Friday, February 27, 2004

Update on Life...

I got my period this week...rah rah. Only good things is that I am always so horny with my period LOL *blushing* I think I am going to start that spring cleaning next week. I go through all cupboards, dresser drawers, closets and such. I know I will be finding lots to donate. girlie suggested I call the mission instead of just taking it to Good Will or Salvation Army to see if they want it first. I would like to hear what others do with their stuff? We are going to have dishes (we have all new ones that are so pretty), sheets, books and clothes.

This week I have made some Focaccia, a loaf of bread, and Tollhouse Cookies in a pan. We have some Focaccia left so I think tomorrow I will make Paninies for lunch.

On Wednesday, we had poker night (something we will be doing each week)....

So when Master came home I was finishing up getting dinner in the oven. I was naked with slutty make up - bright blue eyeshadow, black mascara and hot pink thick lipstick. I expressed that I was horny, so after I got everything in the oven and ready, Master and I went to the bedroom. I helped pull His pants and underwear down, kneeling before Him eagerly awaiting His cock. I just needed His cock in my mouth. I needed to suck....I needed to just taste Him. I sucked His cock into my mouth working it hard. I love it when He is soft and I use my mouth to turn Him on :)

Soon after sucking Him, I was being pushed on to the bed and fucked. :) Master came and it was nice to be used.

We then cleaned up, got dinner and played poker. We played with a couple of people Master knows online.

Yesterday was uneventful except for the fact I got a chance to talk to girlie. :)

It is now Friday and I am happy to have Master home for the weekend. The last few weeks have flown past and I hope that March does as I know His work life might be a bit stressful.

I am feeling a little antsy and on edge tonight. Not sure why though. :(

Tuesday, February 24, 2004


We have been watching poker on TV lately and Master is hooked now on yahoo poker. Well I have also been playing it too. And we decided that we will play on Wednesday night. And if anyone would like to join us in an adult lifestyle friendly game of Texas Hold'em...then IM or email Him or me on Wednesday night at 7pm Mountain time (9pm Eastern). And if there is interest we will do this weekly.

Cabin Fever?

I have been itching to get into spring cleaning. I love the feeling the house has right after I spring clean. I like to open the windows, air out the house, reorganize and clean each room from top to bottom. And I am getting in that mood. I hope spring gets here soon!

Lunch does a body a good

Master came home for lunch today. We had lunch and chatted a bit before we went and snuggled on the bed. I was touching Him because I was just having trouble controlling myself today! LOL *blushing* And before long Master was pulling His pants down and shoving my head to His cock. :) He came on my face and then left to go back to lunch while He had me masturbate with the cum on my face. I came :) And then was allowed to wash my face.


While writing this entry and sending out pictures, I checked my email. Master sent me an e-card. It was so nice and made me cry.
Happy Birthday Katrina!

Celebrate YOU! Wishing you a fantasic birthday!


Monday, February 23, 2004

Dirty Girl

I sit here right now with dried cum on my face.....*blushing*

Master records Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the mornings for me. And this mornings didn't tape and I think it was "Dirty Girls" from season 7. Just the name and how Caleb says "dirty girl" makes me all wet and gooey. I know he does not mean it in a "good way." He is being evil. But it turns me on! LOL *blushing* I told Master at lunch how I just love that episode because it makes me wet and gooey. And so He started calling me a dirty girl.

This evening when I was getting ready for Master I decided I would just greet Him at the door in thigh highs and that is it. Maybe in the back of my mind I was having visions of being His dirty girl. *blushing* So, Master came home and of course He started in calling me a dirty girl. And it was making me hot and wet.

So after dinner, Master takes me into the bedroom....*blushing*

Master talked "dirty" to me....calling me His dirty little well as slut and other hot words. :) He then fucked me for awhile. And then He told me to get my vibrator and masturbate. He started masturbating too. Seeing Him mastrubate really turns me on and makes me so hot. He came and then wiped His cum all over my face calling me His dirty girl. Telling me how now I look like a dirty girl. Before long I was cumming very hard! It was one of those orgasms where it just was like waves and waves crashing through my body....even after I had turned the vibrator off. It still crashed through my body over and over.

It was awesome....something so simple as being called a dirty girl got me so worked up...and Him too. And we had a wonderful time and enjoyed each other. It was so nice. :)

We laid in bed talking, cuddling and then Master said that I would have to wear the cum on my face until we go to bed. Now that was at 7:30 and so it will be probably near 11pm before I can wash my face. *blushing*

I am Master's dirty girl!

Saturday, February 21, 2004

I watched a Sex in the City special on VH1.....soooo with their ending tomorrow is some Sex in the City quizzes....

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.
But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?
It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.
Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a
great closet of clothes, no matter what!

Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...

Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like?
Take This Quiz Right Now!

Which Sex and the City Vixen Best Matches Your Sex Style?
Just some quotes and my horoscope...

Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth... Tame the dragon and the gift is yours. - Noela Evans

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. - Anne Frank

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others. - Thomas a Kempis


LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): It seems like everything you do now is either too much or not enough. It's like someone has put a real time distortion filter on the volume control of your senses. You know what you want, but others may give you the feedback that you need too much. Meanwhile, you don't think you're even asking for a lot. All in all, it is irritating. Your greatest asset now is your sharply focused mind, which has powerful analytical capabilities. Your logic goes a long way, but it won't prevent you from finding eclectic solutions to the mundane problems at hand.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Nothing will be linked together tonight...not they usually are with me LOL :)

~ I feel like I should do a blog entry since Sunday was the last time I did one. This week has went fast...both Master and I commented on that while eating dinner tonight.

~ I am least I have to be....because I am way over reacting this week. And I feel like I can't do anything right and that often happens when I am pmsing.

~ I think I have had nightmares of Don this week. I have nightmares of him before but not in a long time now they are almost just dream like....bad but not. But this week they were nightmares.

~ I mentioned months ago that I might have do a rant about friends. One of my rants is that I will write emails - several - to real life friends and not hear back from them. It bothers me a lot. Especially the emails that ask them questions and I never hear back from them. I have a couple friends that I wrote several weeks before the holidays asking for addresses, then wrote again after the holidays, but still never got their addresses. Some of the emails to these people require a one word answer or even one line answer and they can't stop one moment and do that for me? But yet I know they are online longer reading other mail, journals, elists and websites.

Just thought about when Master and I were first corresponding and talking online before meeting...that is one thing that I liked about Him (of many that grew over getting to know Him), He answered all my emails. Even when it was a long email that He did not have time to write out a lengthy email - He would just write that...that He was busy and we could talk about it later or that He would write later. And He always followed through on that. I know it is a small silly thing to probably care about.

It is energy to me. I am putting energy into that person...reaching out, caring, trying to be supportive and/or expressing thoughts and feelings to them. And that energy is not...respected (? not sure that is the word I want.)

I feel disappointed in some of my friends - not just in regards to this - but with several other things. I hate it when people let you think more of them then that and they let you down....okay mixing this with others things that are bothering me about I am going to stop this....line of writing.

~ Computer Geek Stuff...

Okay for months and months Master told me I should try this browser and I didn't want too...and finally I did and I love it...Avant Browser

I love the tabs and the group features. When I open it, I have it set to open 3 pages always and I love that. I love that I can group things by favorite blogs, things that I check out once a week, and so on.

Sunday, February 15, 2004 here and I am so thankful that Master has tomorrow off too. An extra day with Him is grand :)

Update on life...

Friday I had a migraine. Which was so irritating because I had so many plans for Friday....some surprises for Master for Valentine's. But I did not get to do those - so they will have to wait until next year. :) By the evening I was feeling better and Master took me to dinner....and we then we went on our weekly shopping trip. There was a rug I saw when we ran in there early during the week. But when I actually got to looking at it when we went back, it had little palm tree embroidered on the edge of it that I did not like. But it had all the colors that go in our kitchen. :(

When we got home, we relaxed a while and then had sex. It was very nice. It was the first orgasm I have had in months and it was really hard on me - even though I am very grateful for it. I was very emotional from it.

On Saturday morning, Master woke up before me and brought me in a card and candy for Valentine's :) It was a relaxing day spent in bed - sleeping (catching up on sleep),playing and having sex. We then decided we would go grab an early dinner to bet the rush - and of course all of Grand Junction decided to do the same thing. And so Master's streak has been broken....and we had to wait for table at our favorite restaurant. Usually when we go out we don't have to wait -no matter what time, what night or where we go - we just get in. It has been an amazing streak that lasted a year! It was not a bad wait though and well worth it. It was so good! After dinner we ran an errand and then came home and relaxed finally getting back into bed to play more and have more sex! :)

It was a very good Valentine's!

Some other highlights of yesterday....
~ Master having an orgasm on my back. I even got dressed up with the dried cum on my back and went out to eat with it there. I felt so naughty! :)
~ Master shaved my pussy while I was in the leatherhood. It is a very hmm intimate thing...not sure that is the word I want but more close then I like. I have a problem when my cunt is that focused on - it is hard for me.
~ Master gave me an enema. We had not done that in a while and it was....*blushing*

So today Master made me breakfast. It was nice. I called j today - as I was missing her. We had a short chat as she had been up all night, but it was so good to hear her voice. She seemed to be doing well and I am glad. I just want her to be happy.

We then went to run some errands today - just taking our time. It has been another very relaxing day. :) I know tomorrow Master needs to work on tax stuff, but I hope He also has time for us to work on our website.

Housecleaning and Cooking good for my health

When I first got married, I was a horrible cook and housekeeper. My Mom is this great cook. She did not teach her daughters how to cook though as I think it frustrated her to have others in "her" kitchen. And she did teach us to clean. I just hated it LOL

So when I was first married I had to learn to cook and to clean a bigger space. Luckily Jim did like to cook so that was kind of a 50/50 thing. But the housecleaning we both kind of hated. After we moved from Nebraska to Kansas, I started to become more and more of a "housewife." I did not mind cleaning. I liked things to have their place. I also learned to cook although it was not something I enjoyed unless I was entertaining or doing something special. But yet that is a double edge sword for me then and now - as I love to do it but I hate to at the same time. I love it because I love to make people feel good through food. I like when they take eat and enjoy it and feel the warmth and care that goes into cooking for them. I put time and love into the food I make and want them to feel pleasure through it. I hate cooking because I add a lot of unnecessary stress and worry on myself with it. I worry about things that I should not worry about...I do a lot of what if the sauce does not turn out, or whatif not everyone likes garlic, or whatif I spill it while I serve, whatif things burn and so on and so forth.

In my happiest time with Jim, I was really into being a housewife (lot more contributed to me being happy - but this was one). We had just moved into our house and I was getting everything organized and painting and decorating. We had a bigger place to entertain, so we had family and friends over more and more. It was so much fun.

When I moved to Ohio and the poly household, I tried to enjoy that part of me there. And at first I was able too. But then - the more and more unhappy I became the more and more I was not able too. And that depressed me further. Also cleaning up after - as many people as we had in our household at times was very annoying.

One of the girls that lived in the household had no concept of clean. It was down-right disgusting. The stories I could tell, but then that might gross people out....REALLY I am serious. There were also other people in the household that were not clean to me. Their acceptable level of clean was not "most" peoples acceptable level. And cleaning up after people like that.....was very frustrating. (Put most in quotes as I hate using most but I can't think of another suitable word.)

And so I gave up cleaning. I let the level that was acceptable to others in the household be acceptable. I kept my room neat (when I got my own room), one of the bathroom clean, and the kitchen clean. But then....when I stopped cooking. I just stopped that too.

Mentioning cooking...I cooked and as I said I am person that likes to cook and know that it is pleasing. And much of what I cooked ever got a mention of whether it was good or not. And so I never knew and it became frustrating for me as well. I felt like I was failing or doing something wrong. After I asked for release, but still lived in the household, I stopped cooking. It was a very rare occasion when I did.

So now....I am here with Master...

And He wanted me to stay home. I felt at first a little scared that I would not "desire" it like I did once upon a time. And doing it fulltime also I worried about being bored. As I never was a "housewife" fulltime. I always had a job along with cleaning and cooking, but some of those responsibilities were shared with me by Jim when I was married. But I really like it. I am enjoying it. :)

I like the type of house where no matter when it was....someone could drop in and I would not be embarrassed. That was not ever possible when I lived Ohio (other then when I lived with Bill and Lisa). And I hated living like that.

When I live in a mess it creates a chaos in my life. It becomes a vicious circle. Because when house is chaotic my life is more chaotic and then go home to chaos and it starts all over again. There is not a time for peace, calm and recentering. A cluttered and messy environment keeps energy from flowing properly...making things chaotic. And I don't like chaos.

And not chaotic and Master's home is kept organized, clean and neat. It feels good to have a clean home for Master as well as myself.

So many things have changed and I know environment - living space has so much to do with mental, physical, emotional well being. If you read back in my journal, I was having a lot of woman problems in Ohio. Where I was spotting almost everyday or having periods for 15 days out of 30. I don't now. I was sick with migraines far more then I am now. I was sick - like colds and flu much more then I am now. I was always tired mentally, physically and emotionally. I was overwhelmed by my feelings and crying much more then I cry now.

I feel just so much better about everything now. There is lots more that factor into it. But because I have a clean living space has helped my health so much.

Sunday Brunch

1. Are you a morning person or night owl? I would say I am a night owl but I am not as much of a night owl as I used to be.

2. What is the last thing you do before bed? go to the bathroom

3. What time do you usually wake up? between 7:30 and 8:30am

4. Do you eat breakfast regularly? yes

5. What is your favorite breakfast food? hmmm favorite...French Toast I think I would have to say. But I do like Biscuits and Gravy too. We like breakfast foods here!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Amazing...check it out....first legally married same-sex couple! Woohoo! I am so happy for them and all the people that were married today in SF! :)

What else to babble about....
Last night Master and I had a good conversation. We had fun in the bedroom too! :) Hopefully I will be able to get to a longer journal entry in tomorrow or sometime soon.

Master suggested going out of town for the weekend but where we wanted to go - is booked up. Of course we did not think about it in time. :( So not sure what will be going on yet for the weekend...maybe just a quiet weekend at home.

Well I better stop this so we can go watch Secretary with Master.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

If you don't understand the Way as it meets your eyes, how can you know the Path as you walk? -Shih-t'ou

We have been home for a couple days now and I am thankful.

Master's parents are very nice to me, but I also am glad to be home alone. I have got back in to my routine. It is nice to have that structure again.

I wrote in my last journal entry about expectations...that I am struggling...feeling tired and frustrated. It really has not went away. Master and I did talk about that He is happy with my service. He says for what He expects from me right now - that I am giving above and beyond. But I feel like there should be more. And again that might be an expectation of *mine* not *His*.

It has been a rough few days. I am glad we are home, but Master and I are dealing with some relationship issues. We are committed to each other and getting through these problems. And really when you come down to things that is all that matters that we are in this together.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Lots of random thoughts...Out of town, Labels, Expectations, Suggestions

I won't be writing for a few days most likely as Master and I are leaving in the morning for Denver. He has work related things to do over there. We are staying with his parents and then on Saturday be having a "family" dinner. We then will come back on Sunday. So it is going to be a long few days.

I feel so tired lately. I feel very isolated and alone. Master has been busy with his project. And so I have tried not to bother him.

I was reading a site and she did not want to label what she does....I don't blame her. But I like labels for myself. I like to say I am an artist. I am bisexual. And so on. The person went on to describe all these different labels - submissive, D/s, DD (domestic discipline), SM, slave, surrendered wife...all these labels did not quite do it for her. Because they all said things that she did not agree with. Well, I don't agree with all the definitions of bisexual. I don't agree with all the definitions of an artist. I don't agree with all the definitions and things said on Master/slave websites or by people in the lifestyle.

But we take what fits for us and bend it to work. We make it work in our lives.

Master and I make our life work in ways that might not work for others but it works for US. And that is all that really matters.

Expectations are still giving me problems. I think I get them battled and then reality comes up and bits me in the ass. I just wish I could let go of them. I right now have all I "need" - but I don't have things I want. So why can't I let go of those expectations? Why? I am so frustrated with myself and that is tiring all in it self.

Ugghh just sad, frustrated, lost and I go between just being serving and being content with it and then I want sex and SM and then I want to just have hugs and snuggles with me. I hate that I still have these struggles and wonder if they ever go away? At times it is so easy....just seems so natural and light. And then other times I am so tired and frustrated with it. I never get to the point of not desiring it but I do get to the point I am just so tired...that I know my service is not as good as it could be.

Okay on to something else...

When you first discovered you were submissive or Dominant what did you do to explore? I called one of my long time vanilla friends tonight and she is dating a woman who wants to be dominated and she wants me to help her. I am not even sure what sites and books to suggest right now.

Again I won't be writing until Sunday or Monday most likely - saying most likely as Master will have laptop with Him so not sure if I will have time to do a blog or not. A good thing about going to Denver much better shopping then here in Grand Junction! :) So shopping therapy will be good for me! LOL
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