Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Skipping All Over - Update, Sex, Mini Rant

Skipping all over....

Life Update

This weekend I was going to work on a website I am doing for a friend in trade - He makes leather goods. Yummy! But I ended up not feeling all that well this weekend and so really need to jam on it this week. Yesterday Master stayed home from work. We ran a few errands and I did a few of my daily chores while He worked. But I did get behind so today I had do extra things. But I got everything I needed to done.

For dinner we had Mexican Meatballs - baked black beans - and salad.


I have been having very vivid dreams lately that have been bring to the surface my active sexual appetite. Some fairly extreme.....kidnapped, tortured, K9, use and abuse and all that good stuff. I have woke up dripping wet and stayed turned on and wet all day -for several days.

For the last couple weeks, I have been thinking about my sexuality and how much it has changed. And how I would love if it were back to the way it was before. When Master and I have sex, I am always grateful. And it is a privilege for me. But I get in these moods where when it has been a while I feel on edge and I also get to a point where I feel unwanted. And depressed. After a while of not having sex, I just want to turn my sexuality off. And Friday I felt like that. I crave for Him to touch me and I wait and wait...hoping. I can masturbate when I ask Master, but it is just not the same. And it actually at times makes it harder for me - because my sexuality is again up front then. I wish we had sex more often, but I try not to complain or whine about it. But it does wear on me and those emotions bring me down which are hard to push away and/or hide.

So I go through all these emotions on Friday and then Saturday morning....He touches me in a way He has never touched me. He touched me for a very long time....teasing - slow, soft and then hard, and fast. I had the best orgasm that I have had in ages. And I was very grateful for the sexual attention. Especially how He touched me as that is definitely a privilege.

I just wish I could contain the up and down of the emotions connected with my sexuality. Sex affects my moods....when we have had consistent sex I have felt so much better. And I think He is a lot more content too.

Mini Rant on Slash Online thing

A few weeks ago, a friend was writing in her journal...about not liking the W/we thing and I have to agree. It bothers me a lot that people do it on public e-lists. I don't care what people do in their personal writing but on a public board where you have 100 to several hundred people having to read through it I think it is impolite. When I find people that do that on the discussion lists, I skip their posts. Because when I read posts like that it almost gives me a headache from straining to read it. Because that is what it feels like....like I am straining my eyes and I get enough strain when coding. I also have to say...if I find someone writes like that I tend to not take him or her as seriously. I know that isn't fair but usually when I find that people write like that....they are stuck to much on the online world of D/s and not in reality. And I like reality....and relate to people that are reality based D/s rather then online.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Dinner Tonight

Dinner tonight is going to be....

Marinated Chicken Breasts that I am going to throw on George Forman grill. No special marinade - using a packet. Going to have Green beans....

And also Sautéed cherry tomatoes with mixed pepper strips with some black pepper, garlic powder, basil in a little olive oil.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

100 Things

Funny thing is before this was going around I saw it on a website....and started one but totally forgot about until it started going around various blogs.

1. I hate to be tickled
2. I don't like my feet touched
3. I am introvert and an extrovert
4. I don't like talking on the phone....but have made excepts to that since moving from Ohio to Colorado and missing Moni lots!
5. I have red hair
6. I want purple hair
7. I am an artist
8. I played the flute for 6 years
9. I played the piano for 7 years.
10. I was raised Lutheran
11. I am a girly girl
12. I love it when Master calls me His princess.
13. My favorite wine is Gewürztraminer
14. I am suppose to wear glasses
15. I am near sighted
16. I could eat Chinese food every night
17. I loved paper dolls as a little girl
18. I am a quote whore
19. I love to sleep in a fresh made bed
20. I am the oldest of 3 - all girls
21. I love candles
22. I don't wear perfume
23. I loved to be touched by Master.
24. I can be blindly loyal towards those I love and care about
25. I wear my heart on my sleeve
26. I am sensitive but also distant
27. I drove my parents 74 red Impala in high school
28. I sleep with a Teddy Bear - Fitz
29. I used to be a masochist
30. I don't know if I am....anymore.
31. I am very sexual
32. I can ejaculate
33. I like to bake
34. I have a sweet tooth
35. I like dove chocolates
36. But if I could have a Godiva, I would prefer
37. I like Aveeno lotion
38. I like to burn incense
39. I think Joss Whedon is a brilliant man.
40. I like to color
41. I am out about my lifestyle to my sisters but no one else in my family
42. I have no tattoos or any piercings other then my ears
43. I go through periods of wanting tattoos and piercings done
44. I like pretty paper and stationary
45. I have a journal that says Princess on it
46. I have a pillow that says a Princess sleeps here that Master gave me
47. As a teenager, I came to Colorado every summer for Camp
48. When I drink juice, my first choice is Tomato
49. Second is Orange Juice
50. I enjoy Tarot
51. Especially readings from Moni
52. I have a couple sets
53. My favorite is the Osho Zen set
54. One of my favorite card is the NoThingness card.
55. It is all black
56. It means that the nothing is not just nothing, it is all. It is vibrant with all possibilities.
57. I started an adult porn picture group on yahoo October 1999
58. I started blogging October 2000
59. My parents found my real name in a church bulletin – a little girl was getting baptized with my name.
60. I got my nickname from the painting Danae by Gustav Klimt
61. I have never smoked
62. I have never done drugs
63. I like to draw figures
64. I like handcrafts
65. I like spiced cider during the winter holidays
66. I like a good mind fuck
67. Autumn is my favorite season
68. I loved Art History in College
69. I used to remember lots of what I learned
70. I wish I still had that knowledge
71. I am a fan of Audrey Hepburn’s movies
72. I am left-handed
72. I was married for 7 years
73. I like Movie Soundtracks
74. I am allergic to a lot of jewelry
75. But I love jewelry
76. But I don't really wear anyway
77. Because Master does not really seem to care for it on me.
78. I have a make up fetish
79. I would love to have every color of eyeshadow
80. I have a lot of lipstick too
81. I do not like going out of the house without makeup on
82. I do not wear lots - or at least I hope it looks like that
83. I do put it on heavy for Master though
84. As he loves that slutty make up look
85. I love green beans
86. I am bisexual
87. I worked in the sex industry
88. I loved it and miss it at time.
89. I met some amazing people
90. I also do not miss all the hours I worked
91. I would do things different now
92. But that does not mean I would not do it again if given the chance
93. I have a purple pen
94. I used to only write in my journal with it
95. Laura Antoniou used my pen to sign books when she was in Cleveland
96. I have lots of record albums
97. I have a Beatles album on an apple label
98. My current journal is covered with red fabric with a daisy appliqué on it
99. I love to give gifts
100. I love my Master very much.

Plus 10 more...
1. I loved the books and TV show Little House on the Prairie
2. I like Cold Stone Creamery
3. Fan of Paulo Coelho books
4. Who my good friend DM introduced to me.
5. As I child one of my favorite series of books was by Gertrude Chandler Warner - The Box Car Children
6. I have very dark fantasies.
7. I have played strip poker once
8. I have seen Dita Von Tesse strip
9. My first concert was Adam Ant - Strip tour
10. I have a little girl side of me.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Update - Celeb Poker - Discussion lists

Quick Life Update
Well yesterday I was especially productive. I even cleaned while I talked on the phone to Moni. I needed to bust my butt because if Master was able to leave work at noon yesterday, we were going to pick up Master's new car. Consequently, I wanted all my chores done before noon. I got them done plus some. But unfortunately He had a terrible day at work yesterday and was not able to get away....we went today though. He did not buy the car here as they did not have the one He wanted so we went on a little day trip to get it. And the people there were great. So, Master has a new car....a Grand Prix GTP - loaded. It is a pretty car. A metallic gray….that makes it almost look like pewter.

I really enjoyed talking with Moni. I miss my friends lots...especially Moni. I miss our chats. Right now she has such good things going on in her life and I am happy for her. I love her dearly.

Dinner this week has been boring as Master has had a stomachache and so I have been cooking very bland. Such as Chicken and Rice last night. We did not really eat dinner tonight since we stopped for a semi late lunch today.

Celeb Poker Tournament
We watched last time they had it on Bravo and we are again this time. Last Thursday's episode had Sean Astin on it and he creeped me out! That is the only way to say it. His social skills and just manners were so horrible. He was being way too touchy feely with Sarah Rue too. And although I would love to get touchy feely with her as she is just yummy....it was just really weird how Sean was acting. The next time they showed her she was sitting closer to Matthew Perry. Oh and I am sorry no one is probably going to get this but Matthew Perry made me wet...he had a dominant quality about him that was there but silent. And it turned me on! He was not like his charater on Friends. He just had this something about him that told me he is very in control. I could be way off but that is what I felt when watching him on celeb poker. It was yummy!

Discussion lists
I go through period of really wanting that mental stimulation from "similar" minded people. I am on quite a few M/s - D/s lists some I skim through every so often once a week to once every 2 weeks. There is just one I think right now that I get the individual emails. Others are on digest but most are no mail. There are very few lists that I really enjoy and read every day. I can think of 1 at the moment that is my favorite with another quiet one that is second.

My favorite list actually really so in depth at times I am in awe of the intelligence in the group. And how they can hypothize. I feel almost "stupid" to reply. (not saying I am stupid that I just don't think I am going to form a response that anyone but me will understand *grins*)

But I love the discussion and learn so much from the wonderful participants.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Weekend Update plus a Tidbit

Well this weekend was boring, but almost boring in that good way...where it was not packed full of errands and home projects.

Friday night we started off the evening with homemade pizza and a bottle of wine while watching a couple movies XMen 2 and Down with Love.

Saturday we just hung out most of the morning before heading out for a late late brunch. And then went to get some girly girl fushia nail polish. I have a fushia skirt and then the dress Master bought me that I wore in Santa Fe has a hot pink band in it. So I wanted to paint my toe nails to match both of those things. After that we went to grocery store - and only had a few things to get for the week so that was good. Saturday since we ate late we just had some lunch meat rolled up with some cheese and Master has some cottage cheese because we were jut not that hungry. Saturday evening I spent trying to redesign my blogger. And having LOTS of problems with my css. I have taught myself everything I have done with our websites. CSS though is kind of still giving me problems. Java Script is almost seeming easier to me right now. Anyway, I got to a point of such frustration that I had to walk away. So Master and I watched Bruce Almighty.

Sunday Master made us omelet and turkey bacon...I had mine stuffed with cheese and bell peppers - red, green, and yellow. We hung out and called our Dads to wish them a Happy fathers Day. My family enjoyed the Santa Fe pictures. Master has another site for his photography not one linked with our within Reality site that has His photography on it so we gave them that site. We had a few small tasks to do around the house but for the most part we just took it easy all day.

I made what we call affectionately Happy Dish. When Lauren stayed with Kam and I, back in 2000, I would make this pasta dish that Lauren said made her feel happy. So from there on it has been called Happy Dish. It is pasta (penne or the spiral noodle that I can't think of the name right now - tri color), ground sausage or meat (I used a combo of ground turkey sausage and ground turkey), ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese and then spaghetti sauce out of the jar. Brown meat, cook pasta then put in a casserole dish and mix with LOTS of ricotta cheese, some mozz, and then LOTS of sauce and bake for 30 to 40 mins. Top with some mozz the last 5 minutes. Lauren loved lots of sauce and then I love lots of ricotta.

I don't know why, but often on Monday's I just feel down or out of it. Sometimes I feel it is because I get into a phase of expectations over the weekend and so am coming down from them. I have been doing really well with them, but I think I had some this weekend even though they were more subconscious then on the surface. So I am annoyed that I had some of this weekend. Other times I think I just come down from having Master to myself all weekend and then to being alone during the day. I always crash when we come back from Denver and spending time with Master's parents. I like them a lot but it just gets stressful at times and plus we just don't have our one on one time like we do at home.

Moving on....

Okay for a tidbit...that I read on a live journal.....

the five love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

So, what is the ranking of importance?
5, 1, 3, 4, 2

Friday, June 18, 2004

japanese name generator!

My japanese name is Miura (three bays) Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Recipe - Stuffed Peppers

We were out of town all day yesterday so we had take out chinese but Wednesday night we had Stuffed Peppers...

4 large bell peppers...I use red
1 pound ground beef....I use ground turkey (and even used 1/2 pound of meat and used more rice and beans to bulk it up more)
some onion to flavor the meat while browning it
1 cup cooked rice
1 can of kidney beans
1/8 teaspoon garlic salt
1 can (15 ounces) tomato sauce
3/4 shredded mozzarella cheese

Cut thin slices from the stem end of each bell pepper. Remove seeds and membranes; rinse peppers. Cook peppers in boiling water to cover; about 5 minutes; drain. Cook ground meat and onion in skillet; stirring occasionally, until meat is browned, drain. Stir in rice, beans, garlic salt and 1 cup of the tomato sauce, heat until hot. Stir in most of the cheese.

Heat over to 350 degrees. Stuff Peppers with mixture. Stand upright in a square baking dish 8x8. Pour remaining tomato sauce over peppers. Cover and bake 30 to 40 minutes. uncover sprinkle with cheese and bake another 10 minutes.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Friend Quiz Answers

Here is my friends test is shows each choice of answer - how many points each answer gave and then how many people answered each choice. I am going to bold the correct answer to each.

I had 28 people take my quiz and over half I am not sure I know personally. Most of the answer could be found in my journal or on my website.

1. What is my drink of choice?
rum and diet coke (0 points) 2
ice tea (2 points) 2
diet coke (10 points) 20
wine (7 points) 2
water (4 points) 2

** If I could I would live and breath diet coke. It is an addiction for me. Though in the last few days I have cut down even more then I had....I went from drinking 6 to drinking 3 to the last few days 1 a day. I don't like rum and coke anymore as Master got me drunk off them...to the point of being sick so just the smell of rum does me in now. I don't like ice tea even with tons of sugar in it. I like wine and water but again diet coke is my drink of choice.

2. What was my favorite TV show?
Angel (7 points) 2
Sex in the City (6 points) 1
Friends (4 points) 0
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (10 points) 23
Murder One (2 points) 2

** Of course most people got Buffy the Vampire Slayer....I talk about it enough I guess. I really enjoyed Murder One when it was on - only the first season. And I also really liked Sex in the City and Angel but again Buffy is my favorite.

3. What is a favorite BDSM activity of mine?
spanking (4 points) 10
puppy play (6 points) 5
pony play (0 points) 0
breath play (10 points) 5
punching (8 points) 8

**the above question was slightly tricky as all but one of the answers on the list I like. But I was asking for a favorite and Breath Play has been a long time favorite of mine. I have been doing it for years and years. Punching is a close 2nd but I am newer to it....so I don't think it is quite the top thing yet.

4. What is my number one choice of medium for my art?
oil paint (1 points) 5
watercolors (3 points) 6
pastels (8 points) 3
found objects (5 points) 4
charcoal (10 points) 10

**Again I use many of these things but my number one is charcoal. The only thing I have never done on the list is oil painted.

5. What is one thing I think I am good at?
cooking (10 points) 12
drawing (2 points) 3
serving my Master (7 points) 8
entertaining (6 points) 0
being a masochist (5 points) 5

**The above question needed to be read very carefully. The key words are I think. I think I am good at cooking. It took a long time to become a good cook. Serving my Master was 2nd highest answer the people chose. I have doubts at times when serving Master...that I am not doing a good enough job. And so those doubts are what put cooking as the answer. 2 years ago I might have said being a masochist was something I thought I was good at but even that now I doubt. I just can't handle the pain like I used to be able too.

6. What is my favorite PMS snack?
a diet coke (2 points) 2
a steak (4 points) 0
chili cheese fries (6 points) 7
a cherry limeade (10 points) 8
oreos (8 points) 11

** girlie started getting me cherry limeades when I had my period while I was staying with her. And now Master at times does the same thing.

7. What is my favorite way to be restrained?
leather cuffs (8 points) 13
steel cuffs (3 points) 1
chains (6 points) 4
rope (10 points) 7
anything with a quick release (0 points) 3

**I really enjoy rope bondage. Master's favorite way to restrain me though is leather cuffs. And I do enjoy them but I would love to be tied up more. :)

8. Which one is an artist that I am not thrilled by?
Marc Chagall (0 points) 5
Michael Parkes (0 points) 1
Andrew Wyeth (0 points) 7
Salvador Dali (10 points) 13
Aristide Maillol (0 points) 2

**This question was probably hard for most people. As I said above all questions could be found in my journal or website. And this answer could be found out if a person went to my favorite art links on the website...the only person I don't link to is Salvador Dali.

9. What is the name of my current Teddy Bear?
Ivan (5 points) 4
Oscar (2 points) 5
Artie (0 points) 0
Ellington (7 points) 11
Fitz (10 points) 8

** I know I have not mentioned my teddy's name in a long time...probably not since Master bought him for me. Ivan is my first teddy given to me by my ex husband Jim and Jackie has him now. And then Oscar was my next Teddy given to me by Kam and Moni has him now. And then Artie is a penguin that sits on my desk...so not even a teddy. And Ellington was given to me by Lauren and I still have him. Several months after I moved in with Master we went on a hunt for a new Teddy Bear....and found Fitz.

10. Which of these journals that I read do I *not* know the author personally?
Primal Scream (0 points) 5
Subsonora (0 points) 2
Jani (0 points) 1
Unsuspected Depth (0 points) 4
Pussy Ranch (10 points) 16

** I know this one might stump people a little too because I don't mention that I know some of these people. And some might have assumed I knew Pussy Ranch as my parents live in Minneapolis. I know Primal Scream - she is wench in my who's who page. She is someone very special to me. And subsonora and Jani I met when I lived in Ohio. I met Jani first and through Kam. And adored her right away. She very smart and funny! And then subsonora I met through one of the area groups. And I have really seen her blossom in her exploration of BDSM. Unsuspected Depth is DM in my who's who. She has been a long time trusted friend.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Santa Fe

Okay when I mentioned Santa Fe briefly after arriving home, I said that it has around 200 museums and art galleries and I pulled out one of our tourist guides and I was wrong....it is more then 300. The town is by far one of the best places for art. If anyone needs a piece of art - go to Santa Fe - they have every kind of art under the sun. We saw some sketches by Rembrandt, scupltures by Ted Gall andSusan Stamm Evans, photography by Ansal Adams and Henri Cartier Bresson, ceramics/pottery by Gretchen Wachs and Hiroyuki Wakimoto, paintings by Huang Gang and Dick Evans and the list could go on and on....

Other Galleries of interest....
Expression in Fine Art
McLarry Fine Art

We could have spent all the days we were there seeing art and not covered it all. Master and I both love art, so it was very nice to go in and out of galleries seeing art with Him. What I cannot get over is how Santa Fe has everything - scenery, architecture, food....just cultural, history and art pouring out of it. It was a peaceful serene oasis for me. And so inspiring although I did not get a chance to draw at all.

We arrived Sunday evening (May 30th). We found a visitor center right away and stocked up on every piece of material we thought we would need. And then headed down to what they call the Plaza. It is a square at the middle of downtown that has a park. The park had streets and buildings coming out all around it. The main street leads to a cathedral....St. Francis Cathedral. It is really one of the few buildings that is not done in the adobe architecture. Archbishop Jean Baptiste Lamy built a Romanesque cathedral. The view of the town from the steps is captivating. All along the streets of the plaza are galleries, museums, and then shops that sell everything from high quality fashions to trinkets in a five and dime general store.

Master took close to 300 pictures of Santa Fe. There were so many beautiful churches - from the St. Francis Cathedral. To Loretto which was Gothic style and has a spiral staircase that has no visible support - no dowels or nails were used in building it. To the oldest church in the USA which is San Miguel Mission. It is done adobe style - which most of the buildings are done with in Santa Fe. Master took several pictures of adobe style churches. They were just so beautiful with the beams, craved doors, stucco, and iron work.

So our stay started in Santa Fe started Sunday evening with Master taking his camera out and taking a lot of pictures. I think we were on sensory overload with all that there was to take in. We walked around taking pictures for a couple hours and then drove around some more to kind of get a plan going for what we were going to do on Monday. We grabbed a pizza and went back to our hotel room, which was so beautiful. The view from the hotel was very good. It kind of sat up on a hill over town and looked down on to it. There was a beautiful view of the mountains...Sangre de Cristo Mountains.

On Monday morning, we headed out very early, so that Master could get some pictures in the early morning. We did not get sunrise, but close. Venturing around town, Master took lots and lots of pictures. We then went to an impressive museum. It is called The Awakening. It is a monumental work of art. The ceiling and walls are covered with 8000 sq. feet of carved and painted wood. The pictures on the website and in the brochures do not do it justice.

Unklike most museums they gave with price of admission (only $3) - a head set with tape - to describe what the artist did and meant by it. And they also allow you to touch the works, take all sorts of pictures, lay on the floor or benches to look at the ceiling and have paper and pencils in the space in case you are inspired. It was inspiring. I did not draw, but Master took lots of pictures. Jean Claude Gaugy is the artist that created The Awakening. His work with color and line expresses emotion and movement. I really enjoyed witnessing his works.

After that, we went into a couple galleries, before walking through the plaza area downtown. There is a building called the Palace of the Governors on the plaza. Outside the Palace under the portal Native American women offer all sorts of goods for sale. It is called the market. For about a block women are sitting with their goods on the ground. They have blankets spread out with their good on them - LOTS of jewelry. Others have dolls, pottery, organic foods and herbal remedies. What I thought was interesting is that it is 80 degrees maybe 78 and all the women have long sleeves plus some with coats and sweaters and others under blankets....like it is cold. Some that are in the sun have umbrellas. But most are under a covered porch area.

I thought drawing some of them would have been interesting, but I also did not know it would be rude sitting and starring while I draw them. We walked around looking at various shops and galleries after passing by the market. After walking around a while we grabbed a snack before heading to our hotel to rest. Master and I took a nap before getting all dressed up for dinner. I felt very self-conscious, but I know Master liked the way I looked since it was a dress He picked out for me. For dinner Master took me out for seafood. Something He does not like, but He was able to able to have a steak where we went.

We headed back to the hotel room and changed clothes - because Master wanted some good night shots of the cathedrals and other adobe style building downtown. There are so many photographers in the town. It was kind of amusing there was this one woman standing on the steps below the cathedral holding a bag - just standing there starring off. And I recognized the look it was a significant other of a photographer waiting for that perfect shot. I was doing the same thing that night. I do not mind at all though. I love to be with Master when He is in that creative mode.

On Tuesday we did not do much....but did some more walking around and then ending the day by going out a little ways from Santa Fe to enjoy the sun setting over the mountains. Master took some wonderful sunset photographs.

Wednesday morning we got all packed up grabbed a bit to eat and then went to the Santa Fe Fine Arts Museum. It was not as much as I expected. It was good...had some good works, but not the wow like the Awakening was when we went to it. It seems that a New York artist came and settled in Santa Fe because she married a local SantaFean. And thus all her New York friends would come, visit, and stay. Of course, I can't remember her last name now...first name Mabel. So then her friends did art while there and those pieces seem to be in the museum. They had an interesting exhibit with music portrayed in art that did have some interesting pieces.

After the museum we got on the road and headed back to Colorado, not without making a quick shopping stop in Taos where we bought Master's parents a gift for watching the kitty cats for us. They had 50% off in this shop and the owner was making us deals. We bought a big pottery sun and moon for Master's parents. And then we ended up getting a pottery canister set. They were marked individually and we got all of them for just a little more then the little one was marked. We ended up getting the set for almost 75% off. They are very pretty and are a close match to a piece Master bought me for Christmas.

The drive home was so beautiful - we took back highways on the way home instead of the interstate (which we took on the way there).

Here is just a small sampling of pictures.

Things we want to do when we go again - tour some of the churches, go to Georgia O'Keefe museum, and go visit more galleries. I really wanted to go to Georgia O'Keefe museum this time but 3 of the 8-some galleries were closed for the first 2 days we were there and the 3rd day the museum was closed completely. So we decided to wait when we come back to see it so we could see the entire museum.

I am not going to have words to describe what I need to describe right now...beware mushy stuff will be ahead I am sure....

My Master is an incredible man. I have never had a man be so wonderful to me. This trip was about me. He wanted to go to Santa Fe, but really, He wanted to give me my dream. And share in my dream. He wanted to bring me to this place that I have dreamed of for so long. He made the whole weekend about what I wanted. I am not saying we did not go where He wanted we did do that too - but most of the time I really wanted to see them too.

It really hit home that the trip was for me....the night we went for seafood. I know silly that I did not get it until then. But I didn't. Master hates seafood. It is something I never get with Him because He does not like it and does not really even like to be around it. And when He told me we were going to a place with seafood I was puzzled, but then He explained to me that the trip was for me.

I am crying as I write this because I just do not have the words to express my love and gratitude for my wonderful Master. There is art that I have seen and there are no words to capture what it does to me...how important it is....how it changed me...how I feel when I see it....

And often that is how I feel with Master....He has bound me to Him in a way that can't be measured, weighed or expressed. He has infused my being - binding me to Him with all that is....and now He is a part of me. He invogorates my soul with passion, devotion and dedication to Him.

I don't know how He happened into my life at the time He did but I am truly grateful each day I am with Him. Thank you so much Master for giving me yet another dream...because you are the most exquisite dream come true.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

A Good Weekend...with some SM too!

I have the Santa Fe blog almost done. There is links I keep meaning to find and check and a few pictures to upload – so those things are holding me up. But I probably will post it later tonight or tomorrow.

But I did want to post a weekend update of life.

Yesterday we kind of started off slow….we were going to get up and get going on some projects but with me not sleeping well on Friday night and Master having to go out at strange hours to do some work we both ended up sleeping in. And decided to flip flop our plans. So Saturday afternoon we headed to the Art and Jazz Festival in town. It was small still but bigger than last year. They had some very good photography and pottery for sale but we were good after spending money in Santa Fe.

We then got a bit to eat and headed to Van Helsing. It was not great. But I think Hugh Jackman is sexy, so he was worth seeing the movie. His voice alone does it for me. And then Kate Beckinsale is another favorite. She is scrumptious. I am sure Master really loved seeing her in spandex, corsets and boots. She did look pretty good but I preferred her character and look in Underworld!

This morning Master woke me up wanting to play and have sex. I was still kind of sleeping when the punching and slapping started. I felt like a punching bag. Have you ever seen boxers to repetitions on those punching bags? Well that is what I feel Master did on me today. On my face – cheeks and lips and then my breasts. He mixed that up with slapping and breath play. He then at some point grabbed me by my hair to bring me to the edge of the bed to put a hood on me and His hard cock was right in my face….

So what is an eager slut to do?

I moaned as I slid my mouth around His cock. It felt so good. I was so turned on and feeling His cock in my mouth made me melt even more into being a good slut. I sucked for a little bit and then He would stop me and fuck my mouth. I like that feeling….especially against my bruised and swollen lips from being punched. I liked that feeling of that there was no choice – that I had to be a fuck-hole for Him not matter if it hurt. I felt thoroughly used and abused.

Master then pulled His slut off of His cock and hooded her before fucking the sloppy wet cunt.

I think it is a love/hate relationship with enjoying pain. Master was punching me. I would feel His fist strike my lips forcing the flesh to impact with my teeth over and over. And I thought I should fight this….as I was not restrained at all. I thought of saying no – which would not matter anyway in this household. But I didn’t because at the same time there was this piece of me that wanted to say, “more….please more.” And then yet another part of me just surrendered to Master’s sadism….knowing that He will do what makes Him happy. And with each punch my pussy dripped more and more.

Right now the swelling is down on my lips and my left cheek is a little swollen and tender to touch. My lips are still tender as well but don’t look swollen anymore.

After Master came, He gave me the vibrator and told me to have fun, but to keep the hood on until He came home and removed it. He went out to get a paper. By the time He came home, I was finished and just laying there. I was getting a little claustrophobic. This is a full hood but only made out of spandex to very breathable, but for some reason I felt a little closed in. But I kept it on. And Master removed it when He got home (He was on His cell with His parents as He was removing it – telling His parents that I was doing good).

After He was off the phone we got ready to go outside to do our projects for the weekend. I was a little worried about how red and swollen my face was….for about 20 seconds and then it just slipped away from me. Even when our neighbor came out and chatted, I did not even think about it until afterwards. So that is good. I would have in the past been panicking about someone seeing. But now it is pretty much like – so what – I am Master’s and He was very happy and pleased with the redness and swelling and that was all that mattered to me.

Later after we were done with our projects I was in the shower and Master came in and pissed on me (when I was just ready to get out and fully clean) and it made me feel so good. I even brought my fingers into the stream and brought them to my lips and licked them clean.

I guess I am in that slut mood today! I just can’t get enough of my Master!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Just some random thoughts....

Just some random thoughts....and I am tired so beware…

I am working on a Santa Fe post. It is just taking me longer due to migraines the last 2 days.

gmail - If someone wants to try out a GMail account drop me an email at danaewhispering@gmail.com - I have one and can invite friends.

dark desires - I noticed yesterday that my dark desires page on the website had intro paragraphs that were from a very old website. So I changed that. It was kind of interesting to reread them all. I am sure I could come up with some more too! Also if anyone is just wanting to see new stuff from the website check out What's New on the site.

essays - I am kind of frustrated with the newsletter essays I write. And after getting the newsletter today in my inbox, it upset me on a whole other issue. I have thought of asking Master after this next essay series if I can stop writing for the newsletter. I am just not sure that is what I will do but I have thought about it a few times.

The reason being I don't like writing the essays right now is I feel I am writing about some things I don't care about and don't believe in. I have written many articles I do care about and believe in. The ones that I have put my heart into and care about far outweigh the ones I don't. When I come up with a topic for the essay it has come from questions one or more persons ask me. So it spawns an essay. Such as the essay on Anal Sex. I had several people asking me about it so I decided to do an essay on it.

There are a few essays that I have written that were purely because I wanted to write on the subjects...PMS and slavery is one of them.

I think right now I am questioning things because I have had a desire to write more M/s based essays rather then BDSM community focused essays. I want to write about TPE, absolute, M/s, O/p and enslavement. And I guess I just don't see those things going over well on a BDSM community newsletter. So such writing on a topic of Trust in M/s relationships....narrows things down too much. At least that has been my thinking.

Another reason this subject is coming up is because recently a website asked to use some of my essays on their website. They asked for one I don't like, but I agreed because I have gone along with the thinking that if they wanted it they must have saw something in it that was useful. But really when it comes down to it....I wish I had not written it. Everything I wrote in it was based on others experiences - from real life friends to those online. But nothing was based on my experiences. Now I know I don't need to experience something to write about it. But I feel more comfortable when I have experienced it. It is more real to me. It is giving a personal view. I also feel a lot of what I wrote in the essay is well irrelevant. The essay I am talking about is Collars. Because to me a person does not need to have a consideration collar, training collar or formal collar - they just need a commitment to each other and that can be done without an outward symbol. It is a knowing. I remember knowing Master and I were right for each other. We got to know each other. We are compatible and want the same things out of a relationship. We have faith in each other and in our relationship. We know who we are to each other. And no collar is needed for that. I am collared but my collaring was nothing like I wrote about. I was not asked to be collared. I was not asked to be His. He took me. He put the collar around my neck and locked it closed. And I was His.

I have been struggling because I think I need to pull the essay. I am struggling with thoughts that I need to stop writing essays that I don't feel something about. I write because I like to write. I know there are a lot of better writers out there but I like to write. I like to write about things that are personal experiences to me - that have something in them that I believe in or have feelings for and the essay on Collars makes me cringe every time I think about it. Sad but true. I am sure it is something I will be pondering for a while...at max until the 4 part series we have planned is done.

friend test - I am going to close it in a few days. I have had a few friends make their own tests. Of course I did the stupid thing of trying to answer them when I just had come home from traveling all day. And I did horribly! I misread questions and answers and felt awful about it.

I am going to list all my questions and answers here after I close it. There are some people who took it that I really wonder who they are....a couple were in the top 5 and I have no idea who they are and if they know me in real life or just from my blogger. I will give more thoughts on the test after I close it.

Sunday, June 06, 2004


We are home safe and sound....

We had a GREAT time in Santa Fe! It was so incredible. I am not even sure if I will be able to describe all we saw and did....I just know that it was amazing. I am very thankful to have been able to experience it with Master. Thankful to have such a wonderful man in my life.

Just some brief little points -
Friday the 28th - spent traveling to Denver
Saturday 29th - Being soaked by LOTS of rain!
Sunday 30th - Traveling to Santa Fe!
Monday & Tuesday - Having a GREAT time in Santa Fe! So much art! Santa Fe has over 200 museums and galleries! Master took almost 300 photos....there were amazing churches there....from gothic to southwestern adobe style. I will write more about it I am sure.
Wednesday - Spent some more time in Santa Fe and Taos before heading back to Denver
Thursday, Friday and Saturday - spent time in Denver with Master's family.
Sunday - Back home....ahhh so good to be home!
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