I remember when I started having flashbacks of when I was raped. I couldn't understand why 10 years later it was happening. Why at that time - I kept asking myself and my therapist. But my therapist reminded me that I was in therapy and learning to cope in better - healthier ways and so I was *able* to process it then. Unfortunately though, when it happened, those around me wished it was going faster and felt I should be over it. When that happened it really caused me to question myself and caused me to stumble. There came a point where I didn't want to deal with all their issues around it and mine anymore. I was not able to cope so tried to kill myself. But I did work through it and I did eventually process it. But it took 10 years after it happened though to be *able* too.
I think I process a lot of important issues and things that push buttons inside - slower then other issues. I know I have gotten better on processing some stuff but some issues I think will always be slow. It can be hard on the people around me and I wish I knew how to help them understand and cope - when really I don't feel they should have to wait for me to catch up but I can't go faster then I am able.
I know for me to process it slower means it won't be rushed, stuffed away or just put it in denial land. By processing it when I am able - I won't forget little things that might be forgotten if I just try to "deal" and "accept." I know that when I have tried to deal with things faster - things fall apart for me in ways I don't want to go through again. Even though I know that I am able to cope with outside pressures better.
I am actually going through a pretty major issue and it is going slow. It is frustrating for me as well as those around me. But I am doing the best I can and continue to work on it in the ways I am able too right now.