Saturday, October 30, 2004

Life Update

On Thursday night Master and I were online and I was looking at to send out an ecard. I came across a little kids card that had Halloween Paper Dolls. Three Dolls and several sets of costumes. They had them to play with online, but also a page to print off and cut out. I showed them to Daddy and he said email those to me. I was in my little girl mode and we talked about how I would like to play with them. The next day Daddy came home and handed me several sheets of paper - with the paper dolls on them. He said Halloween night while He watches Rocky Horror Picture Show that I can play with them.

After I sent him the ecard, I noticed in my email box saying I had an ecard. A friend sent me the cutest thank you. It made me smile. Thank you!

I have been fighting a migraine the last 2 days. I should get our shopping list together as I did not have time yesterday.

Kink and Politics: I think it is worth a read. And then Ernest Greene writes him also and it is interesting too. If you don't know who Ernest Greene is, it is explained in the entry.


You Should Dress Up As a Bunny!

Retro, sensual, and classicly hot.

You're all about driving the boys crazy

But you don't need a novel costume for that!


Should You Be For Halloween?

Oh Master just came in and told me to go get ready. We are going to our favorite Italian restaurant. Yum!

Friday, October 29, 2004

Political: Reasons I did not vote for Bush

Today Master and I went out to go to vote early. We waited in line about an hour. I voted for Kerry. I am going to admit right away that Kerry is not my ideal candidate. But I just can't stand the thought of Bush being in office another 4 years. It does make me nervous and scared. As you will see below - there are many reasons I did not vote for Bush. I know Bush supporters can come back with Kerry does this and that and I did look at both views. But I am listing the reasons I why I did not vote for Bush. So please no flames, as you are not going to change my mind…I already voted.

I did lots of research before casting my vote and here are just a few reasons I did not vote for Bush even though I could have went on for a few more pages. But the orginal word document that I typed it up in was already 6 pages long.

These are not in any order. I tried to bring sources to most of the reasons but I know I have missed a few and of course some are pure personal opinion so no source to quote but me.

War, Terrorism, Iraq, Military Defense and Foreign Policy all clumped together….
  • I don't feel safe with him. I feel more unsafe then I have ever with a president. Before Bush, I never thought about safety all that much…because I felt safe. But since Bush, I have felt unsafe. And feel the world is an unsafe place with him in office. And yes I am scared because of the attacks on 9/11 but the reason I feel unsafe with Bush is because of the results of his actions of 9/11. Going to war in Iraq and not going after Osama.

  • Yes I am one of them that does not like this one….I don't like that he sat for 7 minutes after were attacked. I have heard that the teacher thought he handled it well in not alarming the children. But what first crossed my mind was…he is the president of the USA and he is a target. So, in my mind he was putting those children and all the children in that school at risk. Not to mention that we were under attack and all these people are dying and he is just sitting there. It bothers me. (William Langley, "Revealed: What Really Went on During Bush's 'Missing Hours,'" The Telegraph, December 16, 2001. '" David E. Sanger and Don Van Natta Jr., "After The Attacks: The Events; In Four Days, A National Crisis Changes Bush's Presidency," The New York Times, September 16, 2001, Michael Kranish, "Bush: US To Hunt Down Attackers," Boston Globe, September 11, 2001. & 9-11 Commission Report Commission Report, p 35, Commission Report, pp. 38-39)/

  • I don't like that Bush lied to us about WMD and tried to push that Saddam and Al Qaeda were linked. (Fact Check, Whitehouse Interviews, American Progress, CNN, 9/11 Commssion Report, 525 Reasons)

  • I don't like that he is not going after Osama. Instead he let druglord in Afghanistan do the work - people we did not trust weeks before. That does not make sense to me.

  • Despite repeated calls for reinforcements, there are fewer experienced CIA agents assigned to the unit dealing with Osama now than there were before 9/11. (NY Times)

  • I don't understand how the Bush administration thinks that they make me feel safer. Because obviously Bush did not do anything to the Osama when we are attacked last time so why would I trust he would do something to the terrorist this time?

  • Bush at one time said he wanted Osama dead or alive and now he says he is not that worried about him (Whitehouse News Release) So he is not worried about the man that attacked the USA. So I guess he is not worried about the USA being attacked again if he is not worried about a terrorist that attacked us before.

  • The Bush Administration has assigned five times as many agents to investigate Cuban embargo violations as it has to track Osama and Saddam's money. (SFGate)

  • Bush said no casualties (CNN) yet during the Bush Administration's war in Iraq, more than 1,000 US troops have lost their lives and more than 7,000 have been injured. (Global Security) And then 15, 000 Iraqi (Iraqi Body Count)

  • Cheney said that if we don't elect Bush we will be hit again by terrorist. I hate that they use terror to get people vote for them and just love all they have done so far (rolling eyes). (Washington Post, Fact Check ). And they call it a war on Terror but it is a war on Iraq. Bush hasn't fought the terrorism. And it is my belief he is creating more chance for terrorism.

  • I don't like the Patriot Act…it seems to invade American's privacy....such as they can go into a "suspect" house without a court order. (But know I don't know enough about it to point the things that bother - just the bits and pieces I have heard).

  • Americans wanted to impeach a president for getting a blow job but they don't want to impeach a man for taking us into war and lying to us about it. And most importantly for having many of our fellow American's killed for a cause many don't even understand why they are there.

  • Bush Administration wanting to lift ban on low yield nuclear weapons. (Washington Post)
  • During the Bush Administration, North Korea has quadrupled its "suspected" nuclear arsenal from 2 to 8 weapons (NY Times)

  • The Bush Administration awarded a multibillion-dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton. Cheney gets paid from Halliburton still also. Halliburton overcharged the military for services, accepted kickbacks from subcontractors and served troops dirty food. (Washington Post & BBC)

  • Economy
  • The Bush Administration turned a $236 billion surplus into a $422 billion deficit. (Fact Check, Fact Check Again, Fortune)

  • Bush say that he created 1.7 million jobs created since the summer of 2003 - saying the economy stronger because of it. But yet he does not talk about that he is the first president since Hoover to have decline in payroll employment. And some don't think that sounds that bad, which I think is incredible. But the economy needs 1.6 million new jobs created a year to keep up with the population. They barely covered the huge gap between the number of jobs the country needs and the number actually available. (Fact Check)

  • Unemployment declined only because some of those are not counted after their benefits run out but still not working so therefore the unemployment statistics dropped.

  • As a candidate in 2000, Bush said he would pay down the national debt. He said it would historically low level. The national debt stood at $7,379,052,696,330.32, a record high as of Sept. 30. (Public Debt & George W. Bush & Fact Check)

  • Bush as a candidate in 2000 said he would protect the Social Security surplus. He spent all of it. (George W. Bush & CBO)

  • Health/Medical
  • I feel everyone should have access to affordable health insurance. As an adult who has not had health insurance because I can't afford it. It is important to me. I also know people who have kids and no insurance and that is scary to me. I like that Kerry has a plan that would help those of us not being able to afford it. Bush said that it would be government regulated but he misleads on that too. (Fact Check)

  • During the Bush administration 5 million people have lost their health insurance (CNN)

  • When Kerry when defending pro-choice during a debate, he said he thinks about a girl who became pregnant by her father who raped her. Kerry feels that girl should be able to get an abortion if she wanted. Bush never even commented on that when he had rebuttal. Not to even say that would be horrid if that happened. He just went on with why he would give funding to homes for pregnant women. It bothered me he had no compassion even to say that would be horrid. It seems he refuses to see how Americans are affected by his decisions.

  • I am pro-choice, Bush is not (Issues 2004)

  • The Bush Administration stopped research on stem-cells that could lead to new treatments for Parkinson's, heart disease, ,diabetes, Alzheimer's, spinal injuries, and muscular dystrophy (CNN)

  • The Bush Administration put forth a rule which requires foreign NGOs to withhold information about legal abortion services otherwise they will lose US funds for family planning.(Health Sciences Columbia Edu)

  • He has given a 270 million-dollar budget to promote abstinence programs in school but slashed all programs that talk about other ways to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.

  • The nonpartisan GAO found that the Bush Administration created illegal fake news reports to promote its industry-backed Medicare bill. (GAO)

  • Bush Administration believes that patients who were denied much need treatments should not sue HMO's. (ABC News Washington Post )

  • Education
  • In 2000, candidate Bush promised to increase the maximum federal scholarship, or Pell Grant, by 50 percent. Instead, each year he has been in office he has frozen or cut the maximum scholarship amount. (ED Work Force)
  • No Child Left Behind - another promise broken. (NWI Times & Fact Check, Fact Check

  • Environment
  • It seems that everything he says he is going to do with the environment he does not or he goes back on somewhat. Instead, he makes a tax break for those buying SUV and Hummers that pollute the air. And breaks his promise on making limits on carbon dioxide emissions, eliminated protection of 200 million acres of public lands. He also have proposed to cut the EPA budget by a signifcant amount. (Washington Post, Washington Post again, And Again, Bush Green Watch, California Wilderness Coalition)

  • Energy
  • The Bush Administration relentlessly pushed an energy bill containing $23.5 billion in corporate tax breaks, much of which would have benefited major campaign contributors. ( & Washington Post)

  • And some more reasons…
  • I don't like that Bush believes God put him in office. I tend to think people did well some of us did at least. I am a spiritual person but it still bothers me. I guess I like to think separation of government and religion. I don't want a government run by gut, instinct or someone saying well I prayed about it. (Originally appeared in New York Times - Without a Doubt by Ron Suskind & Working for a Change)

  • I don't like that he says stupid things. Might be shallow but we need someone who is articulate and knows what the hell he is saying. I mean the man did not even know he had holdings in a timber company and in my opinion made a fool of himself by saying he did not own holdings in timber complany (Fact Check)

  • He refuses to admit mistakes. A President who can't acknowledge his mistakes can't fix them. I don't like that he did not answer the town hall question about 3 mistakes. He did not even have the balls to say he made any mistakes and then basically told the person who asked the question that what she was "really asking about the war" so he was "invalidating" her question. And that irritated me.

  • Bush is leading us and he does not even know where the hell he is going. That is how it seems to me. He comes across so un-intelligent and why would someone who comes across that way make me feel safer? He stumbles and all he can say is being president is hard work. Well if it is such hard work for him - then why doesn't he not run again. I mean we all know it is hard work. But he ran for it not me. And if I take on something that is hard or I don't like I don't need to tell everyone repeatedly how hard of work it is like that explains it all. He needs to answer the questions. He needs to do the work. He needs to fix his mistake and admit them.

  • Bush and his saying Kerry is flip-flopper over and over is driving me crazy. I hate to say but all politicians flip-flop. Even Bush - Bush on campaign trail said Kerry's plan for Iraq is the same as his then Bush in the debate said that Kerry's plan for Iraq won't work. (more flip flop issues - American Progress Action)

  • He has all these plans for the next 4 years and I wonder why he has not done them the last 4 years. And has he done what he said he would last 4 years? No not in my why would he be reliable to do it the next 4 years

  • I don't like that there seems to be a lot of secrecy and deceits in this administration - Changed transcripts, lots of documents classified (even former presidents documents he has classified and the task force on energy that Cheney led. Why would that need to be classified?) (CNN & 525 Reasons)

  • Another that might sound shallow. But it bothers me that Bush had never worked hard for anything. Yes we all heard how hard work he does as president. But this is his first real job and even that seems like he just runs on gut instinct. Well if that is how he ran his companies that went under then where are we headed. I don't think he is in touch with American.…everyday working class Americans. I am sure he does not know what it is like to eat ramen noodles and mac&cheese to survive. I am sure he does not think about how much it costs to have an appointment at the doctor or get a prescription. Or how those on a fixed income pay for everything - rent, utilities, medication, and such. I know Kerry is also from an upper class family but to me he seems to understand what the daily average American goes through and care.

  • Gay Rights - Bush is against letting domestic partners the right to health and tax benefits that married couples get, Bush does not think that violence against Gays is a Hate Crime, and he says no adoptions for Gays. (CNN, MSNBC, Issues 2004)

  • Like I said I could have went on more….but just with these reasons alone listed was enough for me to vote for Kerry.

    Thursday, October 28, 2004

    Recipe: Penne with Vodka Sauce

    Someone want to explain to me why I am watching Food Network when I have more healthy eating lifestyle now....even though this one was not that bad if I substitute whole wheat pasta and do some fat free half and half instead of the cream.

    I saw this done on Everday Italian.

    Penne with Vodka Sauce

    1 quart Simple Tomato Sauce, recipe follows, or store-bought marinara sauce, blended until smooth
    1 cup vodka
    1/2 cup heavy cream, at room temperature
    1/2 cup grated Parmesan
    1 pound penne

    Simmer the tomato sauce and vodka in a heavy large skillet over low heat until the mixture reduces by 1/4, stirring often, about 20 minutes. Stir the cream into the tomato and vodka sauce. Simmer over low heat until the sauce is heated through. Stir in the Parmesan cheese until melted and well blended.
    Meanwhile, cook the pasta in a large pot of boiling salted water until al dente, tender but still firm to the bite, stirring occasionally, about 8 minutes. Drain the pasta and transfer it to the pan with the sauce, and toss to coat.

    Simple Tomato Sauce:
    1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
    1 small onion, chopped
    2 cloves garlic, chopped
    1 stalk celery, chopped
    1 carrot, chopped
    2 (32-ounce) cans crushed tomatoes
    4 to 6 basil leaves
    2 dried bay leaves
    Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
    4 tablespoons unsalted butter, optional

    In a large casserole pot, heat oil over medium-high heat. Add onion and garlic and saute until soft and translucent, about 2 minutes. Add celery and carrot and season with salt and pepper. Saute until all the vegetables are soft, about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes, basil, and bay leaves and reduce the heat to low. Cover the pot and simmer for 1 hour or until thick. Remove bay leaves and taste for seasoning. If sauce tastes too acidic, add unsalted butter, 1 tablespoon at a time, to round out the flavor.
    Pour half the tomato sauce into the bowl of a food processor. Process until smooth. Continue with remaining tomato sauce.

    If not using all the sauce, allow it to cool completely and then pour 1 to 2 cup portions into plastic freezer bags. Freeze for up to 6 months.

    Yield: 6 cups
    Prep Time: 15 minutes
    Cook Time: 1 hour, 10 minutes

    **just remembered I was going to post cheesecake recipe. I will try to get that typed up tomorrow and post it**

    Wednesday, October 27, 2004

    4 Years!

    Today is the 4-year anniversary of my blogger. It seems so strange at times that it has been 4 years. It feels like it has been much longer as it seems just so much a part of my world now. I know that when I don’t have time to write, I don’t feel as centered or focused. It is a place that allows me to express myself and gain self-awareness. It helps me be true to myself.

    The other night Master was looking at His imood history, so I went to look at mine too. It tells you each mood you have chosen how many times you have chosen it and then the dates you selected each mood. So I would look up a “mood” and then go look back in my blogger to see what I wrote about to correspond with that mood. Sometimes it was very obvious and other times I could not figure out why I chose that mood, as it did not always seem to match my entry. I went through mood several moods – amazed, excited, ducky, angry, betrayed, cherished and so on. There were some emotions that I knew what I had written about before I looked them up….such as betrayed. I had it listed two times and knew exactly why I had that listed for those dates. Happy and empowered were a few more that I knew without looking up. It was almost like reliving some of the emotions all over again….good and bad. But with my 4-year anniversary of blogging here, I guess it was an appropriate time to going back and reading through my archives.

    So while reading my archives, I would cringe, laugh, smile, well up with tears, and get annoyed or happy. Some entries I wish I would have never posted, some I wished that I had never gone through to cause the entry. Some I wanted to delete right that very moment, because it embarrassed me that I said the things I did or put myself in the situations I did. But I won’t delete them because it is not being true. It would be denying that part of my life.

    And one of the reasons I started this blogger was to be true to myself. Knowing that everyone out on the world wide web could read it…knowing those I know personally would be reading it….knowing close friends would read it…helped me be true and real.

    So, there it all is…4 years of blogging…the good, the bad and the ugly. 4 years of sharing and learning. 4 years of learning who I am and being real….with it…

    From The Velveteen Rabbit:
    "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

    "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

    "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

    "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

    Tuesday, October 26, 2004

    Life Update & Purse Strings

    Life Update:
    Okay so the 14th or 15th I started feeling sick. Sore throat….bad sinus headache almost like I was getting a sinus infection. I downed Echinacea as much as I could and felt better by Monday (the 18th). But Master unfortunately started feeling bad on the 17th. And it just seemed to be getting worse (He is still not feeling great but much better then He was last week). So on Friday, I felt it creeping back…a sore throat again only worse then last time. Well now, I am sick. I am feeling like a slug.

    I started catching up on some blogs this weekend. I changed some links on my blog. I changed the font size but I don’t like it being so big, so let me know if you like it this way and maybe then I will keep it instead of changing it back to 2 sizes smaller.

    I have worked on several different blog topics that will be coming soon. Submissive fever - It can happen to vanilla people also. It is when you are caught up in the feelings of what you are doing that you don’t see that it goes against everything you ever felt was right. And it usually makes you fall harder…when you get hurt. Because those with the fever will get hurt it is not an if it is a when. So, it is just a matter of time of getting hurt, unfortunately. Poly – It is something I started this summer and never got back to….but started back with the other day. I used to be a poly posterchild (just kidding, but that is how it felt and people even told me I was) and I see lots of mistakes happening in poly relationships. Desired/Wanted - And then I have one started on desire and feeling wanted that I am not sure if I will post but will work on a little more before I make that decision. Bush/Kerry - And the last one is why I am not voting for Bush and I am for Kerry.

    Purse Strings:
    Cee brought up on her journal recently the topic of purse strings and I wanted to put my thoughts on it.

    Master controls the money in the household. When I need something – personal, household, discretionary purchases, luxury items, or what not – I have to ask Master for it. And He either says yes or no. I have to tell him what I want and why. It is a rare occasion when I ask for something that is a discretionary purchase or luxury item. It is hard for me to do that. Master does buy luxury items at times but it is not because I ask for them. Such as Georgia O’Keefe, Laurell K. Hamilton books and a journal with a purple yinyang.

    Money I earn is viewed as money I earn for Master. And so far most of the money that I have earned for Him, He has allowed me to spend, but I still have to tell Him what I am spending it on.

    It is a hard thing at times. There have been times I wanted to get Master something totally on surprise, but I have to ask for money to get Him something so then He knows that I am buying Him something. Thus, it takes that element of surprise out. There are times I just crave to have some money just to spend on whatever…luxury items. I remember before being owned going into a Target and just buying little odds and ends...a candle, chocolate, some stationary, a lipstick, a new shampoo or lotion, placemats, kitchen utensils or a purse (oh how I miss purses – don’t carry one now). Just buying something...a little something made me feel good. Now I don't get that luxury.

    It was brought up that how would the Dominant know everything…know if something was actually needed when he maybe did not have first hand of it. In Master’s household, He does not know everything that goes on each minute of the day in this household so He would admit He would not know what is actually needed. But we talk about it.

    When I moved in with Master, He had lots of kitchen items pots, pans, toaster, blender, cappuccino maker and much more, but He did not have a mixer. And so I asked for one. He asked me what I could use it on when cooking. I was able to list several things. So, He trusted that it was something that benefited me in cooking for Him. We talked about it. It might be a small thing that most would not talk about, but I am slave. And Master controls our lives…money and me included.

    And that is how I like to live....under His thumb. It is very fulfilling even though I don't get to go out and buy whatever I want.

    Saturday, October 23, 2004

    Quiz: What kind of blogger are you?

    You Are a Life Blogger!

    Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
    If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

    Friday, October 22, 2004

    Trick or Treating by Your Star Sign....

    Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first.

    Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.

    Gemini goes around the neighborhood once, changes costumes and goes
    around again.

    Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-

    Leo plans their costume for months, then won't go out because
    someone else had the same idea.

    Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a

    Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on
    a costume. (LOL this is so me!)

    Scorpio isn't in it for the candy.

    Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. (And this is Master!)

    Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and
    the optimal route to take.

    Aquarius builds their costume out of spare flashlights and spends
    all night tinkering when it shorts.

    Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

    Thursday, October 21, 2004

    Playing in the Woods

    A few weeks ago I read a blog where she said she wanted to be tied to a tree - it made me think of an experience I had although I was not being tied to a tree I was outside playing.

    Background...back in early 2000, I asked for release from Kam. But at that time we were still involved in a relationship together, but very unstructured. Mostly boyfriend/girlfriend - roommates. Well there was this man, B, that we both chatted with online while I was his slave. It was thought that Kam would let B use me. Well before that happened, I asked for release, but Kam and myself still chatted with B and so through Kam we set up a meeting and then a couple play dates for me with B.

    The first date, I was to told to dress in a short skirt, thigh highs, no bra or panties, sexy blouse and heels. I put on a black skirt that laces up the front, black thigh highs with the just a black band at the top instead of lace. And then a poets blouse that was floral print. It plunged deep and had a few keyhole buttons on it. It was a little bit see-through.

    It was beginning of March so still cold, but not really any snow on the ground at that time. But it was not dry out, as it had been rainy and cloudy that day. B picked me up. He teased me with this words and touches. He teased my tits...pulling them out of my blouse...squeezing and slapping. He had me spread my legs wide apart and slapped and inner thighs.

    We drove around for a while and then soon he pulled over into a parking lot next to a wooded park with trails. He bound my tits with bunge cords and then added nipple clamps with a lead chain on them. He pulled the lead out through one of the little keyholes in my blouse. You could see my tits point straight out like I was wearing a bullet bra. You could see them bound if you looked close enough at the blouse.

    He told me to stay, as he got out of the car. He walked down the parking lots and disappeared on a trail as I sat in the car for a bit. It was mid-day and kind of cold so there were not many people out there, but I think he was scouting out the place to see how many were around. He came back and pulled me out by my hair roughly. He pulled me close and slapped my tits as he whispered into my ear that I looked like such a slut and whore. He picked up the lead chain and yanked. I let out a moan of pain. My breasts had already become very sensitive from being bound and clamped.

    He pulled my coat off. He pulled my skirt up so it was barely covering my bum. But showing off the tops of my thigh highs. He rubbed over my thighs...pushing at them to tell me to open. I took a step apart and he slapped my thighs. And rubbed lightly over my cunt to tease throbbed right away. I moaned. He laughed at me "slut" came out of his mouth low and wicked. He wrapped and tied my wrists up with a scarf and draped my coat over my tied wrists.

    He then took the lead chain coming from the clamps and started to walk. We were walking fast and it was hard at times to keep up with him. We started off on a trail and then he pulled me off the trail. I had to walk over tree limbs and past bushes. He would stop and push me against a tree and slap my full sensitive tits. Then he would start walking again?pulling me to follow. I would feel the twigs grabbing at my ankles and calves. He then would stop and push me into a tree and pull my skirt all the way up spanking me. And then stop and then pull me along again. He would tell me to speed up?struggling in my heels in the wet leaves, dirt, branches and such. He would laugh at me and speed up making me practically run with my tits bouncing?making them hurt even more. He then would stop and push me against a tree and slap my tits again. He hit them so hard I let out a little scream and he slapped me across the face telling me to be quiet.

    He then pulled me along making me fall on my knees. He came behind me and spanked my ass. He laughed at my clumsiness. He told me to stay on my knees. He took my coat, undid my hands from the scarf, and had me follow on my hands and knees. I crawled in the wet leaves and dirt. I felt the twigs ripe into my thigh highs snagging them and making them run. It then started to sprinkle rain again soon. He laughed telling me I looked like such a wanton slut.

    B pushed my face down...near the dirt but not touching it. He said you belong in the dirt don't you. You are a piggy. He then pulled me up by my long hair roughly. Then he pushed me against a tree and pulled my tits out of my blouse...squeezing them telling me that I was a pig, a slut, a whore, a cunt and so on. He slapped them a few more time and then let them out of the bondage and clamps.

    Soon we were walking again and he pulled my skirt down and guided me by my neck with my hair covering his hands. He then leaned into me and said someone is following us. He had me turn and sure enough back there through the trees I saw someone. He said keep walking. We turned to get back on the trail. We walked a bit and soon the man was not there. B thought he got bored when we started behaving so left us alone. We then walked a ways and went off the trail again. He stopped and pushed me against a tree to spank me. Then walk a little bit again - stopping soon to play with my tits. And then walk for a bit soon stopping to play with my cunt. He slapped, rubbed and grabbed my cunt hard. Being rough with it. And I squirmed and moaned. This repeated a few times...walk, stop & spank, walk, stop & play with my tits, walk, stop & play with my cunt. Finally he stopped and had me start stroking his cock...which shortly was followed by me being pushed to my knees in the dirt and giving him a blowjob. After he came, he told me to get straightened up and we walked back to his car. We sat there and talked for a bit before he took me home.

    I remember being so wet and turned on. It even turned me on thinking someone had been watching me. Of course later I worried that the person thought I was being "abused" or "forced" but it still turned me on to think of someone watching me be used that way.

    It was exciting being outside. Being all dressed slutty but but in the barren woods. I felt so opposite of being out in nature...wearing the clothes I was...heels walking around in the dirt. Soft sexy see through poets blouse against the rough bark of the tree. Crawling around in the dirt in my thigh highs and short skirt. It was....a rush of emotions....exciting and very much a turn on.

    Wednesday, October 20, 2004


    It seems life can just get away from you in moments...I have not even had a chance to catch up on my regular reading of blogs lately. I am not even sure where last week went too. Saturday we went and got haircuts and then went to an Art and Craft show. On Saturday evening we went to home depot to look and see if they had any trees. We have been talking about how to landscape the yard more. So we ended up looking at their paving, edging and garden stones so that we can make walkways and also a flower bed in the front of Master's home. On Sunday I felt absolutely awful and worried it would ruin my Birthday.

    I had a beautiful Birthday.

    The end of last week I started to get a sore throat so I ended up plugging my system with echinacea and zinc. And Sunday I felt horrible and as I said thought it would ruin my birthday. But the echinacea really kicked the cold bug out of me. But unfortunately it has not seemed to kick it out of Master the same way. So Monday He woke up way early to decorate the house with balloons and a sign despite not feeling well. He put all my presents on display and decorated before He woke me up early....

    I have never been awakened this way ever...and it was truly amazing.

    I was showered in...with rose petals. I lay sleeping on the bed and Master scattered petals all over the bed...including on me. The petals were red, bright pink, pale pink and white. They smelled simply divine. He had also lite several candles around the I said it was early so still slightly dark out. So the room glowed with the soft candle light and the rose petals seemed to even glow in the warmth of the candles. It was the most wonderful way to wake up.

    Master felt pretty crummy with His cold bug kicking in but was wanting to make my day special. And He did that just with the roses. We both would have loved to play and make love surrounded by the rose petals, but Master was not feeling well. After spending a little time in awe of how I was awakened...Master coaxed me into the next room...where there was a sign and balloons. And then the next room had presents stacked on top of the entertainment cabinet.

    Master said He was going out to grab us some breakfast....just as He was getting ready to do that my Mom called to wish me a Happy Birthday. So, I talked to her for a few minutes. I have lots of family birthday's in October so she was telling me of some parties and stuff that she had been to. It was nice to catch up and nice that she called early to wish me a Happy Birthday.

    After breakfast, Master let me open my presents. He went overboard and spoiled me. He had some presents even wrapped in Princess Paper...Jasmine, Mulan, Snow White, Pocahontas Belle, Cinderella, Ariel, and then there was one I did not recognize all over the wrapping paper. (I just went to the Disney Princess website and the Princess I did not recognize is Aurora. I have not seen the movie with her in it.) The presents were wrapped with lots of ribbon and bows to make Daddy's little girl squeal. I was an excited little girl.

    I received a lot of presents....several DVD's including the DVD Season 5 to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Piano, and Breakfast at Tiffany's. And then I received another Amy Brown print from Master. It is firey red fairy. She is dancing...her dress looks like fall leaves cascading around her as she dances. Her wings have the deep firey red of fall leaves but also golds and deep oranges too. It is called is prefect for a girl who loves Autumn. I could not find the print on her website but it is in the 2005 calendar (which girlie and Grumbles gave me plus an Amy Brown book for my Birthday - Thank you that are great!). Master also gave me pair of sandals, 2 books, a bookmarker and then 2 bottles of wine topped off the presents! So see I was spoiled!

    After presents we talked for a while before Master needed to get some rest, as He did not sleep long or well during the night and had to go into the office later for an appointment. So, I tucked Him in and went to make a (low fat-no sugar added -sugar substitute ) cheesecake for my Birthday cake. During baking, Master's parents called and sung Happy Birthday to me and wished me a wonderful day. I told them it started out so wonderful that nothing could make it a bad day.

    Master told me He was making up for last year. Last year He had surgery a few days before my birthday so He was in lots of pain and kind of out of it on my birthday. It was hard being my first birthday with Him but His health was my present! And so I was just glad He had the surgery is healthy now.

    After Master woke up, we had a nice quiet lunch before He headed off to work. I got a chance to talk to wench and Moni and had a couple more birthday calls too. When Master got home from work He took me out for Chinese which was my choice. I love Chinese food and could eat it everyday and not be sick of it. So after dinner we went home to watch movies. It was a very nice birthday! I am a very lucky girl.

    I want to thank everyone who left me comments, sent me cards, presents, and well wishes for my made for a very special birthday! Thank you!

    And most of all thank you to my extraordinary Master...

    I am a girl of dreams...I dream of fairytales...not very realistic of a girl (a couple) that lives within reality but I think dreams come with living within reality. And you are a dream to me. Each day I wonder what I did to deserve such an phenomenal Master. I love you very much! Thank you!

    Monday, October 18, 2004

    Send danae your birthday wishes here!!

    From danae's Master: My girl is sleeping right now and I've taken over her blog momentarily to ask everyone to drop a kind word and wish My girl a very special birthday as it will totally make her day..

    Thank you!

    Sunday, October 17, 2004


    I am several Daily Om's behind.

    This is from one I read today...

    "Surrender can be many things. It may involve simply acknowledging that you possess true control only over your own reactions and that a change in attitude can have a profound effect on your relationship with the world. It can mean that you have given yourself over to a natural flow of actions and events, setting goals without attaching conditions, to walk in step with the universe. Letting go and trusting that the journey is as important as the outcome will make coping with challenges a less fearful experience, but doing so requires confidence in one's self and the ability to accept that there is no "what should be." When you understand that certain things are out of your control and that whatever path you tread will be the right one, you will have less cause to doubt your own abilities and infinite opportunities to be satisfied with the moment."

    Splendid Saturday

    Saturday 10/9 – Master and I started our day out with a shower together. The place we stayed had a large shower so it was very nice. It was not our ritual shower as that makes me very fuzzy and for day ahead of us that was not practical. We had an extremely nice shower together though. Master has a great ass and so I just stood there getting hot by staring at His bum. Yum yum!

    After the getting dressed and ready, we grabbed some breakfast that the hotel provided….that is after we wrestled our way through adolescent central. Following breakfast, we headed out for the day. We made a stop at Wolf’s camera before heading to the Art Museum. It was very interesting. I especially enjoyed the whole floor they had devoted to Asian Art. They had one whole section on Buddha's. I probably spent the most time on the Asian floor. It just was completely memorizing for me.

    Here is two pictures of one my favorite Buddha's I saw...even though there that were captivating...

    The modern art sections were closed. So that was kind of a bummer but the rest of their collections were very interesting. I had a very nice time.

    The next stop on our list was some fetish stores. Master ended up getting a rubber gas mask. I am not sure how I like it. It was not as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe that is because I could see out of it. When I told our friends that at dinner that night, the reply was I am sure he (Master) can make it scary. I told him that I had not doubt Master could. I put it on right in the store which I also thought might be a little scary, but it wasn’t….which was surprising to me.

    From the fetish stores, we went to a natural grocery store. I have been cooking more naturally…without refined sugared, white flour and such. We are having problems finding things here on the Western Slope so my new friend had told me about the store there. We picked up a few things there. Including these wonderfully delicious crackers made out of rice flour that had lots of herbs and spices them to make them ever so tasty. They were a guilty pleasure one night this week.

    After all our stops we headed back to the hotel and took a little nap before getting ready to meet our friends.

    You know I love to meet new people. I love being social, but I always get nervous. And I was nervous before meeting our friends. As I mentioned in the last post…they were new friends – first time meeting them. So, I was a little nervous. But I am so glad we met. It was great. As I said before, it was so comfortable and enjoyable. They were a warm, fun, interesting couple that we look forward to seeing again.

    Several hours flew by and then we called it a night and headed back to our hotel room.

    Once at the hotel room it did not take too long before Master all sorts of ideas. I did have clothing to dress up for Him, but instead He just used me in my naked state. He first applied some duct tape mittens on me using a technique He learned at Thunder in the Mountains. He then put the gas mask on me.

    It took me longer to get fuzzy with the gas mask then it does with the hoods. And I also think it was the combined efforts of the things He was doing to me plus wearing the gas mask that finally made me fuzzy. It was kind of odd to hear myself breathing through the gas mask as it made this little clicking noise as I breathed out. Master thought it was hot as it made me almost robotic sounding to Him. Just His toy/machine to use.

    Master’s torment then continued in the forms of using punching, squeezing, twisting, and pulling on my tits. He added the baton also. Katrina, a good friend of mine in Ohio, bought it for me a few years ago as a Birthday present. It is a music instructor’s baton. It has a little wooden handle and a wand coming from it. Master has used both ends but enjoys the marks the wand end makes on me. It looks like a fairly harmless toy, but it really gets to hurting the way Master uses it.

    After the baton, he moved to the forceps. I thought He was going to put them on my nipples, but instead He had other ideas. He went to the clit! I tried to squirm away. I know bad girl. It just really scared me in that moment. But of course not really anywhere to go…so soon I felt the forceps. He would just release it some of the way so that it was not clamping down fully. I moaned and I ended up bucking into it. The pain was that delicious kind of pain that soars through the body driving the orgasm to the edge. Master took the vibrator to my clit also at the same time the forceps were on it. So of course it would shake the forceps and make the pains intensity increase.

    Master would take the vibe off and then add it back. I felt fuzzy and just riding the pain. Again we were in a similar position as the night before and so I took my duct taped mitten covered hands and started stroking Master’s cock as much as I could with them in that kind of bondage. Which again Master enjoyed as it was almost making me a machine/robot/thing that I could not touch Him with the flesh of my hand. Between all that was going on, I soon was screaming through the gas mask fuck me please please please!

    And again like the night before Master was pulling me to the edge of bed - positioning me on my knees so He could fuck me doggie style. It was wonderful again. Master’s fingers again dug deeply into my fleshy hips. He drove me into the bed hard with each thrust.

    After Master collapsed on to the bed and cuddled closely with me before pulling ourselves out of the zone to get the mittens and gas mask off me. We then got cleaned up and crawled back into bed snuggling close. It was so nice.

    Sunday morning we also had more fun…Master punching me really really hard. And then fucking me again too. After catching our breath, we got ready and packed up to head back home.

    It was a fantastic weekend! And I am so blessed to have a wonderful Master that gives me such pleasures.
    Happy Birthday Jackie!

    I hope that you delight in the possibilities around you and within you today and everyday. I hope that you celebrate the extraordinary person you are....Happy Birthday! I love you very much Jackie!

    Thursday, October 14, 2004

    Addendum to being Master's whore

    Today I realized that I left something out of my last entry. So here is the addendum to the last entry.

    When Master put the hood on me I got fuzzy. I mean He did not even have it all the way laced up....before I was getting spacey. I remember when I did not think I would ever even like hoods. I thought they would make me feel so trapped and closed in....but they make me kind go into myself and get all mush brain. There are times I float deeper then others but I always get at least a little fuzzy.

    So one really hot thing I forgot to write about because it was during my fuzzy time of being hooded was that Master was lying on His side next to me while He fingered me. His head was near my feet and my head near His. Well this hood is a leather hood that has a hole where the mouth is and also is perforated leather so I can kind of see out of it. And Master was making me incredible turned on and wet...moaning and groaning. I see His cock right there....and so I lean over and start sucking on it. It was very hot. Just this hole in the mouth open....pleasing Him with my mouth. I enjoyed it a lot. And He said it was very hot. He would reach down and feel the leather and watch me going up and down on His cock.

    He then stopped me and was rubbing my clit and fingering me and that is when I begged Him to fuck me.

    It was really hot.

    Wednesday, October 13, 2004

    Friday Night - Master's whore

    Friday 10/8 – We left for Denver in the late afternoon. Once we arrived at the hotel, I wanted to be able to get “dressed” for Master. Meaning I wanted get all dolled up…get sexy and slutty for Him. I asked Him if that would be okay and He actually needed to do something before Saturday so that worked out good for Him. After Master left, I freshened up and started to get all dolled up.

    I first did my hair and make-up. I was going to wear a wig, but it ended up not looking so good. So I just did some curls in my hair and called it good. I then did my make-up….deep rosy blush, gold creamy eyeshadow, gold liquid eye liner, black black mascara and a deep rose lipstick topped with a shiny apple scented lipgloss. Master has a thing for gold eyeshadow. But I don’t think I look very good in it as my skin tones kind of wash the gold out.

    After hair and make-up were out of the way, I started to get dressed. Even as I getting dressed, I felt the anticipation building. I had set out black satin panties, matching bra, black thigh highs, short black and ivory baby doll and black boots. Master loves textures and so everything was silky and satiny. After I zipped, on the boots I took a final look in the mirror and sat down on the bed feeling like Master’s slutty whore.

    I sat in this hotel room all dressed, all nervous from anticipation. I sat on the bed thinking of being a whore and I got even more little tingles of fond memories.

    Soon I heard the door handle rattle and Master entered. He seemed very pleased. He loved the boots. Master got undressed and we laid on the bed talking a little bit before getting hot and bothered. We kissed long deep passionate kisses. We touched each other all over. Moans and deep breathing echoing beneath the kisses.

    Master decided He wanted the leather hood on me. He laced it up and then went back to touching me…His fingers teasing me….His cunt. I was moaning, groaning, whimpering and wailing. I was sloppy wet. I was crying on the edge….and soon was begging Him to fuck me. Master pulled me to the edge of the bed getting me up on my knees to fuck me from behind. Oh how I love doggie style and it is not very easily done with Master’s bed at home. As He has an exceptionally high bed and He has bad knees. He fucked me hard. I was moaning and screaming as He fucked me. Bodies slamming against each other...driving me into the mattress.

    When Master came, He almost came violently. He dug His nails and fingers into my hips hard. He slammed into me making me feel like He was going to split me open. And I loved it. I loved feeling Him deep inside me. Loved the feeling of His hands grabbing His property…using her. Fucking her. Making her scream, moan, groan, whimper, plead, beg, and cry in pleasure and pain.

    I think we both fell asleep quickly.

    Saturday’s coming tomorrow.

    Monday, October 11, 2004

    Highlights of a Wonderful Weekend

    I am not in the headspace to write about this weekend…but here are some highlights with more details coming in another entry...

  • Getting dressed all slutty for Master on Friday night
  • Having absolutely f*cking fantastic sex on Friday night
  • A great Saturday filled with trips to the art museum, natural grocery store, bookstore, and fetish stores. And followed by dinner with a warm and wonderful couple (which I will mention in this post more) and Master and I ended the evening with playing and more amazing sex.
  • Sunday morning sex…followed by breakfast before heading back home

  • I am very grateful to Master for an incredible weekend of quality time.

    A couple of months ago I received an email from a lovely woman who lives in Colorado. We seemed to hit it off right away – having similar interests – art, cooking, spirituality, a love for books, wine and so on. Master and I travel to her and her Owner’s neck of the woods often as Master’s family lives in Denver. So we had hopes that one-day we all would be able to meet. It is hard to find couples who share so many commonalties including M/s. Well on Saturday, we meet this truly warm and wonderful couple. We had a marvelous dinner talking about so many things, but more importantly, it was just that kind of comfortable that you have with long time friends. I am so thrilled to have been able to get to know them better and hope that we continue a long time friendship.

    More to come on our trip...soon! Master has already written about it so you can check it out here.

    Also I am about to read all the comments from the last week and so I will be replying to them...sorry it has taken me so long!

    Friday, October 08, 2004

    A little Adventure

    This week has flew by…

    Master and I had to take a little trip Wednesday for His car. And it ended up being an adventure of sorts.

    We started the day by stopping off at Borders. Master had gotten an email reminder from Borders and so He got me 2 early Birthday presents. A book of Georgia O’Keefe’s art and then the new Laurell K. Hamilton book Incubus Dreams. It is from a series of books by Hamilton that I enjoy.

    After that, we got on the road. Master got a new car in April and has had a few little things go wrong with it. He bought the car in a town about 2 ½ - 3 hours away from us. Instead of dealing with the dealership here in town about these things, He decided He would bring it back to the dealership where He bought. And besides they have much better customer service then the one here.

    We arrived in the small pretty town and dropped the car off. The flowers in this little town are beautiful. I wonder how much of their summer budget goes to the keeping those flowers looking so beautiful. They have probably every 10 to 20 feet 3 huge planters all along the main highway. Then downtown the lampposts have hanging baskets. But these are not just filled with a few flowers. The flowers in the planters and baskets cascade down the sites. You can’t even see the planters. The ones clumped in the planters just look like a big dome of flowers. Anyway, I love how they look.

    Across the street from the dealership was the Field House of Natural History. So to kill time we went and checked it out while the car was being looked at. I really enjoyed it. It had been while since I had been in a Natural History Museum. I felt like a little girl with Daddy…I was following Him around pointing at all the Dinosaur bones and fossils. It was interesting. We had a nice time. I look forward to seeing Master’s pictures.

    We could see the car sitting out so we knew it was done….so we headed back over to the dealership. All the men working there were….going on and on about Master’s car. How much they liked it. How loaded it is and they bet it drives really well. And it does. It was a big male testosterone thing going on.

    After getting the car, Master decided we would take a different way home. The drive there is always nice, but of course seeing another scenic view would be nice too. So we got on the back highway.

    As soon as we pulled off on the back highway Master stuck His hand into my dress and bra. He was pinching, squeezing, twisting and pulling my nipples. It hurt. He then would stop and put his hand over my mouth and nose. And then would stop and go back the nipples. Every once in a while He would mix some punching to my breasts.

    Along the way, Master saw a sign for a power plant. Now we are way out by nothing. You drive and drive and all you see is oil well pumps, dessert, mountains and tumble weeds. You hardly ever - if not pass a car. He passes this power plant and then finds a back road off behind it. He has me get out or the car. He tells me where He is going to want me and informs me that He is going to have me take off my clothes so that I am just in my bra and panties. He really liked the bra I was wearing. It is really what inspired His sexual sadism streak Wednesday.

    Of course, though just as I was about to pull my dress off…here comes a truck. First truck we have seen. Master just has me posing on these rocks until the truck is out of view. He then had me take my dress off and He snapped pictures. Behind me were a power plant and a junkyard of old cars and trucks. He liked the juxtapostioning of my soft curvy body next to the industrial look.

    We then got situated again and back on the road. We drove for a bit and then came to a turn off for a dirt road that went down by a river. It had an old bridge that was standing, but a new bridge went up and over it. So the concrete base of the old bridge was there and Master had me get completely naked and stand next the concrete base. It was casting shadows across my body….so that I was half in the sunshine and half in the shadows. He took quite a few more pictures there then at the power plant. He liked them, but I looked at them started crying. Body image issues came right to the surface.

    We drove for a little while more and then saw the turn off for what would head us back towards home. We were taking some back back (insert dirt) roads. They were curving and going on and on but of course, it was beautiful scenery. Anyway, we drive and drive and drive. We curve on these dirt roads. And eventually we then hit a gate across the road. The road that we need to go on is closed. So that meant we had to go all the way back out to the little highway to find another way through, as we were not getting through that way.

    During this time we are on all these back isolated roads, Master and I start talking about isolation and other fantasies. Such as being locked away in a cabin. Chained, pissing in a bucket, alone, cut off from people, internet, news, phone and such. Being just this object of captivity. How Master described it made me wiggle in the car seat.

    We talked about our life and things He wants to do….such as more closet isolation. More extreme isolation periods….restriction to internet, people, TV and phone. So, I feel that will be coming up in the future. We talked about where the line was for abuse in M/s relationships. We talked about home projects such as landscaping the yard. We talked all day and it was nice to have that kind of time with Master.

    We finally did get to where we could meet back up with the main highway that we always take there. Because I had taken my bra and panties of early…I had never put them back on. It was getting late and so Master suggested dinner. Well we are in small towns that me going in looking like I was….would probably not be very acceptable. He pulled over onto another little side dirt road so that I could get my bra and panties back on.

    When we finally got home and went to bed that evening, we had more fun in the bedroom. It was a very nice day of some fun SM, sex, and just good quality time with Master talking about so many things during our ride.

    Just to note...we are going out of town...leaving soon and then won't be back until Sunday. Probably won't have an entry until Monday.

    Thursday, October 07, 2004

    Quickie....Life Update and Books

    Quick entry….again….long one coming tomorrow!

    This week has been hectic and it has gone way too fast. There has been something going on everyday. Tomorrow we leave for a little get away. We are going to go do some things we have wanted to museums, shopping and such. But we are also going meet up with some friends for dinner. I am looking forward to it a lot!

    We have a couple nights of free stay at a hotel so it will be nice. And I was told to pack toys! It will be nice since Master has been working so hard and it just feels like our quality time has been null and void lately! (Except for yesterday, which I will write about in the long entry tomorrow.)

    A couple of lists I am on have been talking about lifestyle books….so I thought I would post a list of some of my favorites….

    (* is all fiction works)

    ~> The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou* - This is one of my favorites. I have not read The Reunion yet but have it. The Marketplace is a fictitious setting but many of the feelings the slaves go through to me are realistic. And I very much relate to the feelings described in the books.

    ~> To Love, To Obey, To Serve by Vi Johnson - It is also a favorite of mine. My review of the book taken from our website: As people can tell from this website's very name, reality is important to us. And this book is reality. It is in the pure raw form. This book is a diary of Vi Johnson's life as a slave. It is from before the days of SSC and it will most certainly shock some when reading it. It is not for those seeking romantic masturbational fodder as it is far from it. It is an important book on consensual slavery.

    I do need to say though that because it is in diary format, the writing style is hard to follow at times. And we don't get all the blanks filled in at times where it would have been useful because it is a diary. So it can be confusing at times, but again it is the reality of a slave. And an important read for those going into a Owner/property type dynamic.

    ~> The Story of O by Pauline Reage* - Of course a classic that I read a few times long before I new that people lived in BDSM relationships.

    ~> Different Loving by Dr. Gloria Brame & Jon Jacobs - this is the first BDSM book that I read - It has a little bit of everything in it and also was the first time I had read anything about D/s 24/7 and that really resonated with my desires.

    ~> Sleeping Beauty Series by Anne Rice* - Very much erotic fantasy. But I remember masturbating to it a few times! LOL No realism in this book. Just good masturbational fodder.

    ~> The Passive Voice by G. C. Scott* - It was erotic fiction with of course BDSM as a theme throughout. And it is terrible but I can't remember lots of it. I mean I think it starts of kind of vanilla and a girl wanting to explore her submissive side. But I can't remember the real plot of the book except that I enjoyed it. It was one of those first BDSM erotic books that I bought when I was specifically looking for BDSM type novels. G.C. Scott has written many more BDSM novels also. His Mistress Voice was another that Scott wrote that I read. Because it came in a 2 pack from the book club I got it from.

    ~> The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori - Beautiful book to look at and read. Really pretty how to on bondage.

    ~> The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt - Not really a lifestyle book but great if you are in a poly relationship. Talks about issues that come up when in Poly type relationships.

    ~> Hand in a Bush by Deborah Addington - It is a book on fisting and it is very good. It is practical as well as just a good book to read. And of course Deborah is great!

    I know there are more...I just can't think of them at the moment.

    Also listing a few I would like to read and might ask Master if I can buy a few with my birthday money.

    Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin

    The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella

    Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual by Christina Abernathy

    Like I said a longer entry tomorrow! Let me know any good books you would like to recommend, please!

    Also kind of a ps...Master bought me Laurell K. Hamilton's latest Anita Blake book!

    Tuesday, October 05, 2004


    Just a quickie tonight...

    Of course I have all sorts of thoughts floating through my head that I want to blog about and of course I can't right now. I don't have the time. That is how it always works. When I have time, nothing comes to mind. When I don't, I have all sorts of things I want to write about.

    I have been busy working on websites the last two days and so that is why I have not been able to blog. I will be away from the computer most of the day tomorrow, but am hoping to get in a journal entry when we get home tomorrow. And also catch up on the comments.

    The last few days I have felt very down and depressed. Maybe it is my upcoming birthday. I feel birthdays should be special and a cause for celebration. But this year I feel very down about it.

    Oh well I need to get to I need to get up early tomorrow.

    But a quote first...

    "It has taken me all my life to understand it is not necessary to understand everything."
    - Rene Coty

    Sunday, October 03, 2004


    You're a vinyl/fetish corset. Grrrrowl.

    What corset are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla


    You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
    poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
    creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
    Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
    also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

    What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
    brought to you by Quizilla


    What Season are you?

    You Are Fall!

    Saturday, October 02, 2004

    Lotta Various Stuff

    Art and Life
    Today was very casual. Master had to work most of the day. So I did come cooking - I made quiche for breakfast and then we just had a light snack for lunch. I made Chili for dinner. We watched Bill Maher while Master took a break from working. I surfed and did just some clean up on the website while Master worked.

    As I surfed, I came across several artists’ sites that was like looking at things I see in my head. And it gave me a little push to get me thinking about art again. I put it down a while back when we were busy with other things. And today made me realize I really need to make an effort to get a few things done so that I can give art more attention. Our spare bedroom has a lot of art supplies and such in it. But it is right now a storage room.

    Oddly enough, I already had 2 projects dealing with the spare room included on my list for next week. And then the other realization that I want to make happen is I need to make time at least once a week to just work on something creative. I don’t need to be doing full-scale works of art and often you know that is what I think well I should do…this huge time consuming piece of work. Or I think I need to work on it until it is complete.

    In this moment, it made me remember the book The Forgetting Room. The book is very good. It is a good lesson on self-awareness mixed with creating art. It is about an artist whose Grandfather dies. He goes to go through his Grandfather’s things…his Grandfather was an artist. It to me is about letting the real art inside a person come out. Recognizing one’s own identity as an artist. And at times that is how it is with me. I draw one thing and it ends up completely different…letting the true piece out. And I also don’t always recognize myself as an artist.

    So next week I am going to work on getting those projects done and also draw some next week.

    So tonight, Master told me I could turn the TV on here in the office, as it was way too quiet in our house. So, I am watching an old b&w movie…Notorious. Devlin (Cary Grant) is making Alicia (Ingrid Bergman) move out of the driving seat at the beginning of the movie because she upset and drunk. And they are struggling and he is holding her down and has her by the wrists. Master then says I know why you like this movie…as Devlin is pushing Alicia down on the seat of the car.

    Now….watching…Alicia is telling Devlin why he does not believe in her and why he does not like her…so she goes on how she is a little drunk and a no good girl and she is really digging at him about it and he finally GRABS her and kisses her passionately. Yum!

    Ice Cream
    Master and I have a guilty pleasure it is no sugar added ice cream by Dreyer’s (Edy’s on the East Coast). They have several flavors…but the one we have bought the most of is Triple Chocolate. And last time we got it – it was $3.68 and last night we did our grocery shopping it was $5.88. Can you believe it? It is a good tasting ice cream….low in fat and not bad on calories. But way too expensive! We still ended up getting some….Cookie Dough…but I need to look out for it being on sale.

    Last night I was restless when I went to bed, so I asked permission to masturbate. There are sometimes I am just horny and ask. But last night I could just not get my mind to slow down and so I thought that would distract me. Sometimes it is just feeling the sensations but other times I think of fantasies. Last night a fantasy did pop into my head – it was of Master on a date and then bringing her home to have sex with her. And all the while I was locked in the closet! Of course, there were more details, but that was the gist of it. It was a hot fantasy for me. And did wonders to help me sleep soundly!

    Friday, October 01, 2004

    Unconscious Mutterings

    Free Assocation...this is last weeks....i was able to free associate with it faster then i was this weeks.

    1. Pointless:: a waste of time
    2. Sadistic:: Master
    3. Bunny:: Ayna from Buffy
    4. Betrayal:: someone from my past..when I think of the word betrayal she is always the one that comes to mind
    5. Oliver:: the Teddy Bear that Moni now has
    6. Star Wars:: Trilogy
    7. Let it ride:: Gambling
    8. Ray of light:: Madonna song
    9. Tight:: clothing
    10. Gadget:: Gidget
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