Saturday, June 19, 2010

...then there was giggling

We were suppose to be meeting someone Tuesday but she flaked. Why? We have no idea. Gut saying she had someone already in the picture and we were her back up plan. When we wanted to take it to that next step, she knew she couldn't go there as she was already involved with someone so flaked.

Because of her flaking, Master was pretty bummed yesterday. After being out most of the afternoon, we came back - and played. So that Master could get some of his frustrations out. We played for several hours. We did things kind of in reverse from our usual play. Usually we kind of play with some slapping, punching and stuff like that before we have sex and orgasm. This time Master had me in naked except for a hood and black opera length gloves - which is pretty much standard. And I gave him a hand job with the gloves on. After he had an orgasm, he then played with me hurting my cunt and giving me LOTS of orgasms. And then after that we played more. Which is unusual for us after we have orgasms. He caned, spanked, slapped, grabbed and punched me. He covered pretty much the length of my whole body. After I was flying pretty high, I was going from crying to giggling and looking at the pretty lights above our bed.

We were both feeling pretty good but I was also STARVING by this time. And was wishing we lived in a bigger city so that Chinese take out would be delivered to us...well not delivered to us in bed but damn that would have been nice last night. Instead we got dressed and went to grab it since we live in a smaller town. By the time we ate it was 9pm. We had started playing about 5:30pm maybe 5:45.

My cunt today still stings and hurts from all the pain Master inflicted on it. And my bottom and shoulders are hurting.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Slashy Writing and Third Person Speech

There was a post over on FetLife about slashy writing and third person speech. And I thought I would post my reply here...

I don't like slashy writing and I am thankful Master doesn't have me do it. I have to confess that often when I see a post using it, I often skip it rather then have to figure out.

Third person speak - for me personally - I don't find it would beneficial. If I need something to keep me in my head space or to help me think about my speech to Master at this point in our life, then I think there would be bigger issues at hand.

If we were early on in our relationship, I might see how it helps me choose my words more carefully. But I know he wouldn't have had me do it on a public forum for others to read but just to him.

I am quiet person and being that way has made me often go over things in my head several times before I even speak them out loud. So I don't think it would have done anything for me even then. I also think it probably would have been more of a distraction to the tasks at hand. Because stopping to have to think about what I was going to say to make sure it is in 3rd person would have taken me even more time and I think it would have become tedious to us both waiting on what I could have just said still respectful way but without the 3rd person speech. In that kind of situation for me it - it would make it feel about me. It would feel like a task to feel important even though that is what I am told the 3rd speech is not suppose to do. I know through people Master has talked to about 3rd person speech it doesn't do that for them. But for me - it would make me in the front on display when serving for me is about being unobtrusive and 3rd person speech is very noticeable to me so it makes me notice the slave when I think it is suppose to help show them their place. So if everyone is noticing the person is it really showing them their place? Bottom line is 3rd person speech is noticeable and serving is about being unobtrusive to me.

As someone else said in the replies the times I have come across people using third person speech, it often has come across as "hey look at me, look what my Master has me doing, look how slavely it is making me." Which I don't find to be attractive and would be a poor reflection to me on the Master. And often I do think what kind of dominant is he that he is having her do that because it isn't accomplishing what I think he wanted or what I would hope he wanted.

I want to add in that I think it does make people hot but then why not just do it in private. I get that more - about it making a person hot. So then why make everyone have to read it? As I said about slashy speech above, I skip posts with it. And I do that with 3rd person speech too if it is too hard to read and is coming across as the "hey look at me - I am more slavely than you" type of post.

And only in rare occasions - I can think of one at this moment - it is done in a way that I didn't mind or even notice often

Adding this to my blog post....when I get emails with slashy speech or 3rd person and it is too hard for me to read, I often don't reply at all because I don't understand the email enough to give a reply. And instead writing back saying I can't understand your slashy or 3rd person speech, I just don't reply because I don't want you to get upset and defensive about it. And maybe you wouldn't but in the past some have so I just have gone to not answering them at all.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Getting By

I pretty much just getting by each day. Lots of tears and sadness. I have done things like reorganized my whole studio - going through every box and bin and if you had ever been in my studio you know this was a tedious job. But I just needed it. I needed something to just focus on instead of letting myself get to caught in feelings and thoughts.

While cleaning, I am watching old movies. I am having a problem watching current or more modern movies. The old movies seem to comfort me. Watched many times over: North by Northwest, To Catch a Thief, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Barefoot in the Park, Roman Holiday, Casablanca, Mrs. Miniver, Gigi, An American in Paris and a few other. I have them going almost always. I need the noise.

Master had to go to Austin for business several weeks ago. I am extremely envious that he had a chance to spend 2 evenings with a good friend. But I am glad that he such a nice time talking with a like minded person. We don't have a community here so most of our interaction with kinky people is online. So chatting in person with someone was very refreshing to him. And especially someone who really gets us. So I am happy that he had that chance and especially with this friend. He came home really refreshed in his conversations and I remember that feeling when I lived in Ohio. Especially when I lived with Bill and Angel. We always had good lifestyle talks.

As I said at the beginning...I am just trying to get by day by day. I have good moments. I have down moments.

Such as the other day a little thing sent me into tears. I was writing a card out to my Aunt and I opened my computer document with my addresses and it had my Uncle's name and my Aunt's....and I changed it to just my Aunt's name. And it was hard.

I also had another loss. My former Master died within 10 days of my Uncle and that has left me, of course, with a kind of roller coaster of emotions.

But some good things....I contacted someone who was involved with him and I - to let her know as I felt she would want to know. We hadn't talked in quite a while and it was good to catch up and really have a good heart to heart. And we both agreed that we are very thankful to him for introducing us and helping create the relationship between us. I feel the same about all my Ohio peeps too - if I hadn't been involved with him - I would have never met them.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, emailed, left messages, sent cards and just been reaching out to me....I appreciate it so much. I am very blessed to have so me many kind and caring people in my life.
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