Listy Update

I have been really busy so I feel like I am out of touch with everything. By the time I do have a moment to sit here and do a post, my concentration sucks. So....you are getting a listy update....

* When Master's parents were here one time we watched Bank Job which was very sexual. And very embarrassing to watch in front of them. The last time we were in Denver, Master's parents had a NetFlix and asked us if we wanted to watch. I hadn't heard of it before. It was a movie with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor - both of who we like. And it was just as bad. It was Deception. So now another movie to put on the list of never watch with your parents.

* It was my birthday Sunday. At midnight of the 18th - Master had a scavenger hunt. There were clues inside and outside the house. And it lead to several presents on the way to the end. It was fun! The ending gift was season 1 of True Blood.

* An obsession lately is porn. Yes porn. I have been surfing tumblrs - lots of them with porn I enjoy. I have been posting to mine also.

* We have a shelving unit that sits in the hall outside Master's office and when I decorated for Halloween I put 3 little plastic skeletons. Before Master's parents got here - Master kept moving the skeletons into lewd positions. Every time I went past for several days they were in another position. I kept worrying we would forget and leave them like that for his parents visit but luckily that wasn't the case.

* Thanks to Fleshbot for putting me in their weekly round up for my last post. I miss being an escort and really should write about some of my favorite moments before I forget them.

* I have been reading an old elist group on yahoo. It has been interesting and entertaining. A quote from one of the posts:

"...I think, that consent is part of the power rush to me. My reasoning is this: any buffoon with sufficient muscle power can force himself upon another person and "dom" him or her against their will. Getting the "victim" to come to you, open-eyed and wanting it... now that's doing it in style." J. Mikael Togneri

That is about it for now.

Dangerous List

A while back there was a thread about a man being "rude" to a young lady through private messages on FetLife. She asked if she should report him and so on. Now I don't have a problem with her wanting to block him. But reporting him I had kind of a problem with as someone said in the thread what he said to her some women might get off on. It then was suggested a list be started of people like this - to make a list of dangerous people - and I have such a problem with that suggestion. It surprised me to see many people I know who play hard agreeing with making a list. They must not get that they would probably end up on it. Plus the reality the internet if full of idiot jerks who say stupid things so that list would get pretty damn long. And we all do stupid things once in a while so then we would all end up on that list.

Next I don't like it when people don't take responsibility when they consent to it. Now I am not saying the young woman in the post did, but so many times we see posts that say a dominant is abusive yet the s-type takes no responsibility on their end.

Several years ago I was on a yahoogroup elist and the owners of the group posted a full name, address, phone number of a man who "was dangerous." The person was someone I knew and played with - now he is extremely sadistic so I can see many people labelling him dangerous. But he is VERY direct about what he likes and expects. From how the situation was described of course the submissive didn't accept any responsibility or mention the fact that he was very direct about what he desires and she just got in over her head. I can see many submissives getting very turned from the things he talks about - and wanting to see him, but it isn't a fantasy or game to him. Once in the situation with him - I can see where what it is he does would more then many bottoms/submissives desire in actual real life. It probably goes past where they imagined it would go. In person those things are painful things he likes to do - he likes to see suffering. But again he is very direct about it so saying he is dangerous when it gets too be too much for the submissive - annoys me instead of saying "hey he is more sadistic then I desire." He was too sadistic for that person and probably many submissives, but I liked what he did. So I would say that dangerous list is subjective.

In past relationship, before I met the man, we talked on the phone and online. I described things to him and he was saying all the right things to make it sound like he was into those things too. When we were together, it was mostly vanilla sex with just light kink. One day I got it - he thought those things I was describing were fantasy - something to think about, but not act on. When I asked him about it, my suspicions were confirmed. It really surprised me. Of course it disappointed me (and of course I didn't repeat that mistake and everyone after I ASKED if it was fantasy or real for them.)

I think often many things people think about while they masturbate isn't actually what they want to happen. It is just a hot fantasy. So when someone actually does those things in real life - they are dangerous to them because well it is just suppose to be a fantasy. It isn't a fantasy for everyone. And just because someone does something you wouldn't do - doesn't necessarily make them dangerous.

As I said to start - so many people would end up on that list because it is so subjective. We all do and say stupid things so you know....do we have the space to list everyone.

March Questions: FetLife

How do you keep up with everything on FetLife? And I don't mean this to offend but why do you like FetLife? The threads there repeat just like we have seen a hundred times before.

Well I don't keep up. I loosely monitor the latest activity by those on my "friends" list. And when I see them post something that sounds interesting I go take a peek at the whole thread. But I hardly participate there because I just don't have the time or by the time I can respond everything I would have said was said by others.

And why I like it - well because it is pretty damn amusing reading some of the things people write but mostly I have had some great "conversations" with people there though. And that is my main reason because of where I live there isn't any community where I can interact with like-minded people so FetLife provides that for me for the most part.

I agree that the thread repeat and repeat and repeat. But it was the same on the elists we were on. They did that too. We got annoyed with them back then too. So no different now really. There are always people that are going to ask about safewords, gift of submission, SSC and all the other stuff that gets asked a million times. We won't ever get away from it. The links are to when I have written about those subjects - so even I discuss them. And really I can look back and remember I have discussed those subjects to nauseam on lists through the years.



Please feel free to ask me a question or many just a few more days of March

MDOM

Often Master and I will get in a discussion about something I read on a blog or elist. Sometimes there are people I refer to quite a bit as I like their writings/thoughts/beliefs. And often those people were from one of two elists/or both that I joined early in my days of being online. My first elist encounter was with a group called MDOM ran by Carter Stevens. I started with the group late 1998. (Another elist I have mentioned having a lot of influence on my shaping my beliefs was J. Mikael Togneri's Absolute BDSM elist -- and again many of the people I knew on MDOM where on Absolute too.)

MDOM had massive amounts of mail a day. I want to say 500 to 1000 pieces a day. There were good discussions. There were debates from every angle of a subject. Of course there was the my kink is better then yours but as I have said many many times we just won't get away from that - vanilla groups even get the my way is the one true way folks.

Every elist I have been on for the last oh 5 or more years hasn't felt the same as as they did back then (1998 - 2000.) It is sad that those days of elist are gone. They are a thing of the past and things like blogs and social networking have taken their place.

The other day I signed into FetLife and saw one of the people I "met" through MDOM years ago joined a group called MDOM Alumni. Just a few of us there now. But it brought back some good memories.

Silence is Golden

I know I am guilty of saying all, never and should. I try to be careful to not do it. But of course I don't always manage it. Most groups online or offline, tend to get some that feel their way is the one true way. The "You should never...." or "All dominant should..." and FetLife hasn't been any different.

But over the years I have found that I don't always need to state my opinion. It has become a matter of letting go of the need to be right, need to prove myself or whatever the feelings were at the time.(They are hard things to own up to and of course I don't always succeed at it but try hard.) So I try hard not to feel like I need to state how it is in my relationship just because the original post doesn't fit how we do things. I try to stay on topic.

If I do feel I can add something to the discussion, I can disagree politely without putting another down. There is a difference between stating how it is in my relationship and implying everyone who doesn't do it our way isn't doing it right. There is a difference between sharing my experiences and preaching to others that don't do it my way that they are unsafe, wrong or insane. There is a different between "this is how we do it" and "this is how everyone should do it." There is a difference between saying, "in my relationship I have to...." and "as a slave we all should be....fill in blank... and if you don't you aren't really a slave.".

When someone posts something I wouldn't do and is asking for advice, I don't feel the need to tell them they are wrong. Because for their relationship obviously it isn't wrong. Plus I know that opening up and sharing can be hard so making others feel bad just closes them up. If I want to help others through my experiences - closing them up won't accomplish that.

So when someone asks for advice for something I wouldn't do or disagree with I try to do one of a few things -- stay out of it since it doesn't apply to my relationship. Or I try to give them suggestions on how it applies to their relationship. Or I share my experience in relating to the topic in a very clear factual way without emotions and without making judgments on how they do things. Maybe I can suggest a link, a bit of advice or a book that might help them. But if I don't have actually anything useful to say - well then I am not going to say anything. I try to remember even though I might not agree with it or would never do it in my relationship doesn't mean I always need to chime and state that because there are so many posts eventually a topic that is fit for expressing my opinion (despite if I agree or disagree) will come up for me to reply to. Because if my reason for wanting to post is to share my experiences for others to learn from then eventually I will be able to state that opinion in a relevant post that deals with the topic. Which will make it more receptive to people. And hopefully then others will read it and get something from it. But I doubt saying, "well I would never do that because as a slave disobeying just never crosses my mind and anyone who does that isn't really a slave or is just a wannabe" helps anyone. It doesn't state anything worth anything to anyone. Not even myself. It is offensive, condescending, negative and implying that others that do anything different then I do -- is disrespectful not only to the original poster but to Master. It isn't a good reflection of him to be feeling the need to be so superior.

I really try to remember to treat people how I want to be treated. If I asked for advice on a forum and everyone was telling me I am doing it wrong, I know how that would make me feel so I try hard not do that to others. I try to remember that just chiming in to chime isn't a good reflecting on Master. Because he wouldn't want me to make others feel inferior or bad that they did something another way. And really it is a just a lot of a wasted time and energy that could be focused elsewhere - like on Master and my service to him.

Monitoring Interaction

A topic over on FetLife about Masters/Dominants monitoring online email, chat, posts to groups and such. It was mentioned that often comes up that it is insecurity on the dominants parts. And I will be truthful, before I was with Master I know I thought that. But of course when it comes home to where you live it all changes.

Master does have control of all my passwords. He could go in and change them anytime he wanted. And of course that means he has access to everything. When I was first here Master read EVERYTHING before hand. He checked my email before I could sign online, he had me send him what I wanted to post to elists, groups or my blog before I was allowed to actually post to those places. He gave me permission to chat online and then looked at the chat logs. If I was chatting on a program that didn't log I had to cut and paste it into a word doc and send it to him after I was done. I even need permission to open any snail mail no matter if it is addressed to him, me or both of us. He at times opens mail addressed to me first and once he didn't even let me look at it for several days (it was a birthday card he held it back until my birthday but he opened it first).

Master still regulates some of that but he doesn't check these things as often as he did in the beginning. He periodically reads my email. He knows most places I posts (elists, forums and like) so he can check up on there if he wants and at times he does. He reads most of my blog posts before they get posted (life updates he usually doesn't require me to give to him first). He periodically checks who I have chatted with but for the most part I don't chat online. I need permission to make a phone call. I have a very good friend that asks me if it is okay with Master before she calls. And before we end the call she tells me to Thank Master for allowing me to talk to her. She is such a good girl.

Once very early in our relationship someone contacted me that had hurt me quite a bit. And Master moved the email to one of my folders so I didn't even know it had came in. He took a day or two to think on if he even wanted me to reply or even know that I had got it. He did end up telling me and told me exactly how he wanted me to reply.

I have had a couple nasty emails over the years too and Master ended up writing the people back. I was told that I was coward and couldn't stand up for myself for "letting" him reply for me. It wasn't my choice and Master knows I can stand up for myself. The emails just pissed him off so he wanted to handle it. Period.

He doesn't monitor those things because he doesn't trust me. He does trust me. It is more like with the person that hurt me -- he wanted to be able to handle it in a way that would make it easier for us to get through. I was thankful he was prepared because if I had just opened my email and seen that email I would have been very upset. Him breaking the news to me helped me so much.

He reads things because he wants to have all the information he can about what is going on with me to help him in his mastering of me. As I said he doesn't read anything regularly now and mostly that is because I have been his for over 5 years now and he knows my thoughts on many things, he knows who I chat with, he knows what I do throughout the day but in our early days he kept a closer look on those things to help him in getting to know me and master me. It didn't have anything to do with insecurity or trust. It was just information to help establish our dynamic.

*** And yes this was read by Master for his approval before I posted. Sidenote: For the most part my blog is a place where Master has told me he won't tell me no to posting things. He just reads them first because he wants me to be able to see what I am thinking before others.

March Q & A: Views that have changed

What topic(s) have you posted about a long while ago that you now have a different perspective/opinion on?

Nothing is coming to mind. I even did a little walk down memory lane looking through some old blog entries from 2000 and 2001. I think that over all I haven't changed my general views of D/s very much since around 2000. Of course that doesn't mean I haven't changed. I have changed. I have discovered things or come to some current views while hashing things out since starting my blog. I have found new realizations about myself and this path I am on. Such as the reality of being a slave. And see now that I spent too much time worrying if I was submissive. But over all my views haven't changed much - I don't think. Okay I am sure there is something I have changed on but at the moment nothing is coming to mind. As I said I think most of the views that have changed have been personal views of myself. Not over all views of D/s and the like - since starting my blog.

I do read some of my essays from early days and I don't like everything I said but it isn't that I necessarily disagree I just think it comes off worded in ways that don't capture my true meaning. When I did the last redesign of the website, I left off all my erotica because that when I read it - I see old views in that just make me cringe. But again most of those were written before I started my blog.

So before my blog quite a few of my views changed, in 1995 or 1996 (can't remember for sure) I was on AOL bulletin boards looking for some info on anal sex. I was trying to convince my husband we should try it again. We had and it didn't go very well. So I wanted to find info on maybe making it go a little bit easier. And I stumbled on to a D/s BB and was reading things that said wow this me. My first introductions to this thing I had been doing but hadn't put names to was on AOL (which I cringe when I think about it now.)

Because back then I believed that submission was a gift, back then I never thought I could submit to a woman, back then I got all caught up in the kinky things and thought D/s was about following rules, kneeling pretty next to your Dominants feet and kinky fun (and that was about it), I believed slaves were doormats, I believed in SSC and had real lines that I thought no one should cross, I believed in the hearts and flowers D/s that some website seemed to give off and I just got caught up in group thinks. I was silly...just very very very silly.

I then joined an elist ran by Carter Steven's (the name of the group is escaping me at this time) and I was still on that edge of the submission is a gift and hearts and flowers D/s stuff. And it was there I started to see all these other views - there was such a huge variety of thoughts. And it made me really think about what *I* actually believed. Challenged me to really discover for myself what being submissive meant, what surrender and D/s meant to me. I had been so enthralled with notion of D/s that I got caught up in the first things/groups I read instead of really looking at it to see what I felt and believed. After that group kind of disbanded - I found Internal Enslavement and also a group on onelist (now yahoogroups) that was ran by J. Mikael Togneri and then I felt like I found places that really spoke to me. Again both challenged me to discover what I believed but they put some things in terms I hadn't been able to verbalize. Through those groups -- I met some AMAZING people. Some that are very close trusted friends now. But it also when my views really started to changed and formulate into place.

So over all through the years yes of course my views have changed. My personal realizations of myself have though changed a lot too.


Please remember you can still ask questions here! Or over on my LJ.

Some Assembly Required

So I thought I should do a life update here as I haven't done one in a while...

The weather has been really cold and rainy....it kind of is fitting my mood which I will get at end of the post. Really has been pretty busy for Master. I started some spring cleaning. I am going slow at it but I know I can get it done and maybe get some organization back that I have had lacking for a while.

I joined a yahoogroup that had been really negative. Some of the negativity has quieted down but....I just wish a few people would "quiet" down as there are still so many posts I just end up scrolling through the digests without getting much from them because when I try to read it I just see one or two people posting and frankly there is one person I would filter out if I could. I am going to hang in there though because the people I like to read....many are a part of the group and I am always for learning more from them.

I have inadvertently cut down on my diet coke. I have been drinking crystal light recently and so instead of 2 diet cokes I am drinking 1 a day. I once upon a time drank 6 to 8 of them. Master cut me down to 3 when he first took control and then when I moved here he cut it down to 2 diet cokes. I do need to get some straws though as I am having been having a strawberry or raspberry mustache a lot lately!

I got 2 pieces of mail love this week that made me smile. Thank you ladies for making me smile as it has been a hard week. I got some sad news this week so that is why it has been a hard week. My ex-husband and I had a dog and she was really our baby. And when I left him, I made the decision she would be better off with him. Anyway, I found out on Thursday night that she had to put down because she was having seizures that was leaving her unresponsive. I am really hurting because there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her. I have a picture of her on a shelf above my bed and I love her very much. So going through a tough time right now as I remember her and miss her.

Questions of the Day... (part 2)

...from Hellbent Queers

You have been stranded on a deserted island....there is no one on the island with you. After several years of being alone, how have you dealt with your bdsm related desires/urges? Did you create a dominant/submissive from a coconut, a la Tom Hanks in Castaway? Did you not experience any of those urges/desires because you had nothing to stimulate them? Did you engage in cutting or self stimulating activities? Did you spend your days whittling palm fronds into canes? Tell me, would being isolated cause you to act any differently (ie. less dominant or less submissive)?

BDSM urges probably just die down. Not disappear but fade to the background. I don't see myself creating a dominant from a coconut. I do think because there isn't an outlet for those urges that they just go to the background. I don't see myself cutting but maybe finding other stimulation. LOL on whittling palm fronds into canes...sure! I don't see myself acting differently but there wouldn't that dominant person to compel/inspire me to submit so my submissive aspects of my personality probably wouldn't be noticeable especially since no one is around

Do you feel that being dominant or being submissive is part of your nature? Is this learned behavior? What makes one person dominant and the other submissive?

I do feel it is part of my nature. But I don't feel it is always on the surface. I am not submissive to everyone. I also think it can be learned.

What are three things that you would include in every scene?

Master's hands, voice, breath play if I could have it

Do you have scene name? If so, why and what is it (if you want to share)? Have you had problems with your privacy being invaded or threatened? Do you feel like they are a necessary part of the leather community?

I do go by danae and it is not my real name as my real name is very unusual. I used to go by it but when I became Master's he has a job that would hurt him if he was outed so I used my email/blog nick name

I have heard a lot of Tops/Dominants talk about their "dark side". Is there such a thing? What does it mean to you? Tops, are you afraid of "going there" or have you "gone there?" Bottoms, have you ever been there with a top or are afraid of going there?

been there with several dominants and enjoyed it always.

What does being a good submissive/bottom mean to you?

Following Master's orders, being respectful and pleasing. Those are the basics to me - if I do those things all the other fall in behind.

Is sexual tension necessary in a bdsm relationship?

no sex is not necessary for our dynamic to function so sexual tension is not needed.

What does a collar mean to you? What different types of collars are you aware of? Have you been collared or collared someone?

I am collared. It means I am owned. Master didn't ask me or have me beg. He just collared me one night...no words...just him putting a chain around my neck - padlocking it and claiming me as his. It means a lot to me that he did it that way and it is something I know I will cherish forever

What is the craziest, wildest, zaniest most creative thing your dominant has had you do or done to you that is bdsm/leather related? If you are a dominant what have you had your submissive do or done to them?

I have done lots of wonderful things but cattle prod for me was the "wildest" thing that I have had done to me. Not sure wild, crazy or zany are the words for it though...maybe scary and painful!

Is there a piece of equipment you prefer to restrain your submissive to? Andrew's cross? spanking bench? Why? or Is there a piece of equipment you prefer to be restrained to and why? or do you prefer not be restrained at all?

There was this piece of equipment at an event years ago that was great. And it was a mix between a chair (split legs so that you sat with your legs wide open) and st. andrews cross. You could sit on it forward or backward and all bits were accessible.

Questions of the Day... (part 1)

...from Hellbent Queers

Annissa and I were on the same wave length as I had been working on these today too...and noticed she posted some earlier.


You have just been appointed Dungeon Monitor. What is the first official rule that you would put into place?

cleaning - although it is a rule everywhere I have been you still see people not clean.

Gimme Three: Tell me the three favorite parts of the body on which you like to inflict/receive pain.

To receive pain: my ass, my back, my breasts
And for this one at this moment....I am going to do to give because I am in a sadistic mood: cunt, butt, inner thighs


What is your definition of a mind fuck? Do you use/enjoy them? What are some examples of mind fucks that have been used on you or by you?

definition....fucking with the mind. Yes I do enjoy them very much. I am not sure I can even state examples because by the time they are done I am usually turned upside down and backwards.


Thuddy or stingy??

hmm it used to be stingy and no thuddy but I think it is both now.


Topping from the bottom: What is it? Do you do it? Do you tolerate it? Is it ever acceptable?

It is the submissive trying to control or manipulate their dominant or the situation. I try hard not to do that and be aware of my motivations. Master does not tolerate it. And it is never acceptable.

What are your basic expectations of your submissive/bottom? What are your basic expectations of your Top/Dominant? How do you feel they differ from vanilla relationship expectations? Do your expectations vary depending on your partner?

Expectations...I suppose that I have them but for me I suppose they are just here instead of expecting them - they just are a part of our relationship: communication, commitment to the relationship, compatibility, enjoying our time together such as having laughter in the relationship, honesty, and some sense of caring.

I don't really think they differ from vanilla relationships. But I can see it differing due to situations.


Begging and crying...the stuff dreams are made of or just a nightmare? Do you like it when your bottom is begging and crying or do you prefer silence? As a bottom, is begging and crying a good experience? What are your favorite ways to get your bottom to beg and/or cry? or for you to be made to beg and cry?

I know that Master likes begging and crying at times...it just depends on the situation. And for myself - I really don't like to beg. But crying is an emotional release. My favorite way to made to cry is anything just painful and intense. And well I just don't really like begging so I can't say I have a favorite way but if I have to beg - I prefer it to be sexual in nature.

An evil sorcerer has cast a spell on all the members of hellbent_queers (I have got to stop playing rpg's). You have been forced to switch from the identity you are most comfortable with (Tops have become bottoms, bottoms have become Tops, Dominants have become submissive, submissives have become dominant, etc) What is the most difficult part of this switch for you? Why?

for this situation being in control. I don't mind being in control in some situations but not in a D/s type of dynamic.

Questions of the Day

These are questions from a group on Livejournal....Hell Bent Queer

Friday's Questions
Humiliation/degradation play. Do you engage in it? How have you used it in your scenes? What about it makes it hawt for you... or what about it turns you off?

yes we engage in it. There are so many ways it is used that I can't possibly name them all but being called names or adjectives that less then nice. Being treated like an object or animal. It makes me very hot but it also something that is at times very hard for me with Master. I think it makes me hot because it is stripping all those layers and it often addresses things I have felt at the core of my being.


Thursday's Questions
Pro-Dom/me and Pro-Sub is it different from prostitution? Why or why not? Have you ever been one or utilized their services? If not, have you ever considered it? Does their presence add to, take away from or have no effect on the leather community?

I was an escort and the Pro-doms/subs that I knew while working as an escort hated being associated with the sex industry but yet many of them were engaging sex or sexual acts for money so I am not sure why they thought they weren't part of the sex industry.

I haven't ever utilized a pro-dom/sub. But I did have clients that wanted me to top them and I did bottom with light play with a few clients.

I am not sure that their presence takes away from the leather community but I do believe mainstream America thinks of them when thinking of SM so associates us as immoral or deviant.


Wednesday's Questions
Bruises...love them or leave them? Do you show off bruises (whether you gave them or have them)? Do you hide them and hope no one notices? Do you enjoy touching them later to remember the initial pain? Have you tried different techniques to get different kinds of bruises? Would you consider bruises a fetish for you?

LOVE bruises! I don't go around saying see my bruise...okay sometimes I do. :) But it depends on who it is and where the bruise is at on me. I do remember touching them. I don't bruise easily on my ass so Master often gives me bruises other places because of it....punches in my arm and thighs. I haven't considered bruises as a fetish.

(no question tuesday)

Monday's Questions
What is your favorite kink erotica? Are there certain movies that get you going every time? Certain authors? What about fetish photography? Do you make any of your own erotica? Feel free to share links to fetish sites you enjoy, photos you like, passages from your favorite book

For erotica...I enjoy photography or drawings. I am a visual person. I don't often get into written erotica because so often it feels very romantic or fantasy based and I really like reality. But I do love Laura Antoniou Marketplace Series. It is fantasy based but many real life feelings to me. I lust after Chris Parker in a big way too (character in the books)! (pant pant!)

The Slave Register

I have the barcode on my blog for a while, used it as an icon, the number is on a dog tag that Master attaches to my collar at times, I use the number in art at times, it is on a keychain...it has been with me since shortly after Master claimed me as His. I enjoy being the number...I like what it symbolizes...and I love it when Master has referred to me by it...gets me all warm and wet thinking of myself just as a number....His property.



The Slave Registration site that was started by Tanos. Tanos is the creator of one of my favorite sites - Internal Enslavement.

Well now The Slave Register is also more then just a place to register for a number...it is a web discussion board, personal ads, and weblog generator of those in Owner/property relationships.

So I am pimping it...



Also after having a couple questions about this I thought I would add...when you go The Slave Register Board if you want a slave number use the register button on the left hand side. If you just want to sign up with a member name use the join button. And if later some of you submissive-types decide you want a number you can merge your member name with a number. Here is the actual link though to just register a member name.


I like discussion forums and groups because I like seeing other perspectives and just learning. So I am a member of a few....such as another one I mentioned not too long ago....TPE Forum. Also a few more listed here.

New Forum

There is a new forum out there....that I want to let everyone know about...

From the website: "A community for those interested in frank, honest discussion about TPE relationships and the many dynamics they form."

Venting....My Yahoogroup

I run an adult porn picture yahoo group. I have had it for 5 years. As the anniversary for the 5th year came up I was looking at how many people were set on no mail. Well on yahoo groups if you are on no mail, it means you don't get the daily pictures as they don't archive them like egroups and onelist (the two groups that came before yahoo groups).

I do a theme a week on the group. At the end of the week I put all the pictures into zip files and upload to the file section so people who don't have the email box space or time to be on individual can have a chance to look at them.

Okay here is where the vent comes into place...

My welcome message - that a person gets when they sign up - says that if you are set to anything other then individual emails you need to contact me or you will be unsubscribed.

Well, I have been not been enforcing it...so last week I sent out 3 notices to everyone on the list saying that if I did not hear from the people set who were not set on individual emails that they would be unsubscribed. I just really was curious how many were actually enjoying the list. As silly as it may sound it does take me some time to get the pictures ready and even just take time to send them each day so if people were not really even enjoying them....then I did not want to continue on with it.

So, I had some responses (majority from people who were safe as they were on individual). So early Saturday morning, as per the notices, I unsubscribed everyone who had not written me.

You will not believe how many people I have had writing me this week saying, "I got unsubscribed somehow." I want to say okay you read the unsubscribe notice, but you don't read the other 3 notices I sent out with, "IMPORTANT please read ASAP!"

Master and I were talking how in this day and age of spam that we think that people just see IMPORTANT and go yeah right and click delete. So that is what may have happened.

Okay...I have a plan the next time I need to send out a notice. Someone on the list, responded on the list saying they wanted to stay on the list, but were wondering if I would be sending out any bestiality pictures. Well, my group has been around for a while and with yahoo groups being really finicky and flaky on when they delete a group I have opted not to send any out. But offered that if anyone wanted a set of bestaility pictures to write me and I would get a zip file to them.

So, I had people read that (that had the same subject line IMPORTANT please read ASAP!) and tell me they wanted the zip and were set to no mail yet did not tell me if they wanted to continue with the group but said they wanted the zip. So they did not even read the original message, but saw the word bestaility in the text so read that message.

So because of that...I have decided the next important notice that goes out....will have the subject line of bestiality and then my important message just to get people's attention!

Now anyone that is from the yahoo group that is reading this....please know I appreciate everyone on the list. I am glad people enjoy the pictures...and that is really what this going through the membership list was all about...I just wanted to make sure people wanted to be there.

I do have a really good group of people that has been around on the list for the 5 years or close to that. They are always there ready to help out and offer suggestions and enjoy the pictures.

Also one last thing as I know I will get emails if I don't include it...

Link to the yahoo group.

The Drama

I used to have lots of dramas in my life. I even think at one point I thought I could not live without them, because I was so used to them. So, I know I created them. I am not proud of that but I worked very hard to get out of that vicious cycle. With Master life is very peaceful and calm. And I am very thankful.

Since being here I have had a few dramas spike up and both were from outside influences….people from my past trying to start dramas and then one elist I am on I have encountered 2 dramas. The last ending in Master ordering me to unsubscribe.

The Background

When I first started on the list, I read the posts and enjoyed them. At one point the list was growing (not a bad thing mind you), but I found that I was skipping more posts as there were little dramas spiking up and people whose writings I did not tend to like or learn anything from. Again not a problem either as every list is like that. But then just as so many interesting people were joining – a lot of attacking started going on by the “core group” (Something I will explain later). I then went to no mail and checked the elist online about once a week. I found that after many people that I enjoyed reading posts from left or stop posting that I did not have much in common with the people on the list. But I stayed for the few that were still there that I did enjoy reading (even though most of those people are on my favorite elist) and because a couple of friends on the list reminded me that I have things to offer people on the list. So every once in a great while I would pop up with a few posts and then go back to lurking.

Over time there were patterns to the group starting back when I was on individual emails. And over time I kept saying to myself why am I on this group. I would see person after person get attacked and nothing done to the person and I am not just talking about one person even though the person that attacked me does quite often attack others.

The group owner says to treat the elist like they are in his living room….hmmm I know Master would never allow people to attack and be disrespectful to guests in his living room. It is one thing to disagree with each other. That is fine. Healthy debate is fine, but attacking, accusing and being disrespectful is not okay.

I mentioned the “core group” a few times now. The core group is people that have formed friendships on the list. And I don’t find anything wrong with finding friends on elists or on the web. I have some very good friends from several elists. But our friendships don’t interfere with our personal opinions and beliefs. Meaning just because I disagree with someone they were friends with does not mean they would stop being my friend or attack me. But on this list that is exactly what has happened. You will see many times over when one person says, “hey no this not how it is for us” and if it goes against one of the “core group” members ideas, then one or more of the core group will start attacking, accusing and being very disrespectful. It happened often. And the archives will show it over and over again.

And each time it would happen I would again ask myself why am I here. Why do I stay with this list. And again it came down to the few people I did enjoy reading posts from and that maybe since I have been in the lifestyle so long and doing this M/s thing for so long I could offer others advice or help.

As I said there was one time I really enjoyed the elist, but to me it has gotten out of hand when a person can’t even post a simple question without being accused and attacked. Why have a public forum if you are only going to hear the opinions of your “friends” on the list. And it is not even like they want opinions….it is more like they want validation or acceptance. Why need that from someone else? The only person that needs to accept you…is you. And just because someone disagrees with another does not make their belief invalid. I believe judgement is clouded by the friendships on the list and by that need to be accepted.

The Experience

So here is what happened to me….

One night I was reading a thread and got to a post that I read SEVERAL times, but kept coming back to 2 lines. I kept coming back to those 2 lines because I did not think I was understanding them correctly. So I cut out those 2 lines of the post and then asked for clarification.

I started the post off that way too. I said: “May I ask for clarification on this please….” Insert 2 lines from email that I formed into a question… ending with….”Because that is how I interpreted the below statements.” It then had her 2 lines cut from the original post below that question.

I did not agree or even disagree with the 2 lines. I just wanted clarification. And right away, I got jumped on.

Now let me state if I would have left the WHOLE post in…I still would have asked the same question because every time I read the post I kept coming back to those 2 lines and trying to figure out what she meant. So, I just wanted clarification. That is it.

I got emails saying I chopped up her email and took it out of context. I didn’t. I took out the 2 lines I did not understand. I read it in context. And pulling those 2 lines out did not change the context of them. I did not feel the need to clutter the list with the whole email when I only had a question about those 2 lines.

She said that I took those 2 lines and made it seem like she said something she did not. Now as I have said even if I would have kept the whole email – I still had questions on those 2 lines because within the context of the email those 2 lines were the ones that confused me. And so I asked for clarification. I was then told that what “motivated” me to not do “fair play” by chopping her email up. To answer this once again….because I did not understand those 2 lines.

Although the emails to me were disrespectful, accusatory and attacking, I still remained polite. I had a few people ask me how I could remain so polite and believe me there were times I did not want to, but as always I kept in mind I am Master’s property and so I need to be a proper reflection. And Master and I both agreed that I should take the high road even though the other person was not. I even thanked her once when I could see that she was not going to understand my reasoning for cutting out those 2 lines. She and her boy went on to say I had done that to her before which I had not. I went through the archives to make sure, but I rarely reply to that person because I don’t relate to her posts. She does what I call D/s (my definitions of D/s). And I relate to M/s or absolute Owner/property relationships. I did find the someone she was confusing me with in the archives. Of course, that person never posted again after being attacked for “chopping” up this person’s post. But again, that happens often on the list – a person gets attacked and then never posts to the list again.

The End

Well Master would not stand by and watch me be attacked that way. He was outraged when I filled him on what was going on. He was not a member of the list at that time, so he had me write the owners. (Side note: He did join but felt something should be done right away so wanted me to write the owners while he waited to get his membership approved.) We waited patiently for the owners to do something about this. Because as I said I had seen this happen over and over again and the person being attacked just disappears and I felt it should stop. But nothing was done. Master had me unsubscribe from the list because he was upset about my treatment on the list and the lack of response from the owner of the list.

Master then received an email the other night from the party attacking me (it was cc'd to the owners also). The email was vicious, inconsistent, disrespectful and beyond. So Master took the email, went point by point, and sent it and his response to the list…yes to the list. And I understand all the reasons and to me He did the right thing – not that He needs my approval. I am thankful to Him for how wonderful He was during this - as I know it was a drama for Him as well and right now with all His workload. It was an unneeded stress. I am very grateful to my Master for defending my honor.

Anyway, I found out from a few people on the list that we would have been “deleted” from the group because of Master’s post. It was said, “showed total disrespect to another owner, in taking a private disagreement public.” Umm now how was this private when I am being attacked in post after post on the group. And all I did was ask a simple polite question. And also all my responses to the disrespectful, accusing, attacking posts were polite. Does that make sense?

Now it gets better….and this totally stumps me… According to the owner of the group, it is not okay to post an email sent to Master about the subject that has been on the board (that was his personal property after it was sent to him to do what he wished with). But it is okay to post copyrighted material without permission and also okay to post the first and last name, license plate number, make of car and screen name of a man that had supposedly abused a submissive without hearing his side of the story.

Now maybe that sounds okay to some people to post personal information of a person basically outing them…on a public forum, but for me when you only have one side of the story that is wrong. Also, the story had a few holes in it...that left lots to be questioned. What made it even more of an issue to me is I know the person and I know him well enough to know there was way MORE to the story.

So again, it is okay to post personal information on the group outing him and also where he is not able to give his side of the story. And it is okay to post-copyrighted material. But not okay to post something that has been an on going issue on that group. Hmmm something wrong with that picture.

And I am sure they did not even get that everything I have stated in posts to them is true and showing it even now. Because I was also told that all the post of that were “supporting” the other person in this were again all the “core group.” Don’t they see that it is they make people scared to post. They make people feel like they are outsiders.

And that leads me to why I am so angry and disappointed….

It is not due to the person who attacked me when I asked my simple polite question. I think she is rude, vicious and so much more. After reading her email to Master, it was very obvious she is a person who is never going to “get it.”

She angered me. But I got over it because in the grand scheme of life she is someone who does not matter - she will always be like this.

The person I am most disappointed and angry at is the owner of list for not getting it. For not getting that they make so many people feel like outsiders and scare them from posting because of the continual pattern of disrespectful, accusatory, attacking behavior.

Imagine you are in the living room of the host….and someone constantly goes around being rude to all the guests it happens over and over and finally she slaps your slave (or if you are a slave she slaps you) what would you do? Would you allow that kind of behavior? Because clearly that email she sent Master was more then a slap in the face to Him and myself. And so our host allowed a guest to be slapped. And then tells the guests in his living room that Master and I would be thrown out for being attacked and being slapped. Do you see something wrong with this picture?

Master did what he had to defend his property’s honor. And I am very thankful I have a Master who has integrity and honor to stand up and do what is right.

A Break...

I am thinking of taking a blogging break....it might be a day or week. I am not sure at the moment....

There has been some online elist dramas that have gone beyond words. I don't like dramas. I had a lot of them in my past and worked hard to get out of that pattern. And when online dramas seep into my real life something is SERIOUSLY wrong. Because it is just a discussion list. And right now I am so filled with anger and disappointment that I don't think I could write anything nice. And I have been being really nice. I am human I can only take so much crap.

Thanks to everyone that wrote me today about it. I appreciate it. I will be answering emails and who knows after I sleep on it - I might feel differently then I do now.

Community

I do not understand why people try to purposely hurt others.

People who have hurt me in the past I just want to stay away from. So why do people who have hurt me always want to come back into my life? Just to try to cause problems. It makes no sense to me.

Okay then if we turn this around and the people who hurt me say I hurt them so why come back in my life if I hurt you?

That does not make any sense to me at all.

My life is going good right now too, which makes it seem so weird…that this happens right now. I guess another lesson to learn.

So what has been happening in my life…..

Well, some know that I started a business not too long ago. And actually I have been so busy I think a few do not know about it yet. The business has taken off and it is already getting known. I am very happy about that. : ) The last few weeks I took the ball so to speak and have been running with it. It is a job basically that never ends. I am thinking about it and doing it almost 24 hours a day. But I am very happy with how it is going and liking it. Basically all week has been consumed with business. This weekend was busy and I am very pleased with how things turned out. This coming week proves to even be better.

Because I have been so busy working, I have not had time for any of my mailing list and this weekend I had a little time to do some maintenance by cleaning up some loose ends. And caught up on some mail but nothing was really important.

Mistress DM and I have not had lots of time to chat lately so I need to catch her up on some things. And I know she is going to be moving today and this week so she will be busy.

Carpe Diem is on Saturday but I do not think Daddy and I will be going. Oh that is right, that made me think, Daddy and I were at lunch on Saturday with someone and we ran into someone I met shortly after moving here. Daddy and I went to see her collaring which was very beautiful! It was really the first time I wrote such a short skirt too lol

It was funny the whole time we sat at lunch I heard her voice I kept thinking that it sounded familiar. I had only had a glimpse of her when she walked in, so I did not even associate that it was her, but her voice kept making me think I knew her. It was when she got up that I realized who it was…so I went up and asked. It was! Her and her husband moved to Akron not to long ago and I know she wants to get involved in the groups again. If Daddy and I were going to Carpe Diem this month I would have had them join us.

Daddy and I have not had a play party in a while. I think we probably will sometime soon. Definitely before I leave for Europe. I want to get the backroom all set up for it. I want to invite E and her boyfriend. And maybe M, if Daddy says it is okay. The Dominant I played with, M, wrote me and told me he wants to get together and go to his Pro Domme friends dungeon, but I am not sure if that will happen.

Okay I better get to bed I need to be up early tomorrow.

Peace and Serenity,
danae

Scattered Ramblings

I cannot sleep tonight.

I have been really busy this week with work. My housework and all the everyday things like grocery shopping, cooking and such have been kind of off too. I hate when it is like this very unstructured and scattered. I also do not like strict structure but some how crave it at times. Go figure lol

I was just looking to see if I have written anything that I have not posted yet…..here it is…I wrote this Jan 6th.

Right now Jackie is on a plane going to Italy. Things have been very strange between Daddy, her and I since she left to go to be with her “family.” It has been very hard because it seems she compartmentalizes. We are part of her life, school is another part, and then her family is another part and none really intermix. While she was with her family before going to Italy she was very distant and we did not have much contact. It made me feel very out of touch with her and when we would talk to her she was very vague. It felt very much like we were held at arms length and almost not to be trusted. So I had a talk with her the last couple of days and she seemed to see what I was saying and how hard it was…on Daddy and I that when she did that.

***************************************

I heard from Jackie on day this week. She was in Rome for orientation still and then going to Florence. So she should be in Florence by now.

I am on like hmm 20 bdsm mailing lists on egroups. And I have not even been reading my mail lately. I really should be on no mail. Because it has been a struggle to even read any of it – to have the patience and concentration for it. I get frustrated lately reading the views of others. I find them to be so out there and I just wonder if they live life in a glass bubble, where nothing ever just happens that turns their lives upside down.

You can see I am scattered right now because I am going to go from one thing to the next lol

Yesterday was kind of fun even though very busy! I got things set up for one job I do…since this weekend was going to be busy with for it. And then Daddy and I met Di for lunch. : ) He then left and went to work. And Di and I went to run some errands. First time I had been in her new car….it is super cool…just like her. We stopped and saw E. I had not seen E in a while and so that nice. We had a good vent session about work. Then Di went and ran one of her errands and then she brought me home because I needed to get some more work done for this weekend. Daddy came home and we went out grocery shopping and then went and saw another friend of ours TBN. She is a cutie but boy she can talk lol Her mouth does not stop. I came home and straightened some of the house up and I went to bed actually really early. Which might explain why I am now up at 3:46am

I bought Daddy 2 new floggers for Christmas and ordered both off ebay. The one has still not come and when I questioned them about it they said they were behind on schedule with the holidays in getting things out. I really want to see the new one. I was hoping to have it here too before this week.

I was hoping Daddy would let me use it when I might go play with a friend of mine. : ) We might have some time in a Dungeon of a Pro Domme we know. So that would be cool.

Probably should let Daddy use it on me before I take it huh lol

I have so many articles started and not finished….I really actually have been in the mood to write too so I wish I could have some time to focus on them. I have the Submission is not a Gift on started, one on humiliation, another on fear, pain, darkside, and one other I cannot find right now. Oh and I wrote one on poly and have actually like 3 more started to go along with that. I might post the one on poly here.

Poly is something I wanted even before bdsm. I was a little girl and not sure where I got this idea from but I would draw these houses and it would have a Master bedroom where the Man would sleep and then I had rooms where the wives would sleep. Catch that plural? I did say wives. I always envisioned being in a kitchen and laughing and cooking and cleaning with other women. I always thought it was like they took turns being with him at night. Not sure where I got that as I was raised in a “normal” family – mom, dad, kids. We went to a Christian church so I did not get it from being Mormon or anything. I just wanted it to be that way I guess..lol

Okay I better get to bed. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Good night….

Who is it about?

This was a post to a few email groups, but I wanted to repost here...

I asked the question on a few egroups - Who is it about? Is a D/s relationship about the submissive or the Dominant?

Here is what I wrote after the discussions on egroups and a discussion on IRC that I lead....

When I first heard “It’s not about you,” I thought it is not – that is true – it is not about me. I believed it was about the Dominant and what he wanted, needed and desired. But after hearing it used a lot, how it was used, and after being in a long term D/s relationship. It has now made me think about it more.

I do think that submissive submits to the will of the Dominant and what the Dominant want and needs but if the submissives needs were not being met and her emotional/mental/physical health were being harmed then why would the submissive stay. I think that it is the same for the Dominant if his needs are not being met and he was being harmed by the relationship then why would he stay. What good would come if either party in the relationship where doing something that would harm the couple as a whole?

It is D/s – it is a Power EXCHANGE – the Dominants uses his dominance over the submissive and the submissive submits to his will….it is a continuous flow. If the submissive stopped submitting the Dominant would not be in a D/s relationship. And if the Dominant stopped being Dominant over of the sub, then the submissive would not be in a D/s relationship. So how can it be just about one.

If one side thinks it is always about them and do not ever taken into account the needs of the others it would cause a strain in the relationship. There is a give and a take in all relationships – if it is all take on one said then that creates and imbalance and causes strain that will eventually lead to the relationship being torn apart.

I was in a discussion room where we used this as a topic – Who is it about…

Some basic ideas expressed were that the submissive gives of herself, at first in the relationship, more then Dominant exerts his Dominance over her. And because the submissive is giving so much of herself the Dominant says, “hey this is kind of nice” and just expects that this is how it is always going to be. Or see that this is all they have to “do” to receive her submission and trust. One of my theories why a submissive does this is because she does not want to rejected or told she is not a “good” submissive so she tries to overdo. The submissive then gets to a point where she cannot keep giving all she has or does not want to because she feels used and mistreated because she can’t feel or see his Dominance equaling the submission she gives him. I am not saying that this happens in all relationships. This was just the overall general consensus of the people in the chat room. And something I have seen in many relationships.

One submissive gave this as an example of Dominance and showing it is about both the Dominant and the submissive….she said that if she is making a sandwich and asks her Master if he would like one also – that that is a vanilla act of kindness. But if she was out mowing the yard and he called her in to make him a sandwich. Then that is submission from her and Dominance from him. But if that were to happen though on a regular basis without some kind of recognition that she would feel mis-used or taken for granted.

I wrote the question who is it about on some mailing list and someone came back saying that during punishment it is about the Dominant. I have to disagree. The rules are set and a submissive breaks the rule the punishment is set not because the submissive is “bad” or “worthless” but because there needs to be correction and consequences for the submissives actions. I believe the punishment is about both the Dominant and the submissive, because in the end the punishment is helping the submissive in serving the Dominant better – so it is about the Dominant. But the punishment is for the submissive because she does want to do her best in serving and she does need to know that there will be consequences for her actions. So it is to help her also.

I believe outwardly it does seem about just the Dominant, but inwardly it needs to be about both. I think in the short term it ends up being about the Dominant, but in the long term of the relationship it has to be about both. Because if you put a focus on just one side of the relationship eventually that imbalance will cause it a strain - to be weighed down and then pull apart. So in my D/s relationships it is about us because it is a Power Exchange.

I hope everyone has a very fulfilling relationship....

Good Night...

peace,
danae