Monday, October 30, 2006

Life Update with Positive Monday

Today Master's parents arrived and went right away into winterizing the house. Master although he has moved to a new brace and now using a cane - isn't in condition to be climbing ladders and such. So I am very grateful his parents came over to do this for us. It was incredibly nice of them.

I started my day by making cupcakes. I made chocolate cupcakes with orange buttercream frosting and then used candy corn to decorate. I wanted to take black gumdrops and make spiders but I looked for just a bag of black gumdrops and couldn't find them. You would think that this time of the year they would be easy to find. hmmmpphh!

The frosting didn't set right. And so was kind of dripping down the sides. So these are a little sloppy for my likes but Master and his parents thought they were cute and said they tasted very good.

After the things that needed to get done here were, we all went shopping. Our town that is not a huge city but it just opened a Kohl's the beginning of October. I have always enjoyed Kohl's so today I finally was able to go....yay! I am grateful Master suggested it. They had a big sale this weekend and we were just so busy I didn't think about asking if we could go. Master's parents got me a gift certificate from there for my birthday so I used some of that and got a shirt and some fuzzy socks. I am a sock whore. We went to Target. And then we headed to a late lunch/early dinner of Chinese food...Master's parents had it the last time they were here and raved about it ever since. So as a thank you for coming over and working so hard Master treated them to that. Migraine struck me tonight. I think there was msg in something I ate today and with the string of migraines I have had lately sometimes little things that normally don't bother

Tomorrow morning I am making breakfast burritos. And then we are kind of just keeping the rest of the day open to whatever. They will leave on Wednesday morning. They were going to leave tomorrow but then asked us if we were busy and if it was okay to spend another day. I am not sure what I will make for dinner but maybe Beef Stroganoff.

Positive Monday

1. Master's parents helping us out
2. The nice weather we had today
3. Our little girl kitty cat for keeping me company when cooking or resting
4. Good food around us to eat and enjoy with family
5. Master...for loving me and taking care of me in ways I don't always see. I love you very much and appreciate all the big and little things you do for me everyday.

Friday, October 27, 2006

6 Years of Blogging...

It has been 6 years of blogging! I want to thank everyone that reads my blog...sends me emails, comments and such. You are all wonderful! You also help me in my journey....Thank you!

And I am going to end with my traditional piece from
The Velveteen Rabbit:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Gay Rights...

Well New Jersey...recognizes same sex unions but not it isn't perfect but obviously closer...hopeful to me.

Daily Kos

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Graitude Tuesday - C

~ color: I am very happy that we have color...see color. And then as an artist well enjoy color
~ chocolate: omg chocolate....I am so thankful for chocolate in all forms and variations. It is sinfully delightful.
~ Carolynn: beautiful kind smart woman that I am blessed to call my friend
~ collage: It is my favorite medium to work in and so I am very grateful to have it.
~ coloring books and crayons: yay for coloring books and crayons they are so fun to play with. I have several and still color for Daddy!
~ charcoal drawings: I like doing and like seeing other charcoal drawings...the texture of the charcoal on the surface is intense
~ charcoal: I love the feel of it in my hands....the feeling as I run it across a piece of paper...even the smell of it
~ collar: no words will ever describe how grateful I am for the collar Master placed around my grateful I am to be owned by him
~ cooking: I enjoy cooking and am grateful to be given the opportunities to cook for others
~ cookbooks: They are like a good book....sit down and read all the ingredients, the instructions and beautiful pictures....I can get lost in them.
~ Coldplay: One of my favorite bands.
~ creating your own reality: I am grateful for the ability to create my is something I believe in
~ computer: keeps me in touch with tons of friends, it helps me create digital art, it allows me to do so much
~ camera: to take pictures in my life
~ cats: we have 2 cats and I love them to pieces...they are very cute and adorable and my babies!
~ candles: I like to burn them..the smell the warmth the energy
~ cheesecake, cookies,cupcakes: yum to the sweets...all good things that I enjoy!
~ Christmas: my favorite is one that my Mom made special and I will always try to do the same as I love that meaning behind it.
~ cider: apple cider here and so yummy!
~ compassion: seeing it around me, giving it, receiving it
~ creativity: I am always grateful when I have creativity around
~ connections: friends, family, Master....grateful for all of my connections
~ caning: I do like to be caned every now and then
~ Carebears: I love carebears! they are soft, cuddly, smushy!
~ cock: Well I had to throw another naughty one in here....I like yep I grateful for it.
~ cards: mailing, getting yay for card!
~ cuddling: feeling Master's arms wrapped around me....makes me feel very loved and cared for
~ Chinese food: omg gawd yummy! I could eat it everyday
~ corsets: something I don't have day would love one...they are so pretty
~ Colorado: where I is a VERY beautiful state and I am blessed to live here

Leather Awards

The Pantheon of Leather Awards have recognized people, businesses and organizations who have made contributions that have directly affected the Leather community in a positive way.

Deadline for nominations is October 31st.

Because of living in a small town now with no alternative community what-so-ever...I really don't have the knowledge to do this but I do think it is important to award those that really are out there helping the leather community and I know many live in cities that do have a leather community.

You can make your nominations online. You do not have to nominate someone in every category. Vote for those who you feel work hard in doing good works for the leather community! Again remember the deadline is coming up fast - October 31st!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Positive Monday

5 Positives in my life....

1) I am not throwing up!
2) That I was able to do more today!
3) That Master made me yummy breakfast!
4) That my migraine is gone!
5) That I have fuzzy knitted slippers sitting here on my desk ready to felt to size made by a wonderfully talented friend!

guilt by sickness


stomach flu
migraine - day 2
+ period (yes tmi but I started the same day as the flu)
equals lots of fun for me!

Really the stomach flu is almost gone...the body aches today are much better. Still on and off queasy. Still feverish on and off too. But over all today I am more focus then I have been as I am not so tired/rundown.


Master had to do a lot more then he normally has to....and of course that lead me to the BIG BIG BIG GUILT. I laid there just throwing up for the millionth time (I know not the million but by that time you know it feels like it). Anyway, he is still on crutches. He is able to put more weight on his leg but he is not walking fully without the crutches yet. Friday we had both agreed to take a veg day. So I didn't do much around here....just a little unpacking and some bare necessities. Saturday I started in on the big cleaning as we have been gone for almost 3 weeks and Master's parents were suppose to be here today (postponed due to me being sick). In my cleaning, I hadn't gotten far before getting sick so I hadn't got to the kitchen yet. There was a fairly large stack of dirty dishes in the sink so Master had to unload the clean dishes, load the dirty and then make dinner for himself. Now, if you have read my journal for any amount of time you know I cook. And when I cook I don't open a box of hamburger helper or can of spaghetti-o's and call it good. Master can cook but after putting a lot more weight on his knee he needed something quick and easy. Of course that is not what we have in this house because I cook. Luckily he did find something but while he did all this...I could hear him ache in pain. He was pushing too much.

Oh which reminds me - he had already pushed early in the day 2 times because he went to Lowe's by himself and crutched it through Lowe's to get what we needed and then came home and started on the next project. Breaking the cage down even further as Master's Dad would be where we store/hide it when company comes. And we needed it unrecognizable. So he had pushed already earlier in the day.

He was in pain doing dishes and making his dinner. So thus BIG BIG GUILT! I was feeling horribly guilty which lead to big ball of messy irrational thoughts. I didn't like feeling guilty so then I started to think Master was mad at me for being sick. Now of course that is insane. He didn't like that his girl was in pain and throwing up. He didn't like that he wasn't able to help me more (in past he has held my hair back when I was sick and wiped my face with a cool cloth and he really couldn't do much of that because of crutching it still.)

So here is how it went....those thoughts of Master being mad at me upset me more which lead to more guilt...which lead to he was goign to get rid of me because the kitchen wasn't clean...which lead me to anger that he would do that...that lead me *cringe* think of all I do around here (because I was feeling guilty about not being able to do anything - trying to make *myself* feel better by "proving" that I do things) of course...which lead me to then HUGE HUGE guilt...and more guilt and more guilt to the point of tears.

Of course....all of it was silly to start in the first place...Master doesn't like that I am sick. He is pushing. And I am doing the best I can while sick. We both are trying our best to just not go too far. He has been happy I am here to take of him while his knee has been out...he was happy he was here to help while sick. We both are sad we can't do more for each other during this time. We both do things in this relationship and we both have responsibilities even when sick we do our best that we can...end of story. So end of guilt cycle and irrational thoughts!

Next thoughts were...damn it would be nice to be poly! And yes someone did come to mind. But even if Master claimed her he would never let her give up her goals.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Home but Sick....

We are home......but I am sick. Yesterday I developed the stomach flu. So either my body was telling me it was time to shut down or I was out of my bubble too long. Hopefully I will have a real post soon.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Here and Gone Again.....

We are home...we got home Saturday but we leave again tomorrow. We will be gone over my birthday but at least the trip is a quick one. When I get back though I need to get busy and really clean the house good as Master's parents will be visiting to do some fall clean up things for us as Master is still on crutches.

We had a nice trip and I am very grateful that Master took me to see my family. It was something that was really needed.

Not sure what else to say at the moment...I need to get back to getting ready to leave tomorrow...I hope to have a real update when we get back!

Positive Monday

5 Positives in my Life....

1. Mail Love...Thank you Thank you to all my great friends for the wonderful packages and cards!
2. Thermal Underwear...I am just so cold tonight I am very happy I have them!
3. Chili....I made chili last night and we had the left overs tonight since we leave tomorrow again. And it tasted so good and Master said that he wants me to make it like I did always. I made it a little less spicy but still so full of flavor and just warm and yummy!
4. Family...It was really good to see my sisters recently. I miss them lots. And just great that I have a wonderful family...not only Mom and Dad but Master and the kitty cats and his family too.
5. Autumn...I love it the colors changing...the feel of the crisp air. It makes me feel a calmness with it.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Positive Monday

Well several things happened to make it impossible for us to leave today. So we get to get up at 5am tomorrow so that we will be in Denver by noon. OMG! Really it is not that bad because of things that happened today - I think Master and I will have a more relaxed trip then we would have had otherwise.

So today is Positive Monday...

1. Trip....Ready to go on our trip
2. Leaves...are changing and the colors are so beautiful....make me feel good looking at them.
3. love for Master....the love I get from Master
4. Music...the sound...the feelings...oh so good (Been listening to music tonight as burned cds for trip: soundtrack for Rent, OkGo, KT Tunstall, James Blunt and then a mix)
5. Family....I am so excited to see my family. I love them very much and don't get to see them often so this trip means a lot to me. The video that Master made - made me miss them more and made me recall good memories of my family.
6. Talent...Master's talent. My family didn't send him much to work with and again he amazed me. I am so grateful to giving this gift to our family.
7. For feeling better....I am think I am on a high about to leave for the trip but it is just feeling like a good day. Got a lot accomplish this last week, this weekend and today.

And I know there is many other positives in my life....and I am very grateful for everything that is in my life.

Not sure how much I will be posting while gone but I am going to try to do a few phone posts. So check out my livejournal for those.
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