Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Mini Update

Really not much to report - as not much going on....

Health - I am still sick. I have heard that it takes 3 to 4 weeks to fully recover. And I am just rounding out a week with it so I have quite a long way to go. I just have not had energy for anything.

Art - I am going through a period of self doubt again and so I sit and look at the canvas and paper and just stare at it. I am going through that fear of ruining the paper, the canvas, the pieces I use in it. It is very annoying.

Because I have been sick all I seem to be doing the last couple days is making icons, eating chicken soup and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Season 3.

missing the comradery

A lot of journals I read were talking about South Plains Leather Fest. It is one event I have always wanted to attend - yet it does not land in a good time of year for Master to take time off and well...spend the money on it. Reading the journals made me miss the leather community. The comradery that is there. I now live in a place where I don't have local like minded people and I rely solely on friends I have made online and real life that are long distance to have that connection to like minded folks. But sometimes I would just love the in person interaction too. At the same time - I almost get nervous with the thought of being in a leather community/around like minded folks because I feel so different and I also am much more shy then I used to be at events/meetings. So it scares me at the same time that it makes me miss it.

(the image is of the leather girl flag)

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Guilty Pleasure.....TV

If you don't want to here spoilers to last night's Project Runway please skip this entry.

Firefly - I am rewatching the series again....there is only one episode in which I don't watch every time I rewatch the series and that is Bushwhacked. The episode makes me a little uneasy and frankly has given me nightmares before too. I think it is a good one just bothersome to me at times. Other times I can watch it no problem...usually has to be in the daylight though. I really don't have any episode that I don't like...even though Our Mrs. Reynolds has parts that just make me want to gag - those in which Saffron is being so subservient to the Captian. Disc 3 is my favorite - Out of Gas, Ariel, War Stories and Trash. Out of Gas has to be my favorite though as it goes into the background of how the crew came to be on the ship.

Project Runway - Last night was the reunion show. I really wish they would make it 2 hours. They only asked (I think) 3 viewers questions and I know there had to be ton more then that. They never cover enough for me. I mean I would love to hear how each of them feel after this experience and did it help them in their careers and passion for fashion.

I loved the little clips they put together though -- such as: Santino doing Tim, them singing (especially Daniel F song by Nick and Santino), and the one with Andrae and all his expressions. They were my favorites.

Daniel creeped me out with the I love you! Zulema was a bitch...she was so aloof sitting back in her chair with her arms cross a lot of the time..she didn't want to be there. Guadalupe Vidal was on drugs! She was way out there. When they asked what they were doing now....and Heidi Standridge said that she was contacted by someone to be their head designer made me a little uncomfortable because she jumped up and was too eager to say what she was doing. And of all the people there she was one I wasn't really interested in knowing what happened with her. I wanted to know what Andrae was doing. Nick talked about teaching once so he must be like a Tim somewhere. Heidi Klum did a cute line about the Barbies - she said they "sold like bagels" (instead of hotcakes) I wanted one of the Barbies too but Daddy said no!

I was telling a friend who is obsessed with PR also and said that this years designs to me seem more lackluster then last season. No one seemed to step outside the box and really go for exceptional.

Daniel Vosovic - Him and Chloe are my favorites. He is such a cutie. My favorite of his designs: Inspiration, All Dolled Up, and Social Scene. Really I liked almost all of his designs.

Nick Verreos - I think that everyone seems to like Nick. Him and Andrae seem to be the ones most like by the cast. I am so glad he was able to design a dress for the red carpet. Favorite designs: Social Scene and All Dolled Up

Santino Rice - I really don't think he focuses on the woman in the clothing. He just makes his creation as art instead of something wearable. Favorite designs: very first one - Road to the Runway

Kara Janx - I really wish she would have stepped outside the box. Favorite designs: very first one Road to the Runway and then the one she did for the makeover Santino. It isn't something I would ever buy anyone but it fit Santino.

Chloe Dao - She is one of my favorites. Again they didn't spend enough time talking to her in the reunion episode. I liked all her designs. It is hard to chose favorites with her designs as I just like them all...favorites: Road to the Runway and Social Scene.

Kirsten Ehrig - She only had 2 designs and I didn't like either.

Raymundo Baltazar - He only had 3 designs and I really didn't like any of his either.

Daniel Franco - I really kind of like all his designs but my favorite of his was the first one for Road to the Runway

Guadalupe Vidal - I have to say I kind of like all her designs. They are all different. My favorite of hers were the Road to the Runway and All Dolled Up

Marla Duran - I don't know if she has a vision of her own. If she does it didn't seem to come through on the show. My favorites of her designs: really only the Road to the Runway

Diana Eng - I really liked her because she had vision and concepts behind her designs. Although I didn't seem to care for her designs after she executed them. The only one I really liked was All Dolled Up

Emmett McCarthy - I thought he was a nice guy. I didn't really like any of his designs though. The one that I did like is the one he did with Chloe...for Window Shopping.

Zulema Griffin - I didn't really like any of her designs.

Heidi Standridge - she only had the one design and well I didn't hate it but I agreed with Kors that really take away the lace and ribbon and it was just a simple dress that we can get anywhere. She didn't do anything with the fabric.

John Wade - Again he only had the one design and well it wasn't something to stand out really to me. Although looking at some of his designs online I believe he probably could have done better. I do think it should have been Heidi and Kirsten off that first episode and not John. He should try to pull a Daniel next season as I think he does have talent.

Andrae Gonzalo - He was a favorite of mine just because he was so silly with his expressions and such. I was sad to see him go. At first I thought I wouldn't like him because of his crying in the 2nd episode. My favorite of his designs: Social Scene and Inspiration

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

This House is Sick

Well I haven't posted because I have been taking care of Master. He has been home sick for a week tomorrow. I have been taking Airborne religiously but it seems this flu is to powerful for airborne as I started feeling sick today. My throat is so sore that I am having problems speaking. Master just started feeling better today although still coughing. He has to go out of town tomorrow so he is running out tonight to get me some extra cold medicine and such to tide me over for the 2 days he will gone.

I hope to get the next part of my history post soon. I also have art projects to finish up. Thank you everyone for your comments. I just haven't been online enough to answer them but I will get to them soon!

Okay I have been ordered to take my cold medicine and get ready for bed...so off I go. Nighty Night!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

5, 10, 15, 20, 25 Years.....

Because I am a sheep....a Friday Five (on a Sunday Morning for me)

5 years ago - I was poly and so just started playing with someone new, still involved with Kam, and had just bought plane tickets to see Honey. I was doing a job I loved.

10 years ago - Things were going good....Jim and I were kind of doing D/s and kink. I worked for a cable company which was actually more fun then not. I always got a lot of cool promotional gifts from HBO, USA, CNN and such.

15 years ago - Jim and I were just about to celebrate our 6 month wedding anniversary....being the romantic he was...he sent me flowers. It was a weekend when they were delivered and Jim was in the apartment. I had walked across the hall to change out our laundry. He sent the delivery guy there....the guy walks in and asks if I was Mrs. ----- I said yes and he handed me the flowers. I had totally forgot about it being 6 months but Jim remembered. I was stunned with the flowers also as we were pretty darn poor then...you know that first year of marriage cliches -- we fit them perfectly. So it was an unexpected pleasant romantic surprise

20 year ago - well things had just ended with Don and actually the anniversary of my first date with my ex-husband is on Feb. 20th

25 years ago - can't tell you for sure but I know I was in junior high and migraines started and I found a friend that I still have today -- she is funny and wonderful!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Q&A about Don

I have been getting quite a few questions about the Don posts so I thought I would post some of them here in case others have wanted to ask but have been too shy. Really I am open to questions on this....so don't worry you will be upsetting me or intruding.

How do you feel about posting about all this for everyone to read?
I don't mind posting it for everyone to read. For the most part blogging is so a part of my life now that it feels like just a natural place to write about that time in my life. I have gotten all sorts of comments and emails about it...every thing from they can't believe it - to they get turned on - to they can't wait for the next part - to they are angered I went through this and so on. I don't want people to feel sorry for me though and that is what seems to happen the most. That is why I try to state often that this is a relationship is a part of me...because those experiences made me who I am today.

How do you feel after you post each entry?
Well depends on when you ask me. If I would have been asked this question a week or two ago I would have said I have dealt with all of this long ago. So for the most part it is kind of just ho-hum. But I have to confess last weekend I did have a little freak out about it. I worried that Don might read what I wrote and see that I am talking about him and I and possibly contact me. And that thought freaked me out quite a bit.

I have dealt with what I write about though. I went through the anger, shame, guilt, resentment, denial - oh the denial, depression, the flashbacks, the therapy and the acceptance. The acceptance has went through lots of changes in and of itself too. I accept it much differently today then I did 10 years ago. I think of it and write it with a much different attitude then I would have a 5 to 10 years after the event. I accept my responsibility in this. I accept that what he did turned me on and felt like a place I needed to be. Not all of it was good and I probably should have left before it ended but I didn't so I accept that I did stay. I accept these experiences made me the person I am today. That time in my life taught me a lot about myself.

What are your feelings about what happened to you?
I kind of answered that above but I will get into it a little more. After the relationship ended, I tried to pretended that it didn't happen. I was not quite sure of my place in the world after he and I broke up. At that point I had heard that "people don't do that" and "it is wrong" and so I felt "bad" for liking parts of my relationship with Don. Also by the end I was so mixed up...not knowing what was okay for me and what wasn't...I just lumped it all into "bad." I also had all this structure and someone always there in my life and then I didn't.....so I was lost. I had lost my confidence and self-esteem at the end also. So I pushed the whole experience down further and pretended it didn't happen. Finally I started suppress it where I forgot most of it for quite a long time. It was like it was there but locked up in a big box -- so that I didn't think about it, feel it or acknowledge it happened to me.

Then one night a long long time after it happened (about 7 or 8 years)....I started getting nightmares. I would wake up screaming. At that time I was married - to my now ex-husband and he would ask me what the nightmares were about and I couldn't tell him. I saw them clearly in my head but I didn't want to say it outloud. But soon it was hard not too. I had to admit it outloud. Flashbacks, nightmares and insomnia because I was scared to sleep and get nightmares became constants in my life. I became very scared and angry with Don after I admitted I lived that life. As the nightmares continue I realized I was very turned on by the things he did to me. I would wake from nightmares and be very aroused. I felt guilt because of that. I was in therapy at the time and so we discussed it all - the guilt, shame, anger and fear. We dealt with it very much as a rape survivor - at that time. And from how I was feeling about it then...that is what how I viewed myself - a rape survivor. It took me years to not feel anger, fear and guilt about it on a constant basis. I didn't tell my therapist all of it. She never heard most of what I wrote here. I told her about several things I haven't written about yet. And that was it. I have problems - today - calling myself a rape survivor. I just don't know if that is accurate because I feel there was consensual non-consent going on in our relationship --- even though I didn't know that at the time....so there wasn't really consent but there was in the questions he asked me....such as if I would do anything for him...I answered yes. So I did give him consent. But I don't know if I really knew what could happen or what that meant when I said it. Again I own up to my responsibility. I should have asked more questions. I could have done things to slow it down or stop it and I could have left but I didn't. I get confused if I think on it too much. I go by what I feel when I think of it now -- today.

And today I just feel this was part of my path. If I had not met Don I might not have figured out about the masochist side of me as well as the slave part. Granted I wish some things would have gone differently, but really we take out his gambling the things that happened in the relationship I enjoyed. I was his slave even without knowing the word that described what it is that I did with him.

How could you be happy in that situation?
I was happy in that situation up to a point. I loved the control he had over me. I know I have not talked much about the daily control but there were little things all day long that reminded me I was his. And I loved that. I loved all the little things that made his life easier by me doing them - laundry, cleaning his room, getting him drinks and such. I loved the sex and SM. Even the SM that was harsh and more extreme. I loved feeling like this object he could use. Why? Well the why I stopped trying to figure out a long time ago. I just know it makes me feel good and turns me on.

In my relationships before Don, I was used. I was used just for sex so what was wrong with being in a relationship where I got more attention, where I got more pleasure, where I was able to express my sexual desires more easily and freely without fear of being rejected. Don gave me so much more then I got in the other relationships.

I should write about some of the times where I think those reading would see more positives...even though I don't think what I have written so far is negative -- I do understand it is more extreme then some can understand or accept as a good thing.

Would you do it again, knowing what you know now?
I go back and forth on this one. Part of me says yes in a heart beat. And the other part says no. But then I fear I wouldn't have found out about this side...ever. Maybe?

Being brought to the lowest I was even in the bad times --- excites me. I crave those moments with him often still...being absolutely nothing...humiliated and degraded to that level makes me extremely turned on. So although I left broken in ways, I sometimes crave the feelings I got when I was humiliated and degraded to the depths of my soul.

If you could get to where you are today without doing this, would you skip it next time around?
If I could be with Don without him gambling, I would want to repeat it and not skip it. But again part of me just feels it was necessary for me to be with Don all the way through -- even the bad parts --- that it was a part of my life that I can't just wave away and make me become this person. I know that probably sounds very strange...why I would subject myself to him again knowing what I know now...and if I could get here without him. I just guess the realistic side me kicks in and says well that can't happen so why bother with the whatif of it -- I got here and survived and I am who I am because of it. Also just to be clear....I am not saying Don's "abuse" made me masochist or submissive. I am just saying he made me realize there was more inside me and that I could be that person.

Do you think you will stop doing the history posts?
I don't plan on stopping the posts but I do see them going up and down in frequency. But it is my goal to get the whole story out once and for all. I have thought I might be boring people with all this and so give breif thought every once in a while about just writing them but not posting them or post them private just for Master and I on livejournal. But it does seem like some of you out there want to read them. So thank you for reading and thank you for your comments!

How long did it take you before you left? And what was Don's reaction?
I wasn't with him all that long actually. 3 months 13 days. He broke up with me. A friend of mine felt Don was abusing me. One night he went and had a conversation with Don -- later that night Don broke things off with me. I became very lost and actually begged him to take me back a few times but he didn't. I don't know exactly what the friend said to him but I know whatever it was Don was not backing down from being apart. Shortly after I ended up with my ex-husband. And I also know Don got help for his gambling problem shortly after the relationship ended.

Do you think he has continued on now that WIIWD is more widely known to the internet? Do you think he is involved somewhere?
Since I continued to work in the same place as him for quite some time after I always would hear about him and the things going on with him. He started dating a girl while he was with me that his parents "approved of" and he got engaged to her. I then stopped working there but had friends who worked there after I left that told me Don and the girl did get married, eventually he finished med school and moved back to where he was from.

Sidenote: She also has the mirror that Mike gave me. Don gave it to her as a gift.

I can't see her liking SM or D/s. So, if he is involved it would be through affairs as I also can't ever see him being monogamous. I guess it is possible he is out here on the internet and doing what we do. I guess I have tried not to think about it. I did go through a whole phase of what if he is with someone else and does what he did with me with them....had the guilt. But it really started hurting me - where I was going through a self-destructive phase because of the guilt that he might hurt others. My hope now is if he is out there that he is 1) not gambling 2) knows more about D/s and SM and so is doing it in a more consensual way.

Please feel free to drop me an email or comment with any other questions you have about Don and my relationship with him.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Life Update....

Thought I should do a little life update....

But first I want to thank everyone for their comments on yesterdays post. I was having a little panic moment of that I am not doing a very good job. I just feel like with the migraine battle, the melt down this weekend of crying and more crying and then the dental work this week -- I just feel like I not very good at being a slave. I feel very tired and drained. Again thank you everyone for your kind words of support!


I had a dentist appointment. Probably not the most romantic idea but Master and I both thought getting the appointments out of the way would be better then not. So, after the appointment I got in the car and there were a dozen beautiful roses. They are some of my favorites in roses. They are yellowish at the base moving to kind of a salmon pink and then a melon color on the tips. When they open up they are so beautiful. There was also chocolate and a card. I am a very lucky girl! Thank you Master....I love you so very much!


It was more productive for me but still not up to the level I was wanting for Master. And so that is why I had the post I did...when I felt I was failing him. Since Valentine's was not all that romantic....I decided to make a nicer dinner with dessert. Going with the day I seemed to have....it didn't go all that well as I just was off on timing. I thought I had started making dessert to realize I was short one ingredient so I had to improvise and so it did not turn out like it was suppose to although it was edible. I also was very worried about a friend yesterday and my heart is going out to her as she is in a really hard spot right now.


So today I awoke with more dentistry anxiety and then worrying about my friend. At the dentist they did the one thing they were suppose to and they had a cancellation behind me so they asked if I wanted to do 2 more of the things on my list. So since Master took today off that worked out. When we came home, I pretty much went to bed. I woke up in lots of pain after all the numbness had wore off and took some ibuprofen and then went back to bed. It was mashed potatoes for dinner for me.

Now I am watching Firefly as a livejournal friend has been watching it lately so it made me want to pull it and watch it again....although I have seen them many times over.

Just some notes: I need to finish the post that is a Q&A about my time with Don, finish up the final piece to part 4. And then decide what I want to write about next with it. I also have a couple other posts started about lifestyle topics. I have post started about a book I am reading that touches on many of my spiritual and life beliefs. Of course when it rains it pours with things to write.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

not enough...

somedays i dont' feel like i am enough. and i have felt like that the last 2 days. sometimes i wonder why he wants me as his slave.

Monday, February 13, 2006

History: Don & Mike - Part 4 (b) - Punishment

Prelude: If you have not read anything about Don I suggest going to this entry and starting with the last History Part 3 you will get an introduction to Don. These are real stories from my past. These things did happen to me.

Also just a reminder that although he is someone I would never want to be with again -- it doesn't change that I am the person I am because of these experiences. It was my choice to stay.

I snuggled into his arms and he told me that I would have to be punished for the orgasm. I nodded and started to cry. He told me he would push me harder then he had up to this point. I nodded again, continued to cry and then told him how sorry I was for the orgasm. He sat and talked with me how he had thought about not punishing me but that he had said he would and so he felt he needed to follow through. We talked, kissed and snuggled for a bit before he got ready to punish me.

He had this bar stool that was shaped that a person could straddle it as they sat on it...almost like a bike seat. It also was just the right height that when I put my feet down as I straddled it....my toes could reach the floor. He pulled it into position under the hooks in the ceiling. He also pulled out a piece that slipped on top of the stool seat. It had little tacks on it....points facing up towards the ceiling. He told me he made it just for me and got this look in on his face that sent shivers of fear down my back. He pulled me to him and kissed and told me that he wanted my cunt to be ripped up. He almost growled it out as he said it. It was said with more of a sadistic tone then I had heard from him before. I felt the fear shake through me. It was the first time with him that I had that level of fear. And with the fear came arousal. He said, "straddle it now." I sat down on top of the tacks. They poked into my tender bits. I was about to panic...I felt it starting to wash over me...when he grabbed me by the throat and squeezed...he looked into my eyes before kissing me deeply. I became even more aroused and more calm again.

He did some wraps with the rope around my wrists and then strung them up above my head - through the hooks on the ceiling. He then put nipple clamps on me with a rope hanging from the chain that ran between them. He strung the rope up to the hooks and pulled them tight too. He had me lean up more so that my ass was coming out on the edge of the stool and my labia was opening up more and pressing into the tacks. I felt some of them pricking into my flesh and thought it had to be piercing skin....it hurt and I felt tears start to well and he really hadn't started with the "beating." He grabbed my panties that I had been wearing....the ones that were soaked with my arousal with Mike earlier. He stuffed some of them into my mouth.

And then it started...he picked up the cane and hit my ass....not hard really at all. But hard enough for me to have a little movement along the tacks. I yelled into the panties because it felt like they were ripping me as I moved along them. He continued...and not only was my labia having pain shoot through it but the clamps would also move as he caned me so they would sear with pain also. He continued to cane me....harder and harder. I was screaming into the gag. He just continued caning me. I felt like I was going crazy the pain was so intense. The fear from the pain was making me move to get away but that just made the situation worse. The tacks ripped into the inner labia, clit and around my urethra. I shook my head no screaming inside for him to stop as it hurt so much….he laughed at me. I was crying and hysterical with fear and pain. I tried to keep still and not move but it wouldn’t work when he caned me I moved. And soon I lost it again and shook and moved. I was pulled on the rope trying to get my hands free and as I did that the clamps pulled off my nipples, which of course was another addition to the pain happening to my body. He came in front of me and grabbed me by the hair and looked at me. He looked so angry. He then slapped me and told me all the little things I believed inside….that I deserved it and that I was lucky he wanted someone like me. And so on. He spit on me and then said that I was lucky to be having his attention and then he went back to caning me. His caning got so hard that it opened up the skin. I felt it. I felt the blood dripping down my legs. And soon the pain was so much that I couldn’t handle it….l passed out. It wasn’t the same as before….it wasn’t a warm blackness surrounding me and me sinking in. It was pain such pain that my mind and body couldn’t handle it so I passed out.

When I awoke I was in his closet on the floor. I felt as though I couldn't move. My body hurt so much. I tried to remember how I got to the closet but couldn't remember it for several moments. And then it flooded back. I started crying..mind raced with why did I let this happen to me. I didn’t want to feel the cuts on my body….between my legs and on my ass and thighs and I felt I would lose it again. I sat there and cried silently in the dark on the floor of his closet.

It didn't occur to me to open the door. I feel asleep again while I cried. I woke because I hurt. I tried to find a position that didn’t hurt but it seemed impossible. It was dark and I didn't know what time it was...and I needed to go the bathroom. I started to cry not knowing what to do. It was a hard floor but I had a towel that as lying on me when I awoke so I folded it over a few times and sat on it....and peed on it and myself. It hurt so much. It stung, ached and hurt more then anything I had ever felt. I started crying...from fear then....fear of what was done to me…the unknown of what might be.

I think I was crying so loud that he heard me and then opened the door. He squatted down before me. He saw the towel and smelled the urine. He laughed. "My dirty whore." He called me more names and how I was probably so worthless right now that he wouldn’t be able to fuck me. He brought me out on to his bed. And opened me. He was looking over the cuts, scratches, marks, and bruises. He asked me if I was his to do anything too. I cried and nodded to scared to know what to do. He slapped me and said say it. I told him I was his to do anything he wanted too. He then told me he was going to fuck me again. (I later found out that after I passed out he continued to cane me - taking me down and caned my tits and front thighs plus he fucked me so I was pretty literally covered in bruises head to toe.)

He told me that I would not scream during it. That I would enjoy it like a good girl. He had me suck on him a bit and then entered me fast and hard. It hurt so much right from the start. I felt tears well up right from the enter. And tears turned him on. He fucked me harder. As he fucked me he whispered in my ear how I was just this object for his use to beat, fuck, use, abuse…that I was his toy, maid, slut, whore….his nothing. It was the first I heard the words nothing. Being fucked hurt so much that I didn’t have a moment to think about what he was saying. It just seemed to climb right into my brain and say yep we fit perfectly here….she is a nothing. I am not sure how else to describe it that it just became so with him. He uttered it and I became it. And also at the same time there was a part of me that said this is wrong.

He continued to fuck me and it hurt so much that I was biting my lips to not scream. He finally grabbed a pillow and shoved it into my face. He came. After he had me clean him off and there was blood. I started to cry and he just slapped me and said to clean him off. I licked him clean. And then he told me he was hungry and to go get ready to go out.

I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror...my tits were black with red and purple. My ass looked black…no real other colors. There were blood spots scattered all over my body. I looked down and saw scratches and cuts on my pubic bone/area. I was scared. And I looked….and cried. But as I cried even though I didn’t “like the pain” there was part of me that was getting aroused by looking at…my used and abused body and I was scared at the same time that I let someone do this to me. Even as I thought of the fear during it…I felt the wetness grow. I heard his words over and over in my head that he could do anything to be because I was his nothing. And it made me want to crawl to him and kiss him and thank him.

I took a shower and we went to eat. He told me he wanted me to spend the night so I called my Mom and Dad and said I was going to go sleep at so and so’s house. They said okay. So Don and I ate but I was in obvious pain. Every thing…hurt…clothing on my body hurt…movement hurt. He bought me several strong drinks to help numb me. And they were making me very lightheaded. So he thought we should leave. We did and soon as we got back to his place he had me undress. And he told me to get in the closet again. I was out of it…and just crawled back in. No questioning. Not objecting. Not begging for him not too. No wondering what I would do if I had to go the bathroom again. Nothings don’t think of those things. I just did what he told me to.

Before he locked the door he had thrown me a towel again and also little throw type blanket. He joked that he might have to get a litter box for me. Soon I was asleep in the closet. I slept hard. I was so tired – physically, emotionally and mentally. But after a while I awoke to noises from the room. I looked through the keyhole and there he was having sex with someone. I watched them and got wet. After they finished I fell asleep again.

I awoke with the door opening….

To be continued…

Saturday, February 11, 2006

History: Don & Mike Part 4 (a)

Prelude: If you have not read anything about Don I suggest going to this entry and starting with the last History Part 3 you will get an introduction to Don. These are real stories from my past. These things did happen to me.

The day was another short day for me at school and it was for Mike as well but Don had quit a few things going on. So told me that I would study with Mike after classes. I did masturbate as he instructed and almost went over all 3 times, as I was getting really turned on by the denial even.

I missed seeing Mike the day before and was really anxious to see him again. I arrived at his door nervous like it was our first date. All the butterflies were because I liked him more then I knew I should like him. I opened the door and there he was in his jeans and t-shirt....bare feet...hair was wet. He had just got out of the shower just minutes before I arrived. On the bed was a box with a bow. He noticed I saw it and told me it was for me. He picked it up and handed it to me. Inside was an old ornate compact mirror. It was silver with porcelain inlay that was painted with kind of art nouveau flowers design. On the inside - there was a mirror on one side and on the other side there was inscription that was worn in places that you could barely read it. And to tell you the truth I don't remember the inscription now. I just remember it being about beauty and nature. It bothers me I don't remember it. But I didn't get to hang onto it very long.

I cried when I saw it. I couldn't believe I was getting such a beautiful gift. I asked him why and he said that he was proud of all the hard work I was doing preparing for biology. And that he had saw it and thought of me. I cried more. And told him that he shouldn't have...that it was too nice for me and on and on. He brought my face up to look in his eyes and quieted my tears and words. He said that I was beautiful and I deserved the gift. And then kissed me. It was long and deep and passionate. It made me melt. He then undressed me and went down on me again. I got close and stopped him. I told him that Don didn't want me to cum. He seemed annoyed...and acted like he was going to stop. He snuggled next to me and I told him I didn't want to stop that I wanted him to be inside me. He kissed me deeply again. Our hands all over each other. He finally reached over to his nightstand and pulled out a condom. After putting it on he slid into me slowly. And finally was fucking me deeply -- I was wanting to come so much. I was getting close and didn't wanted Mike to stop but I knew he was close. His thrusts of course increased as he neared his orgasm and so because it felt so good I couldn't hold back any longer and orgasmed. He orgasmed soon after I did. He kissed me and said he was sorry as he knew I had an orgasm. I cried. And he apologized again. I told him not to apologize as I enjoyed it and that I knew Don would be upset and I would take the punishment I deserved.

Mike sat up on bed...he said no! And I asked him what he meant. He told me I shouldn't be punished. That I was doing what Don told me...pleasing Mike. I said that it would be okay but he got angry. I said that it was just how it was suppose to be....that Don probably wanted me to fail. And so he would have got it one way or another. Mike was even more upset with that and told me to break it off with Don. I said no right away. It was like my brain could not connect that I didn't "need" to be with him. We talked some more about me being with Don and such and then he decided we should study. So we did....but not for very long as neither of us could get into it.

I went to Don's room and got ready for him. I wrote out my feelings of what happened with Mike and my feelings for Mike and Don. I then waited and waited. I feel asleep waiting....I awoke with his hand in my hair and him slapping me. He slapped me and said get on the floor. I scrambled to get on the floor. I then felt his boot hit my bottom hard...causing me to actually move forward. Tears welled up from the pain. And the fear. He threw the papers that I had written my thoughts and feelings on down on the floor in front of me. He did the thing that always looks hot in the pictures....he put his boot down on my neck pushing me forward into the papers. He said, "so you think you like Mike...." -- he laughed as he said it. He then dropped down to his knees and pulled me up by my hair to look at him....he kissed me. He kissed me deeply and said that I was his...he said it over and over again. Kissing me and telling me I was his....kissing me and telling me I was his. He then punched me in the stomach. And asked me if I was his....I said yes. He then punched me harder in the thigh and said are you sure. I said yes. He then squeezed my breasts so hard I was having problems not screaming. And he asked if I was his...I said yes. He kept asking me after each punch and squeeze and infliction of pain. He then started asking me if I would do anything for him. I said yes. He said even anal sex. I said yes. Even sleep with every guy in this house. I said yes. Even be gang banged. I said yes. Even sold to anyone who wanted to fuck you. I said yes. I said yes...to it all. He kissed me passionately then touching me softly and tenderly then. He looked at me with such care in that moment like I had just made him so proud and happy but there was also that underlining look of excitment...and sadism peeking out too. All the sadistic thoughts going through his head. All those thoughts of anal sex, me being fucked by other men and so much more going through his head. But I liked that feeling that he was pleased - proud and happy with these thoughts of me. I snuggled into his arms and he told me that I would have to be punished for the orgasm. I nodded and started to cry. He told me he would push me harder then he had up to this point. I nodded again and continued to cry and then told him how sorry I was for the orgasm. He sat and talked with me how he had thought about not punishing me but that he had said he would and so he felt he needed to follow through. We talked, kissed and snuggled for a bit before he got ready to punish me.

To be continued...

History: Don & Mike Part 3 (b)

Prelude: If you have not read anything about Don I suggest going to this entry and starting with the last History Part 3 you will get an introduction to Don. These are real stories from my past. These things did happen to me.

Okay so I went into the bathroom to get ready for studying with Mike. There was a full-length mirror hanging opposite of the mirror above the sink so standing there I saw my ass and thighs. They looked like hamburger - red, blue, purple, black –the bruises all ready surfacing. For a moment I was horrified. And then I touched them and just stared at them. I liked them. I liked that he did that to me. He came in and saw me touching them and said "you like it." I did I blushed I know from the thought of liking something like that. I did the internal thing of I shouldn't like this and then it left my mind quickly because I saw how much he liked it. And then that made all those doubts go away for me.

He again told me to not to wash the cum off my tits. I washed up everywhere except there. I redid my hair and make up and got dressed. Don told me to change the sheets on his bed and get the room ready for him to go out. That was something usual with him. He would go out on dates - I never knew who it was with but then they would come back to his room. I would get candles out, matches out, condoms in his night stand (yes he used condoms with others but not me) and just made sure everything was nice and neat. He was taking a shower as I changed the sheets and got the room set up and neat. After he got dressed and we discussed that I would bring my bag with me to Mike's and go home after that. And we set a time for me to call – 2am. This was before the time of pagers and cell phones. He would have loved those devices I am sure.

So he walked me down to Mike's room. They did some small talk and then he turned to me and told me to undress. I unzipped my pants and started to slip them off. They continued to chat like I wasn't even there. I continued to undress until I was completely naked. He then told me to turn around and show Mike my marks. I turned around and then they talked about me like I was jus this object in the room. Mike asked him what he used on me. And things like that. I stood there. Don said to him "I think she should be naked while you study." Mike said something about it being "a distraction to both of us." Mike expressed that looking at my marks was getting him hot. Don told me to turn around and get on my knees. And then basically used a string of words implying that a slut like me would know what to do next....as it was my natural place in the world. I looked up at Mike wondering if that was okay with him and Mike unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his cock out for me. I started to go down on him but again he was quite big and so it took a bit to stretch open to him. Don said something like -- “she doesn't seem to be is a very good slut today.” Mike pushed me off and moved to the bed...Don kicked me in the ass to go with him. I crawled to Mike and continued where I had left off with sucking him. Soon Mike came...and I started to gag on the cum because of how it shot into my throat. Don said to swallow. I couldn't it came out and dripped down my chin. He grabbed me by the hair and tilted my face up to him slapping me. "I said swallow” He wiped the cum off my chin with this fingers and shoved his fingers into my mouth. I sucked them. And he said good girl and then let go of me. He did a kick to my ass again and said be good and then a little more small talk with Mike before he left the room.

Mike pulled me up to him on the bed and kissed me. We talked....and he did question me what had went on with Don. So we talked about the caning. At some point he had me turn over and he was looking at the marks. He then got some kind of ointment from a drawer and started to rub it into my bottom and thighs. I asked him if the marks really turned him on. He told me yes they did but that he did worry that it was too much for me. I told him I enjoyed it. He just nodded. We snuggled and continued to talk about all sorts of things. I then got dressed and we studied. After studying I asked him if he wanted another blowjob or if he would like to use me. Those were my words. Again it seems so odd to think that it was just so matter of fact yet like every girl in the world was doing what I was doing….offering their boyfriend’s friend a blow job. Anyway, he said no. He kissed me very passionately and hugged me - told me how pretty and special I was...that he loved our time together and then he sent me home.

At 2am I called Don. Right away he asked what else happened with Mike. I told him and he said that I must not have given a very good blowjob for Mike not want to use me again. He then said to me that he might have to get a few more friends so that will use me so that I can gain practice. It was the first seed of something he wanted. Although I think he was disappointed Mike didn’t use me more he was happy that I didn’t have a chance to orgasm. And he told me that I might not orgasm again….which just made my clit throb harder. He told me that he wanted me to masturbate 3 times the next day but not to cum just to bring it to that edge. We chatted a few more moments before we hung up.

The next night was a work night so I didn’t see Mike. But I did see Don after work for a quickie. He just had me give him a blowjob and then told me to leave. He barely talked to me because he was so tired but did ask me about masturbating. I was not going over the edge but did beg him to let me masturbate and cum. He said no and told me not to bring it up again. He said that next day with Mike I was not allowed to cum either. I was to masturbate again when I got home that night and 2 more times before coming to the house.

The following day was another short day for me at school and it was for Mike as well but Don had quit a few things going on. So told me that I would study with Mike after classes. I did masturbate as he instructed and almost went over all 3 times as I was getting really turned on by the denial even.

More to come…

Friday, February 10, 2006

Been Tagged....Guilty Pleasures

I have been tagged by the although wonderful beautiful Orchidea..the also naughty Orchidea...I think Dave should go cane you just because you are a naughty girl!

Although guilty pleasures will be an easy tag (as I was asked this during the top 5 meme)....but for some reason I still enjoy the thought of Orchidea getting caned! That could be listed as a guilty pleasure all on its own.

5 Guilty Pleasures
1) Project Runway....I am it's bitch. Each week I am waiting for the new episode like an addict waiting for their next hit
2) Chocolate....pure and simple. It is so yummy!
3) 70's music - yep I am a dancing queen (all by myself when no one is watching)
4) Reading trashy bodice ripping harlequin type novelette
5) doodling

Not tagging anyone but if you wish to play please feel free!

Johari Window

You just click on a few words you think describe me. You don't have to leave your name, if you don't like, either.

History: Don & Mike Part 3 (a)

Prelude: If you have not read anything about Don I suggest going to this entry and starting with the last History Part 3 you will get an introduction to Don. These are real stories from my past. These things did happen to me.

Okay so I went home that evening from Don's with the order to masturbate 3 times but not orgasm before I saw him the next day. Well I was extremely turned on from the nights events so I decided when I got home that although I would love to masturbate it probably was not "safe" as I might have orgasmed. So I just went to bed....but I woke in the middle of the night extremely turned on so I decided to try masturbate. And I did...I took myself to that edge and stopped. Again in the morning in the shower I did the same thing. And then I did one more time right after classes before heading to his place....in my car.

When I got there he had just got home from his classes and we didn't do our usual routine of small talk and such. As soon as I closed the door he was grabbing by my hair, unzipping his pants and pushing me down on my knees to suck him. I guess the need was a little urgent. After he came he went to sleep for a little bit and I took care of the normal things I did while there.

After he woke, we talked about the masturbation "assignment" and I told him about it and he was shocked that I hadn't orgasmed. He was disappointed. We talked about that...him wanting me to fail. It seems like such an odd conversation now....knowing where we go in our relationship. So then he laughed and said "well I can still punish you for failing to fail." I was conflicted with his words. I felt like I disappointed but yet I obeyed because I didn't want to disappoint him. It didn't make sense to me. He finally said to me "I am beating you because I WANT and DESIRE to beat you." And that I could understand.

He had me undress while he got things set up. He had this bar stool that was shaped that a person could straddle it as they sat on it. It also was just the right height that when I put my feet down as I straddled it....my toes could reach the floor. But that day we used it differently. He put nipple clamps on me first and then had me bend over the stool. He tied the chain on the clamps to one of the rungs in the stool. Then tied my wrists to the legs of the stool. He took my panties...that were still wet from arousal and stuffed them into my mouth. He told me to suck on them. He then proceeded to cane me. He caned my ass, the back of my thighs and the inside of them. As he caned me -- I moved and the clamps would move around also. So between the cane and the clamps I was screaming into the gag.

He kept going and going...I was hurting so much. My ass felt like a giant welt. I cried and cried and finally it got to the point I couldn't feel pain anymore and it was just black around me...it wrapped around me and I was sinking into it. My version of subspace -- at least that is what I have told myself.

When I came out of it....I was lying on his bed wrapped up under blankets. He was snuggling up close to me and telling me I was his good girl. He then fed me a sandwich and helped me sip a drink. After we ate he kissed me and then we had sex. He fucked me from behind...told me how great my ass looked....he squeezed on the bruises and it made me let out little screams so he would shove my head down into the pillows holding me for a bit. He then dig his fingers into my ass again...I would muffle my screams. He would tell me that he was going to take my ass one day soon. Something he and I discussed and I was totally freaked out about. He pulled out and rubbed the head of his cock along my anus and I was begging that he not do that. He rubbed it there while talking to me about what a whore I was and how I was only good for sex. And that one day he would have all my holes. And then he shoved back into my pussy. He dug his fingers into my bruised ass. It hurt so much that I started to cry. He knew I was and he told me he liked it when I cried for him. He had me reach between my legs and rub my clit. He spanked my ass as he fucked me and soon I was begging. I don't even know why I begged -- no one told me I needed permission. But because of the night before I assumed I needed it. He said no and told me to stop. I was begging please and pulled out and punched my cunt. He said NO very forcefully as he did it. He turned me over on to my back and he straddled my face with his back facing my head with his balls over my mouth. He had me suck and lick them he would masturbate for a bit. He would stop and slap and squeeze my tits. And then go to masturbating again. Soon he came and rubbed the cum all over my tits.

After he told me to not wash it off but to get ready to go see Mike....

To be continued....

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Afternoon Treats....

Master just came home for quick treats...

He gave me a slushy from Sonic...
He kissed me passionately....
He slapped me....
He kissed me more...

And now he is gone...leaving me even more horny then I have been today!

Sharing a Link....

The wonderful, beautiful Orchidea posted a very interesting piece on Online Domming. So just sharing it.


Post a Five Things you are thankful for today in your blog. Encourage the people reading to post in their blog. Let's get the karma flowing in the correct direction.

1) passionate kisses that make my knees buckle
2) hickies - I know silly but he had not done that in a long time makes me feel all young and school girl giddy
3) kitty cats sitting in the window sunning
4) Master is HOME!
5) Baking cookies!

History: Don & Mike Part 2

Prelude: If you have not read anything about Don I suggest going to this entry and starting with the last History Part 3 you will get an introduction to Don. These are real stories from my past. These things did happen to me.

Okay so Don being Don....means that we can't ever do things the same. Meaning I wasn't just going to be giving Mike blowjobs after he helped me study.

The next time we studied together we were again in his room. And Don had me dress fairly slutty...short skirt, stockings, blouse unbuttoned quite a bit, heels...no bra and no panties. He told me to just go with whatever Mike wanted to do. Mike made some comment as soon as I entered that he felt it might be hard for him to concentrate. But we did manage to get through it and I didn't have to offer anything...as soon as we closed the books he was grabbing and kissing me. Oh my he knew how to kiss. He pulled me up and was in my shirt squeezing my breasts and lifting my skirt touching me. He noticed no panties right away and he stopped kissing me for a moment...he had this twinkle in his eye like he had just gotten the best surprise. It was so sexy and cute at the same time. We continued to kiss...he had me pushed against a wall while he touched me....breasts, pussy, ass....his hands just went every where. When I tried to touch him he pushed my hands away. And I would try again. He finally grabbed my hair and looked at me and said "don't touch me until I say it is okay." Oh the tone. It of course made me melt into a bigger puddle of goo. He continued touching...getting a little rougher and I was extremely turned on and he could tell. He pushed me onto his bed and had me spread my legs for him. He told me how sexy I was....then he went down on me. If you have read my journal for a while you know this is not something I can relax and enjoy. And at that point in my life....Brian had been the only person that had done that. And when I tried to tell Mike no...he gave me that look like you are saying no to this. He stopped though...and asked me what was wrong. I explained to him that I had not had much experience with men doing that. And that I was nervous. He told me to shhh and said relax and enjoy.

I couldn't really. Still have that problem today. But many things he did felt wonderful. And after a while I begged him to fuck me. And something I still remember to this day...is he got a condom out. See most of the men I was with didn't seem to care....it was before all the preaching of safe sex. The only thing that worried me often was getting pregnant but usually the desire for sex made that worry escape my mind unfortunately. Mike stopped put a condom on and then fucked me. I don't think I mentioned in the other post...Mike was very well....umm big. Not only long but thick too. And so when he slide into me...it hurt. He was very slow and gentle though as obviously had experience with sex hurting the girls he was with. So he slowly worked me up and soon I was taking it all. And it was marvelous. He really was aware of my body...and you could see where he wanted to create certain reactions. He wanted to set the move up and have me react a certain way. And he did it.

Often what would happen with men...before him and with Don too...is that they they would get so turned on that they would forgo the "plan" and just do what they wanted because well they were horny by that time. Mike paced it through. He wanted it to go a certain way and he made sure it did....all the way to the end.

He did just the perfect amount of pain mixed with the pleasure for me. And it was an incredible experience. After, we laid there and talked and cuddled and again kind of new things for me. It was more tender and sweet. We didn't just talk sex when we were together. He seemed interested in getting to know me. All very different for me.

I knew it was getting late and Don would be expecting me to report in. He told me that he was enjoying our time together and looked forward to the next time. He also told me that I better study...he had given me a couple of little assignments to help me remember the things he was teaching me.

As I left his room I realized I was falling for him.

So I went to Don's room....

I entered his room and could see that he was ready and waiting for me. He had his boxers on but was hard. He sat on his bed and motioned for me to come over. He had me lay across his lap as he leaned against the headboard. I did as he told me too. He lift my skirt and rubbed my bottom and then told me to tell him about the evening. As I told him about the evening he used some wooden spoons and a paddle on my ass. When I would not give as much detail as he wanted he would hit me harder. He told me that he didn't know why Mike went down on me. Basically humiliating me by reminding me that I had been with quite a few men and I was "a dirty whore." The things he said although humiliating turned me on. I got extremely turned on and all I could think about was giving him a blowjob. I wanted him in my mouth. I begged to have him in my mouth...and he drug me to position between his legs so I could suck on him. It was one of those blow jobs where I just was lost in it. It went on for a bit before he moved me so that I lying on my back...and he fucked my mouth. And how he was on top of me I couldn't move. I just laid there while his cock went in and out of my mouth and down my throat. He knew I liked being with Mike and he called me a whore and then spit on my face. He kept saying more dirty things to me and would spit on me every once in a while. I had spit all over my face...dripping...I felt used and like nothing....just this thing to use for sex. He came down my throat. I started to gag and he laughed at me. After he pulled out of my mouth...he took me by the hair and drug me off the bed. He told me I was lucky to be in his bed that long. I started to wipe the spit off my face. He told me no to keep it there. He asked if I was horny. I nodded. He then had me masturbate for him. I never had masturbated in front of anyone before. I started to do it and he would ask me questions about Mike as I masturbated. Just as I was getting close to cumming he asked me I liked being with Mike...I said yes and he told me to stop masturbating and to take away my hands.

He gave me all the talk of how lucky I was to be with him and that I didn't deserve to orgasm because he was way to nice to me. He had me go wash up and come back - before I left he ordered me to masturbate 3 more times before I saw him the next day -- but not to orgasm and if I did that I would be punished.

To be continued....

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

History: Don & Mike Part 1

If you don't know anything about Don please read the post before this one to help you understand that part of my life more.

Okay so today I was thinking about Don...and thinking of a specific time with him. The end of the semester was coming...and so finals were going to be coming up. I am horrible with math and science. I was talking Biology that semester and totally lost. Don and all his roommates were med students so good with science. Don told me that I would be studying with one of his roommates -- someone we both worked with also. His name was Mike. He was very handsome. Actually way more my type then Don. So the first night we studied together went great. He explained things in a way that just clicked for me. I was to study every night that week with him (except one where I worked). Okay the second night I was to study with Mike in his room at the house. I stopped in to see Don first as I was told to do....he said to me that as a thank you for Mike helping me that evening I should give Mike a blowjob. I was shocked by what Don was telling me to do. I was embarrassed too. But I of course was going to obey even though I was scared. He told me what he wanted to happen and to come back to his room after we were done. Mike and I studied and then I told him thank you and reached over and put my hand on his crotch...rubbing my palm against him. I felt him start to get hard right away. As I rubbed him I told him I would like to thank him for all he was doing. He put his hand behind my neck pulled me to him and kissed me. He kept ahold of my neck he guided me to my knees in front of him. I unzipped his pants and went down on him. I loved the way he sounded when he came and how he reacted durnig the blowjob. After he was smiling and told me I was good. He hugged and kissed me and thanked me for the nice present.

I felt different with him then with Don. He was strong and dominant. I knew that with how he acted. But it was different then Don...more tender I guess. Although that tenderness is not coming in what I am writing I am sure.

After I went to tell Don that I did what he told me too. He seemed surprised. He got out some toys...a belt, nipple clips, and crop. He had me undress and kneel before him. He did something we had not really played with at this point....edge play...breath play. He looped the belt around my neck. It felt odd and cold around my neck. He then put the clamps on my nipples. He sat in front of me...just in his robe. He told me to describe what I did. He pulled on the belt a little making it snug around my neck. I described what I did in detail for him. I saw that his cock was getting hard. At one point he grabbed me by the hair and said, "you enjoyed it...didn't you, slut?" He pulled on the belt a little more as he asked me. I felt it tightness around my neck..it was different and exciting. It caught me by surprise and then I was caught with...not really knowing how to answer the question....what was the "right" answer. He released my hair and slapped me across my face because I didn't answer right away. The sting on my cheek, the tightness around my neck...and the thought of the blowjob I gave Mike aroused me. I thought about how much I did like it. I liked it a lot and I liked that here I was kneeling before my boyfriend telling him the details and it was turning him on. Once I told him I did enjoy he seemed even more aroused. I think it was the first time he really saw the...slut in me. I became a slut for him in bed before...I loved the way he made me feel and the way my body responded to him. But that I obviously responded with Mike....too and that I enjoyed "doing" multiple men aroused him. I don't think he had actually been with a girl that would go that far of being with others. It was something he wanted but never had before. He saw how much I gave him....seeing him with others and accepting that is how it would be and now he gave me to another and I accepted it. I dripped with wetness from it and he grew hard....both of us feeling it...how much it turned us on.

He pushed me down on him to give him a blow job. He tightened the belt around my neck as I gave him one. I would choke and panic and he would slap me when I fought and push me back in place often holding my head down on his cock as he pulled on the belt. I'd choke and he said it felt good. He would move between....tightening the belt...tugging on the clamps....and then finally introduced the crop...he would reach over me and swat my bottom with it while I sucked on his cock. I was moaning and aroused. He finally said something like "I think my whore wants to be fucked." I did...I wanted him to fuck me. I was so turned on. He pushed me down the bed and fucked me. We both came...hard and collapsing into each other. We laid there for a few moments...then kissed.....he kissed me hard...and deep. He told me I was his and that he was proud of me for obeying. He took the clamps off...I yelped and he slapped them...and said that he loved how I responded to pain and pleasure. And took the belt off my neck. We talked about that...he asked me how I liked it. I liked it a lot. He kissed me again and pushed me out of bed telling me to go home.

More to come....about Mike....and Don.

I wonder why some moments are so clear what happened and ask me 2 weeks from now about this...all and I won't remember it. It fades in and out.

Revisiting History....

Okay so at some point yesterday when lying in bed with my continuing migraine.....I was thinking about Don. And what I was thinking about...well some of it....I will write at the end of the this post. But it also made me think of the history posts I made a while back and I so I went back and reread all those last night.

So just sharing them here too....

History Part 1 - Jeff

History Part 1 Continued - Brian

History Part 1 - Continued Again - More Brian

History Part 2 - Childhood (this entry might be triggering for those with childhood sexual abuse in their history so please don't read if you might be triggered by something like that)

History Part 3 - Prelude to Don

History Part 3 - Continued - Becoming Don's

Happy Happy Happy Dance!

1) First morning in a week I have woke up WITHOUT a migraine! yep doing a happy dance!
2) Master comes home today! yippeee! yep doing a happy happy dance!
3) Master comes home today and I don't have a migraine....might make for a very nice time tonight! I think I know what I am going to wear when he comes home. I bought a new silky nightie not to long ago. Add some thigh highs and my high heel boots and crossing fingers that we have fun! yep doing a happy happy happy dance! (well maybe a little happy and a lot of dirty dancing!)

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Monday, February 06, 2006

Avoiding Migraine....with thoughts of Guilty Pleasures

Migraines - This is the main reason I have not been blogging lately. I have been suffering with migraines one and off for a week tomorrow. Master left to go out of town Sunday and was actually contemplating not going because I had such a horrible migraine the day he left he was worried about leaving me alone. Today I spent all day trying to keep it at bay. It seems I finally have gotten it calmed down and so I didn't want to do anything that would make it spike as after having such a bad migraine...means anything a day or 2 after can trigger it and pull it back into a worse one.

Project Runway - The time I did spend online today was spent looking at any website I could find that had anything about the show. It is down to 5 now and so this next week will be very interesting I suspect. My favorite designer....well I go between Chloe or Daniel V. I am thinking Daniel V is going to be the winner though. He has won 4 challenges. I still think back to those first episodes where Santino was so cocky..and he still is but I remember when he felt he would win all the challenges and now look at him. They criticize him every week....I actually parallel that to Wendy...every week they criticized her last season but she made it to the final 3. Only difference now I believe Santino has talent and I don't think Wendy does. I don't see her as creative as the others.

So some links that I came across in my surfing....
Lot 8 - Chloe's store in Houston, TX
Houstonian Struts Stuff In 'Project Runway' - article on Chloe Dao
Runway Success - an interview with Jay from first season
Geek Designer Wears Tech Well - article on Diana Eng -- I liked her. Didn't always like her clothing but I liked that she had concepts behind them
Daniel Franco - I really like some of his drawings...especially for the Garson collection. Don't like the design of the website though.
I never saw the "wrap-up" for Season 1 where they answered questions that the audience provided. But I guess they are doing it again this season. Here is where you can ask your question of the cast.

After reading the article about Chloe....where she mentioned growing up watching Style with Elsa Klensch on Saturday mornings and that brought me back. Because I did the same thing and I would often sit with a sketch book in front of me and draw either designs I saw that I liked or be inspired by a piece and draw something of my own. I had forgotten all about that though until reading she watched Elsa too. I know I still have some of those sketches around here somewhere.

Alias - I had been watching them on TNT. I became hooked. I had never watched it when it was regular network tv. Anyway, they stopped airing them on TNT in the middle of season 3. So I netflixed them. Any one that does not want spoilers for season 3 please skip to next section even though I am going to be very vague...so maybe not even spoiling anything. Okay so -- I am little annoyed with some "details" -- I can't stand it when tv shows mention something in one episode and then seem to forget they did. I didn't like it when it happened on Buffy and they really to me did a great job of remembering the details and using them in the show. So okay the end of "Taken" in season 3 of Alias, Jack hears Lauren say something that proves something about her basically. But now in the next 2 episodes it is like he didn't even hear that. That irritates me. It is not brought up at all. It seems like that has happened quite a bit on this season. And those little details - to me - make a show. A few other random thoughts about Alias...I like Marshall Flinkman -- he is funny. I liked in industrial punked out look of Vaughn in "Unveiled" when they are in Berlin. He normally isn't someone I drool over but in that episode -- yummy! And Lauren was hot in that one too. Sark is the one I usually drool over...but this season I haven't drooled over him as much as the last season. Jack...yum! The episode where Marshall is showing off pictures of his baby son and shows one to Jack. The look on Jack's face is great. And all he says is "cute" and hands him back the picture like "why are you showing me a baby picture...I am Jack...the man that kills men with my bare hands and has no worries doing so."

800 thread count sheets....oh....my! I get little shivers of goodness all down my body when I think of them.

Shoes - Violet Velvet Ballerina Slipper - Rocket Dog ´Mai Tai´ Flat - Suede & Leather Pump

Oh and Master and I got mail love today...an anniversary card! It was very sweet and pretty!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Mush Ahead....Claimed

I am sitting here all dressed up and waiting for Master to pick me up to go out for dinner. I am damn lucky to be with such a wonderful man.

I was thinking about that moment...that moment 3 years...that moment He claimed me. I thought of it over and over today. Standing next to His car in Denver...He pulled a chain and lock out of His pocket and put it around my neck. His pulled me to him and kissed me. No word exchanged. Just claimed...as His.

That simple and powerful all in the same moment...knowing I was His girl, His property, His slave.
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