Saturday, November 30, 2013

Break Ups

First Master and I are good.  I will say that again Master and I are good. We are not breaking up. We have been together for 10 years - through good and bad and each year strengthens our relationship. But breaking up is a part of  almost everyone's lives. Most of us go through it at least one point in our lives.  It took many tries of finding that one before Master claimed me as his. It takes a lot of time and energy to find the one and even more time when poly and looking.  The end of May Master and I ended our relationship with teacup. It has been extremely hard on each of us. Master and I have been there to help teacup in processing just as she has been here for us too.

I know the Dominants I have been with have felt it their responsibility to be there for the submissive because the dynamic ending impacts so many parts of daily life. I know in my past relationships it helped me to have the Dominants support me while I processed and healed my heart.  I am thankful for having such caring and kind men in my life. 

My first dominant after my marriage was a long distance relationship. He broke things off with me because he knew I wanted M/s and he didn't and he also was wanting someone closer in distance to him. I am lucky he was a really nice gentleman as he kept in contact with me for a long time after our break up. Because he had been my dominant and had control over my life one day and then the next didn't so he didn't want me to feel completely abandoned. He helped me process and work through the grief of the break up. Eventually we lost touch with each of us moving.  But I am ever grateful for the contact he had in those months after the breakup.
My breakup with Kam was extremely hard because it wasn't a true breakup. We ended the M/s, but continued the Daddy/little girl and went to being boyfriend/girlfriend and still lived together.  It was hard because I had been enslaved so serving him all day every day for almost 3 years and then we changed that so it was hard not to just naturally do the things I had been doing - such as getting him a drink and the other acts of service that were my daily life. I did do some as his girlfriend and little girl, but it was hard to figure out the line and boundaries. He was very kind and supportive of me trying to process the end of the M/s. 

Maintaining a connection even as friends/family I think is important after ending a D/s or M/s relationship.   The dynamic can be difficult to move on from because our worlds become so intertwined with these kind of relationships. When that dynamic ends, it can leave each party feeling lost, confused, and alone. So reaching out to one another to ensure each person is processing and moving forward safely - is just a good thing to do.  The people involved come to each other knowing each person is hurting, processing and dealing with grief differently, but not abandoning each other.
For some people it might be easier or just part of their personal coping from grief to not have that other person around. In the end you need to do what is best for you, but communicate that so the other knows to seek support elsewhere. 

When D/s protocols have been such a big part of each persons life, it can be hard to navigate the world without it in place. We each had responsibilities in the dynamic and just because the dynamic ends doesn't mean the connection stops. Be kind to yourself and each other.

Monday, November 18, 2013

New to FetLife?

I (heart) FetLife: BDSM & Fetish Community for 
Kinksters, by kinkstersAre you thinking of joining FetLife?  A little nervous and curious what you will find?  What to know some tips on helping your experience be more positive on FetLife?

FetLife is like Facebook for kinky people.  It isn't geared towards finding a dominant, submissive or just sex partner - it's not a meat market. But I will say by participating you might find someone that captures your interest so it isn't out of the possibility to find a kinky partner. 

So tips:
  • Fill out your profile. -  Be honest, be yourself, be open, but no need to overshare or spill out your whole life's history on it.  If you feel your profile is going too long. Make it a writing and link to it in your profile. (FAQ on how to link and other FetLife formating codes)
  • Upload a photo.  Men having just dick shots won't make people flock to you. Make sure you have other photos uploaded please. I have to say the same for women - just tits and pussy shots don't do anything to help you find someone.  
  • Fetishes - Having a huge list of fetishes makes it harder to scroll through your profile. I suggest not listing every single one and listing those that are the most important and you feel define the type of dynamic you are in or seek.
This is a social media platform so join groups, share photos and writings, comment, and jump in to get know people and make friends. I really wouldn't suggest one group over another as it really goes to what groups match your interests best.  Such as if you are new to the kinky world - then Novices and Newbies might be good for you. Interested in Poly and Kinky?  Or are you Kinky and Geeky?  A submissive woman?  My suggestion is look at the groups your friends like. You can browse them on their profiles. I have friends with similar interests so have found good groups by finding groups my friends are a part of too.
By participating in groups, posting blogs, commenting and just generally interacting with others on this type of internet platform - you will get people voicing all sorts of views - often in disagreement with your own. It is a public forum made for everyone to share opinions, thoughts, beliefs and silly stuff. So don't take anything too personally and view it as learning experience instead of an attack. We all want to be heard and connect with people and this type of platform can give us that - just not always in ways we expect.

Last bit of advice - Think before posting and be true to you.
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