Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Nothing I really am in the mood to write about....

I am feeling blah could be period...but could be a combination of other things.

On a good note we got our furniture today and since we had brought the old furniture to Salvation Army when we had the Uhaul. We have had no living room furniture so Master has had to be on the floor with His girl...so I am glad He now has a place to sit :)

I am meeting Master's family this weekend and getting nervous about that. I am sure I will be quiet and shy of course. Unpacking is going okay. I need to get some paint to paint a shelving unit I have had since my first apartment. I have found some really good projects I want to work on for Christmas. I have a few paintings I actually need to do.

I painted Grumbler and wench a painting for their wedding - but I had an accident which ruined it so I need to redo that for them. And then I have a couple other people I want to do some painting for - plus some other projects also. Then things around here I want to work on also...like curtains, pillows for the couch, I want to repair a quilt I have, I want to frame some of Master's photos for our dining room and so on and so forth...

I guess I have a few things on my plate :)

Tomorrow is Our anniversary. :) I am going to do some baking in the morning so the house will hopefully cool off by the time He comes home. I am making herb rolls (basil and tyme) and cinnamon cake. For dinner I am making Chicken Cordon Blue - it is one of Master's favorites that I make.

Okay off to have some time with Master :)

Oh one more thing....posted the September article for SMART newletter on my website....
PMS and slavery

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Well I sit here surfing the web at the moment....I am absolutely miserable. Master and I went up the Grand Mesa early early this morning (4:30 to 9:30am) so I could see the colors and although it was truly spectacular sight...my allergies went crazy up there. I am having the most severe allergy reaction I have had in long time.

My allergies have been so much better in Colorado so far, but looks like falls are going to kick my butt. My eyes are swollen and itchy, I have sneezed more today then I think I have sneezed all my life LOL I am blowing my nose about every 60 seconds LOL I feel like crap!

Master keep checking on me to make sure I am okay and even took my temp. I am under normal....which is normal when I am not feeling well. He thinks it is hot in here and I think it feels good and that I am even a little on the cool side so that is why He took my temp.

I am glad we did all the things we needed to yesterday as today is pretty much shot from my not feeling well...

Yesterday we started the day off very nicely with some quality time together...playing, sex, cuddling, kissing and all that kind of good stuff. We then hit town and went to one place after another ending up with seeing Underworld. It was pretty good and Kate Beckinsale in Leather and Latex oh my worth it in my opinion! The movie was pretty good. Not great. But I did like some of the scenes and the final plot line...on how the war between the vamps and werewolves came to be. Anyway, I enjoyed it and the day with Master. :)

And the weekend...even though I am not feeling well today.

Friday, September 26, 2003

Weekend is here...

Master is in watching a movie that I had no interest in seeing, so He allowed me to be online.

I mostly have been searching for some D/s message boards as I am really liking them more then like yahoogroups - because you can go and see just each topic. On yahoogroups you are just seeing each message that is sent to the group. So you have to wade through all the messages to find the thread you like and then wade through more messages to read the thread. Since my time online is more limited now that I am with Master anything to save time - such as message boards instead of yahoogroups - is important to me. I still want to have D/s discussions still but have found I can't do that really with yahoogroups. So I am trying to move to having a few good message boards that will get my time. If anyone has suggestions on some good ones...please email me or leave a comment please.

As I am sure some of my faithful readers have noticed...I have not mentioned sex or S&M play in a while. We are having sex. Very good sex :) But we have not played in a while. Master will punch me here and there. But not very much as really I can't take it and Master would like to build me up a little again. When I get to a certain level then He does not seem to care, if I can take it or not LOL Not sure if that made sense...oh well...

I really have missed the pain, but on the same note I am nervous to have it again since it has been so long. It is hard on me when I am not receiving regular pain, because usually what happens for me is those endorphins feed something in me to make me just feel better. It is like people who need sunshine - if they are in darkness too long begin having signs of depression....that is kind of how it is with me and pain. If I don't get pain, I start to get down. It is a good therapy session for me.

Master hopes we get more into our routine and things get back to normal, but I do have to confess that I doubt we will be having a normal schedule until after Thanksgiving or closer to Christmas. We have several things coming up...one including Master's surgery and so He will have to take it easy. And we are not for sure on how long the recoup time will be - and I want Him fully recuperated before He does anything strenuous. I worry too much probably. But I just want Him healthy...I love Him very much and don't like that He is in pain and hurting.

Anyway....not sure what else to write about tonight....

We are going to Underworld tomorrow. :) Master said He read that there is an Underworld 2 already in works.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Has anyone seen Underworld? How is it?

When I first saw the previews on TV, it looked like a horror movie. It probably could be classified as one but see I don't like horror movies - I get nightmares from scary movies - EXCEPT when they are about vampires/werewolves - go figure lol I don't get it either.

But anyway then I found out Underworld was about vampires and werewolves and so I want to go see it but I don't know much about it. The reviews I have read online don't say enough for me to know the plot. And the reviews have been really bad.

Oh but it might be worth it no matter what the reviews are like to see Kate Beckinsale in leather. *grins* I liked her in Serendipity.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Not much going on because I am sick...

Master came home yesterday though and that was a good thing. :) I was feeling pretty awful with my cold so He promptly put me to bed for a nap when He got home. I have been trying to take it easy, but of course I see a MILLION things that need to be done. And it is driving me insane...I know not a long trip. LOL Monday I got to talk to Moni on the phone and then today I got to talk to Honey. Since Honey has been back in the states I talk to her a lot more. I am really glad that I do..as I really missed her while she was in Germany. I was happy to talk to Moni on Monday too. We got to have girl-talk and I was needing it...and she was too.

Not sure what else to write about...I am feeling blah...not sure it is just the cold or what...it feels like more but who knows. :(

Here are to quotes that I have had sitting around that I meant to post....that I like....

When one teaches, two learn. - Robert Half

Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day. - Will Durant

my horoscope....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Your key planet, Venus, is under some serious stress today as Saturn-The-Tester and Chiron-The-Wounded-Healer square off with her. You may feel the brunt of this as a sense of isolation. You may not feel supported by others—even those who profess to love you. You feel hurt. If any of this rings true, remind yourself that much of what you are experiencing is based upon remembrances of past pain. Healing can happen if you are willing to remember the past and then let it go.

Your DIY Sex Toy Should Be Popsicles!

You're wild, kinky, and a bit insatiable.

And while getting freaky with iced sugar water won't satisfy you...

It will keep you occupied for at least three minutes.

What Sex Toy Should You Make?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I can't sleep...not feeling good. Feeling so icky I can't even sleep. :(

I am watching a movie on HBO that I have in a box somewhere....called Clara's Heart. It is a movie I have seen many times...it has Whoopi Goldberg and Neil Patrick Harris. Not even sure why I like it but I do.

Master is okay. He called the surgeon. The pain is kind of normal from the way it sounds and He is not having other symptoms that would cause it to be an emergency. But I do think that He is having more pain means He should be looking in to having the surgery sooner then He was "planning" - which I am not sure will go over well.

His project at conference got number 1 place. I am very proud of Him and all the hard work He did for it. It looked awesome!

Okay time to I talk about our trip back east to Ohio. My time in Ohio went past way to fast....

Master and I spent one day with Moni,but it went so fast. We went to a winery there with Michael and Moni. We picked up chicken that came with jo-jo's and had a picnic - drinking wine and eating and talking. I knew Master never had jo-jo's and would like them...and He did :) He liked the wine a lot also. Only thing that was not good is...that we were in a rush to meet Michael and so I forgot to remind Master to bring His camera. He know He would have loved to take a few photographs. The next day we had to run a few errands and then went shopping.

I have told Master there is just not good shopping in Grand Junction and I think He believes me now LOL He got some quite a lot of work clothes....the highest we paid for a shirt was $12 the lowest was $2...and it was a good shirt..nice. The shopping in Ohio is great. Master bought me a shirt that is all gathered up the bodice in a mesh kind of fabric. And then a pair of heels. The heels were originally $60 and we got them for $7.

We came home and chatted with Bill and Lisa. It of course went fast too. The whole time in Ohio was fast. Then Friday we were suppose to be able to pick up the Uhaul at 9am and they did not have it ready to pick it up until 12:30 - but it took the guy at Uhaul several times to get the contract right - so by the time we got back to Bill and Lisa's it was 2:15pm. Master and I started loading right away. Bill and his daughter helped us after they got home and so at 4:17 we were pulling out with car on the trailer to head to Akron to get ready for the informal that night.

We got to Moni's and took showers and got ready. Master took a picture of me naked putting makeup on while everyone else was dressed standing there talking to me before we left LOL My whole outfit was picked out by Master....shirt and skirt from Torrid. Black Satin top that wraps around and ties and then the magenta satin with black lace. And pantyhose instead of thigh highs - even though He like those too. And then the new heels He picked out for me the day before. Katrina said I should let Him dress me always lol

I loved seeing my friends in Ohio. We had a great time at the informal. Seeing my friends was so incredible. I sent out a "form" letter - inviting everyone to the informal...as I wanted to make sure everyone would be there lol I sent it to people I knew would be there for sure - but did not want anyone to be left out.

Everyone said that I looked happier and more centered then I ever have...

Of course Moni got me crying first...and I forgot kleenex! I am not kidding you! LOL

I had some nostalgic talks with people.

The person that I first contacted after I moved from Kansas to Ohio was there...she is a good submissive. I was lonely and wanted to meet other submissives females then - I wanted friends of like mind. So I put in submissive, female and cleveland in the aol member directory (back when I had aol) and then started to email the names that came up. And she was the first person that answered my email. Even though we don't see each other often or stay in contact that well I have a special place for her. She is a good submissive. I have always admired her.

And then the first girl I met in real life at a submissive get together was there. I was really glad she was there - I know she has been going through a lot lately.

Then friends that gave me a book on Chagall for my Birthday were there...well one half of the couple. It was a book that came with me in the first load of things to Master's. Her other half could not make it...he had written me ahead of time to tell me. I understood - but I was still wishing he could have been there too. I admire them so much.

I had one person say something odd to me. The person said it to both Master and I so when this person walked away I had to have Master repeat it as I thought I heard it wrong. But I had heard it right. It was just kind of odd.

I asked one of the submissives I know in the group to sing "Killing Me Softly" I was really happy that she did. I have that on a cd that Master and I were singing on the trip. And I told Him about how good this woman sang it. I really appreciate that she sang it for me. It was the first time I ever danced at an informal. It did seem like Master and I were the only people in the world in that moment. I love Him very much.

The usual suspects - my closest friends were there. So many people I have been lucky enough to call a friend. Master told me right away that I have a really good group of friends. I cried a lot. I am glad I got to see everyone though.

I heard more then once while in Ohio that Master must do a good job at motivating me and that I seem more calm and centered. And all of it is true...amazing what being happy does to a person. :) Master is good for me and good to me. I am a lucky girl. We have bumps but we keep going forward working on our journey.

I am very glad I am on the journey with Master!

Sunday, September 21, 2003

I just realized I did not wish Mistress DM a happy birthday here....

Happy Birthday Mistress DM!

I hope you had a great birthday Ma`am!
Watching: Save the Last Dance
Mood: Sick and Scared

Well this will probably be a quickie too…

I will do a long one, but I am sick so my brain has not been here much today.

I just talked to Master and He is not feeling well. But different symptoms - we think it might be due to what He is going in surgery for…so to say the least I am VERY nervous. He might come home early from His conference. I am trying to remain calm (which is not working very well). He promised me before He left (when He started feeling bad) that He would not just push this aside and let it go…that He was taking it seriously.

He is taking it seriously…and I am happy about that….

I love Master very much….

I am worried and scared….

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Missing Daddy....

Found this quiz....so thought it would be appropriate since I am missing my Daddy....

girly girl result
Girly Girl

What kind of little girl were YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

not totally me but....some of it is of course....

Friday, September 19, 2003

Another quickie....

Master leaves tomorrow for a conference so I will do a long entry and long emails to people I owe huge thanks to - after He leaves.

But wanted to let everyone know I am alive despite my efforts to drink myself into forgetting all my aches and pains from moving. Master got to see this girl get very sick from drinking too many rum and diet cokes. I feel fine this morning but the world was spinning last night LOL Master took good care of me.

Anyway I am off to make grocery lists and do more laundry to get Master ready for the conference. I am going to miss Him SO MUCH!

Wednesday, September 17, 2003


We are HOME!

I am glad that we are home....it was a good trip but I am happy to be home again. I will write a longer entry tomorrow or on Friday....since tomorrow Master and I will be very busy unloading the Uhaul, and then returning it and plus a ton of other errands.

BTW we got stuck an extra day in Manhattan...the Uhaul broke down...:(

Okay....going to go....to BED!

Sunday, September 07, 2003

We are in Terre Haute, Indiana. We just got back from the swim pool and hot tub….yes, I did a pure act of submission tonight by getting in my swimsuit and going with Master to the pool. I know He really wanted to go so…I am glad that I was able to make Him happy by going with Him. I know though He does not like my swimsuit and will probably get me a new one – one day.

So this trip started out not being very good….

I had a migraine on Friday that just seemed to getting worse and worse as the day wore on even though I had been taking migraine medicine all day. By the time I was heading to bed…I thought of asking Master to take me to the ER. It hurt to move, to see any light, to hear any noise….the kitties purring was almost too much for me. Anyway, Master gave me a vicodin and I was able to relax a little to get some sleep so that helped…but we did start out later on our trip then we planned.

I also felt a little better on Saturday but not up to my normal self and still fighting the migraine…so I was not very good company as I slept most of the time.

We then got to Manhattan and I forgot all about being football season and Kansan’s are such big football fans…so there were not very many hotel rooms there plus the price was so high we decided to go on to Topeka. I moved to Ohio from Topeka so it was a little nostalgic. Even going to Manhattan though was nostalgic for me as I love Manhattan and my ex husband worked where he had to travel and whenever he went to Manhattan I would go join him for at least one night because we liked Manhattan.

Topeka…though was more nostalgic as that is where I lived with my ex-husband. Master and I went past the house where my ex and I lived when we were married. My old neighbor was outside and could not see in the car, but kept staring as he was always a nosey neighbor.

This morning we got up and went and had breakfast with my ex-in-law’s who I am still friends with. Jim’s mom was thrilled to see me. And I was very happy to see her. I had not seen her in 2 years. She made me my favorite cake…to bring with us on the trip. She gave us disposable pan and forks and everything. It was really nice of her. We brought them wine. When she was hugging me she told me how much she liked Master and how she thought he was so nice and had such a nice voice. :)

I was glad she liked him. : )

In St. Louis Master had not seen the arch before so we stopped so He could take pictures. He thought it was so awesome. It is a really impressive structure. That area of St. Louis is very nice too…right next to the waterfront. So it was just very pretty all around there…even though I hate driving through St. Louis……the interstate system is not very good.

So now we are in Terre Haute, Indiana…and relaxing. It is nice. I have loved being on this trip with Master. It is so nice to talk and just be with each other. Tomorrow we will be at Bill and Lisa’s….I look forward to seeing them and all the rest of my friends. I have been very lucky to have such good friends….Bill and Lisa have been great…helping me move to their house, letting me live with them, letting me be depressed and always being there to help and support me and then storing my stuff for all these months. I am very lucky….

And excited to see them…and Moni....and well and everyone....*jumping up and down in seat*

Friday, September 05, 2003

Oh...I need to add this....

I worried about this trip...how we were going to do it for the longest time. And Master kept telling me not to worry about it.....

Well I need to thank my wonderful Master...as He did take care of everything. And He was right I did not need to worry. He always comes through for me. He always takes such good care of me....so that I don't need to worry....

In the past of course, I was let down lots...but with Master...He is above and beyond what I could have imagined having...He is everything to me and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life...as my Master and my love.
Well while I wait for websites to slowly load tonight....I am going try to write a quick blogger....

Tomorrow we leave for our trek to Ohio....

Today has not been a great day for me. I have had a migraine from hell. I have taken too much migraine medicine to try to get rid of it...but of course that is not happening. So on top of that I have been trying to gather things for our trip. This afternoon Master and I did some errands....and I just was kind of out of it....because of the pain.

And so tonight I will probably be trying to get to sleep early....so that maybe I can get rid of it before we hit the road tomorrow.

I am very happy to be going on this trip with Master. The last few weeks Master has been so busy with His project for work that I am looking forward to having quality time with Him. Master did a fantastic job with His project and I am proud of all the work He did, but am VERY happy it is done....as I felt like a widow the last few weeks lol :)

I am looking forward to seeing all my friends in Ohio. I have MISSED them LOTS!

Not sure what else to talk about....since I am just brain dead...

Master is bringing His laptop and of course Bill and Lisa have many computers - so I am sure I will be updating my journal on our trip.

Oh answering Friday Five first....

1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most? Floors and folding Laundry...oh and dusting the ceiling fan as I am scared of heights and Master's bed is VERY tall

2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing? the rest I don't mind...really. I have come to enjoy it. It feels kind of therapeutic at this point....where when I am out of my schedule and not able to do what I normally do I feel like I am missing something.

3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed? I have a routine.

4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules? yes, I clean the toilet EVERYDAY really good...and I am sure that is from paranoia that Master will make me drink from it someday.

5. What was the last thing you cleaned? Cleaned up the kitchen after dinner.
Happy Birthday Honey!

Just wanted to wish Honey a very Happy Brithday....I love you and miss you! I hope you have a GREAT day!

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Can someone be 24/7 slave but live 200 miles from their Master?

I read someone's journal today and thought about that.....

I know that before I moved with Master...I was His always even though I was not with Him....but now that I am here with Him 24/7 there is no way what I did when I was in Ohio...."24/7" as I was not living with Him. I did what ever He wanted when He wanted when I was in Ohio. But there is just something about being here with Him that had made it "more"....for me. A deeper bond? A more personal bond because we can actually see each others expressions & body language? Maybe it just that we have grown as Master/slave and the submission I give is more towards surrender and so that is all it is...why it seems so different? I just don't know....

I do know that I never called myself 24/7 until I lived with Master. I think that 24/7 can almost take on a term of "living together" - It is actually something I have tossed around a lot. Is 24/7 a mindset or a just a physical state of being 24/7 with each other?

I have a friend that does not describe herself as a 24/7 slave, but to me - to my definitions she sounds like a slave when she describes her life. She lives with her Master 24/7. She does what he says. I have another friend that is a 24/7 submissive - she is not a slave - but submissive who lives with her Dominant 24/7. She just has more say then I do....and she considers herself a submissive. So is 24/7 just a physical state of being with someone 24/7?

I guess that is how I define it....that you are with someone 24/7 - living with them.

Another question that....can go along with this topic...kind of is can you be a slave without a Master?

I would - before I was owned be asked if I was slave or submissive. And usually I would say I am not owned but hope to be a slave one day. That seems so far away now....anyway....I now look back at my life...and can see where I made a conscious choice in that I "wanted" to be a slave - even if I could not admit it out loud at times. So was a slave from then on as I was working on myself to be a slave - even if I was not owned/collared then? I served others. I know that when I lived with Bill and Lisa I did things to me as a friend but also in service to them. I know that if Bill would have told me to do something I would have done it. I trust him and lived with him and so it just was a part of me. When I visited j, I served her Master....was I being a submissive or a slave? I don't know too many people who would have done what I did in his household. I just don't know....can you be a slave before you are owned?

I guess I feel I made a conscious choice at a certain point in my life that I wanted to be a slave and even if I was not owned at that time....I made that choice. Choice that word is bothering me as I am not sure it was a choice as well as maybe a "calling" - I felt there was something more....I needed to do to be fulfilled and when I started letting parts of myself open to possibilities I found what it was....being a slave. hmmm not sure that made sense.

Okay so what do others think...can you be 24/7 and not live with the Dominant? And also can you be a slave and not be owned? Tell me what do you think?

I need to go check on my cake. Making a Midnight Bliss Cake for Master to take to work tomorrow. It smells awesome...yummy...PMS and a cake with 3 kinds of chocolate in it....I am insane right? LOL

More later maybe....Master is working so I am free *giggles* well not free but you know what I mean!
A gentle hand may lead an elephant with a single hair. - Persian proverb

Monday, September 01, 2003

The Buddha compared people to four kinds of clay vessels. One type of vessel has holes in the bottom. We can pour in as much water as we like and it runs right out. When this type of person hears the Dharma, it goes in one ear and out the other. The second type of vessel has cracks. Though we pour in the Dharma, it seeps out slowly until the vessel is empty again. The third vessel is full to the brim with stale water--views and opinions. One can't pour anything new in, everything is already known. The only useful vessel is the fourth, without holes or cracks and totally empty. -Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"

I really like that...I have liked a lot of quotes that come from "Be an Island" Maybe it is a book I should look into. I guess it reminds me of the Cracked Pot .

We went and got new living room furniture. It was something that we needed and we kept kind of kicking around. And with Master's surgery coming up it was something we thought about more because His couch was is really bad and it is one those couches you sit "in" and I have in - in quotes because it means "in the couch" instead of "on the couch." You sink into it because it is so old. Help is needed when getting out of...which would be IMPOSSIBLE for Master when healing from surgery. But after we found out how much Master's surgery was going to cost we had to put it out of our minds. We decided we would live with what we have until far in the future because Master's insurance SUCKS big time! Just as we did that...here comes a flyer in the mail for a furniture store in the area...3 years no interest 1 year no payments....SOOOOOO it was like the universe was telling us get it now. It really was a matter of a day or so when that happened. It was kind of an odd coincidence. So now we have on order a new sofa, new chair and ottoman, and end table. It was pretty good prices too. We got a new microfiber couch, chair and ottoman that is kind of a creamy/light khaki color. (this was the closest I could find to what we bought.) It is very pretty.

I am already having visions of making pillows...maybe a couple of leather ones. :) Oh and new curtains....when we get all my stuff from Bill and Lisa's I will have my sewing machine. I am looking forward to getting started with lots of home projects when we get back....painting, sewing and building some furniture.

Yesterday was a very lazy day here. I made french toast for breakfast. I tried a new recipe - but switched after doing 4 pieces that way because they were falling apart - so I went back to my recipe which Master said He prefers. We ended the evening with Master putting a rope harness on me. Master has not been a big rope fan, but I think after He saw the rope harness on me last night - He could see the possibilities with rope. He then did some flogging on me too. That was nice. We broke in the new bunny flogger. Master broke the last one *smiles*

It had been a long time since we played and my pain tolerence was almost null and void. But I did get through it. And liked it...feeling pain again.

Today was our anniversary - we had a nice day. I got a NEW Teddy Bear! We have been looking for one, but had not found one that said, "yes take me home." This one did. I have named him Fitz. I am breaking tradition and not naming him a name that starts with a vowel. He is very soft and cuddly and has the qualites I was looking for. :) We went to a winery today. We got a couple bottles of wines for some one we are going to stop and see in Kansas City. The Gewurztraminer was the one that I liked the best of what I have had from there. There are a lot of wineries in this area. They have a Colorado Wine Fest in the area.

We have lots to be doing this week....as on Saturday we leave for our trip to Ohio. I am looking forward to seeing all my friends and introducing them to Master. :)

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