Friday, April 29, 2005

Blog Things - Birthday

Your Birthdate: October 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator.

You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Sunday Afternoon....

I am not even sure where to begin with this one....

I guess I will give some background info first...

I hate to receive oral sex. I have issues with it that I don't really even understand. I just think I feel unattractive and I actually don't feel my vagina is very pretty. I have seen and been fortunate enough to give oral sex on some very pretty pussies but I just don't like mine. So that makes me wonder why would anyone want to be kissing and loving on that part of my body.

In the past with other relationships, I did not "encourage" them to give me oral sex - in fact I did everything I could to make them get their mind on other things so that they would forget about it. But in fact all my partners at one time or another tries but they usually see how tense and uncomfortable I am and so they don't try it again. It also does not matter if they are female or male partners I still have issues.

Master told me early on He would one day do this, but He also made me feel comfortable that it would be down the road. He has approached several times since being with him, but each time I would pretty much freak out. So we had a discussion about it a while back -- things that might help me relax more and so on Sunday Master went down on me...

He got me in a good space by putting the gas mask on me and playing with me some before starting. He held on to my hands when my body would tense up and be on that edge of freaking out. He took things slow and well it was extremely nice. It was big step for me and He was good. I was still a little too tense to relax enough to orgasm. I came close many well He was there for a long time....


I do have to say most men who have tried were there 10 - 15 mins and then well I was too tense and freaked out so they would quit. But Master did not. He kept at it and would reach up and grab my hands and squeeze them. He would use His fingers with His tongue and it helped me relax more and more.

After He finally came up for air, He then fucked me and then I gave Him a blowjob. So I do have to say Sunday afternoon was very nice.....very nice.

**I need to add I get very embarassed about the whole oral sex subject and so on Sunday when Master told me what we were going to be doing - I buried my head into my blanket. And tonight Master read this before posting and He decided it need to be read outloud to further embarass me. It was cute but I think I was red the whole time. ** (Editors Note: Master said yes I was red the whole time)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

a typical day for me as a slave....

Recently I listed all the essays we have on our website. I actually need to get another sent out this week - as they are written for a newsletter. This essay - though was requested as post in my journal also...not just in the newsletter or on the website.

Also I read a friends journal today and some things she said it reminded me of this essay...which reminded me I had a request to post it here.

Q &A: What do you do all day? or What is a typical day for you as a slave?

I get questions from readers every once in a while and a frequent question seems to be "What do you do all day?" or "What is a typical day for you as a slave?" Before answering that question, if anyone has a question about my life in a M/s dynamic, a question about the lifestyle in general, or even a topic suggest feel free to write me.

So on to the questions at hand, I think often when people write me and ask me, "What do you do all day?" or "What is a typical day for you as a slave?" -- there's an expectation that being in a M/s dynamic transforms all vanilla things into something more exciting. That something more can be a combination of erotica, SM, bondage, sex, isolation and all of the things that many perceive go into a M/s dynamic. I know there's a great deal of disappointment in my response to them, but I hate to say it but that just does not happen like it does in the books - we live in reality where there are bills, laundry, work stuff, cleaning the house, toilets overflowing and dishes to be done. I am a slave to my Master but just being an owned slave doesn't suddenly make washing dishes become erotic. But as I wash those dishes, I am still Master's slave and that does not change because where we take our dynamic is much more a part of who I am and a mindset. There is not overt and loud actions showing a person an "erotic and exciting" M/s dynamic. The M/s dynamic is always there just subtle and quiet. And it is a common misconception that people think they are going to see overt and loud actions showing something more exciting then other relationships.

Some people believe that the depths of your M/s relationship largely depends on how much SM 24/7 exists in your dynamic. I find that belief untrue as M/s can function without SM being apart of it. SM is the candy part of the relationship. It's all of the kinky, fun stuff that turns us on. In the SM side of things, at least one person needs to step outside to deal with the normal day-to-day stuff. As much as we would like to play all the time, it has no relevance as to the depth of our M/s dynamic. As I said we are who we are…Master is in control and has the ultimate power and responsibility in our relationship. And I am there to bend to his will - pleasing and serving him.

So being Master and slave is just who are. We don't need the props of SM to be those people. And while washing the dishes, I am a slave even if I am not naked and hobbled at the time. Because I am there to please my Master - I am there to enhance his life and make it better and doing those dishes will do that - in that moment without being naked and hobbled. But who knows the next day he may want me naked and hobbled while doing those dishes and if that is what he wants - then that is what will happen.

Let's not forget one other very important consideration: repetition. The more we repeat a certain, similar activity over and over again, the less pronounced it will be in future instances it's produced. It becomes second nature to us, but are we getting the same enjoyment from the act anymore? I know that Master and I would get bored if every day he had me wash the dishes in the hobble. Because each act (such as being naked and hobbled while doing dishes) can become disconnected and start to cause a lack of enjoyment from each act. It is like when you put up new curtains or move to a new area those things are exciting, new, bright and shiny at first, but soon the newness fades and you hardly notice the new curtains or the things you drive by everyday. There's no recognition, no acknowledgement. So doing those things repeatedly every day can start to make them not so exciting anymore. In having a very flexible structure/schedule allows Master to have those things on and off and not make them so ordinary. So, my schedule and what I do each day happens at his discretion as he is the Master and in charge.

My daily routine and structure was designed to make sure my Master's life is easier and nicer. My duty above all else is to please and enhance my Master's life by serving him. A typical day varies as there is no a real set structure or regimen. Initially, when Master and I were first together, he controlled my day much more strictly in order to help get things going in the direction he wanted. This could be viewed as what I believe many view as typical M/s situation: I had to account for my time, I needed to tell him what I had scheduled, he would tell me in what order he wanted things prepared by, he kept really close tabs on what was happening. Once I learned what he wanted - his likes and dislikes - that strict structure was eased up as Master no longer felt it was necessary to watch every move at every moment. Obviously if Master had a question or issue with the way I was doing something, it would be addressed right then. It may not be a totally scrutinized structure as it was, but again clearly the dynamic is still the same as he is the Master and in charge and I am there to serve and please him.

Master found that having a less rigid structure made it much more flexible for him to do what he wants, whenever he wants. He recognized the repetition issue and also saw that having a strict structure could make me depend or expect that type of structure. He wants me to be able to be flexible and bend to his wants and needs more easily - so there's a more sway to our structure that can better adapt to the changing ebb and flow of life.

So, my fairly ordinary day starts by…
# Master waking me up in the morning - sometimes he plays with me and uses me sexually and other time he just wakes me up to get our day on the way.

# I then do a little basic personal care before making us breakfast

# While Master is in the shower I set out his clothing unless I am in the middle of making breakfast which at times happens.

# After breakfast, Master leaves for work and I clean up the breakfast dishes and the kitchen.

# I then move on to my other chores. I have a schedule I follow loosely - showing what rooms I do on what days. I do things in an order that makes sense for Master's household - like cleaning the bedrooms on Friday. I clean them on Friday so that they are freshly clean for the upcoming weekend as we do spend quite a bit of time in there on weekends.

# I get food out to thaw for dinner (I usually have a menu that make when making a grocery list. I run the menu by Master after creating to see if he approved or has any changes)

# After the majority of my chores are done I might check my email, catch up on blogs, news and what not a bit before Master comes home for lunch

# Make lunch for Master and myself.

# Clean up lunch dishes

# Baking if needed is done after lunch

# Any other chores that need to be done get finished up

# Free time - devoted to reading, computer time, working on websites, researching something or doing my art

# Master usually calls me in the late afternoon to let me know when he will be home so I know when to start dinner.

# After dinner, I clean up and we then watch TV, hang out online or whatever Master wants.

We both love the fantasy of me waiting, kneeling scantly clad at the door for him every night, but with varied schedule, having dinner waiting, stress, illnesses, and just daily ins and out of life it doesn't make it very practical for us. And that is okay. That does not mean were not doing M/s. As he is always Master and I am always the slave even while doing the mundane things in life. So often my day looks like a typical homemaker's day. But there are subtle quiet parts of our dynamic that don't get listed in to a schedule because they just have become a part of the dynamic - such as protocols. I don't list that at each meal I wait for permission to eat. I don't list that I ask permission for diet coke or to use the rest room and many other little things during the day. So, those subtle things are not noticed when reading about my typical day as they are just there and a part of our dynamic. There are also SM element that don't get added in because they are random and happen when Master desires them. But again if you took out all the SM we would still be Master and slave. Our dynamic is there because it is who are and together that part of us meshes together creating a dyanamic that he owns me.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Life Update

Image hosted by
Monday thru Thursday
I had my period and it was pretty bad this time...throwing up, migraines and all. Daddy got me things to make me feel good throughout the week...junk food heaven...fudge covered oreos, ice cream, and cherry limeades.

I did some more work on some paintings, but none of them are done yet. I will be posting link to them when I am done though. Also I got a few more art supplies - 2 canvas and some gesso. I have been in a great creative mood recently. But really I need to be designing a website for a client. I want to work on *my* stuff instead though. So this next coming week I will have to get busy on work stuff and my stuff will need to come after I get the major portions of the designs down. I have gotten lots of wonderful mail this week of art! And then I sent out lots last week also. And I have some more that I need to get out this coming week.

I did get some baking done this week like I wanted....a loaf of Rye Bread and a loaf of herb focaccia.

Firefly came in on Netflix this week. I am huge Joss Whedon Buffyverse fan. And although the first episode of Firefly started off slow to me the verse was similar. There were lines that I could just tell came from Joss. I am going to watch the second episode today I think..I hope.

Image hosted by
We had an intense conversation before Master left for work -- so my day was out of sorts. I am still dealing with it. But on Friday night Daddy spoiled me with a rose, wine, magazine I was looking at on Mixed Media and then Blizzards for dessert (JeN we finally used the coupon). I made one of Master's favorites for dinner pot roast with potatoes, carrots and green beans. So we had a very nice quiet evening. We ate a good dinner and then watched the Girl with a Pearl Earring. I really enjoyed it as I am an art nut, but Master thought it was a chick flick and although not bad it was not great.

It was kind of lazy day for the most part..napping, relaxing and such. We did do lots of grocery shopping during the evening though. We are stocked up for a while. It was one of those weeks where such and such store had a few things on sale that we use and then another had a few we hit 4 stores yesterday.

The night ended very nice too....

Master and I were snuggling in bed. I asked for kisses and....well He certainly kissed me. He took one hand and squeezed my neck and the other hand behind my head in my hair while He kissed. He was squeezing and letting up...I love breath play! He did it over and over again making me very fuzzy and out of it. It made me so out of it that I was not completely aware of what else He was doing. I know He was slapping and squeezing my tits hard but not sure how much of that He did to me. I do remember enjoying the pain in my fuzzy state. Also while He was doing breath play, I was having the overwhelming need to suck His cock, but was unable to communicate that at the time. After a bit more of breath play, Master pulled my t-shirt over my head - covering it almost like a hood to Him. He rubbed my clit. I loved the His fingers on me. I was getting very wet and even more turned on. And my want to suck His cock just increased and soon I able to speak. So, I requested to suck Master's cock. He pulled the t-shirt off and shoved my head down onto His cock. It was yummy!

After Master came, we snuggled up and drifted off to sleep. It was very nice way to go to sleep!

Image hosted by
Been another relaxing day. We made breakfast together. And then talked about spirituality and religion. Master bought a computer from a friend a while back and so He has spent a few hours this afternoon trying to see where we were going to put it. It is going to be my computer since my current one is running out of space and slow. I am going to do a few chores and maybe request some play or snuggles from Daddy!

Monday, April 18, 2005

Quiz: Project Runway

You are ALEXANDRA! A nimble-fingered beauty, you
approach each challenge with a quiet intensity.

Which Project Runway designer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Life Update

Just some random things.....

  • I have just been so busy with art lately that I don't have time to write.

  • Master is still working very long hours so I am alone a lot.

  • My allergies are terrible right now.

  • I have my period right now and it is horrible. On Saturday Master tucked me into bed it was so bad.

  • Sunday Master worked so hard outside. It was things that I could not help with due to heights (He was on the roof) and allergies. It was pretty much an all day affair for Him. While He worked outside, I proceeded with my spring cleaning. Every room except our bedroom is done with spring cleaning now.

  • I need to do some webmaster work this week

  • I need to send out various pieces of mail love this week

  • I need to bake some this week

  • Topics to remind myself to write about....Flexibility, Migraines, Conditioning and Abuse
  • Thursday, April 14, 2005

    Guilty (Embarrassing) Pleasure Update!

    They are doing Project Runaway again! yes I know I am silly! Just saw a commercial for casting as I was ironing and had to come confess again!

    News Story

    Master recently stumbled upon a news story that Wisconsin is trying to get the legalization of hunting wild cats. Anyway, there is a link to a petition in his entry so urging cat lovers/pet owners to go check it out.

    Wednesday, April 13, 2005

    Link to share....

    A link that I saw on Life as His....and had to share too...

    Child's website of Hindu Gods....

    Very cute!

    Ghee Happy

    Tuesday, April 12, 2005

    Conversation between Master and slave

    So I have gone crazy on this group that a LJ friend turned me on too...called Free Stuff...

    So I am proudly showing Master the DQ coupon I got for buy 1 get 1 blizzard free.

    He said, "How are you going to pay for that?"
    "Well I am not, you're going too....," I replied promptly, then adding, "....but I do have some money...some change in my purse and a little box on the dresser."
    He said, "Whose money is that?" - You know He said it with that tone that Master's seem to get when slavegirls are claiming to own something.
    So I smiled sweetly and said, "mine."
    He said again with more inflection in his voice, "WHOSE money is that?"
    I said, "I was saving it for you....until you requested it Master." Again smiling very sweetly.

    It was a playful moment and we have exchanges like this a lot. But just thought I would share.


    People write me and ask questions, advice or for information on the lifestyle, which I always enjoy helping and answering questions. Some of the questions, I direct them to essays Master or I have wrote. Some essays are different from my current beliefs being in an M/s relationship, so I get wordy and write more then just directing to them the link. A lot of my essays - to me - are more D/s oriented then M/s oriented. Or at least can be applied to all types of lifestyle relationships and/or just relationships in general. Some I don't even like...didn't even want to write about but had requests and tried to give an overall lifestyle view instead of my personal beliefs.

    These are in order from oldest to newest. The last one is not linked on the website yet but will be soon.

    * Self Worth
    * Life as a 24/7 slave
    * Painslut vs. Masochist
    * Ignoring as Punishment?
    * Online vs. Real life
    * Who is it about?
    * Adventures of a Toy Slut which include: Tomato Sticks, Varieties in Wax,Playing with Senses, Lav Supplies, Spoons, Household Items,Adding Excitement to Roleplaying,How to make a string flogger
    * Rack vs. SSC
    * Discipline and Punishment
    * Respect in the Lifestyle
    * PMS and Slavery
    * Oral Sex:Submissive Act?
    * It Takes a Community
    * Collars: who, what & why
    * Poly
    * Anal Sex: The Questions
    * Living Life within Reality Part 1 - 4
    * Journaling
    * Direction
    * Enthrallment or Wanting the Dream Now Fever
    * A Typical Day

    Edit 11:06am Links should work now

    Sunday, April 10, 2005

    Artist Trading Cards

    I made a bunch of ATC (artist trading cards explaination and how to). There are a couple of people that I need to pick from them first before posting them to other places for trading.

    Image hosted by

    Image hosted by

    Image hosted by

    Image hosted by

    The rest are on our website....ATC Gallery.

    Friday, April 08, 2005


    Just a quickie to say I have been fighting with migraines this week. I do have several posts I want to do and hopefully will some time to do them this weekend.

    Monday, April 04, 2005

    Keynote Speech....

    Laura Antoniou gave a keynote speaker at South Plains Leatherfest...we did not attend but I had heard so much about this speech all over the place. So here is a link to it...UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED BUT MAKING GOOD TIME

    Sunday, April 03, 2005

    Life Update

    Master is busy which means my life is busy but quiet. I mean quiet as I am kind of lonely since Master is working long hours and very tired when He comes home, so I am alone a lot. Friends Master and I have -- are friends as a couple. And then we do not have any lifestyle friends here locally so it makes for a kind of quiet existence. And just so I am clear...I am not complaining about being where I am at because I love being Master's slave. It just is a little lonely right now and it will pass. So just trying my best to give him a peaceful and relaxing time while at home.

    Icky health stuff next....
    I have a rash that is ugly. My skin is ultra sensitive and so I had several new bath/hair products that have made my skin revolt against me. I need to start keeping a journal - private journal on health stuff. I had the same rash 5 years ago -- it looks like chicken pox but isn't. I am sure Lauren remembers it as she needed me to model for her for an art project and I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed. Also I had this rash as I had just started out as an escort and had to take 2 weeks off right away. He thought it was from using a new product - but at that time I did not have anything new. So that is why I want to keep a journal to start tracking what things are different and alike for these kind of things. I also think it would be helpful with my migraines - seeing if any foods or allergies make them spike up more.

    I really need to work on two websites tomorrow but I would prefer to be doing other art related things instead.

    Nothing really going on with me other then really missing lack of connection with Master. We had more connection this weekend though so that was good. It just gets hard when He is working all these hours.

    Well I am going to not do the rest of this post....I want to do a few posts on things that I think really have helped me as slave in my service to Master. So those will have to wait...hopefully the first one will get done tomorrow.

    Saturday, April 02, 2005

    Second Set of Interview Questions

    I will have a life update tomorrow and another post on another topic.

    1. How did you and your Master meet?
    A person who was a mutal friend was dating my Master -- I did not know Master though just her. They decided they were not totally compatible but very good friends and so they broke up. She told him that she had a friend that was service oriented, masochistic, that had similar vanilla interests and so on...that she felt would be a good match for him. She gave him my email address. Well he did not contact me for a while but found my profile on which listed a website I had (not up anymore but everything moved to Master's site) and a link to my blog. So for a while he read everything on my website and then became an avid reader of my blog. Finally when he felt I was kind of in between play partners and/or potential Owners - he wrote me via I had been out of town when he wrote so did not get it for almost a week after. I had stopped on my way back into town to visit a friend and during my visit I wanted to show her something on so I signed online to show her and saw I had mail. I deleted many but ended up reading his....and instantly he had me. He was real. I could tell he was honest and interesting. So from there we exchanged emails, started im-ing, then phone calls and finally I came out to visit him for a month. After that we did the LDR for a bit before he moved me here permanently.

    2. When & how did you have your first experience as a slave?
    It was when I was 18, and I became owned but did not know there was name for what was happening to me. He was a med student and obviously knew about SM and M/s but never spoke those words outloud.

    I don't think one moment captures my first experience as a slave as it just kind of happened naturally between him and I. He lead, I followed. He commanded, I obeyed. He dominated, I submitted. It just was how we were with each other. I am not sure to this date - if he saw it in me and brought it out. Or if it was just there - more then I was aware and came out because we were who were with each other. I remember liking spanking and being restrained with boyfriends before him. I remember wanting to please the boyfriends before him.

    But he enslaved me....he made it so the muscles moved before the brain reacted to question. He made me follow him to areas though that were dangerous in the end...because he lost control of himself. So it ended and long story shortened...he was my first Owner and I was his slave.

    So thought I would add what happened the first night we were together....
    We worked together at a pizza joint. I was on my hands and knees emptying out the buffet water. Anyone working restaurant would probably understand what I mean by that. So I was kind of half under the buffet - on my hands and knees. He came up to me and said, You are coming home with me tonight. Well I was a teenager - although shy and kind of demure most of the time - I did know how to stick up for myself and was ready to turn and say, "yeah right"....very sarcastically. Instead, I turned saw the look on his face and it made me blush one of those blushes that goes from head to toe. And I said yes. He told me where to meet him after work and I said yes. I just could say yes to all the things he said. There was a tone and look that made me tingle.

    So, after work I followed him back to his house. It was an old house - one of those old victorian kind houses with the grand staircase in the entrance and big rooms. He shared the house with about 9 other guys. They were all med students. He lead me to his bedroom had me strip, but not just take clothes off. He told me how to do it. Each button to be undone, how to slip my panties off. It was very directed...and very commanding. It just did not occur to me to say why or let me just do this my way. So after we were undressed, we played...light spanking, being held down and then fucked.

    He fucked me very well giving me a very good orgasms. And after he was very loving and tender. He told me I was a good girl. I saw the time and knew my parents would start to worry soon if I did not get home. So I told him I needed to leave. He told me to get dressed. He watched me and right before I finished he called me to him. He kissed me and told me that I would come back tomorrow. He told me when to be there, what to wear and what we would do when I got there. I just said yes. And that is how it started.

    3. Could you ever switch? And why or why not?
    I have switched because well bottoms wanted me too. I have had a few bottom friends that asked me to top them. I have done wax demos and played with wax quite a bit so I had several female bottom friends ask me to use wax on them. And then I was also in a relationship where we were had been Dom/sub but ended up boyfriend/girlfriend. He was involved with a young woman that wanted me to be co-topped by him and I often. So I did as her and I had a relationship as well.

    I don't like to top it feels unnatural for me but oddly enough I do get sadistic streaks during the play. Also I don't think I could ever be a dominant or owner as I just don't think I could handle the long term responsibility that comes with a D/s relationship.

    4. How many women have you been with?
    Well been with as in relationships (not just sex or SM play) - so that would be seven.

    5. What is your all time favorite menu to prepare and why?
    Probably thanksgiving or christmas dinner...
    Thanksgiving is the works...
    Turkey, stuffing, veggies (usually 2 kinds including green bean casserole), mashed potatoes, gravy, homemade rolls, pumpkin pie

    Ham with a glaze, Creamed potatoes, sauteed green beans, almond slivers and onions, usually a salad of some sort and then lots of goodies for dessert oh and plenty of wine!

    Interview Meme Questions

    Answering interview meme...2 people on livejournal asked me and so I am going post the answers here too.

    1) What was your very first experience as a slave?
    Answer in next post of questions as it was asked 2 times

    2) If you had one day left to live, what would you do with it?
    I just think I would want to see as many friends and family as I could. Being surrounded by them talking to each other...sharing time and telling them how much love and appreciate them all.

    3) What got you interested in cooking & what is your favorite recipe for?
    Well my mother is a cook. It is what she does for a living and is a very good cook. But oddly enough she never taught me to cook....never really taught any of her 3 daughters to cook as she does not like people in her kitchen. So it was not really until I was married (not married anymore) and started cooking that I realized it was fun to cook and have people enjoy what I made. Really with Master my love for cooking has come out more as he really allows me to experiment more then I have been able to in the past.

    Oh I don't have a favorite recipe...last year another LJ friend interviewed me and she asked me what I would serve if I were having someone famous to dinner. Well at the time it was Master and my anniversary and so I was making a new meal and it actually turned out horrible. Well the entree did everything else was great...including the dessert - cream puffs stuffed with homemade chocolate pudding.

    So, what I am saying my taste go for what I seem to be liking or doing in the moment. So lately that would be lots different kinds of chicken...

    Chicken Capri, Chicken Pomodoro, Sicilian Chicken...not sure on the sides would depend on which I made. But for dessert right now I am craving my Mom's Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cake. It is yummy!

    4) When did you know you were a submissive/slave?

    When I was with my first owner, at 18, I did not know there were names for what were were doing and who we it was not until many many years later...9 years later now that I think about that I found a D/s board on aol...while looking for information on anal sex. I was looking for that info because my husband was scared to try and I wanted to prove to him that we could do it - that it might hurt at first but that it could be done safely. Anyway, back on track, I stumbled on to this board and read some posts by submissives and I was like wow I do that...I feel this sounds like me. And then I realized it was a whole lifestyle surrounding these things I did in all my relationships. So that was 10 years ago that I actually found out there was name for who I am...submissive and slave.

    5) What is your favorite service to perform for your Master?
    I don't ever answer this question very good. Because there is not *a* service that really have that is a favorite. I just like serving him. I have always been semi-service oriented but with Master it seems to come out more and that is something I really like that I am serving him in ways I never served is just great to be serving Master.
    Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...