Thursday, January 24, 2013

2013 is Amazing

* My life is amazing right now. I just feel overwhelmed with joy. It is easy for the pain to flood in and bring me down though. So trying to hang on to all the good things in my life. Remind myself that I have super fantastic support system in my life between friends, Master and professionals in my life such as my doctor and therapist.  Hanging on to the joy and working to get the pain more under control. Plus having an abundance of joy.

* I got new glasses....first time I have worn glasses in at least 15 years.  I joked with the eye doctor that even though Colorado doesn't seem to mind me not having a glasses while driving....I do. :)  I had been driving more and didn't like not being able to read signs ahead.

* I am obsessed with Downton Abbey right now. I have watched season 1 and  2 several times and just hang on every episode - captivated.  I got Master hooked on them too. I mean he isn't obsessed like I am, but really enjoys the series too.

* I took on job via Master's business that he had a conflict with and I didn't want it to go to another company so I offered to do it. So it is my project, but it has been an experience as I am doing things out of my box of comfort.  It has been a good for me though. I had an appointment with the group this week and it went really well.  So made me feel more confident in how I am doing in the project. Still scary, but I know in the long run it is good for me to be doing this.

* 2013 has been artful and creative for me. I am reading a book about poetry (something I have never tried my hand at before) and I am having fun playing with words. Besides the poetry, I have many other fulfilling creative ideas and projects taking up my time. I can't imagine not having them going on now and want to explore them further. I hope to really push my creativity and art in 2013.

* My parents came for a visit at the beginning of January for several days. I have never seen my Dad so relaxed. He is retired now and it is agreeing with him. My Mom retired right before they left on this trip so she is still having some issues on the thought of not working again. My father and I have always had issues relating to each other. I long to be accepted for me by Dad.  That will never happen, but there is that little piece of me that always holds out hope. Anyway it is easy for me to take things very personally with my Dad so this time while he was here, I used Byron Katie's The Work and it helped me not take things personally so that I didn't create negative issues playing on repeat in my head. Which of course created a much more relaxed visit instead of being so stressed with everything.

* Really this is a pretty vanilla life update, but even though all this good vanilla stuff is going on in my foundation with Master is really good too as Owner/property - Master/slave. Next week we will celebrate 10 years together on this journey and I was discussing with my therapist my relationship with Master - which she knows nothing about the M/s but does know about the poly. She was commenting on how solid Master and I are. She also finds it interesting because I am very insecure in myself often and other relationships like with my parents, but with Master,  I am so secure in our relationship. I know that we can get through any challenge that comes our way and I don't feel threatened or insecure about the poly or the time he puts into the business.  She just feels we have have a very strong healthy and secure relationship   I agree even with the parts she is missing...the M/s. I feel extremely blessed to be Master's slave and walk this path with him and have fantastic relationship.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Shades of Kink

The season premiere of Our America airs tonight on OWN.  It is exploring real life 50 Shades of Grey.  I saw a status message from OWN about it.

Lisa Ling says she went in with a judgmental hat on and had it changed. It does seem like she is strictly coming to this from a kinky point of view. The play and not those who live it day to day more like they going into a scene and playing and then stepping back to a vanilla life.  Which is fine if that is someone wants to do it, but it is just one aspect of the BDSM umbrella.

From the status message: "No one judges in the world of BDSM, meaning there is nothing for which you could express desire that would make people balk. There is a kind of openness that I frankly, found very refreshing. Unlike the outside world where most of us have difficulty expressing things that excite us or are curious about, this is a world where one can be honest about just about anything. Openness and trust are key tenets of BDSM; things that one can’t always find in the outside world. "

It is nice that she got that view from the BDSM and for the most part I believe it to be true, but one look on FetLife groups and you can see their are very differing positions on how to live the lifestyle. It sounds like Lisa Ling came away with a positive look at the BDSM community which is nice since most don't seem to come away with such good outlook.

This video is the first 5 minutes of the episode....

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

30 Days - Day 15

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Well I have had this tried on me, but would like to try again - fisting.  I hasn't been successful by 2 people who have tried it on me.  It is one activity that I am curious about feeling it. I have done it on someone and it was so intense just doing it on someone, but I have never felt it done to me.

Not sure I can think of anything else at the moment that I am curious about. There are many activities that I have done and would like to do again, but really not sure there is anything new at the moment that I am curious about and would like to try. I enjoy the activities we do currently they are some of my favorite things....slapping, breath play, being held down and hurt. All yummy things for me. 

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

Friday, January 04, 2013

30 Days - Day 14

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Well first I want to say IT DOES differ. I know it is nice to think that being online or being long distance is the same as serving face to face. But being owned and serving online or from far away is so different then serving day to day. It is more intense and gratifying as well as more mundane - and all can happen at the same time. 

When I served Master from Ohio, our emotions ran higher because all we had was that to focus on. I think that is often why people say that serving online is more or the same, but really if you are just having a heightened aspect that isn't the same as feeling a range of emotions face to face with all the the other elements factored into it. 

Words is just one thing that is different to me.  When I are standing in front of Master how I say something will be different then when I was states away sitting behind a computer screen or on a phone.  My wording actually became better when I was face to face, because if I didn't state something right while standing facing Master - well a slap across the face wasn't uncommon early in our relationship.  When I was online, well I could say anything really - although I didn't - but he couldn't slap me on the face. Yes, he could say good-bye or walk away, but the looking him in the eye and saying anything is just completely different feeling.  

Just having the intimacy of being near each other is so different.  Intimacy in not just sexual, but those casual looks as we walk through a store or the touch at the back of my neck. It all impacts those emotions and impacts our interaction all day long. 

 The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.
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