Thursday, April 30, 2009

Breath Play

Questions from the FetLife group Breath Play Fetish: What sparked your interest? When was your first time? how did it feel? how often do you do it now? how often would you like to do it? and have you ever experienced the "bad" stuff we have all heard about?

First I have heard all the warnings of breath play. I read Jay Wiseman's take on it. And I have talked to people in the medical field about it too. And I have read Vamp's very detailed essay on the subject too. I know the risks.

So on to answering the questions...I did some breath play with Don but my real interest didn't happen until I was married. A friend of mine was talking about it - that her and her boyfriend did it during sex. And the thought turned me on so I shared it with Jim and he liked the thought of it too. So we started playing with it. It started with his hand over my mouth, pillow smothering me but then we eventually tried it with a silk tie (from my silk bathrobe) around my neck. And I loved it. I mean LOVED IT! The first time I blacked out - it of course kind of freaked us both out. But the rush. And how it felt during it was so great that I wanted it again. And we did do it again and again.

One of my favorite ways was from behind but Jim preferred being able to see my face to really see what was going on. But agreed that from behind was hot. He would take me anally from behind and pull on the tie. And it was....well hard to describe..the pain from being taken anally (at the time anal sex was still new for us too), the tie getting tightening around my neck and the the panic that comes with that, the lack of control that came with not being able to get away from it all with his weight against me and the tie around my neck . My brain trying to process it all just almost too much that it made it - a total turn on for me. And he enjoyed the control. I probably can remember every time we did it like that. As I said he preferred to look at me for safety reasons really but we both liked it better from behind.

Master and I engage in breath play pretty regularly during sex. Mostly in forms of him covering my mouth and nose, using the gas mask and at times pressure on carotid arteries with just his hands.

I haven't ever had a "bad" experience or at least anything that I put into the bad experience column. I have been held underwater, had a plastic bag over my head, saran wrapped around my head, various forms of strangulation and pressure on the carotid arteries and each one gives me a thrill. Breath play is one of my favorite things. I know it isn't for everyone. I know it has risks. But it is risks that I am willing to take.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What if....the house is on fire?

Okay so I am kind of surprised by response from my post on being His Captive. I know it is out of curiosity and concern. And I can appreciate that but it still surprised me. Recently I wrote a post about Living in a Bubble and I think I made it clear that Master likes me to think, carry on intelligent discussions and have well thought out positions on many subjects. Master is not dumbing me down through isolation.

But I had a few comments questioning the command not to use the phone or leave without Master's permission - they were basically wondering what would happen if there was an emergency such as a fire. Again I know the comments are meant out of curiosity and concern. But as I said above they did surprise me as I hope I don't come across as mindless.

I think we all have self preservation. If the house is on fire, I am not going to just sit in the house just because I was told not to leave the house without him. Each of us has a personal responsibility - just because I am owned and Master controls my life doesn't get me off the hook for being responsible for my actions. I have a personal responsibility to myself as well as a responsibility to Master to take care of myself. And Master would be pretty pissed at me if I sat in a house while it burned down around me. And - or didn't call 911 in an emergency.

There have been many times when Master has went out of town. And I don't have a car available - so I am alone. But we have plans in place in case I would need to go to the hospital or if I really needed something (example: maybe having the stomach flu and we are out of sprite or I didn't realize I was out of a prescription so need that), I have ways to get anything I would need. And even if Master hadn't set in place those plans - again I have a lot of common sense and could figure it out on my own.

Are there people out there who might be given that order to not use the phone or leave the house that would sit in a burning house? I guess it is entirely possible. But I am not one of them. Nor would Master want me to be that type of person. He kind of likes having me as his slave and plans on keeping me around for a while.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

His Captive

So there was a thread on FetLife...(see getting back into my old habits) about captivity. I know I have said a million times I am isolated. And that I live in a bubble. But putting it down in black and white in the thread - I could see why it makes people nervous. I mean I get why but it still makes me annoyed when I get the "he is abusing you" type comments/emails. I have a very controlled and isolated in essence I am Master's captive - willing captive.

Here were some questions....and then my answers...

Are you simply prohibited from making phone calls and/or walking out the door, or are there physical barriers?

I was told not to make phone calls or walk out the door without him - I am wired for obedience. I like to obey him. It feels odd if I don't do what he says. There are no barriers for me to not to make a phone call or walk out the door. And I am not going to get into the can I leave or not thing - I just don't want to leave. I don't want to walk out that door. If it was tested, I can't say what would happen as I haven't been in the situation.

For phone calls - all my friends know to ask in advance if they want to talk on the phone. The only exception is really my family. They call anytime. And Master has a few times said I am not available but it is very rare. And at those times it was because it just wasn't a good thing to talk to them at that time...something was going on where I couldn't talk.

Master worked outside the home when I first moved here so really I could have made calls - I could have walked out the door but I didn't. I didn't want to - I like my life.

Do you drive? have access to a car? I don't have a car. I didn't have a need for it when I arrived so we got rid of it. I do know how to drive and Master has me drive every so often so that I keep that up. Two years ago Master got hurt and I had to drive and do many things on my own it was very odd for me.

Have any r/l friends that you keep in touch with? yes several. Many have met Master too and think is great and told me I am happier and much more fulfilled with him then I ever have been. And one thing I think that makes it work is because this is what we both wanted. We both have a thing for isolation and captivity.

I understand that there are relationships that use isolation to an abusive extent. I really don't feel an outsiders perspective can help the person in the relationship see that though. I have been in abusive relationships in the past and it wasn't until I shook myself out of my denial - that I got it. No matter what anyone else had said. And now of course there are people who have said I am in an abusive relationship (usually online people - no one that knows me face to face has ever said that) and there are others who of course say that they see our relationship as being a very good one. We have really good communication of where things are at. As I said above, we both have a fetish (I guess is the closest word I can think of for it) for captivity and isolation so it is what we both wanted and I was happy to find someone I could have that type of relationship with that is also just a good person and wants me to be thriving as it is an asset for him.

We have had to deal with some isolation side effects that haven't been great. But they aren't earth shattering. And we/I know given time, if I had to do things on my own and be out in the world more - I could get back into the swing of things. It just would take time.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Happy Easter!

It is that time of year to pimp a our BDSM Egg-stravaganza. A few years ago Master and I spent an evening making Easter eggs but with a BDSM theme. It was a lot of fun and I would love to do it again sometime.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Living in a Bubble

Okay kaya had a post and CarrieAnn has a post about dumbing down. So I guess I am taking my stab at it too.

I'm not sure if I completely agree with the notion of dumbing down, but I relate to many of the things kaya said in her post. For example, when she talked about being excited about a piece of rubbermaid. I do that all the time and I do think it is because my life is simple and I enjoy simple things. I don't think that's necessarily dumbing down, because even though my life has become so simple that a piece of rubbermaid excites me, I can still appreciate a box of Godiva chocolates, a good bottle of wine or a beautiful piece of art.

But for me in getting things is often about my life in regards to money and possessions. I don't own anything. Master owns it. If I get something, it is because Master bought it for me or allowed me to buy it. If I get birthday money or something like it - I have to get permission to use it. I can't buy anything with that money without first asking Master - even if it's for him. So when he takes me to Dollar Tree and I get some cards for some friends, stickers, a bin for art supplies or if we go to Target and he gets me the Twilight dvd or new kitchen washcloths at Wal-Mart - I squee on the inside because Master is buying something for me. I'm not sure that's dumbing down, but appreciating even the small stuff as though it was diamonds or something of infinite value. For me, it is a privilege to receive treats and these fun things and Master likes to do that when he can.

So back on track with the post I'm not dumber because I stay at home and clean house. Staying at home cleaning is pretty simple. I mean most people can clean a toilet and wash dishes. It doesn't take a high amount of intellect to unload a dishwasher. It is just simple daily duties.

Which is why I think I live more in a bubble, than being dumbed down. Before I moved to Colorado, most of my time in Cleveland was very busy. I was a social butterfly. I went out with friends, had dates, worked (which was interaction with others), was active in the BDSM community. I had quite a lot of interaction with people - carried on conversations on a wide range of topics. But now, I don't interact with many people besides Master. The quality of my conversations with him are different and may actually be more intellectual then they were when I lived in Cleveland.

Master is a bit of a political junkie so he pretty much molded me to be the same way. I read books covering a wide range of subjects and I talk to him about what I'm reading. We watch Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow most nights so that we get caught up on world events. I read many interesting things on the internet and we watch a ton of movies and have wonderful discussions talking about all those things. Plus there is the world wide web where I can have discussions on a very diversified range of subjects.

With the diversity of books, news and information I get ahold of, I feel like I could carry on a conversation with others when we go out and interact with
our non-lifestyle friends. However that doesn't happen very easily. When we go out with friends, I draw a blank. That's because I live in my bubble. So I am sure they must think I'm dumb or something, but it takes me time to prepare myself to go out. Mentally and emotionally - I just have to prime myself on what to talk about so that I don't go blank.

Even though I was once a social butterfly, I now have to gear myself up to be around people. Afterwards I sometimes experience a crash because it feels like a shock to my system. The bubble I live in is due because I am isolated. And because he has so much control on my life that most of my interaction is with him. Yes, I do have close friends that I talk to on the phone and I don't have any problem carrying on a conversation with them, but they also know my life. They know the bubble exists even though they might never thought about it that way.

My friends can be a part of my bubble because it is a place where I can be me. That is why I think for me most of my interaction with friends outside of the lifestyle is held at arm's length. I focus a great deal and try hard not to slip up.

Kaya asked owners over on FetLife:
What are the thoughts on dumbing down your property to facilitate dependence and obedience?

I am not the owner in this relationship obviously but I know that Master uses different methods in facilitating a lack of autonomy and obedience. So for me I don't think Master has dumbed me down but I am isolated and he has a lot of control on my life so those things create a bubble around my life. So my brain is used differently now then it was when I lived in Cleveland.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Domestic Servitude Blog

As many who read here know I love all things domestic. And some time ago I saw that a blogspot url, that a friend had for a while, was available. So I snatched it up and hung on to it for a while before I started posting there - in April 2008. I haven't really promoted it except for putting on the side bar but it has been there and I have been posting a few times a month or more.

Several months ago I tossed around the idea of opening it up to a few contributers and have it be a co-blogging experience. Recently I finally got around to asking a few wonderful women and started making changes there.

So without further ado please go check out the Domestic Servitude blog.

Friday, April 03, 2009

March Questions: 3 Random Questions

What's your single most favorite book quote of all time. I can't narrow it down to one quote. I am quote whore.

"He knew one of the women well, and had shared his universe with her. They had seen the same mountains, and the same trees, although each of them had seem them differently. She knew his weaknesses, his moments of hatred, of despair. Yet she was there at his side. They shared the same universe." ~ Paulo Coelho, The Valkyries

Try to find pleasure in the speed that you're not used to. Changing the way you do routine things allows a new person to grow inside of you. But when all is said and done, you're the one who must decide how you handle it." -- From Paulo Coelho's book The Pilgrimage

"There is a theory that if you yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, you will find one. The universe will shift, destiny's molecules will get themselves organized and your path will soon intersect with the path of the master you need." From Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

"It's an essential part of training to provoke strong emotions. But as you know, one mark of a good slave is the ability to let the anger go and continue working, continue serving, continue offering respect and deference. Now, if the anger and shame and hurt can then change to love or affection or lust -- well, that's our mark as a sadomasochist, isn't it?" From The Reunion by Laura Antoniou

If you could re-enact the perfect movie scene with anyone (alive, celebrity, famous, or not - whoever) what scene would that be and why. Well we are movie buffs. I love movies. They are a great escape and entertainment. But I have to say a movie came to mind when I read this question - Gone with the Wind. I think a couple scenes with Rhett Butler that would be fun to re-enact. Why? Because I love Rhett's arrogance.

Name a celebrity you wish was in the lifestyle. Gerard Butler - and I would love to see him at an event in full Phantom costume with a single tail creating slashes across the back of a damsel in distress.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009


Okay well first...I do have a few more questions to answer. But I have been plagued with migraines from hell. So it just will have to wait. Hopefully I can at least get one out tomorrow.

Next the true reason for this post...I am a winner! It is a rare occasion when I sign up for something and win - I mean even Ebay auctions I seem to lose. But I won a $20 gift certificate to Babeland over on Sleeping Dreamer. Thank you to Sleeping Dreamer and Babeland! yay!
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