Sunday, April 29, 2012


Teacup departed our arms  a week ago today. It was extremely hard to let her go as we had such an amazing time.

I am really glad that teacup's time with us gave her a taste of our everyday experiences. Master is self-employed and often our day/week get totally messed up because work comes first. And work got in the way right away. Monday and Tuesday we had tentative plans to meet some friends so they could meet teacup but Master ended up needing to do work both those days which then put other things we had wanted to do out of the schedule too. It really was a week of just planning it kind of day to day.

She got to experience everyday things like cleaning and folding clothes while Master was out on business. Her and I shopping and doing errands for Master while he was busy with work.  Her and Master running errands for his work and because we had to of course do some home repairs while she was here. She is a handy girl for sure - helped out on every level from sorting and filing things to doing home repairs. She just dove into the projects and was just willing to help out in any way.

We of course had LOTS of fun in there too.

Some highlights...mostly good with a few not so good thrown in to show it was everyday life full of ups and downs but mostly ups....
* her first night here - seeing her in bed with Master and being able to kiss them both good night. (our bed isn't big enough for all 3 of us to sleep comfortably in so we switched off nights sleeping with her)  It was quite overwhelming for me - in a good way. I was overwhelmed with love, affection and just of seeing them in bed together...seeing her HERE with us.  It really choked me up with overflowing feelings and tears.

* I ended up being sick my first night sleeping with her

* I started spotting the day she arrived and then my period hit about half way through her visit and stopped the day she left.  My period was 10 days early. :(

* got to enjoy one of my obsessions with her - Harry Potter. She hadn't seen the last one so we watched the last 3 with her.  We also watched North by Northwest which is in my top 10 favorite movies. And we watched The Secretary which she hadn't seen before either.

* seeing teacup in her first hood, leather collar, cuffs and gag

* Master gagged us the first or second night - while he read from Laura Antoniou's  The Slave.  It was fun to see her drool. Her gag is much larger then mine as I have a small mouth - no really I do  My dentist even has told me that my mouth is small and always is asking me to open it more. :) Anyway - I have a small gag and she has a LARGE ball gag - she looked so pretty in it.

* Hearing Master and her having fun - really turned me on except for once...

* And I had a meltdown.  We all talked it out but it was very emotional. After that, later in the evening I did an Osho Zen tarot reading for all of us. teacup had never done tarot before and all of us....all of our cards were so spot on. I had 3 significant cards, but the last card actually used words from the meltdown earlier in the day.  It was very scary actually how accurate it was - we were looking at them like damn. It is amazing how much they can "read" you.

* teacup was a great help to me with a major project and doing some things around the house. I know I didn't let her do much, but this was also her vacation from work and I wanted her to be able to just relax. Next time she comes - I have promised to let her help more in chores and cooking. I pretty much spoiled her with food - I cooked a lot of our favorites and just had things planned out pretty good so that meals were covered.

* the liberator from Eden Fantasys arriving just in time to make sure her ass was in the air for Master to beat. (review of the liberator most likely coming at some point)

* knowing she now understands why when I say I am lucky that Master played the drums what I mean by that.  Master is the best spanker and it is all because he is a drummer. 

* my goodness that girl can take pain.  Really she could have gone on and on and on.

* She had lovely bruises on her ass and inside of her thighs.

* Her favorite toy is the Evil stick. (grins) Right teacup?  She knows the name fits it.

*  We had little afternoon trip to basically our backyard - where she took, I think it was, over 500 photos.

* We had a day trip too - and was wonderful to show her spots that have special meaning for us and create a moment that will now make it a very special spot for her.  Master collared her at one of our favorite places.  A waterfall we love to go to.

* I believe she enjoyed getting a taste of being chained to the bed at night. One night sleeping with her - her and I woke up with our male cat meowing because he wanted to be fed. He kept sitting there looking at us and meowing like "hey you guys are up come and feed me" but we were both chained to the bed.  So we kept telling him to go wake Master.  Have you ever watched Lassie where Lassie would come and tell them something by barking and of course they always understood. It would be something like Timmy fell in the well. We were doing that with our male cat - telling him to go tell Master Timmy fell in the well so he would come undo us from the bed .  Okay so maybe you needed to be here to get it :)

* Got some wine from local winery to enjoy on her last night here.  Also spent that afternoon at paint your own pottery place creating keepsakes for each other - we each took a turn at each other's piece to paint some of it.

*  One day Master had to work with a group of people and teacup and I were able to watch.  A couple people who are colleagues of Master but also friends said teacup and I looked like sisters.  Her and I both blushed because of the alternate meaning to us.  They all looked at her as a friend.  But she is part of our family and although sister isn't a word I would use for us - it is closest that works and that many use in poly situations.

Teacup is amazing person...she is so kind, funny, smart, adorable, pretty and sexy. She adapted quickly to things changing around here and the ups and downs. I loved being able to just spend time with her - no matter what it was...if it was sucking on her nipple or just talking - every moment with her was amazing. I feel really blessed we found such an amazing person to be a part of our family.

We had a lot more moments and each moment just seemed to feel right - right with her here with us.  It is something we are working towards. It will most likely be a long road to get her here with us but we are all wanting this so willing to wait.  But letting her go was really hard but we are looking ahead and keeping in mind all the wonderful memories we created.  We look forward to next time we see each other and for the eventual day she can move here to be with us.

(photo taken by Master several years ago even though Master did take some more this time. The falls just weren't as full right now so showing you a picture of them in their full beauty)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys storeRecently a friend joked that her first safeword was "Olly Olly Oxen Free." So every so often when Master says something that I find particularly sadistic, that I don't really want to do or feel -  I say "Olly Olly Oxen Free." It isn't a safeword but it is just being playful.

Over on Eden Fantasys forums someone started a thread about using safewords. I think if it works for you to use them - use them.  We don't use safewords in this relationship. I am not saying others shouldn't, but I thought I would outline why we don't have one though.

Often when people say they don't have a safe word one of the reasons they say it is because they know each other so well they don't need one or have a deeper relationship so don't need one. Well that isn't the case for us.  First anyone lifestyle or vanilla can have a deep relationship. Next,we are always changing so our tastes and what we like and don't like can change. Moods effect how I feel and react to things also. Plus we try new things often so how would he know my reactions to that if we have never tried it. Really things can be different even if we have played the same way many times before doesn't mean it will go the same way. Yes he knows me, but he doesn't always gauge my mood without me telling him. Master isn't a mind reader.  And even though he has known me 9 years doesn't mean things are always the same.  But even with all that we don't use safewords. 

We use good old fashion communication. I don't need to say red when I feel like I might faint or going to be sick. I don't need to use yellow when a cuff is too tight. I can say, "Master, I am going to be sick" or "Master, this cuff is cutting off circulation in my wrist."   

I like being able to say to him what is going on and what I am feeling. Saying a safeword really allows to just say it and not communicate what is really going on.  I could say red when I am having emotional issues instead of talking about - but talking about is better.  Telling Master I am having flashbacks is much better then saying red and leaving him wondering what is going on.  

Whenever I have mentioned that I don't use safewords in the past, the response I typically got was: "he can hack off your toes."  But even if I yelled a safeword of RED (which is generally stop), he could still hack off my toes.  That is the difference about knowing the risks and knowing the person you are with enough to trust them not hack off your toes.  When you think about it, a safeword isn't going to stop someone from really hurting you if they want.  It still comes down to good old fashion communication which for us, works just as well if not better then a safeword. But if you like the thought of using red, yellow, purple alligator, or even olly olly oxen free - go ahead. Do what works for you. 

Read and explore to figure out what you works for you.  Using a place like Eden Fantasys forums is a great place to start asking questions and read about all sorts of sex positive information even about BDSM.  It is positive sex community to learn more. 

Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Amazing Day

"What if today, danae, was your day? The most amazing day of your life, so far? A day that would change everything for the better? What's already good would become great. What's already great would become amazing. And what's already amazing would become the stuff of legends.

And all you had to do to take advantage of the good and wonderful things about to happen for you, was treat folks with a true and eager kindness, think mostly of those things that please you, and go out in the world, just a bit, where you could meet, and mingle, and fall in love?

How much would you be clucking right now? Thumbs under your armpits, getting funky? Bobbing your head?

Start clucking baby! Beam, gush, preen! You got it...
    The Universe"

This was the note from the Universe for Monday and Monday was a truly spectacular day.  It was an amazing day that did change thing for better. Each day with teacup just makes my life feel like we have a life full of wonderful.

We took a little drive in our backyard basically as it a national park on the edge of our town and teacup snapped over 500 photos.  It was just a day of enjoying each other's company - exploring the beauty of Colorado with people I love. It was fun to see Master and teacup together - arms around each other, just being close.  It was nice to be a part of it. Being there with them hand in hand.  It feels like our family is complete now. Which is such an amazing feeling.

Many wonderful things done together as a family - all day.  Everything just feels so right.

Our day ended with me hearing Master and teacup - her sucking and him obviously doing things to her that she was enjoying as her moans got pretty loud. :)  I was just hearing and not seeing this as I was in the next room - and masturbating. I ended up cumming six time just to listening to the wonderfully erotic sounds of them.  A nice way to end a beautiful day together - listening to 2 people I love enjoying some intimate time.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

48 Hours Away

We are counting down hours now! We are 48 hours away from when teacup's airplane lands and we get to see her.  I am so beyond excited that I am literally bouncing in my chair as I type this.

I am not sure how much updating I will get done while she is here but maybe some. I just know that both Master and I are thrilled we get to have her here with us. We have lots of fun things planned - vanilla and kinky! yay!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


A group on FetLife had a question about rebellion...on how slaves rebel. I had a hard time thinking of any but not because I don't rebel because a lot of time my rebellion is on the  inside where I tell him off and tell him how I am going or not do such and such and then of course it never comes out of my mouth.  That usually happens when I am overwhelmed.  I don't act on the things I think about but I do get snappy at times and say things I still don't like but not really the thing I was thinking.  I think when overwhelmed I struggle to be serving him on top of the thing I am overwhelmed so it feels like why do I have to do this for him when I have 10 other things I need to do. It is a melt down for me where I just feel like can  I please get off the merry go round now and have a bit of down time.

I did think of actual thing not just internal struggle - I have done this but can't think when the last time was that I did this....long ago...but  I have to ask for permission for some things while Master is at home. Such as I only have to ask permission to use the bathroom when he is at home. So my rebellion has come in the form of sometimes I don't want to ask but know he is going out in 10 to 30 mins so I will hold it just so I can wait and go without having to ask. I used to do this quite a lot when I was first here with him.  That first year or so...he worked outside the house and I would hold it in the morning knowing he was going to leave for work soon so I would just hold it until he left so I didn't have to ask.  Very silly and childish but many could say a grown woman asking to use the rest room is the same. But it is control and he likes having control over me and my bodily functions. And most of the time I like it too. :)

Sunday, April 08, 2012

BDSM Peep Porn for Easter

So several years ago Master and I did BDSM Easter Eggs.....
You can see them all here.

 And last night we decided to do BDSM Peep Porn....

You can see all the Easter BDSM Peeps here.  Happy Easter!

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Slaves Just Accept It

In reading a question on a FetLife group, I noticed that many answers to a question were "she is a slave she will just have to accept it."

Oh how simple that would be.  Just flip a switch and instantly accept it.

But acceptance isn't just as easy as saying I will accept it. Acceptance is a process and takes time to absorb internally. That’s why I feel statements like "she is a slave and will just have to accept it" does a disservice to the community in general.  I find this mostly comes from those that believe into the fluffy bunny realm where people end up thinking that is the reality of being a slave is so easy and just because you have desire to be one it is easy that it is like the fantasy that plays in your head.  I admit, I have been there where I believed the romantic notion that being Master's slave and just having to do whatever He says made me wet.

But reality really sucks the joy out of things sometimes.

Because you start serving face to face every day and there are struggles.  It’s not a matter of having rose-colored glasses or not.  Just because a person is enslaved doesn't mean that everything is easy or without struggles.  I have yet to come across anyone who hasn’t had some degree of struggle in their lives.  Everyone has struggles.  It’s part of life.  Anyone who claims they don’t struggle, I think is either in denial or like to look like they are perfect.  Additionally, I’ve seen others that are in a relationship where the slave has of more of a peer or equal type relationship status with the Master.  So they have more equal say and say no to things when they don't accept it or want to accept it.  In the end if someone says they don't struggle then I am probably not going to take them very seriously or think them to be very truthful.  We are human - we all face struggles - Master/slave or vanilla - we all have struggles in our lives.

A friend of mine wrote a post on Obedience that ties into this...because she talked about having to do things that go against who we are as people. That the angst we go through by obeying and surrendering ends up being worth it but that process can be a bitch. I am paraphrasing what she said as she said it better, but I totally believe that.

I go through many struggles. I don't want to have to do some things Master has me do, but I am obedient to Him. I do obey, but that doesn't mean my struggle goes away.  It remains there sometimes.  Yes, I do have to suck it up and just do it, but that doesn’t mean my internal acceptance is there.  I am human and I process things in the best manner I can and it doesn't always mean that it’s automatic or easy.

Sometimes it takes time, sometimes it takes talking it out, and sometimes it takes repetition before it slowly starts changing the internal mechanisms I go through.  Eventually, I know I have to work through it but most of the time just doing the act of obeying comes first.  Sometimes it is just sucking it up and doing it while I process and work through it internally.  He has authority over me and I obey.  It’s who we are to one another in this dynamic we have chosen to be a part of.  He knows that I have struggles and I know he does his best not to break me down where those struggles consume me internally.  Ultimately though, the struggles are mine to have and I do my best to work through them.

Friday, April 06, 2012

Dirty Girl

I have been spring cleaning. Today I got really sweaty and gross so after cleaning went to take a shower.  Master came in and pissed on me. He does that every so often so that wasn't really anything I am not used too. I see the door of the shower open, he takes out his cock and pisses all over me.  I love the feeling of his piss hitting my body. Even when I am not on my knees, but just standing taking a shower - I enjoy the sensation and feelings it creates. He is marking his property. He is also reminding me he can do anything to do me even piss on me. I mean here I was almost done with the shower - almost ready to shut it off because I was all soapy clean and he comes and pisses on me. I love that feeling (most of the time), that makes me feel like he has no regard for my feelings or what is going on with me. I did put the most of the time in brackets because well it is a love/hate relationship - sometimes it makes me feel so good and other times is just annoys the crap out of me. Either way though - I have to accept and obey and I like that. (Post on accepting coming tomorrow.) I like that we have this dynamic.

So back on topic - Master pissed on me. I was looking kind of down after he finished - just kind of floating in the feeling of being pissed on when he suddenly slapped me. A hard slap on my wet face.  My cheek instantly went hot and red. He slapped me several times and called me names - dirty slut and bitch.

I stood pushing into his hand.  It is like I cling to the feelings and if his hand pulls away - it gives me that tingle of it might happen again - but also the feeling that it might not and I loved the feeling of his hand hitting my face. I love the feeling of the heat spreading through me.  I love knowing he can do that to me anytime.

It was just a few minutes in my whole day but it made me like I am the luckiest slave ever to have someone who loves to hurt me in the middle of a mundane day of cleaning.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Mixed Bag

Yesterday I was cleaning out a trunk we have in the bedroom but really doesn't get used except to have a quilt draped over it and to deposit clothes after wearing them.  Anyway, I am spring cleaning so decided to open the trunk and see what we had in there exactly and it was the most eclectic mix  bag of things that I found...

  • a card from a friend in Ohio - that was from my going away party when I was moving to be with Master
  • purses - I am not allowed a purse except for rare occasions. When I moved here, Master made me get rid of all my purses except like 5 of them - and I had a HUGE bin full of them. It was hard to whittle it down to just a handful. 
  • a pin that used to blink that says "It's all about me"
  • a business card of my attorney in Ohio - when my logo was flashed on the news I went to see to make sure I wasn't going to be getting in trouble
  • a receipt from when Master and I met in Cheyenne when I was moving here. He met me there as I was nervous about traveling through mountains so he was basically going to guide me in to Colorado. So we met in Cheyenne - on May 9th, 2003 and when I had left in the morning from my stop in Nebraska it was sunny and warm. Just beautiful spring weather and when I got to Cheyenne in my short skirt and sandals - I had to dig out warm clothes as I was walking through INCHES of thick fluffy snow.  But the reason for the receipt was that I got a flat tire and just made it to the hotel. Master and I then took it to a tire place in the morning as I had something in the tire so they patched it. 
  • mix tapes from high school - so 80's music
  • old floppy disks - that I believe have naked or at least scantily clad photos of myself
  • and last but not least my very first vibrator. It was hard plastic with rubber sleeves. I only have the one sleeve that is on it and I know it doesn't work anymore but I guess I had problems throwing it out. Master said we should put up a little shrine for it with a candle in front of it.  

March Q&A - Rules

What rules do you have to follow?

Oh this question is always hard for me because my rules are so just a part of my life that I often forget what they actually are because they are a way of life now.  Also some thing that might fall more into the how Master trained me to serve him instead of an actual rule.

So thinking of the rules...

  • I can't have a coke zero without asking
  • I have to ask permission to use the rest room
  • I have to ask to eat anything
  • During a meal I have to wait for Master to give me permission to eat (usually after he starts eating he will give me permission)
  • I have to ask to permission to spend money
  • I have to ask permission to do things without him - like if a friend wanted to go for coffee I would have to ask permission
  • I have to ask permission if I would want to go out and do something by myself such as going to the library or shopping
  • I have to keep Master informed of my emotional, mental and physical health - such if I wake up with a migraine I need to tell him or if I feel sad for some reason even an unknown reason then I need to tell him
  • I have to ask to use the phone to call friends and family
  • I have to ask to answer the phone when friends and family call
  • I have to ask before opening any snail mail
  • Master has complete access to every account I have - email, journals, twitter or facebook acounts he can look at anytime he wants
  • He has access to not only online journals but offline
  • He often lets me plan shopping lists and menus but likes to look over them before anything is set in stone
  • I can't wear pants without his permission and it is a VERY rare occasion when they are allowed - such as when I hurt my knee a couple winters ago - I couldn't wear tights which meant I couldn't wear a skirt as it was too cold.  So it was pants. I had to dig through all my stuff to even find my one and only pair of pants. I mean I have lounge pants that I can wear at home but I am not allowed pants when going out of the house and I wouldn't ever wear my lounge pants in public. It would be a what not to wear moment for me :) 
  • Before I leave a room, I let Master know what I am going to be doing 
  • I ask permission to go take a nap or go to bed at night
I am not sure there is anything else...but as I said above some things might be more things Master trained me to do instead of actual rules. 

Wednesday, April 04, 2012


So doing a follow-up on the question about hierarchy in our relationship because a good friend of mine who is poly brought up something that falls in the hierarchy topic. Really I was answering  the question from an M/s point of view.  In our M/s relationship - I won't be owning her or over her. I won't be ordering her or in charge of her. Teacup and I will be equals.

Unfortunately in our everyday life around vanilla people there is a hierarchy that happens because we can't be out to most people.  So Master's work associates will always view me as his partner/significant others. My parents and Master's will view us as couple and not teacup.  

Recently we were on the phone with teacup and were going to drop something off at one of Master's clients and the client ended up being in her driveway so we couldn't even say goodbye properly to teacup because it caught us of guard as it happened so fast. But it felt very awkward for all of us.  We didn't handle it very well in explaining it either when we called teacup back after leaving the clients.  

There is also a hierarchy that happens because I have been here longer - it just feels off balanced at times. At least I experienced that when I lived in the poly household in Ohio.  I just think it happens and there isn't much I can do about being here long except try to allow her to experience things for herself. That was really hard at times for me to not help or offer advice when I saw someone struggling in the poly household. Where they were maybe struggling with how to just accept an order or such - I wanted to step in and offer advice but sometimes those things - you need to just experience for yourself and put that time into the relationship getting to know Him and what to do...just as I did. 

So there is a hierarchy, but not in the sense where I will be in charge of her or have authority of her.  I might top her at some point. I do have a sadistic streak.  And she is a huge masochist! :)

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Day to Day

So thought I would do a little life update as I hadn't done one in a while...

Master and I were all prepared to be traveling across country for his work. It would have given me a chance to see my friends in Ohio - just for a night but at least one evening with them would have been amazing. It also was going to give us a chance to stop off and see teacup too before heading home.  Just a day or two before we were going to leave it got called off. We thought it was going to be reschedule and is pretty much been call off for good.  It really is disappointing for us. Seeing my friends in Ohio would have been so great. I miss them more then I think I let myself realize. It wasn't until I wrote them to say I might be coming that I really let those flood gates open. The thought of sitting and talking with Moni, Angel and everyone else just make me feel so good.  Not to mention it would have meant more time with teacup - because although she is visiting soon we don't live near each other so anytime with her is so good.  So disappointment all around.  

As teacup kept saying everything happens for a reason - well as it does turn out Master started feeling really bad about 2 days before we would have left and he ended up with the most nasty flu/cold which he then passed on to me. I don't think I have ever been so sick. I am still recovering actually.  But there for a while the body aches, fever and headache were really doing a number on me.  So it would have been horrible to be this sick on the road so I guess that is the reason why we didn't go. 

Because I have been so sick that I have gotten off the schedule of things I wanted to get done before teacup visits so the next couple weeks for me will be busy busy. 

kaya wrote a great entry on her blog about  having a threesome with her Master and poly...goes into the great sex and also the feeling around just having someone else in his/their life.  It says so many things that I totally related to and understood from both sides actually from being in her position she is in now  to being the other woman and how that position relates to the couple.  So...taking a little piece from kaya's recent writing about her threesome with her Master....

"I am not immune to the normal fears. Of course I worry about being replaced. I worry that she’s better (easier?) than I am. I wonder why I’m not enough. I worry that he’ll prefer to spend time with her over me because she’s new and shiny and she hasn’t had 8 years of picking up dirty socks to curb her enthusiasm."

I have said something similar over and over. I am the old shoe. And she is the new shoe.* She is shiny and bright and you want to wear her all the time. I am the old shoe that has been cleaning his toilets and picking up his dirty underwear for the last 9 years so being in the relationship day in and day out does make some of the shiny go away.  (*This is the generic version of she and not referring just to teacup)  I am not saying we don't have fun and we have moments of shiny but our moments have moments of mundane day to day life in it. And often with shiny the new relationship energy is there and making everything bright even the mundane.

In my past poly relationships and past relationship with my ex-husband, I never felt replacable.  So this is something that happened with Master. I always have chalked it up to - my relationship with him is different then it has been with anyone else. Really that comes into it very strongly.  Because with him everything changed on how I function within a relationship.  

The other night Master and I stayed up all night having a discussion turned argument turned discussion about something that actually in the end revealed a key point of my internal dialog - why I have these particular little tapes that play that tell me I am replaceable. I have a fear of being replaced by teacup and all the logical and rational thought I throw it - doesn't really calm those feelings down much. These feelings really didn't come out strong until her but I remember when we started this path I did have the nagging feelings inside that said that I could be replaced. Now I figured out the underlying reasons for some of the feelings a while back but it was really the other night that Master and I figured out the bottom line where it all steams from. It isn't pretty.  It isn't something I am going to discuss here so sorry for eluding to it but not saying it but just the way it goes....the reason I am talking about it because I had fears that after we told teacup about it that she wouldn't want to be with us.  She of course handled with grace and understanding that she always seems to have in abundance....she accepted it and was very supportive in doing anything she can to help me get through this.  I am very thankful we found someone who is such an amazing person inside and out. So kind and caring - I love and adore her. I can't wait until she is here. 

Monday, April 02, 2012

March Q & A: Buddhism and Slavery

I have seen you say several times Buddhism has helped you in your slavery and service and I would like to read about how it has?

Really it comes down to a very basic thing for me....first I don't view Buddhism as my religion and at least I feel that many of the writings from Buddha say that it isn't a religion. He doesn't want worship - but instead is trying to teach us a way of life that will help us attain enlightenment.  Buddhism is basically about finding the truth in yourself to set yourself free. And that line is it for me....I have found slavery to my path that fulfills me. It is the truth inside myself. 

I find comfort and strength in the words of Buddha and others that help in spreading that word such as the Dalai Lama.  They help me on this path. The words help me understand surrender and service even if it is a different context of what Buddha meant - he meant it more towards life in general and finding enlightenment and I often it apply it directly to my life as a slave. 

Such as the Noble Eightfold Path...
1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

Applying those to my relationship and being a slave works really well for me. Keeping myself steady and centered on my service to Master. 

I have had several people write me over the years and pointed out Buddhism doesn't believe in sexual misconduct and how can I not view the path I am on as sexual misconduct. I have seen all sorts of views on it but for me I take more of a view like expressed here:
"Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct."
It talks about not engaging in sex without love and commitment but I also feel that for my interpretation that I engage in sex with positive energy and even if the commitment is for an hour it is a commitment to be fully engaged there in the moment. So for me I don't believe I am engaging in sexual misconduct. 

I found a few quotes from my endless quote supply that I have taken from various Buddhism sources....

Surrender is the quantum leap from mind to no-mind, from ego to egolessness. And in a single step the whole journey is contained. It is not a long journey from you to God, it is a single-step journey. It is not a gradual phenomenon; it is not that slowly slowly, gradually you come to the divine. It is a quantum leap! One moment you were in darkness and the next moment all is light. All that is needed is to put the ego aside. - Osho

Buddha says if you surrender the ego, if you surrender yourself, you come in a harmony with the law and everything starts happening on its own. You have but to surrender. If you are ready to disappear, you will be full of the law and the law will take care. - Osho

Only no-mind can be without any duality, because it is empty. The no-mind is choicelessness. The no-mind is pure awareness. It is just the empty sky. - Osho

Don't cling to anything and don't reject anything. Let come what comes, and accomodate yourself to that, whatever it is. If good mental images arise, that is fine. If bad mental images arise, that is fine, too. Look on all of it as equal, and make yourself comfortable with whatever happens. Don't fight with what you experience, just observe it all mindfully. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Truth is no theory, no speculative system of philosophy, no intellectual insight. 
Truth is exact correspondence with reality. 
For man, truth is the unshakeable knowledge of his real nature, the Self. 
-Paramhansa Yogananda

When everything is clean-clear in your own mind, nobody can create obstacles for you. -Lama Thubten Yeshe, "The Bliss of Inner Fire"

Enlightenment--that magnificent escape from anguish and ignorance--never happens by accident. It results from the brave and sometimes lonely battle of one person against his own weaknesses. -Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano, "Landscapes of Wonder"

If you wish to see the truth
Then hold no opinion for or against.
The struggle of what one likes
And what one dislikes
Is the disease of the mind. - Sosan
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