Monday, January 31, 2005

Meme: 2 More Questions Answered

  • Do you identify with a certain tarot card?

  • I really don't identify with a card at the moment because I have not been doing it enough lately to have them speak to me. Which is a regret of mine as I really enjoy tarot even for meditation...focusing on the cards that are drawn and seeing where it takes me.

    I have 4 decks. Three standard kind of Tarot sets (3 based on the Waite Tarot - but I basically just use the one and am looking for another set that I really can identify with). And then Osho Zen Tarot set....which does not go by the Wait Tarot system.) I love that deck a lot....has cards that deal with Mastery of Action, Mastery of Emotions, Mastery of Mind and Mastery of the Physical. It does have a major and minor arcana but again they are not like the Waite Tarot system.

    Long before I met Master the 10 of Swords in Moni's Tarot Deck used to come up quite a bit. On her deck it is a face with all sorts of swords coming in through different places. It is actually a card I would like to do my own interpretation of in a drawing. The card artistically is a card I really enjoy. But when a person gets it in a reading well that is not a good thing. And I would get it ALL the time because my life was in such shambles.

    But Swords go with all the air signs and I am one...being a Libra. So swords seem to always show up in my readings. Another card I used to get quite a lot and identified with is the justice card...again it is associated with libra's.

    I know Moni associated me with the moon card but I bet that has changed. Well maybe. I know why she picked it when she picked it represent me on her website.

    Okay so fast forward to when I started talking to Master - The Fool was the card that kept coming up. Now that card does not mean Master was a fool or I was a fool. The Fool actually is a good card to get in a reading. It is also the only card in my Osho Zen card that is similar in meaning to the standard tarot deck. So that card kept coming up over and over and over! And I even pulled it the day I met Master. So for a while I strongly identified with that card.

    The Fool on my Osho Zen set means:
    "The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feelings of 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others or even yourself, if you try to analyze them with a rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides not skepticism and past experience"

    But I have not had the Fool in a while.

    So since getting the question - I have done a few just quick 3 card drawings and death has been coming up and also I get a tarot thing in my inbox that was death the topic of the one the other day. On my Osho Zen one I have gotten a variety of cards but I did get the one that has similar meaning to the Death is the transformation card.

    Death means changes are coming....death of one thing to bring a new thing. A transformation of sorts.

    But then I also am still getting my absolute favorite card that I relate to in my Osho Zen deck...No-Thingness. I also received creativity a few times and today I got consciousness.

    Okay so enough babbling on answer the question at this time I really don't identify with a certain card. But there have been cards in my past that I strongly identified with in tarot.

  • It says you are bisexual but I have never seen you talk about women are you involved with a woman currently when was the last time you were involved with a woman?

  • Yes, I am bisexual and if you have been reading this journal for only a short while - no there would not be any talk of it - as I am not involved with a woman currently. And not sure if I will be again as I am owned and that would be up to Master if I am able to have outside relationships. He, I believe, will want to be in the relationship a triad or something of that nature. But He does not believe we are ready to pursue any outside relationships at this time, but is not ruling it out for the future.

    I have talked about a few women in this blog that I have been involved with...Morgan and Honey being just 2 of 6 or 8 I have mentioned. Taking from another entry I did on being bisexual and also adding to it....

    I have been with some incredible women. A lot just didn't work for various reasons...

    One who I have written about did not work because I was owned (this was before Master) and she did not wish to be a part of our household. I was allowed to be with her a few times on my own but it was always full of guilt trips put on both of us. And full of lots of up and downs of emotions. So, then when I wasn't owned and could freely form a relationship with her...she was owned. So we were not allowed to get together again.

    Another that I written about - well she was not truly bisexual. She loved me and loved me enough to want to make me happy. And so she was with me because she loved me. She has been with women but she is truly not attracted to them. It is usually for the man in her life that she is with other women.

    I was with a couple of women who were rebounds usually rebounding to them after being in relationships with men and so just talked about them briefly.

    I also was with another woman who was part of a couple. We were trying out the triad thing. But it was too soon for her at that time and so it did not work. We are still very good friends today.

    Then just a couple others that were just sex (which is fun, but sometimes a girl wants more and actually usually with women I want more - men I can just have sex with and walk away but doing that with women is harder for me).

    I have also been with a few women I did not want to be with because of being owned and in a poly household. I did it to please the dominant. And actually I was with two women that I did want to be with because of that same D/s relationship.

    And last but not least was Morgan, was my first love...and she meshed with me in such a wonderful way it is hard to describe with words. She was tender. She knew when to take control. She was completely open and honest with me. She gave me so much of herself. It was so good...I love her...still.

    Have you ever read lyrics and thought that the music must sound one way...and then you hear it and it is totally different but perfectly? That is how it was with us...I think people probably did not understand how it worked. But then saw us together and went wow.

    The only problem was that by that time I grew up the views of society were influencing me. And so I pushed because I could not accept that I was in a relationship with a woman.

    I talk about some of the women mentioned on my who's who page.

    I have not been in a relationship with a woman for a very long time...several years ago....almost 3 I believe. I had several offers that I had to turn down because of the place I was in at those times mentally and emotionally. And again I am not sure when/if I will be again as that will be up to Master.

    Life Update & A Question Answered

    Life Update...
    Well, of course I am awake again. I have been having a long stretch of insomnia. And then to top it off I was sick today....creating for a not so fun day for us.

    We had a nice night on Saturday though....ate dinner, watched a movie, played some (SM and sex) and then topped the evening off with a soak in the jacuzzi tub with some wine. Oh and French Silk Pie naked in bed!

    One of our friends wants me to come over and help her out on the computer this week. But otherwise it should be a slow week of just regular maybe I will get some art time in.

    Master got NetFlix. Yes, I am addicted to adding movies to my queue.. He set me up a profile so that I can add movies to a list. Every time we have a shipment it takes 2 from His list and one from mine. We had the first batch of movies come Saturday so we watched our first one Saturday evening...Boxing Helena. I had seen it before but thought Master might be interested in it. So, anyway I am spending these waking hours adding movies to my queue.

    Well going to answer this question and then try to go to bed....or at least read in bed.

    Why no tattoos and piercings?

    I wanted one when I was married, but my husband would not let me get one. Then the next person I was with was my Dominant at that time and so it was his decision. I know he wanted to mark me eventually but our relationship ended before that time. Then when I was on my own...I was an escort and I found that clients liked that I did not have any tattoos or piercings. So, I kept it that way.

    I know Master thinks of both, but one other hand He also likes that I don't have any markings. But who knows that might change...and I might have one or both in the future. Totally up to Him.

    Saturday, January 29, 2005

    Life Update - Celebrating Our Anniversary All Weekend Long

    Master is taking a nap at the moment so I thought I would do a couple of quick blog entries.

    We have had a nice day!

    Officially our anniversary is on Tuesday but Master wanted to celebrate all weekend long basically. Last night Master came home with 2 dozen roses - white, red, and a deep peach color with red tips. I have 2 bouquets of them one on my desk here and the other on the dining room table. They are beautiful.

    I started today by getting food ready for our dinner. Master requested food that we had not had in ages since it is full of fat and calories. So I got a loaf of homemade French bread going as Master wanted some garlic toast with dinner. And then I got the ribs rubbed with spices and put in the crockpot.

    After I cleaned the kitchen up a bit, we took our showers and went out for a late breakfast. On our way to breakfast Master had me describe a little part of a fantasy I had been thinking about lately. And so I did...and I am blushing as I even think about it right now. Not going to write about it as I think parts of it will be coming true so just save it for a "scene" report.

    Something Master and I have discussed a million times it seems is...diapers. Me in them obviously not Him. So the fantasy kind of featured that. So during breakfast Master said we were heading to Wal-Mart afterwards for well adult diapers (Depends ya know). And we are now the proud owner of 16 diapers for me.

    I am nervous and excited all at once. Master says I will be trying them out tomorrow. Oh my!

    After Wal-Mart we came home so I could rub the meat again and make sure it was looking good and also punch and knead my dough one more time. And then we were out the door again to our favorite winery. We had some samples and then picked up 2 bottles of our new favorite wine. It is wine made from Orange Muscat grapes and wow the flavor is amazing.

    So now I am sitting here working on a couple blog entries because I took the bread out of the oven a bit ago and pour BBQ sauce on the ribs for the final hour of cooking and the house smells delish!

    I am also making Onion Potatoes. And some veggies and/or salad. Master also went and picked up a French Silk Pie so I did no baking dessert this time. I think He has been craving it since we had it at my Mom's. But He says He is sure this will not be as good as the one we had at my Mom's. That is probably true but I have a big chocolate craving right now so it sounds good to me!

    We are going to watch movies, have some quality time in the jacuzzi tub, and have some playtime tonight. I think it is going to be a late night! But a great night.

    I am a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful Master! Of course I am smiling as I write that.....and am filled with love and devotion. Mushy Mushy I know! I am a romantic.

    I better go get the rest of dinner going before waking Master up from His nap...maybe wake Him with a blowjob? Sounds like a good plan to me! Yum!

    Meme: Me Explained - Several Questions Answered

    Since I am behind on the questions I am going to tackle a few in entry. They are not in order either as I just picked some I could answer without to long of explanations.

  • Favorite buffy episode

  • Well that is almost an impossible question...I have so many that I really enjoyed. I actually just recently had a Buffy Marathon where I started on Season 1 sometime in November/December and just finished up Season 7 this last week. Oh and when I say I had a does not mean I sat down in front to the TV and just watched. I am a person who usually has to even when watching TV be doing something else. So, I would be cleaning the living room while and episode played, answering emails, doing other things online. We have a TV with a DVD player in our office and it has came in very handy for me.

    So back to the episodes...
    I am going to name one per season even though there is more then one per season I really enjoyed. I actually have a blog entry started on Buffy and these other episodes - thoughts, favorite lines and such.

    But for now one favorite from each season....

    Season 1 - Prophecy Girl (the last episode of the short first season)
    Season 2 - Passion
    Season 3 - The Wish (season 3 is my favorite season so it is hard to pick just one)
    Season 4 - Hush
    Season 5 - Into the Woods (and it is mainly because of the last maybe minute or two when Xander tells Ayna she makes him feel like a man - but over all season 5 was my least favorite - hated the whole Glory story line)
    Season 6 - Once More with Feeling (the Buffy Musical)
    Season 7 - Dirty Girls (almost just for the title)

  • How did your sisters react when you came out to them?

  • Well first some background. I am the oldest with the next sister under 3 years younger and then the next 7 years younger. I told the one that is 3 years younger first....years ago when I was actually still with Jim. She took it relatively well and actually was curious. She asked lots of questions and even talked to her therapist about who asked if I was fulltime submissive or just SM. I always regretted not asking to see her therapist when I was going through a tough time.

    She did go through a period years later where I could tell she felt it was disgusting. But we just kind of agreed to not talk about it.

    It now is not something she is curious or disgusted by but she does not really ask about it. She knows that anyone I am with probably is into it and so assumed Master was my Dominant.

    I was not going to tell my baby sister as she is very squeamish about sex and anything slightly sexual and sometimes just relationship oriented. And even though I don't consider our over all dynamic sexual I know even just talking about it in general would make her very uncomfortable. She also seems to be the one that always tells Mom and Dad those things you don't want them to it did make me nervous that she would tell them because it would definitely come out worse coming from her then it would myself.

    But then several years ago...probably about 4 years ago I found out she knew because my other sister told her. Which annoyed me to no end and not quite sure why it came out but I accepted she knew and felt more free to talk about my lifestyle around her. I mean I did not go out of my way to talk about it but I knew I did not have to be extra careful so that is good.

    So now she knows but has not asked and will not ask. She made some comment at Christmas - can't remember what it even was in reference to but it was was just my sisters, myself and Master there - and Master came back with "well we are kinky" and she just blushed and changed the subject quickly saying that is not what she meant. We both told her we knew we just wanted to give her a hard time.

    I am not sure where they got that they can't talk about sex but it seems they have...and my baby sister is worse then the other. And I don't understand that because I feel Mom made it pretty easy to talk about sex.

    I am even the daughter that asked Mom if she gives Dad blowjobs - that was about 10 years ago. My sister almost choked on her cereal.

    So my sisters did not react to badly. I am not sure they quite understand but they accept me.

  • Favorite Cold Stone Creamery Flavor

  • If I was just going to have a flavor with no mix ins it would be hands down Sweet Cream. It was even my first online nickname years and years ago.

    But usually when I get mix-ins...I get there German Chocolate is chocolate ice cream with pecans, brownie chunks, caramel and coconut mixed in. It is wonderful during PMS!

    Wednesday, January 26, 2005

    a journal entry....

    A contemplative honest entry on Master's journal...Control in Ownership.

    Meme: Me Explained - Question 2

    I was asked about 29 and a comment as well as 2 emails so I guess that is something that kind of odd in my 100+ things about me...

    29. I used to be a masochist
    30. I don't know if I am....anymore.

    I don't feel I am a masochist anymore.

    I used to be a huge masochist. I used to crave to feel the pain...I wanted to feel the feelings associated with the pain. I wanted to feel it rip through my flesh and open me up.

    And well now I don't get those types of cravings. I like pain. I like to do SM play with Master. I enjoy the pain Master gives me, but I just don't crave it. I don't need to feel it rip though my flesh. I like taking the pain for Him. So again I used to crave pain for pains sake, but now it is just not the same. I don't have those deep cravings like I did...but I do enjoy taking the pain Master gives me. So not exactly sure what the makes me.

    Tuesday, January 25, 2005

    Life Update....Acceptance

    This weekend we spent Saturday toodling around town. First we went to a toy store that is downtown. It has a BIG Groovy Girl in the window. They sell lots of Groovy Girl, furniture and so on. Daddy bought me an outfit for my Groovy Girls. It is a purple ballerina outfit that even has purple satin ballerina slippers. It is very pretty!

    After that we went to our favorite local new agey shop. We spent quite a long time in there looking around....reading and looking at everything.

    Next on the agenda was a drive. I had written Master an email discussing the up coming year. It is our 2 year anniversary coming up so I was doing kind of a reflection and looking forward email. So while driving around we discussed the email.

    A common theme in my journal (offline and online) is acceptance. A couple of weeks ago I had a light bulb moment. I realized I have been in a new level of acceptance for a while. I tried to think back when it clicked into place but it has been so long that I could not think of the exact time. It is common for me to work on something internally under the surface processing without being totally aware of it.

    So I had this light bulb moment that I have been in a new level of acceptance in our M/s dynamic and that brought on another light bulb moment of why...why did I finally have this level of acceptance.

    Something that had been really holding me back from acceptance and enjoying life as it is right now was the fact that I was hanging on to the month I came out here to stay/visit with Master before moving here. Looking back I can see that it was probably our "honeymoon" period and it was when we were flying high. And when I moved here of course we came down and life set in place...ebbing and flowing as it does. And for some reason I could not get that until recently that hanging on to that month was holding me back.

    I have finally got that we have something different right now and you know what...I like it. I like our lives. We have a nice life together. Our M/s dynamic is firmly in place and we have such a strong faith in each other and our relationship.

    I look forward to our third year together...and many more I hope.

    Meme: Me Explained - Question 1

    A reader emailed me and asked, "How is it you can be a girly girl and love make-up and not wear perfume?"

    Couple reasons - the first one that Master is not real hip on perfume. And it is really not allergy related or anything, He just does not like the smell of perfume. The second and more long term reason is that most perfumes give me migraines, so I don't wear them.

    I do wear body sprays as they seem to be lighter so they don't give me a headache and Master likes them also. I bought PearBerry and Country Apple at Bath and Body Works after Christmas sale. It was hard finding scents Master was really happy with though. I really liked the coconut Lime but He did not like. Oddly enough He smelled it in some other store (a discount store) and He liked it then so we got it for His niece as part of her care basket we gave her to help her through chemo.

    When I was high school I was a big Calvin Klein Obsession fan. My ex husband - then boyfriend - would give me a bottle every year for Christmas. It is actually still one of the few perfumes I can actually wear that for the most part does not give me a migraine (but it did a few times.)

    Monday, January 24, 2005

    Meme: Me Explained

    1. Scan my 100 Things about Me and pick out the one or more that seems the most odd to you, something you'd liked explained more or to hear more about.
    2. Comment here (or email) telling me which ones.
    3. I'll explain it in a post.
    4. Then you post this in your journal so other people can ask you about your 100 things or something like it. Or not. I don't really mind.

    Just a few thoughts on Daily OM

    Earlier last week while in the shower I was thinking of women who are older then I...and how their lives are now and where they came from. It got me to wondering if life really does not start to get going until you hit 40. I heard many friends and family who became more content, more at peace and more aware of who they are at 40.

    I am not 40, but I am getting there...

    I guess I feel the older I get the more I feel that...this statement from the daily Om I posted the other day is true...."within her all of the wisdom of the journeys of womanhood within her." I guess the older I get I feel my womanhood more...the essence of being a woman instead of a girl. Even though there is definitely girl in me still and I still have so much further to go in my journey of womanhood.

    Thursday, January 20, 2005


    I think there are things that come in our lives that are what I call Mirrors...

    They are a reflection of ourselves and what we are needing to see. I sometime don't see the mirrors no matter if they keep coming at me...denial. I can look back on my life and see them happening over and over again...

    They happen with my relationships, they happen with my health and so many parts of my life. Example...when I lived in Ohio, my health was not good. I had a lot of female problems as well as I got sick very easily. To me it was a mirror trying to tell me something was wrong and I was not listening. Now I am here and all those things have disappeared.

    I know I have a health mirror right now - regarding my teeth/the dentist. I hate dentists - I had a quack dentists and since then I am really reluctant of going. But I know I am going to have to bit the bullet and do it.

    Also I have had a mirror in regards to a previous profession, so I am sure I will be writing about that more in the coming days too.

    I hope to be more aware of my mirrors.

    Link: Poly Study

    Here is a link to a poly study...

    A graduate student in psychology is conducting a research study for her dissertation research project about women in polyamorous relationships.

    Wednesday, January 19, 2005

    SM/Sex: Thank Heaven for Drummers!

    Oh yes...let me thank someone for drummers. I was going back and forth between that and "Yay Marks" as my title but really the spanking played a bigger part in our Sunday morning.

    Anyone that knows me or has read this journal a while would know I was never a big spanking person. But oh what Master's spankings do to me and I can only imagine it is because He is a drummer. So thank heaven for drummers. Master is so good as spanking.

    Sunday morning we had some spanking fun....

    On Sunday mornings Master always talks to His parents. And this Sunday was no different, but what was different is that I woke up with a note on the bed saying we would be playing later after the phone call. That of course left me with smiles.

    Master started by putting me the perforated leather hood (the hood is a leather hood that was made of perforated leather with thick leather pieces as seams - hole for mouth - shaped nose - laces up the back) after His phone call. He just kind of softly touched my body before heading to....


    He had U2 going in the stereo and it offered very good rhythm. Yum! Master's spanking are delicious. They start off kind of light, but thuddy. He uses lots of different techniques though I could not tell you what as I don't see His hands. I just can feel that they are different as they hit. Such as it feels like He cups His hands, and also like He uses His sides of His hands kind of coming down and pushing up on the flesh like His is taking a scoop into my I said I just know He is using lots of different strokes with His hands. The rhythm that is created on my bottom vibrates through my body and and of course makes me more then a little wet.

    I really get soaking wet with Master's spankings. So He did a nice long spanking and then went on to caning....

    Oh my...

    I did not expect it. And so the first taps were a surprise that tensed my body up a little, but then I felt how Master was using the cane on me and it turned me on. It was lighter impacts to my bottom at first. Short and fast strokes, but not heavy. And then of course they did increase in intensity.

    He has the knack that many Dominants have of hitting the SAME SPOT OVER AND OVER again. OUCH! He would do that and then just when I thought I was going to go crazy He would switch spots. So that it would make it one of those good pains that make your whole body shiver with excitement. A few times Master got me very close to orgasming just with the cane.

    His strokes with the cane increased with heaviness that made them more intense and more painful.

    At times while caning me Master would also finger me with His other hand. And it was hard to decide what to feel the pleasure of Him stroking my clit or the pain on my ass. My mind would do that thing where it says "oohh pleasure ahhh" and then go "Oh no...pain move wiggle get away." And then there would be the pleasure spike and my mind would go back to "ohhh pleasure" and back and forth like that. Soon Master moved back to just caning me.

    As the intensity increased I started to feel that the blackness. Most people describe subspace as a floating above or feeling high. It it is opposite for is a falling into a blackness and not caring why or what is going on to cause it. The blackness just starts to surround me and I don't fight it. I don't want to fight it.

    I would get close to being totally wrapped in it when Master would ramp it up and I would come out and my brain would scream, "HEY THAT HURT RUN" and so I would try to wiggle away and moan. But of course Master would hold me down or grab me and put me back in position and keep going. Then soon the blackness would come up again just starting to wrap around me when Master would ramp it up another notch making my brain scream at me again. And in that state of not rationally be able to control myself, my brain won out. I would roll away and cover my ass. Because my brain was thinking, "hey this hurts run protect yourself." But Master turned me over caning my hands and arms until I took them away. He would also grab me by the hood and put me back and hold me there very restrictively.

    This went on for a bit before Master finally stopped and flipped His girl over. He then punched and caned her tits before fucking her.

    It was a wonderful morning! Oh and as the opening paragraph said I got marks. It is a small miracle as I rarely mark. But they have already faded.

    All day Sunday though caused me to moan every time I sat down and stood up. Makes a girl all warm inside you know!

    Sunday, January 16, 2005

    Quote: Peter Masters

    "Mastery isn't just telling someone what to do. It's also creating the environment in which your submissive will do what you want even without being told. It is creating an environment in which they only have the one choice, and that is of doing what you want."

    - Peter Masters, The Control Book

    D/lg: For the Love of Benji

    The other night Daddy and I watched For the Love of Benji. It was so fun! I had Brenna and Darci sitting on my lap while we watched. I talked about all the Benji movies as I have seen them but not for a long time. I always loved those movies when I was a (real) little girl. I even had a stuffed animal of Benji and Tiffany when I was little. Those movies were the reason I begged my Mom and Dad for a dog.

    Anyway, it was nice to have a moment of nostalgia as well as a fun Daddy/little girl evening also.

    Saturday, January 15, 2005

    Quiz: Cooking to Hook-Up

    This is an old quiz that I found bookmarked that I want to take...even though I am needing to hookup.....

    I am a hybrid of:
    Gourmet Girl
    Indie Girl

    Click on the pictures below to read more:

    Gourmet GirlIndie Girl
    Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at

    Friday, January 14, 2005

    Daily Om: Feminine Wisdom

    I had this sitting as a draft in blogger from November 14....I meant to post it a long time ago but for some reason did not get around to it. So sharing now. You might see a few Daily OM's today as I am catching up on them. I have been behind.

    From November 11, 2004 Daily Om:

    Feminine Wisdom
    Maiden, Mother, Crone

    A woman's life is filled with stages, milestones ushering in wondrous experiential apexes like the coming of fertility, motherhood, and wisdom. Three aspects, maiden, mother, and crone, have traditionally represented the bounties and new beginnings represented by each stage. The maiden is the aspect of new beginnings, youth, playfulness, spontaneity, and learning. A woman in the prime of her life can be said to be living under the aspect of the mother, who personifies fertility, strength, and stability. She is the gentle nurturer as well as the fierce lioness. Lastly, and by far the most misunderstood and yet in many ways the most deserving of reverence, is the crone, who holds within her all of the wisdom of the journeys of womanhood within her.

    The word crone once meant simply 'wise woman' and, in antiquity, was a term of respect. The crone was a voice of wisdom, an elder, a healer, a counselor, and a teacher, who had traveled the paths of maiden and mother and possessed the accumulated wisdom of youth, adulthood, and old age. She represented the fulfillment of maturity and the knowledge that could only be obtained through a life well lived. The transition to cronehood was a rich and empowering experience, and an important rite of passage, though not one associated with a specific age. Today, though it seems eternal youth has become an obsession, women are reclaiming the status once associated with cronehood by recognizing their evolution and acting upon it. In awakening the crone, as she once was, women are acknowledging the extraordinary wisdom, grace, dignity, and beauty that comes with age.

    In embracing the aspect of the crone, it is important to be aware of the fact that age, experience, knowledge, and power are profound gifts that can never be taken from you. Each stage in life is yours and yours alone, and should be embraced as a vital part of life's journey. As you pass lovingly through each stage, coming finally to the remarkable crone, you will gradually be awakened to the mysteries of each, until you hold within you the keys to them all.

    Thursday, January 13, 2005

    Link: crying...

    A friend on live journal posted this link...

    It is a man who was a solider in Iraq. He died. Looking at all the people who never knew this person...leaving their sympathies and sentiments. It is very overwhelming.

    Meme: Me....A to Z

    A - Accent: at times a northern accent
    B - Breast size: dd
    C - Chore you hate: laundry..folding!
    D - Father's name: Robert
    E - Essential make-up item: mascara and gloss
    F - Favorite perfume: can't wear perfumes as they give me a headache but I do wear body sprays as they are lighter in fragrance....Pearberry and Country Apple are what I have right now.
    G - Gold or silver: Silver
    H - Hometown: Grand Junction, CO
    I - Insomnia: yes off and on I do get insomnia
    J - Job title: slave :)
    K - Kids: no but 2 kitty cats
    L - Living arrangements: with my Master
    M - Mother's birthplace: North Dakota
    N - Number of apples you've eaten: not sure quite a few as they are one of the few fruits I actually will eat
    O - Overnight hospital stays: yes once
    P - Phobia: mice
    R - Religious affiliation: I was raised Lutheran. Buddhism is what I study the most at the time. But I am kind of in a flux right now spiritually. Been trying to find more about Gnostic.
    S - Siblings: 2 younger sisters
    T - Time you wake up: anywhere from 7:30 to 9am
    U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: reds, purplish, Burgundy
    V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: to many to name
    W - Worst habit: biting nails
    X - X-rays you've had: sinus cavities, teeth, chest several times (had pneumonia a few times)
    Y - Yummy foods you make: I am a good baker and pretty good cook. (some recipes: Master read this over before I posted and He said, "Happy Dish" - it is basically pasta, sauce, ricotta cheese, mozz cheese, ground browned beef/turkey, ground browned sausage/turkey sausage mixed together and baked. The name comes from Lauren as she said it always made her happy.
    Z -Zodiac sign: Libra

    News: Study....

    A study finds that men prefer subordinate

    Wednesday, January 12, 2005

    SM/Sex: A Morning Using...

    I have been meaning to talk about some sex....

    Recently in one of Master's morning usings...He decided to not use anything but the things we had in bed in that moment. Meaning His hands and the t-shirt I was wearing.

    He did His usual taunting and teasing of me through pulling me back into Him so that He was restricting my breath some. He also slapped my face and punched my tits some. He then started to (so it seemed) to take off my t-shirt, but instead He put it over my head bring it snuggly against my face and wrapped the excess around my neck so that it was like a homemade hood.

    We touched each that hot, dirty way when you desire the other person so much. Master did some more punching and slapping. And soon Master was taking my t-shirt hooded head and pushing it down by His cock. He masturbated on to it. The wetness coming through onto my face. The scent of His cum so strong. It soaked through onto my lips and I could taste His cum. I licked my lips again and moaned.

    Master then gave me my vibrator and told me to keep the t-shirt on my head and get myself off while He took a shower to get ready for work.

    I came very hard as the cum continued to soak through onto my face.

    It was a very nice way to wake up.

    What has changed...

    Rose asked in her journal: How has your views of the lifestyle changed since you began to explore it? What are some changes in yourself that really shocked you? Did those changes sneak up on you ?

    My views on the lifestyle have changed a lot. Such as I used to think being in BDSM meant we (all who are into it) are similar but that is not true. I have found out being in an M/s relationship I get judged a lot more then when I was bottoming or a submissive.

    I have not really had anything really shock me. I have had some SM things that were not really desires become very strong desires.

    I started a whole long post on this subject because lately I feel like being in M/s is almost totally separate from the lifestyle. The reason being on the forums and groups M/s people tend to get slammed all the time and I am just sick of it. End of rant.

    Tuesday, January 11, 2005

    Meme: A Year of Sentences....

    Taken from Nuala at Awful Goodness...


    Post the first (complete, unlocked, unquoted) sentence from each month of 2004:

    January: That came in a New Year card.

    February: I won't be writing for a few days most likely as Master and I are leaving in the morning for Denver.

    March: Just want to remind people that Master and I are playing poker on yahoo again tonight at 7pm mountain time (9pm eastern, 8pm central).

    April: Today my wonderful wonderful His girl broadband!

    May: Just a quickie to say that Master and I had a wonderful day!

    June: We had a GREAT time in Santa Fe!

    July: This entry is something that I experienced in my real life.

    August: Before I move on to more about the actual seminar, I want to share this little story…I am not sure when it was exactly if it was at SMART Fest 2002 or OLF 2002, but Master Jim and slave marsha spoke at one of them.

    September: Combine ground round, onion, rice, pepper, 2 tablespoons of worcestershire sauce, and egg white in a medium sized bowl; stir well.

    October: Today was very casual.

    November: My numbers were close together and often I tied on them too.

    December: I did a Christmas template!

    Domestic: Crustless Southwestern Quiche Cups

    6 large eggs (or equivalent of Egg Beaters which is what I used)
    1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheese (I used a little low-fat cheddar and then some mozzarella)
    1 cup of cooked chicken chopped up
    1/2 cup of tomatoes chopped up
    one 4 oz can of diced green chilies
    1/2 cup diced onions
    A little cayenne pepper to taste (can use a little hot sauce or chili powder also)

    Preheat oven to 350 or 375 degrees F. Beat eggs with wire whisk in large mixing bowl until completely blended. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well with spoon.

    Spray a large size nonstick muffin pan (6 cups with 1 cup capacity each) with cooking spray. Divide mixture as evenly as possible into each cup. (You do not need to use foil baking cups.) Bake for about 30 minutes, or until a sharp knife inserted in the center comes out clean. They will rise during cooking and fall while cooling.

    Note: You can use a smaller-capacity, 12-cup muffin pan if desired, or even a loaf pan. Quiche cups (or slices) can be frozen and reheated in the microwave.

    Variations: Any combination of appropriate vegetables, chopped (green or red bell peppers, onions, fresh cooked spinach, zucchini, cauliflower, broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, etc.) and cheeses may be used.

    Monday, January 10, 2005

    Domestic: Food and Family Magazine

    I am promoting this because I really like it and think there are others out there who will also...

    First it is FREE! Yes FREE!

    Kraft Foods puts out a quarterly magazine called Food & Family. It is a magazine full of recipes, articles and tips. Yes it has quite a few ads and all the products in the recipes are kraft related but really it has some good recipes. I have not used Kraft products for many of the recipes. I just use what ever I have that is the same thing just different brand and they have turned out great.

    I have had the subscription for a year now and really enjoyed it. They also have a healthy living section in it that I have used many recipes from and enjoyed also!

    Here is a link to sign up for it....Food & Family.

    Sunday, January 09, 2005

    Update about the Real Mouse (Mice)

    Okay an update on the Mouse situation....

    Two mice have been caught. Master had a few traps with peanut butter and cheese set up where He thought their path seemed to be and it obviously is working. The first one was caught on Friday evening and the next was Friday during the night sometime. We still have them up, but so far nothing I am hoping that was it. I have not slept well for both nights even though I know it is highly unlikely they could get onto our tall tall bed I am having nightmares about mice. I have been really tentative when going into the kitchen still. Master has been great! Protecting me from the mice! He has stayed close by while I am in the kitchen. Tonight was the first night all weekend He was in the office for a bit while I was cooking dinner. Master and I talked in bed this morning on how it will probably be a very long time before I get in the cage, get locked in the closet, or even just sit on the floor.

    When I wrote about my mouse experience, I asked Master if He would do a "He says" account of the situation. I also requested that He make it funny because I felt if I did not laugh about it some - I would be even more freaked out about the mouse. I do feel I would not even be going to near the kitchen still if I had not laughed about it some with Him after I read His version.

    It is a fear and even though is an irrational fear as I am much much bigger then the little mouse, I can't seem to shake it. Thank you everyone who commented on being so understanding about that fear. I am glad to know I am not alone in that kind of fear.

    So just as I am typing this...being slightly brave because I don't have slippers on (first time this weekend my feet have been bare), Master stretches and His foot brushes up against mine. And of course I jump out of my seat. I gasped and felt my heart jump. So see my irrational paranoia is still very alive. Not a good thing!

    Master is going to keep the traps up a few more days before seeing where they are getting in. We think there is an entry maybe under the sink somewhere. That is where that traps were set in the cabinets under the sink. There are pretty good size holes (around the pipes) that go down from the flooring in the cabinet down through the actual floor. There is space between the flooring in the cabinet and the actual floor and He thinks that is where they were living. Or were living as I can't stand the thought of more. So it will be quite the project pulling up the flooring in the cabinets and searching out how they got the first place.

    So tomorrow, I think I will still be very cautious since I will be alone. My day got interrupted on Friday so I did not get to taking the tree down so that will be my project tomorrow.

    Groovy Girls

    Saturday Daddy bought His little girl special treats because of bad day I had on Friday (ie: mice)....

    He got me DOLLIES!

    We were in Target and I saw these dolls called Groovy Girls...I had never seen them before. I fell in love...

    I was looking at all of them and the accessories. They were so cute. So I showed Daddy Darci and He understood why I liked her. And then I said that I also liked Brenna. And He told me He thought His little girl should have both of them! I was so thrilled!

    So for much of Saturday I was in little girl mode. I made Daddy smile lots! And of course this little girl was smiling lots with her new dolls!

    A note for parents of little kids, these dolls are exceptionally cute and fun. They are soft and cuddly but are able to play with them like Barbies dressing them and playing with their accessories. They have super names and cool clothing, pets, and furniture (such as this couch or bed). The sleeping bag is so cute.

    I think I am going to have to start making a Princess wish list for Daddy!

    Thank you Daddy for being so good to your little girl! I love YOU very much!

    Friday, January 07, 2005

    Real Mouse Real Mouse some background first...

    When I was little 3 and 4 years old, my family lived in an old house that was kind of on outskirts of the town. It was a farm house before the area started building up out there. It had a dirt basement and was filled with mice. We had a lot of them throughout the house.

    Anyway, as I child I had mice run over me while I was sleeping, playing and even when I would open my dresser drawers they would even jump right out at me. SO - because of that I am deathly afraid of them. I mean deathly.

    We have 2 cats so really I never worried about it here, but felt since where we live that chances of mice is probable because we are out next to some fields. Well my carefreeness because of the cats, has been thrown out the window today.

    Right before we left for vacation our little girl cat became obsessed with a few points in the kitchen especially in front of the stove/oven. She would sit,look, sniff and try to get under it for hours. Well, I did not think much about it as she has gotten lots of toys under there before. But the thing is now that I think about it she never has been this obsessed about it when a toy got under there. So that should have been my first clue.

    So we get back from vacation and the cats immediately act weird in the bedroom. Such as stalking or hunting but there was nothing (as in toys) in there to stalk or hunt at the moment. I just thought they lost a toys somewhere that I had not seen in there.

    The last few days it has been near the fridge and especially the pantry door. I would open the pantry door and both cats would be right inside sniffing around. And our girl cat even climbed on things on the pantry floor. (We store cases of diet coke, toilet paper, packages of bottled water, mulit-packs of kleenex). Our cats never climb on things in there. It is like they know that is not something they should do. But every time I have opened the door the last few days they are there climbing and nosing at things. So today they were acting weird around the door again - being obsessed about it. I busy cleaning and I said okay go for it. I opened the door and I went to clean the bedroom. I can see the pantry from the bedroom so I heard them both in there. And girl cat was meowing. I went and moved something she was pawing at...I set it in the kitchen and went back to the bedroom. It left little room for the hiding mouse. I heard the little girl really scrambling and I turn around to tell them okay that is enough. I step into the kitchen and that is when I see it...running from the pantry into the kitchen..heading towards the stove.

    I SCREAM! I keep screaming! And I scare our boy cat. His tail got huge. And he was freaked from me screaming - not from the mouse. I jumped on the bed grabbed the phone and called Master. The boy cat went to look but then came back to look at me still pretty much screaming and now crying which freaked him out more. Yes, I know it is a little mouse.

    Master had only been at work maybe 40 minutes if that.

    I punch in His extention. He answers and all I can do is cry out, "REAL MOUSE REAL MOUSE!" I am not sure how many times I said it but I know it was at least two.

    He says, "okay honey take a deep breath calm down."

    I said, "real mouse real mouse," quieter this time.

    He said, "where is it?"

    I said, "in the kitchen I think under the stove."

    He said, "What did the cats do?"

    I told him that I scared our boy cat and that the girl cat did not get that the mouse was not in the pantry anymore so she was in there still.

    He said, "Okay I am on my way home."

    I know He was ready to try to reason with me but I was crying and sobbing...and well frankly out of control. But He tried just a little.

    He said, "you do know that you probably scared the mouse?"

    I cried, "yes." But I kept on crying.

    His co-workers know that I have a fear of them as they have them at the office and I have seen one there. I did not freak out like I did at home, but I got a little shaken there. So he went to tell the office manager and then his immediate boss that his girl was crying and screaming and scared because she saw a mouse in the house. A REAL mouse.

    When I moved in with Master, I took all the cat toys that looked like real mice and put them in a box. Because even the fake mice that looked like real ones scared me. Now all the cat toys that are mouse shaped are in bright colors - hot pink, lime green, purple and orange.

    So I stayed on the bed holding the phone until Master came home. He was laughing, but at the same time very understanding of my irrational over the top fear.

    He moved things and tried to find the mouse, but He couldn't. But He did discover where it is probably living or the path that it keeps He went and got some traps and put them in places along the path. It is my hope we get it soon and then we can look for how it got in - in the first place.

    Also when He got home I had not taken my shower yet but was scared to go in there. He had to scope things out for me before I went to take my shower. He then got my slippers checked to make sure mice were not in them. I knew I needed to have my feet covered as I would totally freak out if the mouse ran over my bare feet. So I have been in my slippers all day.

    While getting dressed I said to Master good think we were not doing the isolation plans He had intended...locking me in the closet. I can just imagine what would happen if I had a mouse run over me naked and hooded while sitting or lying on the closet floor. Shivering just with that thought.

    The whole day when I have had to move towards the kitchen I would make LOTS Of noise so that it would stay hidden from me. I am hoping that it is not as smart of mouse as it stole the cheese out of one of the traps without setting it off.

    I know it is stupid that I have this fear all these years later but I hope that the little story might give someone a good laugh. I know it gave Master and his co-workers had a laugh.

    Master's much funnier version A Mouse Story.

    I am very thankful for having a wonderfully understanding and protective Master. (He protected me from the mouse.:)

    Birthday Wish....

    Happy Birthday Lauren!

    Princess I hope you have a fantastic day celebrating YOU!

    Thursday, January 06, 2005

    Birthday Wish....

    I just wanted to let a friend know I am thinking of her today...

    ~*~*~ HaPpY BiRtHdAy Bree! ~*~*~

    I hope you have a wonderful day filled with celebrating you!

    Tuesday, January 04, 2005

    Suggestions Please!

    Suggest to me:

    1. A movie

    2. A book.

    3. A musical artist, song, or album.

    4. A blogger not listed on my links.

    Respond in comments (or email me - link on the side) and then put it in your own journal if you wish

    Monday, January 03, 2005

    Presents, Presents Presents...

    A few random thoughts on presents...

  • When we were at my parents house they asked Master to look at the TV - Cable Direct TV box - and the DVD. Dad said he could not figure out why it was not working. So Master took a look at it. He discovered two things - one the cables that hook the DVD to the cable box were not working and two the DVD was totally gone. So, Master came to me to say we need to run an errand after discovering these things. Mom gave us her keys and my sister came with us to navigate to Target. Master bought my parents a new DVD player and cables. We came in with it and my Mom kind of look at it strange, but it was not registering. While Master was hooking it up my Mom said how are you going to get that back to Colorado. Master told her bought them the DVD player for them. Shortly afterwards Dad was informed also....they both were taken aback by it and a little speechless. They thought Master was truly generous to give them such an extravagant gift.

    Master felt for all they had been doing for us there (such as paying for our expensive meal there) that it was the least He could...I was truly touched He did that for my parents. And very thankful to have such a wonderful Master.

  • Master gave His sister a DVD that He made. It had 3 different little videos of her wedding on it. It was great to see her reaction to it. She was crying which of course made me cry. I had seen the thing lots and lots as Master worked on it so it should not have made me cry. It was that she was crying that I cried. I am glad she liked it. I am proud of Master for the wonderful work He did on it to make something so special for His sister.

  • From Master's parents we got a domestic item that I was thrilled about and can't wait to use. Especially after taking it out of the box today and reading the instructions and recipe booklet. It is a the George Forman but so much better.

  • Just a list of some things from my family...a couple of sweaters. One is very pretty a pale pink cardigan (but not baby pink). It has really pretty rhinestone buttons on it. Each button is different too. I got a few other clothing items - shirt, pjs, workout suit, and slippers. I also got a DVD of original Christmas Classics from TV - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, plus 3 more. I received 2 cookbooks, a Christmas Tree Ornament for the series I collect and also a big fat journal that is actually kind of ugly but I am going to I think make into a collage journal for myself. Which brings me to the next item...

  • Master and I bought some things while there with Christmas item was something I had on my wishlist. Artplay Calendar. It is a calendar of pictures by collage artists. Master was getting a calendar for Himself and asked me if I wanted to get one also. I said no because I got the Amy Brown one for my birthday. But just as He was about to check out I saw out of the corner of my eye Artplay. The last one so I snatched up and asked for it. Master said yes and so now I have a calendar in the office as well as the kitchen. I also got 2 skirts while there that are just so cute and a few sizes smaller then I was last year at this time so I was happy about that.

  • I was surprised by the gifts from my Aunt's and Uncle's. We usually don't exchange anymore. And Master was included also. My Grandma even gave Master a gift too. And I was surprised by that as she had not met Him and we are living in sin. My Aunt and Uncle gave us wine accessories - corkscrew, wine charms, and coasters. And then I got some burts bee lotions and Master got coffee. My other Aunt made all the women in the family scarves. All of us had a different color. Master took a really cute picture of us all in them. Because it had been a long time since I saw them all Master allowed me to purchase wine from our favorite winery as a gift to them. I had it shipped to my parents. It got there the day before all the festivities started so that was good. I also got a bottle for my cousin who came to town to see us.

  • I love to give gifts. It was kind of hard on me this year to find the gifts I wanted to give. Some surprises were when we gave the neighbors goodie bags of treats I baked. They seemed surprised and overwhelmed by the gesture. Just like with my parents and Master giving the DVD player their reaction was so worth it.

    People always complain how commercial it has gotten but I also think it goes to far to the other side also. It is very secular too. I do get fed up with hearing that Jesus is the reason for the season (especially when he was not even born in December).

    For me the spirit of Christmas is family, sharing, love, magical, peaceful, joyous times. You are filled with the love of friends and family and celebrating with them.

    I am very thankful I had Christmas with my family. Also thankful to Master for letting us go up there as I know it was a very expensive trip.

    Time lately I have felt very far from them and like I am missing a part of me. Because I do miss so much of what goes on. And also worry that my time with my Grandmother's has been wasted. And so each moment that I have had with them I am very thankful for but at the same time wish for more.

    So my big present this year was seeing my family! I am very grateful for that wonderful gift.

    Sunday, January 02, 2005

    The Last 2 Weeks....

    We left for Master's family and had a family event there on Sunday (Dec 19). It was their bake-off. Everyone in the family bakes something to bring. It was a nice time. Sugar overload for sure though. We spent several days there before getting on the plane to go to Minnesota to visit my family.

    Master had met my parents, but no one else in my family and He got introduced to everyone the very first night we were there. Even got introduced to a few family dramas right away (such as my sister being late for dinner).

    We have a tradition of going out to eat with my aunts and uncles to a very nice (read expensive) restaurant. So that first night is where Master was introduced to everyone. It was a good food, but not worth the price to me. But it was nice to see everyone.

    Then one night we had dinner at my Uncle's and Aunt's house. And then a cousin of my Mom's that I have good memories of was also there with her husband for dinner. So it was nice to catch up with her a little bit. One of my cousins (from my Dad's side)and her family came into town just to see Master and I. That was very nice of them. Her and I were very close when growing up. We are close in age and just spent a lot of time together as kids. Her kids are adorable. It was good to see them all.

    Then on Christmas day we had a different day but it was still nice. We had fondue. Usually we have prime rib and some Norwegian traditional food. But this year my Aunt decided we should do something different. It was really good, but kind of hard to do with so many people. But again it was just nice to be with everyone.

    While in Minnesota we shopped of course. We went to the Mall of America. I thought Master would just like to experience it at least once. And He really did love it and I think when we visit again He might even want to go there again.

    There was one store we went into looking for something for His parent's. We found them something right away and so we picked up and checked out. As we were leaving with present in the bag we saw this little snowman so we went back and got that. We joked with the clerks that we can't get out of the store. We even said we are leaving now. So on the way out...guess what....we saw a Santa in a sleigh we saw earlier in another store. But it was half off in this store. It is fairly large piece and regularly priced it was quite expensive. So seeing it 50% off Master said we should get it. It will look really good on top of the entertainment cabinet next year for Christmas. So we checked out again. The clerks joked with that they like people like us and to keep looking. But we just kept our eyes on the door after that!

    We had an intense conversation with my sister at lunch that day. She is a lesbian and we talked about Mom and Dad not accepting her. She started crying. And when anyone cries I have to join them. And so I started crying too. It was hard to hear the things she was telling us. I might have a religion rant soon because I just am so irritated with organized religion right now. It irritates me that they teach hate even though of course they would say they don't.

    The last night there Master took lots of pictures of my sisters and I. We had what we called a Senior picture moments. We were all posed in cutesy ways that you would do when you had your senior pictures. But they actually turned out very cute. And my sister who absolutely hates having her picture taken even liked a few. And she never does so that says something. Master did great working with us three.

    It is a catch 22 living far from my family...because I miss them, but at the same time I love the freedoms Master and I enjoy with not having family near us. I wish I could be closer (distance) to them so that I felt more apart of things like I once did. But as I said at the same time I don't want that. I love having our alone time. And I love that we don't live near family so we don't have to worry about being outed by them just dropping in on us.

    This trip felt very rushed and busy. I wished for more quality time with my sisters and Mom and Dad. We seemed to either have lots of family events or my parents were busy. So it was kind of an unusual Christmas for us.

    Master seemed to get the essence of our family though even though it was a lot more chaotic then years past.

    Christmas is about spirit in our family and I am not necessarily meaning religious spirit even though my folks are very religious. But family and celebrating together is important to our family. Being together to talk and just be with each other is important. The spirit of our family is important.

    This year my Mom seemed to very stressed though. And with due cause my Grandmother had surgery on the 27th and everyone was quite worried about it as my Grandmother is 88 years old. Combine that with some pre-holiday parties and family get togethers my Mom did not get all her usual holiday preparations done. So I know she felt bad about that. Also she was not feeling well.

    But all in all it was good to see my family and have Christmas with them. My sisters and parents went overboard with presents as usual. We ended up having to buy another suitcase and still did not get everything in...Mom is sending me a box of stuff I could not fit into the bags.

    When we got back to Master's parents we were hit with some bad news. Master's niece was diagnosed with cancer. She is a freshman in college. She is a quiet, shy girl and college seemed to be good for her and now she will have to drop out for now to do treatments. It was hard to hear and it is going to be a hard road but her spirit has been amazing. She is a very brave young woman. Master and I did up a care package/basket for her since we were not able to see her as we had been exposed to many sick people in Minnesota and her chemo will be wearing on her immune system so we did not want to expose her to anything right now. She needs her strength.

    Things at Master's parents are always a little hard. My parents give a lot of space to me when I visit and this time was not different even though we had family events there is no pressure in them. At Master's parents there seems to be pressure to be there and be doing something. Anyway, we were discussing it while there, out to dinner with some friends and also on the way home that it is hard to be around family.

    While we were at Master's parents we went to see some friends that live in the area. And I know that probably did not make Master's parents thrilled. But had a great time with our friends. It is a pleasure to be with them and I always hate when we have to end the evening. They are a great couple that I have talked about before. I always enjoy their company such wonderful people.

    We headed home then on December 31. We seemed to hit it at a good time not running into much weather or traffic from the skiers. After we got home, we went to the post office and then to get a few groceries to get us through for a while. And also picked up some alcohol. We spent the evening watching TV (catching up on West Wing that we record from Bravo), snuggling, having fabulous sex, playing games, eating and drinking. We kissed at midnight toasting with pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Yummy!

    This weekend has been lots of relaxing before Master heads to work and I head into getting the house back in order.

    Yep Another Review of Sorts...

    1. did you like the age you turned this year? no i did not. :(

    2. do you feel like you made progress towards your goals, big or small this year? yes some big some small though also.

    3. did you make resolutions for 2004? did you keep them? I don't do resolutions. I don't consciously make a lot of goals either. Not sure what that says about me but I do it more unconsciously or internally without really realizing it.

    4. do you have resolutions for 2005? no

    5. did you make any major lifestyle changes this year? yes

    6. do you think looking back that this will figure as one of the more important years in your life? I enjoyed 2004 very much but I am not sure it will be a year to stand out. Maybe some memories will such as Santa Fe but I know we will be there again and again so it also might fade into not knowing exactly which year or date it was but remembering instead the feelings of it....seeing it and being there for the first time.

    7. what was the hardest thing you did this year? acceptance

    8. did you learn any new skills? yes acceptance

    9. did your appearance change much this year? yes lost weight, had a few color changes and right now my natural color, had LOTS of hair cut off, wore some different types of clothing (colors and types) for me.

    10. what do you hope to leave behind as you enter the new year? not sure there is anything I really want to leave behind. Wish we could have left behind Bush. But that isn't happening.

    11. do you have new year’s plans? We spent a quiet evening playing games, watching tv, drinking and eating.

    12. what are you thankful for? life and Master. It is good to be alive and being where I have always dreamed of being. Being in a wonderful realationship with such a wonderful path and future before us.

    13. what amazed you this year? lots of simple things...small things and a few big things. Day trips with Master, Mail from wonderful friends and family, music, Santa Fe, art, rope, books, friends and so much more

    14. biggest disappointment? Bush winning

    15. brief statement of your circumstances at the beginning of the year vs. now:
    then (end of 2003/start of 2004): nice, hopeful, loved
    now (end of 2004/start of 2005): loved, calm

    longer post coming with updates of the holidays and the last 2 weeks!

    Happy New Year!
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