Words....Part 2

Princess - Princess is very much part of my little girl side. I like the things that associated with being a princess - shiny, tiaras, pretty pink, twirly skirts and glitter. And I just like Princesses...especially Belle from Beauty in the Beast. And Master indulges my princess side quite a lot. And I am very thankful he allows me to his princess. "I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us." ~ The Little Princess

Laughter - "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~e.e. cummings
This is going to be kind of random...
* Master makes me laugh daily. He is very funny so makes me laugh quite a bit. And I am thankful for that laughter in our relationship.

* The other night I was reading book 9 of the Stephanie Plum series and I started to laugh so hard that I woke up Master. But I couldn't stop laughing the scene I was reading was so funny that I was shaking the bed. Master threatened to take the book away from me. For those curious of the scene it is Lula on her all meat diet and she is being chased by the dogs.

* I smiled with this word because I associate laughter with the person that gave me these words. Because when her and I talk we laugh often. And I am very thankful for her friendship and that she makes me laugh!

Hearth - "The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest." ~ Thomas Moore

Hearth the symbol for home life. But for me also now a symbol of domestic service. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a big city girl living her dream of being an artist. Not married. Hearth and home weren't parts of my growing up dream. When I got married, then that nesting instinct kicked in for me. But it is Master who has really allowed me to explore my love of all things Hearth and Home. When I became Master's, he really liked the idea of having me at home. I was worried it wouldn't be satisfying. But really it was from the start. I could see how much Master enjoyed it and so for me it became even more of a draw. Being of domestic service to me is not just about keeping the house clean, it is also about creating a haven for for Master. It is my hope that his home is a place to retreat and rest from the pressures of the hectic outside world.

Mouse - "Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light." ~ Dorothy Thompson

Mouse equals fear for me. I don't like to see mice in movies, commercials, photos....I don't like rubber mice...or cat toys that look like mice....the thought of mice....writing about them as I am....will make me jumpy the rest of the day and possible nightmares. That is how scared of mice I am.

When I was just a little girl of 2 or 3, we lived in a house that had mice, mice mice every where. Yes I know it is odd that I remember something from that little - I think because it was so scary to me that it stuck. It was rental house as my dad was transferred quite a bit those first years of working with the company he works with even to this day. The house had a dirt cellar. One that could be accessed from the inside of the house but also from outside cellar doors. Our house backed fields...thus we had lots of field mice in our house. When we would play on the floor, the mice would be running around the edges of the living room. When my Mom would open cupboards, they would sitting there. When I slept, they at times ran over me. When I opened my drawers, they jumped out at me.

So I am very scared of them...even after all these years. Logic doesn't seem to play into it - I am bigger them....yeah that is true but even as typing this and thinking of them I shivered. It doesn't matter that I am bigger then them. It doesn't matter that they are probably "more" scared of me then I am of them (I doubt that they are though). I know they are teeny tiny. I don't like them. I am scared of them. It is irrational that I still have this fear after all these years.

Here is my account of when we had mice and then Master's which is funnier. And reading both and retelling the story I can laugh about it but believe me - last night when we came home and Caesar was acting weird - I came running to Master to protect me. (No mouse not sure why he was acting weird.)

Muse - “The muse ushers the artist into the empty room and points silently at the tightrope.” - Jean Cocteau

My muse for my art sometimes feels like that....especially after not creating in a while and getting back into it. It is like I am going to have to walk a tightrope. It feels scary and almost too scary to try again. I walk to it and look down seeing all the things that can go wrong or are wrong. I see all the fears - hearing that voice inside that says..."why even bother it isn't good anyway"...."how can you call yourself an artist - you are lying to everyone and especially yourself." I wish I could accept my muse as is and not allow the voices to over shadow it.

I don't feel that the muse only comes to me with art. But also I feel it in other areas of my life. Mostly in domestic service...or just service in general. I don't always act on it though and that bothers me. But again it goes to that tightrope thing. I get scared I am going to fail. Or that how can I call myself a service slave and so on.

Attention Artists: 2nd Annual Southwest Leather Art Exhibition

I participated in this last year...I don't think I am going to be able to participate this year though....:( But wanted to pass it on....

2nd Annual Southwest Leather Art Exhibition

SEEKING ARTISTS AND ARTWORK NOW!

This year, any artist can submit an artwork for consideration into the exhibition, no matter your location. We encourage artists to submit works that they feel called to share. Submission Guidelines appear below.

The artwork does not have to be kink-related or erotic in nature, though those subjects are welcome. SWLC is about heart and spirit and we want to showcase the artistic expressions of that in its many forms.

The deadline for submission is November 15, 2007. A pre-selected panel will review all artwork, and selected pieces will be displayed as part of the Southwest Leather Conference 2008.

Questions about submissions or guidelines can be sent to leatherartists@hotmail.com.

The link below will take you to the page with all of the information.

http://www.southwestleather.org/swlchome/index.php?categoryid=56&p2_articleid=35

Q&A: Art...

On your art, when did you know you loved art? What was the first thing you created?

I don't think there was one definitive moment that said I love art. I remember creating always and it just feeling so good. I would draw all the time as a child. I remember I think though my first watercolor of my Grandmother's church when I was about 10 I think that made me go....this is what I want to do when I grow up...I want to be an artist.

March Questions: Art

how do you get your nerve up/steel yourself to enter into any art competitions?

I don't really do art competitions but I guess a juried show could be considered a competition. I still haven't done lots of it. I go through moments of intense fear that halt my creating all together...so I guess I haven't learned to steel myself completely yet. But the two things that come to mind that really made me start going for it:

1) Master and friends: I have been lucky enough to have very good friends and Master encouraging me to put myself out there and without their support I am not sure I could have done it.

2) Swaps/Trades: I think really also what helped me is doing artists trades and swaps for a while. It helped me gain some confidence in myself and what I do.

I know when I entered the SWLC art event I just kept having that little voice inside that said...if you don't do this you will regret taking a leap. So it was just needing to take that leap...and I am completely thankful I did it. And thankful for Master and my friend that really really encouraged me to go for it. I set some goals for myself for 2007 but entering that event really pushed me more set some 2007 art goals in putting myself out there more.

It is scary but if I don't do it...then...I know I will regret it. And that helps me going forward.

(the images are a work that I submitted to SWLC art event and I also sold it to someone that attend the conference because they were really taken with it after seeing it there. The triptych is titled Section 2257.)

Book Review: Artists' Journals & Sketchbooks

4 / 50 (8.0%)

Title: Artists' Journals and Sketchbooks: Exploring and Creating Personal Pages
Author: Lynne Perrella

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars - I like it!

Summary: "Indulge your artistic intuition as you plan and create vivid and revealing visual diaries and sketchbooks." That is from the back of the book and I think it really is a good summary for the book.

Review: I did like this book but I liked it more for the images then the actual written words. This book gives some tips and techniques but in a much different way then Collage Discovery. Collage Discovery gave step by step clear instructions on good techniques. Artist' Journals & Sketchbooks gives more a general overview of techniques but not real indepth step by step instructions. Such as Collage Discovery gives you several different ways to do transfers and actual how to step for each. Artists Journal & Sketchbook tells you that there are 9 ways to do transfers and give you 1 actual step by step how to of transfers. So for me it wasn't really a how to book but a book that says there are lots of different techniques a person could use in their journals or sketchbook. It is a book of this is how you exploration to uncover your creativity making your artist journal or sketchbook something new and fresh.

I do need to say the images in this book are inspiring all on the own. Each image really gave me tons of ideas that just keep spinning to new ones. So just for the images alone this book was worth picking up.

Book Review: Collage Discovery

3 / 50 (6.0%)

Title: Collage Discovery Workshop
Author: Claudine Hellmuth

Rating: 5 out of 5 - This book is Fabulous!

Summary: This book is a how-to-book for collage artists basically that sums it up.

Review: This is hands down the best book I have seen on this subject. I probably own about 4/5 collage artist type books (one of which will be another review soon and should have happened before this one as I read it before this one.) But this book has good techniques, good instructions, good photographs and is just in general offer clear, helpful, practical advice for collage artists.

If you don't believe yourself to be an artist or creative, but would like to create I really urge you to pick up this book as I feel you would find practical, easy, straight-forward ideas to spark ideas in creating. Scrapbookers I think would also really enjoy this book - giving your pages another dimension that you might not have thought about before.

Things I have always wanted to learn how to do or had problems with she explains in just a way that I got and now am able to do because of her clear instructions and techniques. Things I have dreamed about or seen in my head can now reach the canvas and paper because I have valuable insight on how to make it happen. This book has helped me as an artist and it has been exciting to see the transformation to my art as well as my process in creating.

Gratitude Tuesday - J

I have had a few busy weeks so just haven't been able to get to the gratitude Tuesday but thankfully I am able to do J today!

Just a quick update: We had a good weekend with my sisters. We accomplished the things we needed too so that is good. It was good to see them and just hang out with them. I at times envy all the quality time they get with each other so I was just happy to have a little bit of that this past weekend.




~ J ~


Jessica - is a very very good friend....who I love and adore! She has this sense of spirit radiates kindness, love and just a realness that is hard to find in this world. I have cried, vented, laughed, and been thoughtful with her...and appreciate her friendship more then I can put into words. I am very grateful to have Jessica in my life.
Jackie - I don't speak to her often now these days...though I do think of her often. She is someone very special to me and ALWAYS will have a special place in my heart. i love her and know my life is better by it being touched by her. She is a passionate, caring, intelligent, giving woman who I am blessed to love and be loved by.
Jim & Shannon - They are good friends from Ohio. I really am not sure even how to express my gratitude for them....and to them for sticking by me all these years. They are wonderful friends and I count myself blessed to know them!
Jani - Another friend from Ohio that I count myself blessed to know. She is a vivacious, smart, witty woman! She has made me laugh so hard I cry, she has given me food for thought on many occasion and she is nice eye candy too!
Jumbo Shrimp - I love seafood but especially shrimp and especially big jumbo shrimp: broiled, sauteed, fried, in a sauce, alone, or however I really like shrimp.
Just a girl - just a girl in the world....I am just a girl in the world doing what I do...trying to make the best of it.
Jelly Beans - It is almost time for Jelly Beans to hit the store. Yummy!
Jif Peanut Butter - creamy, smooth peanuty goodness! yum!
Japanese Rope Bondage - The intricate designs and knots around my body make me float away.
John William Waterhouse - Always enjoyed his works...can get lost in them. They have amazing colors and spirit coming from them
Joss Whedon - brilliant man - very grateful for the many wonderful hours of entertainment he has brought to me through Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly and Angel.
Journal - be it paper or online my journal has helped me grow as a person and so I am very grateful for the years of journaling.

She Looked Distracted...

• Thank you all for the well wishes. I am doing better then was earlier in the week but still fighting the migraines. I looked back in online, offline and paper journals this week and found that January seems to be a tough month for me and the hormones every year. Next month might be kind of tough also but not as bad a January if I follow the pattern in my journals.


• I did get a little cleaning done yesterday and today so far. But not the task of Master's office. I did go in there yesterday but then got a little nervous I might throw or move something that was important so I am going to ask if he has a free day sometime next week so he can kind of help me out with it. It would probably be better for many reason including that one.


• I got some art done....no camera so no pictures of it right now. And then I did the next steps on a couple tins and a couple canvases. I am doing a new technique on a few things and anxious to see how it turns out.


• Last night something happened that really doesn't bother me when I think of it. But what it did was tap on a situation that happened when Master and I were still in that kind of umm courting phases I guess is the closest I can call it. Anyway I got upset last night, but really I was getting upset about the past thing because those were the emotions that flooded back. I hate when things like that happen....was upset last night making it seem like I was upset about the thing that happened last night but really it was just emotions from the past. Clear as mud? It did tell Master and I that we need to be clearer on this kind of issue because it was a misunderstanding because we didn't communicate clearly.


• I didn't sleep well last night plus stayed up really late reading and I am paying for it today. My mind just is having some problems focusing. I feel overtired and emotionally sensitive which happens when I don't sleep well.


• I have been updating our website this week...something I haven't done in a long long time. Anyway, last night I cleaned up the Kinky Blogs link list. I couldn't believe how many were dead links, not updated in over a year, or had good bye notes saying they were stopping the blogging thing. I added a few that I hadn't had on there, but are my daily reads. If you want your blog listed, please leave me a comment or email me.


• I just got a phone call as I was doing this blog from my friend DM - she is in charge of the art show. She had a question about my pieces. I got so excited and nervous just thinking of them hanging up for all those people at the SWLC to see. WOW!

I'll Take It

• Chocolate - I think I should do a post eating a Godiva sometime...or maybe not! lol Master gave me a box of 10 chocolates in my Christmas stocking and I had the will power not to open them until last night. And oh my....there is just something about Godiva chocolates that taste just....oh so decadent. I had one of my favorites tonight - the white chocolate star with raspberry jelly. Oh oh oh! The moans is what made me think....I should have done a phone post but that might make me blush way to much!
• Busy - Life this week has been busy. Master is getting ready to go on a week long trip and had a ton of work to get done before going. He has wanted to also spend as much time with me so had me go with him on errands and appointments so that we could hang out in between stops. It has been so nice to have that time with him. I am going to miss him like crazy next week after being together 24/7 (because he works from home) and then to not have him here....will be very odd for each of us I am sure.
• Kissing - Tonight I was making dinner (meatloaf, homemade mac-n-cheese, mixed veggies - comfort food at its best) and Master gave me a kiss that lasted 3 minutes. I had the timer on for the veggies so that is why I know how long it the kiss lasted. It was one of those kisses that made me get all fuzzy and weak in the knees.
• Michael's Arts and Crafts - Today Master had a meeting and offered to drop me off at Michael's Arts and Craft while he did his meeting. They have 90% off their Christmas stuff. I found some silk holly and berry garland that was marked 9.99 and I got it for 99 cents. Master had said that he thought some garland hanging from our dining room cupboard with ornaments hanging off it would look nice so when I saw that I thought that would be really perfect. It is actually even more upscale on how it looks then what I had in mind so I was thrilled. I also got some art supples - micron pens, a rubber stamp that is all writing, a couple foam stamps (for doing texture on backgrounds) and then just some other odds and ends for art. Oh there were some mull cider big jar candles - that were 49 cents so I got one for us and one for Master to bring to his parents next week.
• Wrapping it Up - I have quite a few comments and emails to reply to and I hope to get to those next week. I also have a ton of other stuff on my list for next week but I don't sleep much when Master is gone so I will have lots of time.

Art Exhibition....

I got some good news tonight. Master was giving me a high five when I got the email. He really wanted me to do this. Southwest Leather Conference is having as a part of their event an art exhibition. Friday was the deadline to submit things and I did. Tonight I got an email saying they accepted 2 of my pieces. I submitted a mix media triptych and a mix media painting. So that was my excitement tonight!

Hopefully I have time to do a longer entry tomorrow.

Late....

Well it is 10 minutes late according to Mountain time...

I got caught up in making Christmas gifts tonight and lost track of time. Which is good thing as I have been having some fear in regards to art lately...fear of the what ifs. But I have seem to gotten past it...at least starting on my way to getting past it. I made lots of little gift stuff and it has helped me so maybe I will be able to move on to some bigger pieces.

Tonight we had to run around to several places as the garland we usually do on our tree was not in the Christmas decoration boxes. So we went to 3 places and didn't find what we wanted but got something that will do at least for this year.

Tomorrow we will finish decorating the tree - right now it just has lights on it. It has been actually kind of pretty that way. But we will put the rest of the decorations on it tomorrow. Then Monday I will bake and work on more Christmas gifts. Tuesday I think we will go out and shop. And then Wednesday bake more. Thursday we leave to go out of town until Sunday - but I should be able to do some quick updates from out to town.

Listy Update

* I have been going through depression right now....so I have been quiet. I don't write as much when I am this way.
* This past week I finished up something important for/to me. And it felt really good.
* I have really good friends that support me. I have been really stressing this weekend about my parents acceptance of me doing art. They never have and I always keep this hope that they will finally come around. And it just doesn't seem to happen. I need to let it go. And be thankful I do have people in my life that do and more importantly I know what it means to me to do art and it is important to/for me.
* I need to clean house this week and start my next work project. I did a really good clean of the house except the Master bedroom but last week after that I seemed to have dropped the ball a bit but I know that is because I was working on the thing that was important to me.
* I hope to do some art this week.
* I want to finish an art doll I started a long while ago
* I have a stack of photos on my desk and frames for them....I really should do that sometime soon. I am sure it is bad Feng Shui to have empty frames sitting around. I also have a Buddha wooden mask carving that I should hang up.
* Master is doing much better. He is getting around better (still on crutches though). Able to support himself longer when standing.
* I think I am going to make breakfast burritos tomorrow - for breakfast....I have been craving them.
* I need to take the garbage out tonight before I go to bed...I know the excitement of my life is earth shaking.

In a Funk....

How come it is I will be a blogging fool with tons of posts for several days and then I just can't write. I have tons of topics in my head but nothing wants to come out right now. I hate when that happens.

So a life update is in order...

This past weekend we had a nice relaxing weekend. No pressure to do anything. We just were lazy, watched movies - and had some quality time. It was very nice.

I just had written - not too long ago about not having that many migraines and of course I jinxed myself as I have been battling one all week. It is not as bad as it could be though so I am thankful for that.

I have chatted with several friends this week and so that has been very nice. Which reminds me a few links that friends have been passing on to me...first one seems really interesting as you put in the charity of your choice and every time you use the site as a search engine they send money to your charity of choice. GoodSearch is powered by yahoo and usually I am a google slut but I think I will be giving Good Search my time because it will be for a good cause. And then the same friend passed on a link that I think those that watched that movie trailer for "The Pet" will be interested in....the pyramid cage. MMM Hot! Something that was posted by the Poly Weekly Podcast is this link to a list of poly movies, music and such. I don't like the list all that much because it puts in cheating behind primary's back as poly. And that is not what I consider poly...that is cheating. And this last one found via a LiveJournal community...a list of adult oriented podcasts check out Violet Blue's Sex Podcast Directory.

So what else....

Things just feel off lately....I am very much a person if my world is organized my thoughts are organized. And lately nothing seems to be organized.

I am really frustrated with cleaning lately. We have some circumstances right now that makes it impossible for me to make things look nice and neat...where everything put away. I can clean and I can make it look straightened up but I can't actually put everything away. And so it is frustrating me. It sends me into kind of a tailspin of what can I do...where to start...how to make it better....and then it all comes down to nothing much I can do about it at the moment and that makes me feel worse.

I have several websites I have needed to be working on and I just can't get things right. My coding sucks. Nothing lines up right. Nothing looks good together. Nothing is just right.

The only thing I want to be doing - that seems to be going okay is my art. And when I spend time on it lately I feel horribly guilty as other areas aren't perfect so how can I sit and spend time with art. So instead of doing anything I come to be online and mess around with photoshop hoping it will inspire me for the website but really it isn't.

Add in insomnia again - which is I am sure a symptom of me not feeling organized. And so I am in a funk right now. I know it will pass. And I know I will drag myself out of it.

As I was thinking of my funk and things to do to help me get out of it. I was making notes of what I want to do and it made me think of making a loose schedule for myself for next week. Anyway, that made me think Master will ask me if I need his "help" in it...meaning some more structure. And I know a lot of submissives would happy that their Dominant is giving hands on...but for me....I don't like it. I don't know when I got that way either. It hasn't always been that way. But really the last 2 years maybe a little longer. If Master has to stop and help me - help get me on track - I feel usually a little annoyed - with myself - because if he has to stop what he is doing to work with me then I feel I am not doing my job right. My job is to make his life easier and enhance it so he doesn't have to worry about all the little things that make the household run. And so I just like to handle it myself - get back on track so I don't have to pull him away from other things in his life.

I asked a question on a yahoogroup recently about submission being about pleasing and obeying or can it just be one of the other. I saw something similar asked a forum and it made me think about my life as a slave. When I was first here, it was about pleasing and obeying. But I have to say lately I don't feel it is about pleasing. Okay scratch that...it is about pleasing but not actively pleasing. What I mean is I know what pleases Master and I don't think about it anymore. It is I just do it. If it wouldn't please him then I don't do it. I don't think about it though...I don't actively go through the thought process that - "oh this will please Master so I am going to do it specifically to please him." It will please him. I don't need or want a reward for doing it. I just do it. I am sure my thoughts on this are not coming out right. I think it needs more time to bang around in my brain for a while.

Signing off this thing for a bit to go iron! yay me....NOT! At least I will get to watch Alias while ironing!

Being All I Can Be

Master has written a blog entry on having his slave be all she can be. No, I am not joining the military just to let you know, but he really does want me to be all I can be. And it doesn't necessarily mean going with what would be EASIER for him in our relationship.

Many years ago I was involved with a dominant that knew that I wanted to be an artist but I was still in that stage where I let all the old messages and voices hold me back from really pursuing it. I talked with the dominant about really wanting it "this" time, really pursuing it and he did the "uh huh." I tried to bring art up on other times also and it was almost the same response. He basically seemed like it was of no value or interest. It hurt. It felt like a part of me - a part I struggled to even let out - was being buried because it was not of value to him. So I boxed up art supplies and books up and told myself that would never be a part of my life as a slave.

I am now with Master and Master's views are different. Before I became Master's though I was moving one of my many times and I threw out lots of supplies because I felt most dominants were not going to like me devoting time to my art. So it was time to move to be with Master. He and I were going through my stuff deciding what would be donated, what would move with him to Colorado and such. There had been a flood where I was storing my stuff and one of my art portfolios had some damage. I started to cry. He said we were going to Wal-Mart. It was fairly late in the evening and we are in a small town. He drove to the next town so that we could get supplies to save my art. He patiently and painstakingly went through each page and took the time to save them. Each page dried and carefully put between wax paper so that any dampness left wouldn't make them stick to each. He cut around areas of damage so carefully not to damage my art. He acted like each piece of from the portfolio (they were assignments from college) were the Mona Lisa. I know I will never forget him doing something so wonderful for me.

Shortly after I was here he was telling me that I needed to pursue my passion. That I needed to encourage my talent. He has bought supplies, given me a space that is mine to create art, he has encouraged and been the best support in helping me really give it my all. Now at times, this has infringed on my time and service to him but he wants me to do this. He feels it is important even if he has to go get his own drink or do other things because I am working on art. I do try to balance it so I am not eating into time to serve him. But there are occasions it has happened. Overall I am very happy to be able to create and pursue my passion and that makes me a happy slave....for him. My passion for life is there in all things I do because I am going after this thing that really fulfills me just as my slavery to him does.

So with his encouragement, support, and love....I am being all I can be and pursuing my dreams. Thank you Master! I love you very much!

This is Life

So life...what has been going on...

Art - been doing lots of art and I am happy about that. It always just feels so good - puts me in a good mood (except when I have blocks) and just lets me lose myself in it.

Domestic - Master bought Calphalon Commercial Hard-Anodized Everyday Pan last summer for me. All the Calphalon pans we have are great but I use this pan almost well everyday. And everything I cook turns out great........EXCEPT I can't do fried potatoes like hashbrowns. They stick to the bottom. So I always have to switch them to an old pan we have just to make them. I don't make fried potatoes that often but when I do I wish I could get them to work in the everyday pan. Tonight I tried to make some fried potatoes with sundried tomatoes, chopped mixed peppers and onions and again I had to switch to our old pan. Yeah I know such an exciting entry. It is just a love to cook and it frustrates me when things don't work the way I want them to. And today must have been my day for domestic failures as I made some cookies that didn't turn out...they are edible but didn't turn out how they were suppose to...they were suppose to be more cakey like sour cream cookies but they turned out flat and then chewy like a molasses cookie. Master loves maple flavoring...if he is going to get a donut it usually has maple frosting on it. And so I found this recipe for maple cookies and made them hoping to send them with him - as he left to go out of town this morning. He still got some to go with him but they weren't very pretty so I told him not to share! I know the problem is an altitude thing so I am going to try them again sometime...altering the recipe to compensate for it. I will be crossing my fingers that it works!

General - Master has so much on his plate and many things I can't help with but the things I can help with I seem to be falling short in and it has been very hard on us both. Then that of course makes spiraling out of control thoughts of that I am a horrible slave and he deserves better and what not. I then do some self talk and usually I am able to work through what needs to be done, and that I am not a horrible slave but it still seems like it is taking much more work then it should...and I know I shouldn't say should. (yes I am laughing that I even typed that out.)

Health - Well this is one area that is pretty positive. I have only had one migraine in since the 21st of May. Sinus headaches are down...allergies don't seem as bad either. We got an air purifier and it might be the reason I am having less sinus and allergy issues. Which also might contribute to migraines but we only have had the air purifier for 2 weeks and my no migraine streak has been longer then that. Either way I am happy that both migraines and allergies have been much better!

Well I think that is about it. I am don't like it when Master is out of town but I do have MANY things to keep me occupied. I just hope I feel motivated and inspired to do them.

Waiting out the Busy

I haven't posted in a while. I just have been so busy with life. It seems like when I start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel something else comes up. It has been a very busy time for Master and I with starting his business so it never seems like there isn't something to do. And because of it I am feeling about near my wits end. Add in Master and I just haven't had the good quality time I desire and so it has been a trying time. I am thankful though to be here serving Master even in these difficult times. And know it will get better soon.

Last night we went to dinner with a friend. She is someone I used to be kind of scared of but now can't understand why! She is a part of a charity project and wanted our help in getting a website and video together for it. I think one day Master might be doing a documentary with her on it. I have tons of ideas for the website and so will start getting things together for it. Does anyone know of a program that will take a digital picture and make it look like a Polaroid? Because this project will have lots of pictures to appeal to the heart strings of people looking at it.

Master hasn't told many of our friend's yet about him quitting his current job this summer. Because a lot of our friends are also in the same or similar line of work so he can't let it out too much or it will get back to the main office before he gives notice and that would not be cool at all. But he did tell our friend last night. And she was THRILLED! She was so excited for him. We mentioned also that we are a little nervous about it although excited. And she told us she would not let us starve. She would be giving Master business. So that was good to hear also.

This weekend I have been doing art stuff. And it feels so good to be back at it. I have missed it. There was also an instant today I was looking for a picture I had printed off and couldn't find it and then realized I had it saved on my computer and could bring up. And look at it while doing the piece. So that was a good thing about having my computer where I do art now.

Tomorrow I want to steam clean the living room and iron on top of my other daily stuff. I do hope it won't take too long though as I hope to spend the afternoon with art stuff.

Not much else to report. I owe several people some emails and I hope to get those this week also.

Lots of Random Bits

Dentist - Well I haven't been posting much this week because I had dental work done this week that was pretty intensive *for me* and so I haven't been feeling well. I just been in pain and not able to stand doing much for any length of time.

Art - I actually broke my artist block this past weekend and so have been creating. Yay!

Mail Love - I have quite a few bits of mail love that needs to go out and I got a piece from one of my lovely friends. The card was so pretty I am going to hang it up as inspiration for art but eventually it might be cut and used in a piece as it has some beautiful butterflies on it and if anyone has seen my art before -- I have a thing for butterflies. Flight, reborn, color, delicate and strong...and so on...there are just so many wonderful qualities.

Food - Daddy made me pancakes last night as it was soft for my mouth and you would have thought I was having an orgasm with just one bit. After eating jello and ice cream for almost 24 hours - really having more solid food was so incredible I almost could have had an orgasm (with permission of course - *grin*). I love this recipe that we use for pancake - they taste so delish!

M/s Moment - Today a friend was talking about an trip she will be having with her Sir. In the things she mentioned it made me recall a moment within our M/s dynamic with Master that I thought I would share....

Master and I went to get my stuff in Ohio several months after I moved here. We went through the boxes and such as Master didn't want me to bring anything that I didn't need or want - or let me rephrase that...what He didn't need or want. So, we got to a Ohio and started to go through things - one thing was a big rubber maid storage container full of purses. And Master told me that I didn't those. Now I have a thing for purses...so Him telling me I can't have my purses made my eyes go wide and my lip start to go out...pouting. I looked at Him like he had to be kidding...right?? No, He wasn't kidding. He said that I don't own anything and so I didn't need a purse. I don't carry a purse with Master at all and it has been that way from day one - when I first visited Him - He took my purse and put it and all my clothes and personal away. I had to ask for everything and most of the time I wasn't granted it. Back on track...so I explained to Him reasons I might need a purse and He then allowed me 3 purses from the whole bin of them! Oh my gawd! It was so hard to choose.

Now saying all that I didn't cry or get mad....I got turned on when He did that. I got so wet and turned on....silly me! Weird how that happens. Again just a little moment that...doesn't mean much in the wide scope of things but it is something I know I will never forget.

Easter, Art and Parents - We don't' have anything planned for Easter as we really don't celebrate it. Even though I love Easter candy! Jelly Beans! YUM!

My Mom asked us what we were doing and I said probably nothing - I forgot it was Easter - and we really don't celebrate it. She just didn't say anything. I am sure she was thinking her daughter is going to hell. I actually had a pretty horrible conversation with her the last time I spoke and I am trying to not let the negativity get to me. I don't have many conversations with her that get to me - at least not in a very long time. I told her I might start setting up an ebay and esty site to sell my art and a normal response would be --- "That is great" or "good for you" and my Mom just said "Oh" with that slight tentativeness in her voice to say, "well you won't sell anything" A few other comments - made it for a highly negative conversation although I am sure she never got that I was upset as I try not to tell her know that anymore or she just pushes the subject more to try to justify her point and makes it 10 times worse.

I guess I will finish up working on the website things I am changing and adding and then call it a night as my mouth is hurting a lot tonight.

Mini Update

Really not much to report - as not much going on....

Health - I am still sick. I have heard that it takes 3 to 4 weeks to fully recover. And I am just rounding out a week with it so I have quite a long way to go. I just have not had energy for anything.

Art - I am going through a period of self doubt again and so I sit and look at the canvas and paper and just stare at it. I am going through that fear of ruining the paper, the canvas, the pieces I use in it. It is very annoying.

Because I have been sick all I seem to be doing the last couple days is making icons, eating chicken soup and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Season 3.

And the Day is a Fog....

Okay yes...another Firefly post but promise it is not just strictly a Firefly post. Doing a life update too. I have seen all the episodes so many times now. But I still like watching them again and again. I wish they had not cancelled it. I am thankful that my wonderful Master gave me both the DVD set and the movie Serenity for Christmas. Yay! I am watching one of the many favorites right now...."Out of Gas." I like because it goes into the background of how some of the crew came to be on Serenity.

I have my period and still feeling under the weather so I have been real weepy tonight. Crying and crying for no apparent reason. Master has been really good to me giving me hugs and kisses as well as Chinese food for dinner! I wanted to do a tarot reading on myself but I don't think I have the focus I need for it. I hate that with my period I lack focus. I feel so foggy in my brain. It is like everything is through a filter. Master was talking to me on the phone tonight about a friend of ours...and I know that I heard all of it...responded but for the life of me right now I could repeat most of it back. I hate that! That is why during my period there is usually notes all around or if Master tells me to do something that is one of those things I can do later...I usually do it at that moment or I will forget if I don't write it down. So I always go through these moments of feeling very worthless as a slave because I just don't feel like I am serving well.

Daily OM...is a daily email that I always look forward to. They have now started a sign up for horoscopes too. Mine for today kind of goes with not feeling up to par in service right now. Just a line: "You may also benefit from sprucing up your relationships as much as you spruce up your home. It may serve you best to take care of your friends and family with as much diligence as you take care of your home and possessions." Master and I spent the day getting the bedroom back in order. Moving furniture back in and putting all the odd-n-ends away. We decided to rearrange today and it feels so much better in there....less full. We have a lot of furniture in the room...and it didn't flow quite right. But now it does and so it feels much more open. It is nice.

I have a print that I bought at the Metropolitain Museum of Art when I was in NYC in 1997 (1998? can't remember the year right now) that I have never framed. It might be a section from a bigger painting by Picasso. It says "The Engraver" on it but it is 2 women naked....one lying down and the other is sitting playing a flute. The lines and colors in it...are very sensual. And it happens to go with our bedroom very nice. So I brought it out and Master says that we will take it go get it framed. And now with the room rearranged we have a place that it would look very good.

Tomorrow I hope to have a little time to do some art and finish putting things back in order as the house kind of got taken over by the bedroom so things are out of place. Oh and LAUNDRY!

Releasing Stress?

I think I am coming down from the stress....of the last month. I feel so drained and sad today. Though I should be thrilled my client's website is done and up. So, I think I am just releasing lots of stress I had been holding in....

I have several emails to answer....blog entries to write......comments to write.....and such....

But I am just feeling like I need a break right now. So I am going to go organize my art room as it looks like a tornado hit and then maybe have some time to even do some art this evening. I am sure that will make me feel better!