Friday, November 30, 2012

Terms of Endearment

I am not a big terms of endearment person. I do use them with Master in vanilla settings as it is easier for me than using his name. His name is Michael which of course starts with the same letter as Master so when I start to say to say Michael in vanilla settings it usually turns to Master before I can think. So saying my beloved or love is easier than his first name often. I really have to concentrate to make sure I use something other than Master. I have only had it slip once before - well almost two times now. 

Master uses terms of endearment with me also. Some in the privacy of our home and some out and about when people can't hear what he is whispering. 
I know my view of kinky/dirty terms of endearment have changed over the years. When I was married, being called slut would have sent - well did send me into a tailspin. But know when Master calls me a slut, I just become a puddle as it turns me on.  Same with cunt, dirty whore, worthless whore, cow, pig and so on.   

There are some terms of endearment I am not fond and actually kind of annoy the crap out of me when I am called them.  They aren't even bad words - I mean someone being called a cunt can really get them up and arms but being called pet or little one might not. But for me being called pet or little one - annoy me. 

It goes back to really when I first started online and jumping into bdsm communities online as well as offline. I got called those 2 names quite a bit and it always made me feel like they person saying it was thinking this was a game not my way of life. It made me feel like I am going to call you pet and you are going to kneel demurely by my feet during this meeting and then I will go home and spank and fuck you and tomorrow we can go to work and act like nothing happened. 

Instead of living it - on and on - which is what I wanted and craved. But often the men that called me pet or little one weren't wanting it long term so I often just ended up feeling like these few hours of being called pet or little one were just a game.  I know it wasn't a game to them. It is just how they did things and that is perfectly fine. If you are someone that can just do this on weekends, or when the mood strikes - that is good for you. I just need to serve and be owned by Master 24/7.  

Since that time in my life the terms of endearment - pet and little one - make me cringe inside. The thing is Master likes pet as a term of endearment. He likes calling me pet and even almost 10 years in this relationship - I still have problems hearing it. I know logically it is Master who is saying this - the man I have served for almost 10 years - everyday all day long. But I still cringe. I wish I could reprogram myself to not wrinkle my nose at the word pet. It is something I continue to work on, but not sure I will ever get those images of those who have called me it before him.  But I keep trying to just let it go and not wrinkle my nose. 

So silly really - out of all the words that I get upset about it is the word pet. Pet. So silly. 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Holiday Cheer with Eden Fantasys

Sexy Christmas gifts from EdenFantasys - the sex toys shop you can trust!I love Christmas. I love to decorate, bake,put up a tree, make and wrap presents, dress up for parties, undress like a package at get the idea.  It really is a fun and joyous time for me.

The joy of the holidays usually creates joy throughout my whole life and I feel more sexy and kinky during the holidays. I know I am swamped doing cards, decorating, baking, making gifts and getting packages ready to send to faraway friends and family. But I am horny too.  I think I am just wound up with the excitement of the holidays it makes me want to suck, fuck and get beat. In any order pretty please.

The Community is also has some holiday cheer going on so I just wanted to point out a few things going on there:

* They are having contests, activities, discussions, and online parties for the holidays. The contests are offering up some great prizes. So make sure you go and check out the Holiday Calendar of events. I mean how can you resist a Coloring Contest! I love to color and even have a new box of crayons ready to use.

* They also have a good Holiday Gift Center going on so you can get ideas to buy your lover high quality toys.  I bought some sex toys tonight for special people on my list. I know they will enjoy every moment with them.

* And they also have a Give Back program going on right now. If you gather points when browse at then you can donate those points that will be turned into cash so that some holiday volunteers will  adopt a family in their neighborhood to help during the holidays.  So the money is going to those that are in need.

I hope everyone has a great holiday season...full of peace, love and joy! 

Monday, November 26, 2012

No Right Way

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Just a little public service announcement:  

Dear beautiful reader, 

There is no right way to do this....just because you don't serve like me doesn't make you a failure and just because I don't serve like others doesn't make me a failure in doing it "right."  We all have our own way of doing this....make it your own and do what is best for you.  Don't try to emulate someone online. Just make it work for the relationship you are in....what feels good to you, what works best for you and that is your way. 

peace to you,

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

30 Days - Day 13

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

The appeal of kink/BDSM is that it is just a part of me. I can look back in all my intimate relationships that I really enjoyed and felt good in - and they all had some kind of power dynamic going on or kinky aspects to them.  I am drawn to a certain kind of man that naturally seems to be draw out my submissive/service side. 

I enjoy service based relationships because I like pleasing - I am not a people pleaser now as much as I was when I was younger.   But I still enjoy pleasing Master and knowing I am enhancing his life by serving him.  He doesn't have to worry about clothes being wash or ironed, he doesn't have to worry about cleaning his toilet, he doesn't have to worry about many daily things so he can focus on other things that matter to him such as his business. 

I am not sure why I am drawn too it - I kind of stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. I just am and it fulfills me so that is all that matters.  

previous answered questions

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Okay so I have been bad...really bad this fall about posting. I was on such a good streak and now....I have fallen off into the abyss again.

Things have just been busy.....and I have been really tired by the end of the day is one of those things I let go of fairly quickly when that happens unfortunately as I do like to write. I do write actually - I just don't always post.  Doesn't feel complete the thought I start when I write so I don't post it and always have good intentions of coming back and finishing them.

So somethings going on in bullet points...

* got a new bed...sleep is so much better!

* got a few other new pieces of furniture and so the house felt like we had just moved in there for a bit

* my pain - the sciatica well it is worse at the moment which is typical I guess for how we are treating it. See I have one leg longer then the other - by 1/2 inch so....throwing everything off. I have a temporary lift in my shoe that is small then a half inch because starting slowly. Well pushing things back is making me in more pain.  Such pain that my therapist was concerned too and my medical and mental health are all linked in through the same place so....she was wanting me to make another appointment. I have a follow up for the end of the month.

* therapy is going really well right now.  I really appreciate all the help my therapist has given me. I know I mentioned back at the beginning of the year - I changed therapist's and my new therapist I love! She is so great about everything. Even the poly.

* teacup is going to be arriving on Saturday. She will be meeting all of Master's family as we will be there for a family event through the weekend.

* We will head home to have Thanksgiving here.

* Going to see some friends after Thanksgiving - can't wait to see them as we haven't been able to get together with them since the beginning of summer.

*The other day when I was sitting waiting to go into my therapy appointment something happened with another patient and it bothered me a lot.  I barely made it back into my therapists office without starting to cry.  It just bothered me and hurt so....I told her about it and felt better as she understood what happened and I knew then she would handle it after there making sure the person was okay.  But it just really made me feel for the other person.  One of my favorite sayings is - "Be kind for everyone is fighting a battle."  I think it is so true. We never know people's stories or the battle they are fighting so it really bothers me when people are unkind and lack compassion towards others.

Two friends right now are in an argument that escalated so much that they ended the friendship. I can get we all have different views. I can get we all have a core belief that sometimes we can't see beyond and see it how others see it.  My parents go to a church that is doesn't believe in Gays/Lesbians. Their church believes marriage is between a woman and man and any other type of relationship is a sin.  They also voted for Romney and who is against Gays/Lesbians having equal rights.  My sister is a lesbian. I am bisexual, but not out to them. But my sister is out to them. And they are against her loving in my eyes. Now they would explain they are for her loving and getting married, they just don't "support" the church's view or Romney's but they support the church through donating money to it weekly. The supported Romney through voting for him. And that for me says - they don't want their daughter to fall in love and get married. It bothers me and it is hard for me to see beyond that. But...even though I don't understand it.....I don't stop loving my parent's.  I don't agree with them, but I don't disown them. What I can do is look at them and know we are all different. It is their choice - even if I don't get it  I  don't continue to harp on them, I don't  continue to argue - but look towards them with compassion and hope and pray they will see how supporting those against equality for everyone hurts so many amazing people in the world including my sister.

Words and actions can sometimes hurt people so deeply - we can't understand or see how it affects them.  Someone called me a murderer because I had an abortion - someone who is a friend. It was really hard for me to let the disagreement about it go and just continue the friendship, but I finally let it go and hope one day the compassion that this person shows towards so many others will shown towards me and know what that word does to me.

There are so many words and actions that to me speak so clearly for us and sometimes we don't realize at all what it means to others.  I am trying really hard to think before I speak and act - are my words kind? true and necessary? do my actions hurt people I care about? will this be kind towards them? help them?  So many things to consider, but helps me in the long run too feel better.

We all say and do things that can cut to the core of us, but hopefully we can see a broader picture of compassion and love.  Yeah I am a tree-hugging bleeding heart liberal if can't tell by these last paragraphs. Peace to everyone!
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