From June 29, 2008
Is it unavoidable for the D/s to fade or become sporadic in a long-term D/s relationship?
I think it is a common misunderstanding that the D/s is fading. But to me once you get to know each other and the honeymoon periods ends --- we are actually in the real state of the relationship. And I think we tend to forget to enjoy that state. We just keep thinking back on the honeymoon period and saying why can't it be like that. When in reality, that wasn't the real state of how things would be long term. So D/s isn't fading. The new relationship energy and honeymoon period is fading and real life is left in its place.
The power dynamic we have was set in place is still there. It is there even more to me now. I see myself as slave more now then I did at that time. Because now I feel I serve him more. Those early days he had to have much more focus on me and attention to train me and also just because I was a needy girl. Now he doesn't.
I think sometimes maybe we are more comfortable with the struggles and excitement that happens in the beginning of the relationship then the just everyday-ness that life has to it. It took a while for me to be grateful for the everyday ordinary quality my life has to it - when I was so used to the chaos of my life before Master. And I have learned to appreciate that I am owned, serve an amazing man and get peace from that.
July 31, 2013: Master and I have been together for 10 years and in that 10 years the base of our relationship - Owner/property dynamic hasn't faded. It has changed of course, but not faded.
Recently someone asked me if we play as much as we did when we were first together. Truthfully no. Not sure I think it is because anything faded more so, as I said above, we just have everyday-ness going on. We tend to go in spurts around how busy Master's business. Such as if we are really busy - we really have hardly anytime to even breath. But when we have a little down time we play. I will say sex always includes some play, but when people ask me about play - I guess I think more in terms of scening.
I know our play has grown into a much better place than it was at the beginning - as our connection just gets better each year we are together. We played recently and it was beautiful and intense. It included everything we love from slapping, breath play, spanking, the braided flogger, hoods, punching and several other favorites. We both loved it and it left us energized even now 4 days later. Also left little moments of lingering SM too. A look and we both know what each other is thinking about. Him grabbing my wrist in public and bringing me close - how his fingers feel digging in and again a knowing. Grabbing my hair when we are laying in bed. Again those moments to me are amazing.
I guess what I would want someone to know is does it really matter? If it does - if play is one of your top qualities, you will want to be in a relationship that it is important. So be clear about that when looking for a partner. Find someone who wants the same. But I will say - people change. Master and I thought about play being a big part our relationship in the beginning, but we have changed and I would gladly pass up playing everyday for the connection we have now when we do play it means so much more to me now.