Disclaimer: Just to let everyone know I wasn't offended, upset or anything about the comments. I just realized after the comments and emails that I didn't make myself clear enough.So just going to clarify my post on losing my identity.....
I have been doing wiitwd (what it is that we do) for quite a long time and as I said in the post you would think I would learn some lessons quicker but at times it just doesn't seem to happen that way. I have actually realized that I was becoming more shy, that I didn't want to go anywhere without Master and a few others things about myself that had changed for quite a long while and never worried about it - it just felt like part of the process of our relationship - it wasn't until about a month or so ago I woke up one morning and went "Oh wow...whatif." It hadn't come onto my radar screen to worry about it until a couple things triggered it. But again although those things worried me....I do see it as just changing and evolving in the relationship....the lesson I should have gotten right away before worrying about it. But of course that didn't happen. I fretted and struggled and did all the things that I should have just been able to let go of and say "okay this is me....I get it." Master and I discussed the losing my identity issue quite a bit. And although it unnerved me that I might be -- it doesn't take away the fact that I do like that I am this way too. I wouldn't change it.
Sorry if I misunderstood. So long as you're happy, everything seems good :)
ReplyDeleteOh no please don't be sorry! I just got lots of comments and emails about it...and so I thought I would clarify a little bit as I didn't explain myself well enough! Thank you for your comments! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad too.
ReplyDeleteIt's always an amazing thing when someone discovers who they are truly and likes themselves
: )
hey danae
ReplyDeleteI wanted to comment on this "identity thing" because you know I think its normal. Really I do. And its NOT just BDSM. When my kids were babies, I remember thinking (the boy child was pretty sick as a baby) I am nothing but a mom. There is no *me* anymore. Who am I?? I change diapers and feed and nurse and play and who the hell am I??? My kids have absorbed my life and all that I am. Then they grew up and ya I still feel that way sometimes LOL. Then you get married and you become a wife like ok what happened to *me* to *starla* My name is Mrs J Yednak not starla and then at sometime in life you realize, that the mom part and the nurse part and the friend part and the wife part and the slave part all make *you* . Yes I think *identity crisis* are normal and I also think later in life you realize that all these roles you play, really are you.
Hope that made sense!
stala
I agree with Stala; I read both this entry and your other one from the other day and I was struck by how many times in my life I've felt exactly like that; like I was losing my identity but it had nothing to do with BDSM.
ReplyDeleteBut I can also relate to you on the D/s front as well. My world has also greatly shrunk since Dan and I stepped up the power exchange and he's become such a powerful figure in my life. I have changed because of that too and I still continue to change. I'm not the same as I was two years ago or even a year ago and directly because of the D/s.
I remember I had someone on my old blog leave a comment once, very concerned about how I could survive in the world alone should anything ever happen to Dan. He wanted to know how I could possibly take care of myself since Dan has taken over so much. But Dan answered him and said not to worry; that I haven't "forgotten" how to do things for myself. I know how to buy a car and buy a house and handle the bills and all that.
I'm just choosing to give it over to Dan right now. But I still have the knowledge.
So...I would imagine that if you were on your own again for any reason, danae, that you would also be able to "nut up" and fall back on your former identity. Like parenting or bicyle riding. It's not something you "forget" how to do; it's still there, I think. :-)
Anyway, I related to this; thanks for posting it. It made me think and reflect. :-)
As for Big Love, we watched it too! It was very good, I thought, although hard to watch at times for me, since I had a horrible "open marriage" experience in the early part of my marriage to my ex. We wanted to bring another couple into our marriage and ended up bringing another guy friend in and sharing me. :-( It's a painful subject for me. But well done show and I'm sure it will create debate. :-)
I think you are
ReplyDeletefab anyway-just as
you are! Just make
sure you go out a
bit more, staying
in too much can
make you doubt
everything. I know,
been there.