Saturday, August 23, 2008

Internet Ruined the Community?

Over on FetLife there was a thread basically saying the internet has harmed the lifestyle community because of the people who want free rides and hide behind profiles....and asked if others felt the same way.

My reply slightly edited to take out name of someone I agreed with and to help clarify my view...

I think with or without the internet there are people who want a free ride. Even vanilla people. I don't think that it is exclusive to the internet community or just the lifestyle community. Yes it is annoying people hide behind profiles but again we can find people that lie face to face so it isn't much different to me.

If it weren't for the internet I am not sure I would have known there were others out there with similar kinky thoughts and interests.

I moved to Colorado from Cleveland, Ohio where there was a BDSM community and now I live in a smallish town now with NO lifestyle community. So online interaction with others in the lifestyle -- I value.

Also Master and I first started communication via online.

So yeah I value the online community.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Website Down....for Tonight

within Reality is down tonight as our host is moving the servers. It should be back tomorrow. Also will be the reason why some images here on my blog will be missing because I host them on our website -- such as the background to my blog.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Battlestar Galactica Deleted Sex Scene

I have several posts started but my brain hasn't been able to finish any of them. I do hope to at least get one done this weekend. But for now a deleted scene from Battlestar Galactica - Maelstrom. It is a sex scene between Leoben and Kara. It is HOT!

He is pulling off his belt and telling her to to tell him...she loves him. I hear him slipping it off -- it just makes me hot. The rest is hot too but that part really gets me.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Catalina Loves Her Daughter

I know I won't have the words to accurately get across what is going on so it is best just to go read her story here. But needless to say I annoys me that a school would use a child in such a way to punish her Mom, Catalina and also that they are a Christian school just makes it hypocritical. Like I said I won't be able to get it across what is going on please go and help her.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Feet Not Planted in Reality?

I have been going through my archives and trying to label/tag more of the entries. I came across this entry early in my blogging days. I didn't list the website. I tried to google it and not even my blog came up for it so it must be a dead website.

I came upon a site and I cannot believe all the things that I disagree with on it. I know I took it very literal but to me you need to be CLEAR on what you are meaning in D/s because we each have our own ways and views of how to do life. I disagree so strongly I am writing about them. I wonder if this person has ever done Real Life D/s. Or if it has totally been online. Because going from my experiences – I would say he has only done online.

I am going to cut and paste and then commented on each thing.

"If he is not happy or content with a slave or a slave is not happy and content with their MASTER and it cannot be resolved within a reasonable amount of time he must release her. If he does not release her she has the option to seek another even while enslaved and when another MASTER claims her she is owned by him from that point on.”
[Read the rest of the entry]

Saturday, August 09, 2008

She didn't kill puppies she washed the dishes wrong

Over on the Domestic Servitude group on FetLife we were discussing washing dishes. And a good friend of mine was talking of doing the dishes with someone - as she is involved in a poly situation. It made me think of when I was slave in a poly household...doing chores with someone was one of the things I enjoyed about poly. One of the other slaves sang. And she had a great voice. And together we harmonized really well. We would get to doing dishes, cleaning, folding clothes and sing. And just having that other person helping out made everything go quicker and was more pleasant.

I recall an elist I was on some years ago and a slave's Master had another girl coming to live with them for a trial basis. And the slave was complaining about how the girl did the dishes and how she cleaned things. My first thought was if that was all she could find to complain about then she was lucky because that could be fixed. But in reality, it seemed she wasn't comfortable with the poly situation so she was misdirecting her feelings on little trivial things instead of addressing the problems she had with being poly. Cleaning and washing dishes -- are things that can changed. It wasn't that the girl was killing puppies -- she washed the dishes differently then the slave did. If her Master didn't like the way the girl was washing dishes or cleaning he can change that. But major personality clashes that is harder to fix in poly situation.

Another similar situation was from a blog post I read long long ago about a poly family where there was a new girl and she put the laundry away wrong. And the slave was really really angry in her blog. You would have -- again thought the new girl was killing puppies instead of putting laundry away wrong. She went on and on how the girl did the laundry and she really cut her down basically saying that the girls "service" would now make extra work for the slave. It was as I said very angry blog post -- which I might add the new girl had access to -- so read it. Ouch!

Anyway, both those situations to me were again misdirection of feelings -- they were really uncomfortable about being poly so made big deals out of little things -- just to get their anger out. Even though those weren't really the true issues...doesn't mean they still weren't problems that needed resolve. If Master goes to his dresser drawers and his socks aren't where socks are suppose to be, who do you think he is going to be yelling for? Me. So solution -- go to the new girl and say, "Master really likes it when it is done this way." If it still isn't done right the next time then there might be other issues. Maybe the new girl felt I was being bossy or that it wasn't "my place" to show her how to do something. So it is done wrong again.....blowing up in anger still isn't going to fix it and again this is to me a problem that still can be fixed. This time though it is Master's. Master is the one in control - so well it is not my problem it is his problem. But blowing up in anger seems to be wasted to me. Either I help the situation with just redoing it or helping the new girl by showing her how to do it, but letting that anger well up to the point of being hurtful does not seem a productive use of my time.

Also another tip in showing someone how to do something -- ask. Say "May I show you how Master likes his laundry put away?" If you are asking then it isn't coming across as you - telling/ordering/demanding - her.

When it comes down, my thought would be how would Master like that kind of situation handled? We all get frustrated. We all need to vent at times, but there are still ways to vent that are a better reflection of Master. And that are still being productive in getting feelings and issues out. I guess...what I am saying I would think before acting or speaking - think of how Master would like me to handle the situation.

Thursday, August 07, 2008


A reply to a series of question from a FetLife group....

Does a slave have a right or even an obligation to explain something to her Master when there's a misunderstanding? Does she have a right to be heard?

Master allows me to explain at times. But it is totally up to him if he allows me that right or not.

I do have to state that Master is partially deaf and so there are times I don't feel he has heard me correctly and part of my service is being his ears -- and explaining anything he misses. And that even means with me. But when/if he acknowledges he understood me -- it is my queue to drop it.

If she should explain, how does she go about doing this with respect and maintaining her "place"?

If I am allowed to explain....I have a good friend that calls it thinking from her knees. She pictures herself on her knees. I take a few breathes and then think of myself look up at him and telling him what I need to tell him. It helps me remind me not to raise my voice or keep my emotions in check because they can color things.

Also if I am livid inside, I just do what I can to acknowledge his questions and then if I need to I will write later to get the emotions out and I just open a word document let myself type out what I felt and then often don't even save just delete because it is my way of saying okay you got your emotions out now I can let it go.

Have you ever been in a discussion with your Master in which it escalated to an argument and what did you do? How was it handled?

I am human. Master is human. We have yelled at each other. Not that either of liked it or felt it was appropriate but it has happened. When that has happened, it happens. We try to get it back on solution/topic again and if we can't we walk away and cool down. And come back to it.

There has been a few instances where if it was getting into a heated argument -- Master has slapped me. I haven't always handled that with grace either. But I understand why he did it.

At what point does the Master just shut-it-down and ultimately He's just RIGHT, no matter if He's "not"? To what degree, if ANY, does a slave have the "right" to express her opinion, or explain something to her Master?

If Master shuts it down -- and wants no further discussion/opinions then I need to drop it. Going on about it will just get him more upset and most likely I will get slapped. As I stated above I don't have the right to explain unless he has given it. If he does and then shuts the discussion down -- I hope I was able to get what I needed to say into that time and if not then well - I need to let it go.

Is this a matter of "the Master's always right"? If so, how do we slaves "deal" with that?

Yes, pretty much it is. I can tell myself he is wrong all I want inside. But once he has ended the discussion - it is ended. Again if I need to get the emotions out I will write about it -- and then hit delete and when I do --- it is my way of letting it go.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Often Master and I will get in a discussion about something I read on a blog or elist. Sometimes there are people I refer to quite a bit as I like their writings/thoughts/beliefs. And often those people were from one of two elists/or both that I joined early in my days of being online. My first elist encounter was with a group called MDOM ran by Carter Stevens. I started with the group late 1998. (Another elist I have mentioned having a lot of influence on my shaping my beliefs was J. Mikael Togneri's Absolute BDSM elist -- and again many of the people I knew on MDOM where on Absolute too.)

MDOM had massive amounts of mail a day. I want to say 500 to 1000 pieces a day. There were good discussions. There were debates from every angle of a subject. Of course there was the my kink is better then yours but as I have said many many times we just won't get away from that - vanilla groups even get the my way is the one true way folks.

Every elist I have been on for the last oh 5 or more years hasn't felt the same as as they did back then (1998 - 2000.) It is sad that those days of elist are gone. They are a thing of the past and things like blogs and social networking have taken their place.

The other day I signed into FetLife and saw one of the people I "met" through MDOM years ago joined a group called MDOM Alumni. Just a few of us there now. But it brought back some good memories.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


This a journal entry from January 07, 2004....

If you have read my journal long enough you know that I dress for my Master every night when He comes home from work. A few weeks ago Master mentioned something about He wanted to rip into a pair of pantyhose and fuck me through the hole in them. Anyway, He did not want to do it to a good pair (I have hose that I wear that are hard to find here on the Western Slope in Colorado) so one night He came home and I was wearing a pair of pantyhose and informed him that the hose I was wearing were hose that if He wanted to rip and fuck me in He could. Well that gave Him enough inspiration that He took me to the bedroom to play!

He put the leather hood on and laced it up very tight. Probably the tightest it had been before that night. He played with my breasts caressing them softly at first - almost giving me the impression he wasn't going to be sadistic - and then of course he began to be more harsh on them. He slapped and punched. He then turned me on my stomach and spanked me. A nice erotic spanking mixed in with some sadistic punching to my ass also. I was very very turned on and moaning. He ripped a hole in the pantyhose and then used my vibrator on me while spanking me. I had a very intense orgasm! Finally He pulled me to the edge of the bed and fucked me hard. I was screaming and moaning and writhing with pain and pleasure. mmmmmmmmm It was a good night!

The hose that I chose for Master to rip into are not pretty hose as they are a pair that have a big crotch area that is re-enforced. And thus they are very strong in that area so they did not run. So I washed them to see if they would survive and they did because last night....

I put them on while getting dressed and made up for Master. I waited for Master in a black shirt flowing shirt with ONE button done so it was flowing open to expose my breasts and the other thing I was wearing....THAT pair of pantyhose. Master loves pantyhose so he saw the silky nylon stretching around my belly and bottom and was very pleased when He came home. He told me that I looked delicious and I said..."oh one more thing you might like about this pair"...I turned around and bent over. And He smiled and said, "Looks like my girl is begging to be fucked."

Well I helped perk Master up...that is my job right? *grins* someone has to do it...such a hard job! :) *blushing*

So we had dinner and talked about the class we are doing at SMART Fest. I then started to clean the kitchen. While cleaning, the phone rang. It was girlie. I had called on Tuesday, but she was not home and instead I talked to Grumbler Sir for a little bit. Anyway, girlie called me back last night and we talked. And I said, "do you want me to tease you?" She of course being the slut she is....*grins* said yes and I told her what I was wearing. Master calls them my fuckhose so I told her I was wearing a pair of hose that Master refers to as fuckhose. I then told her about the scene we had that created them. She was squirming. She can't say swear words. So she told me I would have to tell Grumbler Sir sooooo I told him and Master watched me and chuckled as I blushed and squirmed because it was far more embarrassing telling Grumbler Sir that then it was girlie.

After the phone call, Master and I chatted some more and watched some tv before heading to the bedroom where He again proceeded to put the leather hood on me, but He laced it up so tight that when we took it off I had a seam line on my nose and chin lol He had me on my back and He was very cruel to my tits. He really was squeezing, twisting, pounding and slapping them hard. It felt like He was trying to rip them off! And the same with the nipples. He then got out one of His favorite toys - that Katrina gave me. It is a music baton. It is like a little cane and hurts....a sharp intense pain. It is one of those that feels like it pierces the skin and then spreads out and then kind of goes away - like a cane does. But how Master uses it - the pain does not stop as He does not let it disappear - so it just seems to increase!

So He used that on my tits. I was VERY wet and turned on before He got the vibrator out and used it on me. But for reasons He and I talked about - I was not able to have an orgasm. He was VERY turned on so He took me, used me, fucked me. :) It was hard and rough - just the way I like it. *blushing* After He used me, we snuggle and talked. When He took the hood off and saw the seam, He was happy.

While we were playing - when He was abusing my tits - I snuggled up against Him. It is such a paradox....He is the person I feel safe with yet He was hurting my tits...abusing them...torturing them so I snuggled against Him to feel safe. But yet He was the one causing me to suffer. So where is the logic in me snuggling up against the sadist causing me this pain? LOL

He did stop a little bit when I snuggled up against Him - though not for long - as it gave Him a whole another set of of emotions to want to use me. His hooded girl being so close - the leather rubbing up against His skin and Him knowing it was His animal - His nothing really turned Him on even more. I think that is about the time when He got the baton out. LOL

Friday, August 01, 2008

I'm Human!

yay! I am not spam! I signed into blogger this morning to do a post and there was a note telling me that my account was on hold for possibly violating the terms of service by being a spam blog/bot. I have had my blogger here for almost 8 years so it seemed a little odd to be tagged as spam with such a big archive. But they had me fill out a form to prove I was human and the hold was lifted tonight. yay for having my blog back!
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