Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Excited about Poly

Master started talking to a woman on an online social network.   He hadn't told me about her at first because of meeting her on a site where we are known by our vanilla friends/family so put her in the vanilla column. He needs M/s in his life so being with someone who won't be his slave isn't an option for him.  But he was flirting with her and enjoying her company still. So eventually they admitted feelings for each other and Master went for it - he outed us. She didn't get scared off - which is what he figured would happen. She was actually intrigued. 

You know there is a mental list I have of things I view as poly-minded. So far not  many people we have met check things off that list - even though they say they are poly-minded. But this woman did right away. It was amazing to me someone who knew nothing BDSM and Poly was really coming into it with more acceptance and understanding of everything then some people who say they are kinky or poly. 

Anyway - she and I started exchanging emails and really get along. It thrilled me because the first time in this journey - I really felt comfortable and like wow this person feels right. It just feels different with her. 

Now I am totally realistic that we haven't met face to face or had day to day interactions - and those  things make everything different. But all this is more positive then it has been before.   I look forward to getting to know her face to face too.  We have started planning for a visit - either us to her or her to us.  The first moment of talking about a visit - made me so excited. Like bouncy excited - I can't wait to meet her, hang out with her,  and get to know her even better. 

I just wanted to get all that out as I have been excited about it.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Love Times Three - Part 2

As I said in a previous post I read Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I thought I would share some quotes I have flagged in the book.

"Plural marriage isn't easy. We're the first to admit that.  It's a lifestyle that requires of each woman a constant gentle empathy for her sister wives and a respect for boundaries and fairness. We face the same struggles that monogamous wives do, but those trying  times are often magnified because there are multiple partners whose perspective and feeling have to be considered."

Really good words. I think it requires quite a bit of empathy, respect for boundaries and fairness.I know it is really hard for people to do poly. One thing that many get hung up on is the not keeping every one in mind.  When I lived in the poly household, one of my clear signs that it might work was if that other person kept the women in the household on their mind.  Such as when they called did they ask about us or want to speak to us, did they try to form a relationship with each of us or just him,  or did they like to pretend we didn't exist.  Poly won't work if you don't take everyone into account and be very empathetic to what each person is going through.

"When people say I 'practice' polygamy, they've got it right: my efforts to live this lifestyle are contanst and ongoing. There are many religions that have practices aimed at deepening spiritual insights and expressing faith, such as fasting, saying the rosary, and making a pilgrimage.  That's what plural marriage is for me: a daily practice that focuses my attention on the highest ideals of my religion.  The benefits to me, in terms of spiritual and personal growth, joy and completeness, far outweigh the hard work and sacrifice it takes."

Poly is constant work.  The area of this quote I would change instead of saying it is "my highest ideals of my religion" - I would say it is the highest ideals of myself.

"We have the closeness of sisters and the comaraderie of friends. I love it when I head for the kitchen late at night for a taste of chocolate and find Vickie or Val there, spoon in hand and ready for conversation."

Yes. Oh yes.  The closeness goes beyond friendship to me...it is family but not in the sense of bio family. I mean my biological sisters don't know things about me that I have told sister slaves.  Some of my favorite memories of living in Ohio, where doing mundane things with the other women in the household. Bug sitting on the dryer folding clothes as I put the next load in - talking and laughing the whole time. Laur and I singing as we made dinner.  So many wonderful moments in the everyday living of life.  I want that again.

"Early on, I tried to assert my status as the husband to get my wives to do what I wanted, but playing the patriarchy card wasn't working for me. ... I realized I was trying to drive them, not lead them." 

Just liked that quote because with so many personalities sometimes I can see how "driving" might seem like the solution but it is quite the opposite because there are so many personalities - better to lead then to try to  force things to happen.

"That's something a lot of people miss when they look at this lifestyle: it requires a willingness to take personal responsibility and be accountable for yourself."  

Joe talks about how he can't carry 3 wives luggage through the airport.  And one of the wives talked about how she has some issues cropping up and she realized Joe couldn't fix it - can't fix everything - that she had to look at those issues and see why they were coming up and work on finding the solution.  It wasn't Joe's responsibility to help her with her issues - it was hers.  Throughout the book they all mention personal responsibility and I just feel that is something needed in all relationships just not poly. But with poly I can see how sometimes we have to take that responsibly because there are so many people in the household you can't put it on everyone else.

Joe and the wives mention that although they are taking personal responsibility - everything is easier because they have love and support from each other.

Overall, I liked the book.  Even though they come at poly from a religious standpoint...I still related to many things in the book.  The book starts out with them growing up, how they basically came into poly. That part I didn't relate too as they were all grew up around polygamy.  But the second half of the book is where they talk about their plural marriage and those are the parts I can relate too.  I hope their book does help give another perspective of polygamy - where they aren't on a compound and wearing prairie-garb.

They were on 20/20 a couple weeks ago. You can watch the episode online.

Here is a video clip I found from Our America with Lisa Ling about a young family.  I usually seem them mid-30 to 40's.

"Modern Polygamy: Spotlight on a Young Polygamist Family
Lisa visits Isaiah and his two wives to determine if what she sees in this young and modern families' daily lifestyle will change any of the preconceived notions we have about polygamy."

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Review: Expert Guide To Oral Sex

My past profession means I have given quite a lot of blow jobs.  After watching another Tristan Taormino sex education video - I decided I wanted to take a look at  Expert Guide To Oral Sex: Fellatio.  Even though I have given a lot of blow jobs - I know I am not an expert.  I figured I might learn something from it - and even if I didn't then the porn in it would be fun to watch as women who are enjoying themselves giving a blow job always turns me on. 

This adult dvd starts out with Tristan introducing herself to a small group of women before going into a short lesson in male sexual anatomy. She uses good illustrations to point out arousal points on both circumcised and uncircumcised penis and talks about how different areas produce different sensations. She adds of course that every one is different and having a good open communication is key to figuring out what your partner likes.  

After the male anatomy lesson, Tristan brings out Roxy and Christian to help demonstrate parts of the anatomy on a real cock as well as going over four phases of a blow job. The four phases are - warm up, experiment, rhythm, and orgasm.  Tristan sits next to them and talks about the different phases as Roxy gives Christian a blow job. I think it would be very difficult to be aroused or stay aroused while someone talks about the blow job in a more technical form but Tristan is able to pull it off so it doesn't seem clinical but very casual.  Christian doesn't look like he is having any problems staying aroused. The group of women then ask questions such as what do you do when your mouth isn't producing enough saliva, can you change the taste of cum, and how to overcome gag reflect. 

Marcos & Lindsey
After the class is done, then the video breaks off into three separate couples demonstrating blow jobs and being interviewed by Tristain. Tristan narrates tips with each segment showing helpful “pop-up video” style bubbles to illustrate the point. The first couple is Kaiya and Alex in a bedroom setting. Kaiya gives an eager blow job while showing different stimulation techniques and positions.   The second couple is Lindsay and Marcos. Their session focuses on communication between two people have never met, incorporating hand job in with a blow job, different positions and the art of a sensual blow job. You can clearly see how much Marcos is enjoying himself.  Marcos is uncircumcised so it was nice to see how stimulation someone who is uncircumcised can be different.  It was also refreshing to see him start completely flaccid and see him grow hard.  The other sessions just start out with a hard cock.  The third couple is  Alec (same one who was with Kaiya) and Adrianna  who focused on sloppy blow jobs and also deep-throating techniques. 

Marcos & Lindsey
It then is broken into segments that show different styles of blow job: sensual, submissive, hand to mouth (this segment includes a sex toy - anal vibrator), sloppy, and sixty-nine.  Tristan doesn't narrate or have any pop up tips in these segments they are just straight oral action. 

As with the other Expert Guide dvds from Tristan, this one had a ton of extras.  It has segments of some couples without narration, Fellatio on an Uncircumcised Penis, Fellatio & Prostate Stimulation, more of the cast interviews, safe sex, behind the scenes, and trailers. In the behind the scenes Tristan, Adrianna and Kaiya do a little taste testing of flavored lubes.  Because some of the lubes are very bad, their comments and reactions are funny. In the safe sex segment they talk about flavored condoms. I used them when I worked - and I liked banana the best.  

Kaiya and Alec
I don't feel I did learn anything new from this dvd but it did give me some reminders of things I don't do that often that I should incorporate into giving Master a blow job.  I think that if you  feel you are lacking oral skills or if you just aren't enjoying giving blow jobs then you should watch this video. It is my guess you will not only learn something but you will gain different perspectives from the men and women in the video on why and how they enjoy blow jobs.  If you feel you won't learn anything new, then you will probably still walk away with reminders of things to do that you haven't done in a while - like I did. 

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Love Times Three - Part 1

I am reading Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I first read about the book on Beliefnet.  NPR also had an interview. When NPR posted this on Facebook - reading the comments were interesting.  Everything from it is no ones business how they want to lead their lives to of course the predictable ones of these women are brainwashed and must have low self-esteem.

Although it is from the perspective of Independent Fundamentalist Mormons - I am relating to many things said in the book as someone who is poly too.  They also of course do say some things that have given me pause for thought.

The wives describe they went on a girls night out with a bunch of friends - some monogamous some not.  A monogamous friend was sharing some sexual details of her marriage and she asked if other women felt the same as her. She then turned to say okay now your turn to share. The 3 sister wives looked at each other and said no we don't do that. They don't share intimate details of their sex life with their husband - good or bad. They don't go on a date and then come home and gush about how good or how bad it was.  Those are between the husband and the wife.  But in the lifestyle I lead we are often very open with details (I mean I have been blogging details for 11 years)  so it is hard to stop things from coming out. I mean I will write on here the SM and sexual details and people we care about who are a possible 3rd to our family will read that.

I can see the benefit to not sharing but I think it would be hard because we are so open. Now...of course not all details are shared. But as I said if I write about it or do talk about an experience - how does that make someone feel?  When I was in the poly household and another girl shared something about her night with our Sir, I often just felt excitement - like a voyeuristic excitement. It also just made me feel good that that girl and him were having a good time.  When someone shared something sad, then it made me feel sad for them.  But over all I didn't feel jealous. At times envious of someone getting something I didn't and that is why the Darger wives don't say anything so one doesn't feel like they are being left out or not getting the same treatment. This way they all assume he is the same with each of them...that they each have unique aspects to their own relationship with him but that if he isn't have sex with them each time he sees them then he isn't having sex with the other wives each time he sees them.  So as I said I can see that benefit - just think it would be hard to not share.

It is something we have kind of run into too. Master was with someone really wanted privacy but Master is used to sharing so much with me. So it was hard for him to not share at times. He didn't feel the need to share every intimate detail but he did need to talk through some things and I have been his sounding board for almost 9 years so it isn't something he wants to turn off.  I get the need for some privacy but being open as we are...when things are effecting him - since I live with him they effect me. And the Darger's talk about that - that when one couple is having problems it is felt through the other 2 too. You can't turn that off with the other wife to me so I think it would be really hard not to talk about it - but according the Darger's book - the wives don't and Joe the husband doesn't share either. I am just not sure I agree with that. I mean I get some things are private but there is a point when privacy becomes mistrust of the others in the family.  Or at least that is how it comes across. If you are family can't you share with each other? I mean it seems like you should be able too. We want a family that is able to openly share with each other and not keep things compartmentalized so much that we end up feeling like acquaintances instead of family.

I am going to post this part and then do another post with some quotes from the book that I liked  in another post. 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...