Hierarchy

So doing a follow-up on the question about hierarchy in our relationship because a good friend of mine who is poly brought up something that falls in the hierarchy topic. Really I was answering  the question from an M/s point of view.  In our M/s relationship - I won't be owning her or over her. I won't be ordering her or in charge of her. Teacup and I will be equals.


Unfortunately in our everyday life around vanilla people there is a hierarchy that happens because we can't be out to most people.  So Master's work associates will always view me as his partner/significant others. My parents and Master's will view us as couple and not teacup.  


Recently we were on the phone with teacup and were going to drop something off at one of Master's clients and the client ended up being in her driveway so we couldn't even say goodbye properly to teacup because it caught us of guard as it happened so fast. But it felt very awkward for all of us.  We didn't handle it very well in explaining it either when we called teacup back after leaving the clients.  


There is also a hierarchy that happens because I have been here longer - it just feels off balanced at times. At least I experienced that when I lived in the poly household in Ohio.  I just think it happens and there isn't much I can do about being here long except try to allow her to experience things for herself. That was really hard at times for me to not help or offer advice when I saw someone struggling in the poly household. Where they were maybe struggling with how to just accept an order or such - I wanted to step in and offer advice but sometimes those things - you need to just experience for yourself and put that time into the relationship getting to know Him and what to do...just as I did. 


So there is a hierarchy, but not in the sense where I will be in charge of her or have authority of her.  I might top her at some point. I do have a sadistic streak.  And she is a huge masochist! :)