issues around it and mine anymore. I was not able to cope so tried to kill myself. But I did work through it and I did eventually process it. But it took 10 years after it happened though to be *able* too.  

I think I process a lot of important issues and things that push buttons inside - slower then other issues. I know I have gotten better on processing some stuff but some issues I think will always be slow.  It can be hard on the people around me and I wish I knew how to help them understand and cope - when really I don't feel they should have to wait for me to catch up but I can't go faster then I am able.  

I know for me to process it slower means it won't be rushed, stuffed away or just put it in denial land.  By processing it when I am able - I won't forget little things that might be forgotten if I just try to "deal" and "accept." I know that when I have tried to deal with things faster - things fall apart for me in ways I don't want to go through again.  Even though I know that I am able to cope with outside pressures better.

I am actually going through a pretty major issue and it is going slow.  It is frustrating for me as well as those around me. But I am doing the best I can and continue to work on it in the ways I am able too right now.   

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