Winter Count - April

April....that is really when I decided to pursue my art on a more regular basis. What inspired me was a thing called ATC's. Starting small and knowing I could explore different techniques on a small scale made me more comfortable with starting back up again...after surpressing that side me for so long. Master was totally encouraging and I appreciate all his support during this exploration.

So here for my April Winter Count is some ATC's I made in April....



Purple Postage - I did a series of the postage ATC's....I did purple, blue, yellow, pink, and orange.
















Western SL - I used to do a lot of beading and so I incorporate beads into my work quite a bit. I really like the colors, textures and flow to this card.





















The Little Princess (2) - I did a few ATC's with little Princess quotes on them...though this one was one of my favorites. Because I often dream of odd things too.





















Unconstructed - This ATC is similar to a style that I enjoy doing on a larger scale. I have done a few with this style of ripping paper and painting combined.

Holidays and Family

The end of the summer Master told me he doesn't want to spend holidays with family anymore...his or mine. I expressed my sadness in that...as family and holidays are very important to me. But in the end, I bend to Master. And so I am bending outwardly but still struggling inwardly although I see how wonderful just being alone for the holidays too.

At the time I think I kind of stuffed and denied it as I didn't want to think about it. But then the end of October with all the holidays approaching it started to bounce around in my brain...a lot. And now it has slowed down again...as I am looking forward to a cozy, quiet, romantic Christmas with Master.

Master cares and loves his family and mine. He just does not like holidays and families together as he feels it creates a lot of unnecessary drama. He enjoys the time he has with them throughout the year that are less strained and have less drama. I have seen that drama with his family and others but I really don't have that with mine and the holidays (although I have had it in the past) so I think that is one reason I have struggled with it. Because there is not that drama in my family. It is togetherness that we share at the holidays that I will miss.

He told me enjoyed Christmas with my family and how it lacked the drama that holidays usually entail for him. I had not seen my parents for over a year but they are very laid back and encouraged us - Master and I - to have alone time and take their car to go shopping or explore on our own. They don't guilt, pressure or insist...they just kind of let things flow. But even though he really did enjoy his time there - He still prefers holidays just being us - two. And I understand that and I do enjoy holidays alone with Master but of course there is the parts of me that thinks about my family's Christmas' and thinks I might never get that again - so makes me sad too.

I know that it will make my family very sad also. I did tell my Mom recently that Master prefers to have holidays alone. And I could tell she was sad but she did not guilt, did not lash out in hurt feelings - she said she could understand that but hoped that he enjoyed Christmas with them last year. I expressed how much he enjoyed Christmas with them to her and I think that made her feel a little better that it was not their time with him last year that made him not want to have Christmas with family. I don't think she got the full impact of what I said....I don't think she has actually put it all together -- but I knew what it meant....I almost started crying on the phone when I told her.

I don't see my family very often and so I know that is a huge factor to my not adapting to this very well. Master gets to see his family much more as we live in the same state as them. So to me I can almost see his reason not needing or wanting to see his family on the holidays because he sees them throughout the year. He would rather make his time off at the holidays quality time together for just the 2 of us. And I love that He wants that quality time with me and to create our own memories. I want that too.

But since I don't get to see my family.....I see them once a year or less. And that is why I think this is particularly hard for me to accept gracefully. I miss my family throughout the year often. So I struggle because on the one hand I love the alone time that Master and I create. Our first Christmas together was just the 2 of us and it was very warm and cozy. But on the other hand I also love Christmas' with my family. The holiday is a big deal with my family. It is just a wonderful time with my family.

Part of the holiday spirit is family for me -- not always meaning seeing family but remembering and celebrating your love for your family. Christmas at my parents house is always very special and captures that spirit so well - not just meaning gifts - but my family does seem to go all out. But just sitting around sipping a cup of wassil and sharing with each other, taking a walk in the Christmas snow, laughing while standing in Mom's warm kitchen and so on. Just many joyous moments that capture our love for each other. And it isn't stressed or strained...it just is...us enjoying the Christmas spirit together.

So with my struggles - I try to flip it and see positives of having Master all to myself on Christmas! Having a cozy, quite, romantic Christmas!

Life Update.....

Okay so I have been in denial all week that how I was feeling was just allergy problems. I think I do have the start of a cold. I have stepped up taking more Airborne and tonight I am giving into cold medicine that I hope will help me sleep.

The last 2 days were a flurry of flour and sugar...

I baked and baked and baked and baked....and well you get the picture. I made 3 different kind of cookies...some double batches. And 3 different kinds of candy - again some several batches. I have 6 goodies tins to make up and so I needed quite a bit. One was a package though and that had to be mailed out today to get there in time for their get-together so that is why there was a rush of flour and sugar the last 2 days. We were going to be going there in person -so thought I would have a little more time - but that is not possible now. Though it does make it possible for us to attend another Christmas party where I will be able to wear a new fushia silk blouse that Master bought me. I would love to wear it with my boots but I don't think I have a skirt that would match both the boots and the blouse. And it probably is not practical to wear my boots to this party. But maybe I can on Christmas Eve for Master as he loves those boots!

I got a wonderful surprise today! One of my oldest friends called me up just to chat. Her and I met in Junior High...and have remained friends through the years. And I am glad we have. She stopped to get a starbucks while talking to me....peppermint mocha....oh that sounded so good. I think I might have to beg Daddy and see if we can get one while out doing some shopping on Friday night. My friend who knows of my lifestyle but does not quite understand it fully. She asked me what it means to be owned. And I actually was a little taken-a-back by the question. I haven't had to answer that one in a long while. Plus it is just so who I am now...it almost feels like this intangible thing that I can't be describe because it just -is-. I did a very basic definition using Master/slave and such but I don't think I still adequately described it. So it is something for me to ponder and come up with what I do really think being owned means.

I could have told her what I thought being owned was before I was owned -- but now it is so different and so just part of who I am that it just doesn't quite need that definition for me. But again I would love to explain it more to her then I did today.

Not much else to report just busy preparing for the holidays....I have quite a bit more to get done this week and then next week hopefully I will be able to chill out before the big holiday. Yes, I am knocking on wood and crossing my fingers as I think that.

Christmas Q&A

1. What do you usually do in the way of decorating for Christmas?
Every room usually gets a little Christmas decoration. Be it Christmas towels in the bathroom, or a Christmas knick-knack or candle in the office....it gets at least a little something.

2. What are you like at shopping for Christmas presents? Are they purchased through the year or at the last minute?
If I see something that just fits someone in June -- I am the kind of person that usually just gets it and gives it to them instead of hoarding it for Christmas so I usually do my shopping a month or 2 before Christmas. This year though I am making all my Christmas presents.

3. How do you decide how you will spend Christmas day?
It is up to Master how we spend Christmas. We are spending it alone. And I am looking forward to a romantic, cozy, quiet Christmas with just us two after how busy it has been lately. We just discussed what we will be doing with presents. Last year when at my family's house, we opened presents on Christmas Eve and Master expressed then liking it. So we think we will open some presents on Christmas Eve as well as Christmas morning. And then also have our stockings for Christmas morning.

4. Describe your Christmas tree and when do you usually put it up?
Growing up it always went up the weekend after Thanksgiving. But now with Master - his birthday is in early December and he doesn't like Christmas and his birthday to mix so we wait until after his birthday to decorate our tree. We have an artificial tree because of the cats and also my allergies. It has all red lights on it and then we have taffeta plaid ribbon that we use as garland I tie big bows in between each strand of ribbon. Then we have kind of a modge-podge of ornaments.....some that his Grandmother made, some that I have had for years and years. And now we have started getting our own. I have a set of ornaments that don't go on the tree. They are a hallmark series that I have had since the first one in 1984. And they are still going with them. They are lined up in the dining room on the cabinet counter that lines the dining room. I am missing 2 out of the series and I have thought about trying to find them but I am scared what the price will be like as they were early on in the series. I am thankful for my Mom keeping me up with them because there have been times where I didn't care about Christmas and said I didn't need the next one but now...I really appreciate them and enjoy them.

5. What do you remember about preparing for Christmas as a child?
As I have said in another post....my Mom made Christmas a big deal. We did all sorts of help in the decorating and baking. It was I think the only time my Mom let us into her kitchen!

We would have soup and appetizers usually on Christmas Eve and then go to church. We came home, someone in the family would read the story of the birth of Jesus and then we would sing some carols. We would finally start handing out presents. One person one package all the way around - youngest to oldest would open a present. As a very young child we would spend Christmas Eve at my Grandparents that lived out in the country where it snowed lots....we went to a country church for Christmas Even service. My Grandpa would come home early and make boot tracks in the yard up to the door and through the house....and also have reindeer prints and half eaten carrots left in the year.

6. Are there any pre Christmas related traditions in your household?
decorating the tree, driving around looking at lights, watching Christmas specials like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, baking - we just got done wrapping 82 chocolate caramels up...I am sure there are more but I can't think of them at the moment.

7. What is your gift giving list generally like? Do you buy for a small or large amount of people?
Ours kind of varies from year to year. This year we are buying for a smaller amount of people. And I making lots of gifts not only to save money but because I do think it will have a lot meaning for those that I am giving the items to.

Winter Count - March

Okay so winter count for March is me with Raspberry hair. It doesn't show up how brilliant it was those first few days. Then it faded to more of a burgundy. I really loved the color. But I hated the dye I used (manic panic). It actually burned my skin.

Shortly after I dyed my hair we went on a day trip and stopped to have lunch at a very small town diner. And I was dressed in black skirt, black tights, black sweater, black chunky mary janes...with my bright raspberry hair.....EVERYONE in the diner turned as I entered and watched us walk to our seats. I felt like Wednesday Addams - the way people looked at her when she entered a room. I wondered what they were thinking as they looked at my raspberry hair. Maybe they were making up stories about me like I do with others when I people watch. I wondered if the stories were exciting....or weird....maybe kinky.

Winter Count for Febuary....

This is one image I created for a book that I made Daddy for Valentine's Day.

Febuary not only marks Valentine's but it is also our Anniversary. So this image represents both to me. More images from the book I made are found here. I look forward to Febuary 2006 as I know it is going to be a very special anniversary for us.

Look at this post for definition of Winter Count.

Winter Count - January

The Winter Count was a Native American tradition that helped keep the history of the tribe before they had written records. The would take each month and make a pictograph of the major event that happened for each month in the year and it is called a Winter Count. (click on the link to learn more about it.)

So the Winter Count for January 2005...

So why Mickey Mouse? Well January of 2005 we had a mouse in our house and there is NO WAY I am going to post a picture of a real mouse.

Some background first...

When I was little 3 and 4 years old, my family lived in an old house that was kind of on outskirts of the town. It was a farm house before the area started building up out there. It had a dirt basement and was filled with mice. We had a lot of them throughout the house.

As I child I had mice run over me while I was sleeping or playing. They would jump out at me when I would open my dresser drawers. SO - because of those childhood experiences --I am deathly afraid of them.

We have 2 cats so really I have never worried about it here, but knew there was a chance of them because the house backs up fields. Well my carefreeness because of the cats, was thrown out the window.

Right before we left for Christmas vacation (Dec. 2004) our little girl cat became obsessed with a few points in the kitchen especially in front of the stove/oven. She would sit,look, sniff and try to get under it for hours. Well, I did not think much about it as she has gotten lots of toys under there before. But the thing is she had never has been that obsessed about it when a toy got under there. So that should have been my first clue.

When we got back from vacation and the cats acted extremely unusual in the bedroom - right after we let them out from their travel crates. They were stalking and it looked like they were hunting but there was nothing (as in toys) in there to stalk or hunt at that time. I just thought they lost a toys somewhere that I could not see - such as too far under the bed.

Then a few days after we were home they would stalk near the fridge and especially in front of the pantry door. Whenever I would open the pantry door and both cats would be right inside sniffing around. And our girl cat even climbed on things on the pantry floor. (We store cases of diet coke, toilet paper, packages of bottled water, multi-packs of kleenex). Our cats never climbed on things in there before. It was like they knew that is not something they should do. But every time I have opened the door they were there climbing and nosing at things. So finally on January 7th they were acting so weird around the door again - being obsessed about it. I was busy cleaning and I said okay go for it. I opened the door and I went to clean the bedroom. I can see the pantry from the bedroom so I heard them both in there. And girl cat was meowing quite a bit. I went and moved something she was pawing at...I set it in the kitchen and went back to the bedroom. Well unfortunately or fortunately - depending on how I look it - it left little room for the hiding mouse. I heard the little girl really scrambling and I turn around to tell them okay that is enough. I step into the kitchen and that is when I see IT...running from the pantry into the kitchen..heading towards the stove.

I SCREAM! And I kept screaming! And I scared our boy cat. His tail got huge. And he was freaked from me screaming - not from the mouse. I jumped on the bed grabbed the phone and called Master. The boy cat went to look but then came back to look at me - where I was still pretty much screaming and now crying which freaked him out more. Yes, I know it is a little mouse.

Master had only been at work maybe 40 minutes if that - when this happened. His work phone rings and I punch in His extention. He answers and all I can do is cry out, "REAL MOUSE REAL MOUSE!" I am not sure how many times I said it but I know it was at least two.

He says, "okay honey take a deep breath calm down."

I said, "real mouse real mouse," quieter this time.

He said, "where is it?"

I said, "in the kitchen I think under the stove."

He said, "What did the cats do?"

I told him that I scared our boy cat and that the girl cat did not get that the mouse was not in the pantry anymore so she was in there still.

He said, "Okay I am on my way home."

I knew he was ready to try to reason with me but I was crying and sobbing...and well frankly out of control. But He tried just a little anyway.

He said, "you do know that you probably scared the mouse?"

I cried, "yes." But I kept on crying.

His co-workers know that I have a fear of them as they have them at the office and I have seen one there. I did not freak out like I did at home, but I got a little shaken there. So he went to tell the office manager and then his immediate boss that his girl was crying and screaming and scared because she saw a mouse in the house. A REAL mouse.

When I moved in with Master, I took all the cat toys that looked like real mice and put them in a box. Because even the fake mice that looked like real ones scared me. Now all the cat toys that are mouse shaped are in bright colors - hot pink, lime green, purple and orange.

So I stayed on the bed and held the phone until Master came home. He was laughing, but at the same time very understanding of my irrational over the top fear.

He moved things and tried to find the mouse, but He couldn't. But He did discover where it is probably living or the path that it kept to...so He went and got some traps and put them in places along the path. We ended up catching 2 and Master took part places where he felt they might have come in and put steel wool around the holes where pipes come in. And since then we have not had a problem. I thought we had another not too long ago but it was a false alarm....thank goodness!

For about a month after that I did not walk in the house without shoes. I did not sit on the floor. When I would walk into the kitchen I would make lots of noise in order to scare any mice that might be in there. Yes, this is all true!

Also when He got home I had not taken my shower yet but was scared to go in there. He had to scope things out for me before I went to take my shower. He then got my slippers checked to make sure mice were not in them. I knew I needed to have my feet covered as I would totally freak out if the mouse ran over my bare feet. So I was in my slippers all day - that day.

I know it is silly that I have this fear....as I am much bigger then mouse. But it is a fear that I don't feel I will be getting over any time soon. Although I could see the humor from the otherside....from Master's view and outside observers. And am glad that I could amuse them. I am lucky that I have such a wonderful Master that came home and took care of it though...and was very understanding of my irrational fear.

Master's much funnier version A Mouse Story.

Holiday Gifts

I am making gifts this year so here is some of the ideas/things I am making....

Art Related...

notecards - I noticed now you can get blank cards with envelopes at Walmart - a 50 pack for about $6. I am doing packs of notecards with collages on the front. I am doing them in packs of 4 and 8

calendar - a piece of cardstock and cut them in half for the base. Calendar part could be done with a computer but handing making them....drawing lines and then using rubbers stamps for the numbers. That part would be on the bottom half of the cut piece of cardstock and then the top half is a collage. Bind it all together with a metal clip - you know those binder
clips that are black with the silver metal pieces you push to open it up...the metal part is where someone can hang it off a tack or nail.

magnet poetry sets - I blogged about those the other day. Basically typing up words and then printing them off and sticking them to self adhesive magnetic sheets. You can also buy magnetic sheets that are for the printer --- so you could print directly to them. I like this idea being specialized to the person - such as my sister is a history buff and so I could make a poetry set that is all about history.

magnets - just doing a little collage and sticking magnets on it

book-markers - just collaging them and some without a tassel and others will have a tassel of yarn or beaded tassels

journals - taking those mead journals (got them for 50 cents a piece at target) and and painted and collaged the cover (inside and outside covers) On the inside collage I am putting ribbon under the collage so that the journal can be tied shut.

mini notebooks - collaged the front cover

picture frames - picked up frames at the dollar store --they have flat wider frame. Collaging the frame and including photographs of us in them.

mix cds with collaged covers - took the aol free cd and used the fold out card pockets they fit in as a template to make covers for the mix cds. Doing collages to go along with the cd

Food/Goodies...

baking and putting into tins

jar mixes - here is a site that has all sorts of ideas for them.

basket stuffed with goodies - take a basket and make it specialized for the person...if they like coffee do some sample packets of coffee, maybe some chocolate covered spoon and a pretty package of napkins. Or get assorted teas and coffees. Do one with one of the jar mixes of cinnamon pancake mix and a bottle of syrup and a little jar preserves. Make one that has some little notecards in it...a couple of votive candles and maybe a Godiva chocolate bar. Or a paperback book or a few magazines, a bottle of bubble bath and a candle. For baskets it is endless possibilities.

Comments....

weren't working ---- but I think I have fixed them now!

Friday Fiver and a few links

I am not sure this would count for my Holidalies so I am sure I will do another post today....

Friday Fiver

1. What's on your feet? black and pink slipper socks that my Mom gave to me in our daily Christmas package.

2. Turn to your right -- what do you see? TV (not on) sitting on filing cabinet, pottery bowl with the Runes girlie gave me, a little photograph that says dream in the sand that a friend from Ohio gave me on my birthday several years ago and a little plush doggie that is so soft...his name is Duke named after a dog that one of my ex's had as a child (got the doggie while with him.)

3. What is the last thing you ate? a bagel with raspberry jam

4. What can you smell right now? nothing as my nose is stuffed up

5. Do you wear hats? no not really...I used to though

Virtual Paper Doll Santa - dress him up as a playboy bunny!
Holiday Gift Tags - some cute tags to print out and use
WikiQuote - I am a quote whore so this site I could spend hours and hours on
Kenneth Parker - Photographer - have your sound on...the music with the images is great!
This to That - lets you select what you are gluing and on to what kind of surface and it will list all the glues you can use
How to Clean Anything - It is what it says...it has sections for home, pets, car and you can find how to clean anything within the various sections.

Rough Day....

This entry is not going to be very Holiday oriented...not that I plan to strictly keep my posts about the holiday during this time of year but this entry will be a downer for the most part...

As today was kind of a rough day for me...

First I woke up this morning from a nightmare. It was one of those nightmares that happened in real life and I actually went through. So it kind of lingered with me...the feeling from that moment in time. It was hard to shake it off.

Then I looked at my list of things to do and immediately became overwhelmed with all that I need to get done before Christmas (actually much more before Christmas since they need to be mailed to reach destinations before Christmas.)

I then started thinking of one of the things on the list....coloring my hair. I needed to color my hair today as we are going to a party on Saturday and I didn't want my hair to be so grown out of my natural color with a few gray hairs here and there. The party is what upset me probably the most as I am extremely nervous about it. It is with a group of people that I have never socialized with and also in a setting that I am not used to either. So I literally made myself sick this morning worrying about it.

After that I then started thinking of something going on with Master's family - it feels like there is an elephant in the room that everyone is pretending is not there. And that upset me.

So it just seems like there are a lot of stresses banging around my head and I need to get them out.

I do have to say as the day went on I did start to feel better though. And I got my holiday layout done. I was having a problem with the coding not lining up quite right and so Master took a look at it and found the problem for me within 10 minutes. I also changed over to blogger comments so if you have commented recently and don't see it -- that is why.

Holiday Spirit....

Christmas time has always been a favorite time of year for me. I think I got that from my Mom…as Christmas is her favorite time of year also. You walk into our house and feel the Christmas spirit. It isn’t just because my Mom decorates our house so beautifully for the holidays…or because there is Christmas music playing….or because you will find lots of presents under the tree…. or because she has lots of sweet holiday treats…it is just that she has a giving kind holiday spirit that she has all the time but I think it is just even more apparent during the holiday time.

So my Mom knowing we will not be coming for Christmas sent us a box that has a present a day to open until Christmas. It arrived on December 2nd. They are just little things and each has a card to go with them that have cute little sayings like…”Here is warm treat for your feet.” It was slipper socks for us. It has been a lot of fun and it was so nice of her to do that for us! Today’s gift was 2 holiday mugs with a little sample of millstone coffee.

Quick Life Update

I just want to do a quick update...I am extremely tried tonight and was wanting to do a few things but I am just too tired to try. Tomorrow I have an early appointment and then after that I hope to spend the day working on Christmas presents. It is also the start of the Holidailies so I will be updating everyday (crossing fingers and toes) until Jan. 6th. Tomorrow night also is the start of my guilty pleasure....Project Runway. Daddy and I have Polar Express to watch also but I want Daddy to read me the book before we watch it and that is packed with the Christmas things. I hope to also start bringing out the Christmas decorations and maybe decorate the tree tomorrow night or Thursday night.

I am going to bed!

Birthday Wish.....

Master, Birthday's are a celebration....a celebration of life. I hope that your day is enjoyed celebrating YOUR life. You are an incredible man and I am grateful to be your slave. I hope you have a wonderful birthday!

Your girl,
danae

World AIDS Day....

I am going out to shop for Master's birthday today so while I am out I am going to wear a red ribbon as a reminder it is World Aid's Day.

And then one for here....my viritual red ribbon...