Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Book Review: Danse Macabre

deidre and another friend have started book reviews. It is my hope to read more books this year so here is a little counter that I am going to do and also reviews like deidre and my other friend.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
1 / 50

Title: Danse Macabre (Anita Blake Vampire Hunter)
Author: Laurell K. Hamilton

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars (one being the worst)

Review: I have been a long time fan of Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series. I have reread the books Guilty Pleasures through Obsidian Butterfly. But this book as with the last one I doubt I will reread. This one didn't even have a plot and the plot in the last was thin. Each time I hang on to the series hoping and waiting to see if the wonderful fun entertaining characters in the beginning books show back up. If the tough compassionate Anita will be present. But it isn't there. I used to read her books in one evening...not able to put them down. And now this book took me 3 months to get through as it just didn't grab me because I couldn't figure out when the plot would kick in. Even the last chapter I kept hoping that something would come tying it all together to make sense but it didn't happen.

Now to add to this review the whole badly written porn type sex. It isn't even erotic or good porn sex. I would like to count how many pages actually don't deal with sex (the act or just the characters discussing sex) because I would be surprised it it was more then 10 pages out of 483. One chapter might be a page an half and all just having sex. Now I love sex. But the plot of the book, the premise of the book and what made them entertaining was Anita Blake VAMPIRE HUNTER. I loved the chemistry of her and Jean Claude at the beginning but now JEan Claude hardly says anything interesting.

The title of this book came from a dance troop that is coming to town. The dance troop doesn't even show up until the last 80 pages and again very weak and more sex of course.

So...if you haven't read it and are a fan of this series do know you might be bored by it. I did hear her next book is going to have Edward back in it and some other characters from the past. So that might be interesting...crossing fingers!

If you enjoy stories about Vampires and werewolves please pick up the the early books and you enjoy the stories.

The End of

I can't stand Alt or Adult Friend Finder...they both feel sleazy and just over saturated with commercial ads. Once upon time when I had personal ads at ALT all I received was people wanting sex not really connections. came about after I met Master, but from what I have seen it is not great. It seems to be SSC all the way. isn't perfect either. But I have met some good people there, had some good discussions but really my fondness for bondage comes from the fact it is where Master emailed me through the very first time (even though he had a friend tell him about me). So I guess I have a soft spot in my heart for it. I just found out was just bought out by the people who own ALT and Adult Friend finder. I hope forums and all the free feature of don't disappear. I hope it doesn't become like ALT and Adult Friend Finder but I don't have a good feeling that it will stay the same.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Gratitude Tuesday - I

~ I ~

inspiration - there is so much inspiration out in the world. Sometimes I don't see it...maybe I don't want to see it. But more and more I see it...and I really do feel it coming to me more in the last year. I am very blessed to receive it and see it all sorts of forms.

Italian food - something we might be having tomorrow night for our anniversary! I really love pasta and just the flavors that come from Italian cooking...olive oil, garlic, basil I think are 3 staples of my cooking. So I am grateful to all the flavorful Italian food I have eaten and hope to eat for a long long time.

identity - I am grateful to know who I am....and not be afraid to acknowledge this is who I am.

integrity - Integrity is something we talk about a lot in the lifestyle and really I became pessimistic about it for a while. I guess though now I do see people who have integrity. And I appreciate them and for giving me faith in people again.

- Well this one I am thankful for otherwise I wouldn't have been able to be even posting this fine list! I am very thankful for the Internet. I have met some amazing people via the Internet....including Master so I am grateful for it.

intercourse - Sex...well yes I am thankful for sex. It releases endorphins that make me feel great, it gives me touch that I crave, it satisfies sexual cravings and just so many other things....I am thankful for intercourse.

icons - I mean icons on obsession that I started I guess almost 2 years ago. I like creating icons. It is a fun creative outlet....they allow me to express feelings in that little 100 x 100 pixel box

improvement - Always room for improvement and I am thankful for just growing and moving forward.

- I am grateful to be imperfect which kind of goes with the above one of improvement. But really why I am listing it is because I don't like things to be perfect. Especially when creating art. I don't measure. I don't want things even and perfect. I want things to just be as is...flawed, messy and beautiful in that.

India ink - I really like what India ink can do on paper. I am thankful for its inspiration, it movement, its feel from harsh to soft.

iconology - The word iconography literally means "image writing." And it something I have always enjoyed. I look at images and try to see their meaning, intent and significance. I especially enjoy looking at the symbols in religious iconology.

ice cream - yum! I am thankful for the cold cream treat! Ben and Jerry's Brownie Fudge is my favorite store bought in a carton. But Cold Stone Creamery is my absolute favorite. And I don't have a favorite mix or flavor I just go with what sounds good in the moment.

(short list I did this list on Tuesday but forgot to post it so posting it Wednesday but back dating it to Tuesday)

Monday, January 29, 2007

Home Plus the Positive Monday

Well I am to my limit of being around people and really I wasn't around a lot of people. I was just really around one person....and although she was nice she was also scattered. Just all over the place which made me feel very on edge. I understand why she needed Master's help with but it was a strange situation. Anyway she just threw me off so by the time we got home today I was drained. Despite a nap I am still feeling very drained. I have an appointment to tomorrow morning to teach html a client but I am not looking forward to it and will be happy to be home in my cocoon.

On a good note Master and I had a very nice time in the hotel last night...kissing, groping, hooded, being drug around by the hood, slapped, fucked, Master watching me masturbate and so on and so forth....very fun time indeed.

6 Good Things in my Life...
1. Coming home to our cats and having them all happy to see us (well really Master as he is a cat whisper).
2. Scrumptious time with Master away.
3. The socks from Sock Dreams - I wore them yesterday and another pair today and just were so comfy and a warm alternative to tights. And Master thought they were very cute with my mary janes.
4. M & M cookies from Safeway that I just wish I could find the recipe to as they are just such a yummy cookie. I know they are probably just a sugar cookie with M & M's on the top but they still are so yummy!
5. The day Master slid that collar around my neck and claimed is approaching (Thursday) and I am very happy thinking about being his for last 4 years and looking forward to the time to preparing you all for the onslaught of me being mushy several times this week as I am a romantic...even in a M/s way at times.
6. We are HOME!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Schedule Schmedule....

So I have been looking back....thinking about all the changes in the last year and even the last couple years to my service and slavery to Master. I have said for quite a while I am comfortable and calm in my slavery (as someone just recently reminded me of in an email.) I had a really hard time with burn out a little while back and really about the beginning of December I started on my way back with Master's help. But that is not where this entry is going. I was thinking about housecleaning the other day....past and now present.

When Master worked a very demanding job (60 hours a week being the norm if not more), I had a housecleaning schedule that I kept to pretty well. And when Master would have a day off I would love it but it did throw me off. Also if he decided to just come home in the middle of the day it really threw me off and actually annoyed me at times. I even had the thoughts of doesn't he know I have a schedule I keep....doesn't he know that I have things to do. Now please tell me why would him coming home in the middle of the day upset me...when I really actually didn't like that I didn't get to see him as much as I wanted because of his demanding job. I should be thrilled by seeing him come in the door. And granted most of the time I was...but there were times...when it as I said annoyed me...and the reason being is...I was set in my schedule and now that threw my schedule off. Do you see the key words in there...*my* schedule....that should be a duh moment right? Well of course I didn't really get it emotionally that at that time. I just knew that all the things I had lined up for the rest of the day wouldn't happen. Can you say control issues? Really that is what it was...I had gotten so used to being in control of my day - having the schedule set just as it was - that him coming home in the middle of the day messed that up. He infringed on "my" schedule...."my" time. Can you hear the stomping feet?

I knew logically - that *my* time is HIS. But emotions and being set in my ways over took logic and I became upset. It was almost 2 years ago when I finally "got it." As I said logically I knew it but internally I finally got it too. So when he showed up in the middle of the day, I learned to enjoy the time with him. As really quality time together is something we didn't get a lot of because of his job. I started really appreciating those moments I had with him. I also started thinking okay this is his precious free time and he really doesn't deserve coming home to a grumpy slave...what he needs is some down time to relax as this was it...a couple of hours stolen away. So I learned to give him all I could in those moments....making sure he had ice tea in the summer, a snack, maybe a shower and anything to let him just relax. So I got it that my time is his and able to let go and accept when my schedule got messed up.

I have to say that has helped me SO much for when he started working from home. I don't have a schedule now. I might go to bed thinking tomorrow I will laundry, wash the kitchen floor, organize the pantry or whatever but it hardly ever stays that way. And I can see if it had been 2 years ago I would have really got grumpy about that. But now I let it go....Master says he has an appointment and I am coming with him...I do and more importantly I really enjoy it. I know that laundry and washing the floor will be there when I have time to get to it and Master doesn't need me to do something else. Master doesn't want his home a total mess and I know that limit, so when the floor is getting to that point of messy I tell Master that. I tell him "Master I haven't got to the floor this week at all and it is almost a week and half now so it really is dirty." And then if he has stuff to do he will figure out if he wants me to wait on the floor until later and come with, if he wants to go do his things alone or reschedule it until I am done with my tasks. My time is his to decides what he want even if I have a list a mile long.

Recently though we discussed this because housework has gotten behind. It is not as clean as it was before he started working from home. Most of the time I wouldn't be embarrassed if someone stopped by but there are things that I just keep putting off. I also do a lot more housecleaning on weekends then I did before. Master and I discussed that he might just start setting a day away for me so I can clean. And it will again be important to me if he changes it...or decides that even though it was my day to clean he wants me to do something else to let it go and accept it. Flexibility is I think one on of the most important traits in my service to Master. Acceptance is really up there too. They kind of go hand and hand...bend bend...accept accept.

I need to vacuum and wash the kitchen floor but we are going to Utah today for work. We will have a night away and I am looking forward to it. I am not going to worry about kitchen floor or vacuuming the living room. I am looking forward to the hoods, the baton, clamps and whatever else comes from Master's sadism plus I am sure ending with a good fucking. As I know those are things he has in mind. And yes there is a big sigh with a smile on my face as I write those. Those are the moments I need to really enjoy. So schedule schmedule...time with Master rocks! And rules. (yes that was a horrible pun.)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Some questions.....

I got these questions from a submissive's musings. They are questions I have answered a lot on various elist/forums over the years but I thought I would tackle them once again. These are answers that work best for me. They are not the end all be all for everyone....of course that should be known but I found it better to give that as a disclaimer.

Is it easier to Dom/me or submit to someone you are not in a love, romantic, relationship?
For me I would have to say that it was easier to submit when I didn't love the person. But I also feel it is more rewarding submitting to Master - someone I love then others in the past who I didn't love. The connection is different.

Can one be a slave and not be physically 24/7...not live together etc?
Yes. This one years ago - for me - I felt I wasn't a slave until I lived with the person. But that was using my own personal perspective...which I think happens often. We might say well this is how it works for me so it must be the same for others. Such as I don't ever want to do the online thing again. I think it is okay for a place to communicate and get to know a person but submitting to someone through the net was a huge problem and pain in the ass - for me. Submitting in person is so much more rewarding for me that it just feels like it would be a step backwards. But hopefully I won't ever have to worry about that again and be Master's slave for a VERY long time. Anyway, I have done the looking at others..thinking why are they only submitting online when it sucks. But obviously it doesn't suck for did for *me* so that is what I need to keep in mind is not to look at it with my eyes but more general objective eyes.

So this question actually several years ago I might have can't be a slave and not live with the person - but over the years I have seen many slaves who didn't live with their Owners and I am always amazed by their service,dedication and devotion. And I have learned a lot from them. So to me you can be a slave and not live with your Owner.

Can one be owned and not be a slave? Not be 24/7?
Definition for slave via dictionary: a person who is owned by someone. So that answers that question for me. And if you are a slave you are 24/7...even if not physically there 24/7. I believe slavery is an everyday thing. I am not owned just Tuesdays and Fridays. I am owned by Master and am his slave everyday.

Can a girlfriend/boyfriend submit to or Dom another person other than their significant other?
For me I am not Master's girlfriend. I am his slave. We love each other. We enjoy each other companionship but as Master/slave - that is the foundation of our relationship. So this question is hard for me to answers as is...but let me rework it to make it work within my relationship structure: Can I have a girlfriend or boyfriend outside of my relationship with Master? Can I submit or dominate someone other then Master?

Girlfriend/boyfriend...girlfriend....maybe but mostly like scenario would be that Master and I are both involved with her. Boyfriend no...I can't see that happening. Master hasn't had me serve another yet but I won't rule it out. We have some very good friends I could see him having me submit or serve them. Dominate another is not my thing. I have topped at times and I do have a sadistic streak with girls. If Master told me to...I would, but I don't see having the desire to just do that and if i did it would be discussed with Master and I can see co-topping someone. In past relationship though I have been given to another to serve and top and I do so in service to that person.

How many Doms subs can one effectively have? One, ten, twenty?
I am not sure I understand the question. Does it mean how many dominants can a submissive have....? If so I think that a submissive can submit to more then one dominant. As I said above I have been given to another to serve before and it was fine...I was able to serve both efficiently/effectively. I have seen many other slaves serve more then one dominant. I know of slaves working a leather event and serving several speakers or judges when it was needed so I can see serving as many as one can handle. I also have seen slaves owned by more then one person. I lived in a poly household and there were 2 dominants and several submissives and it worked. The dominants communicated clearly so that there weren't conflicting orders or rules. It just takes communication and compatibility.

Are online D/s relationships harder to maintain than r/l? I think all relationships can be hard to maintain....vanilla, D/s, online, friendships, and work...they take work. And might be hard to maintain in different areas.

As I said above my own personal experience with online I didn't like it. The emotions were strung high as that physical connection wasn't there so it made the emotions tilt the balance. But I also know submitting in person to Master has been very hard in some areas. So it is just different.

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall....

Friday was a little long. I didn't expect us to be where we were quite so long...neither did Master. By the time we got home I was feeling pretty...well...cranky. And I know Master was too - we were just trying hard not too be grumpy with each other. So we get home and were going to check email and kind of veg. Just as we sat down to do that....power went out. There was a short circuit many blocks away...that affected our area as well as many others. And so we were without power for 2 1/2 hours. The candle smells was getting to me. The power going out just put me on edge. So all and all Friday wasn't the best. It wasn't horrible but not fantastic.

We have to go back on Sunday and no matter that we are getting a night in a hotel and such...I am still not looking forward to it - at this moment. And I am feeling pretty guilty about that. I am sure it will change...when I start thinking about the fun we can have in a hotel room (bed is not as tall as Master's - yes there are things we can't do with his tall bed that are better on a shorter bed) just was today was terribly long and so I am feeling kind of blah about it. I really like being able to just go and do things like today with was just long for both of us.

Oh a funny note during our power outage I was wishing I had LiveJournal's phone post number programmed into Master's phone as he was singing. Actually he has a decent voice when he is being serious but he was singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall tonight...with kind of a country twang to it. Thank goodness I got him to stop at 94! It was that or Carpenters! See he makes me smile and laugh in the midst of....that day...a long, hot, tired, cranky, on edge type of day...smiles and laughter...that is what is about....awww love!

I have read a few journals lately that I really can relate to in the things that went on last year with Master and I. And it makes me wonder if I should/can write more about it. But then maybe not as it is stuff that has been used against me by people I thought were friends as I confided in them a few times. Sorry for sounding all cryptic....not meant to be and really for the most part I have mentioned quite a few times how 2006 was a rough year for Master and I. I just thought maybe more details would be good. I don't know. Rereading Master's No Apologies (linked in the previous post) again tonight for the 20th time I see that we probably covered it enough. I am babbling....tired but not sleepy. I hate that! Going to go try to get some sleep.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Just a Moment or Two....

We are getting ready to head out the door. Master has an appointment in Utah (we are 30 minutes from Utah - but it is a little further in) today. So I am going to ride with him and the read in the car while he has the appointment.

Yesterday I was a lump on a log....I had an asthma attack the night before so I think it just left me out of it all day. I did some work on websites that I needed to get done. But that was about it.

I got an email from my old friend that was a pleasant surprise. She is someone I think of often so it was really nice to see her email. And I hope we rekindle our friendship.

Well I better go get my book...
Tipping the Velvet
which I will finally I think. I didn't really read any of it this week but I know I don't have that much more. I am probably going to do book reviews like A Devoted Slave has been doing over on her livejournal. I will need to do a book review of
Danse Macabre
too but ugghh that will be a bad one. I started to go into a rant about it but really I am going to leave that for the review. I really want to read more then I did last year so I need to go through that huge stack I have next to the bed to see what is in there and what will be next. I think that will actually be a book that girlie gave me over a year ago and I never read. I want to read that and get it back to her.

Okay off to finish getting ready.

Oh...Master did a post a while back and I thought of it again the other night when I read the forum that bashes others in the lifestyle (I was one of many being bashed.) Just thought I would share....No Apologies.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

QotD over at Hellbent Queers

This was a question over on Hellbent_Queers and I just thought I would share it here too! And I am sure I am missing lots of wonderful speakers. I know there are several I haven't seen but would love to and heard lots of wonderful things about - Vi Johnson being one.

While attending leather events, or demos, who would you recommend seeing and why?

Laura Antoniou
- she just talks it as it is...makes it very funny and interesting but real.

Master Jim and slave marsha
- They talk about their experiences as Master and slave and it often resonates with me. They give good sound advice and suggestions about living as Master and slave.

Tristan Taormino
- I thought was a good speaker also. She did a talk on enemas that I thought was very informative but also funny too.

Fifth Angel
- Omg yummy! Every demo I have seen by him makes me squirm and walk out of being weak in the knees. I am a big punching and kicking fan and he does a demo/workshop on it that is really good and totally HOT!

Jason Ryan
- is someone Master and I saw at Thunder a few years ago and really enjoyed his workshops on bondage and duct tape...they were really explained well. He made sure to explain things very clearly and show them clearly also. Master hadn't been a huge bondage fan before seeing Mr. Ryan's workshops and after that he went and bought LOTS of rope! And I get tied up! yay!

I am sure I am missing lots of good speakers. Those were just ones that came right to mind or I remembered how good they were when I went back through my journal to see who I have seen/heard speak.

A few years ago I did a pretty detailed account of demo/workshops we attended while at Thunder in the Mountains....first one and second post.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Gratitude Tuesday - H

Him ~ Well...Him....I am very grateful for Him. He has changed my life in so many positive ways that I can't ever begin to express my gratitude to Him. Thank you Master for allowing me the privilege of serving you. And for giving me so much. I love you!

Heart - many ways I am grateful for heart...heart of giving and receiving love and warmth and caring. My favorite quote is about following your path with heart and it is how I try to live my life. Times I have wanted to stomp my feet and get mad or am confused and unsure of what to do....I slow down and listen to my heart and it usually guides me clear and sure.

Health - I have migraines. I am not in the best of health but I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for living and breathing and enjoying each day.

Hope - It is a beautiful word with beautiful meaning. A wish for fulfillment of something...I have hope for many things in my life and my art has been my main reason for hope right now. Hopeful of where I am going with it.

Handmade - I love things that are handmade. I am grateful for the time and craft people put into homemade items. Like my slipper socks that my friend made....they are loved muchly.

Homemaking - Okay I am odd I like homemaking. I like making Master home nice. I like the art of keeping a house. I like the zen to it.

Hitachi Wand - Master gave me one with the attachments a couple weeks ago and omg I love it. The orgasms from it are just wonderful. I am thankful for the Hitachi as I have been having some orgasm problems and it helped give me that push over the edge. So that has been nice. (more about the wand itself in another post sometime soon I hope.)

Hoods - ohhh ahhhh mmmmmm they are so good. I am very thankful Master got me to a place to LOVE them. Before him I never thought it was a place I wanted to go but he slowly got me used to them and now I have begged for them and crave them too. I am also grateful for the place they take me....such a dark delicious place...floaty but deep too.

Hemp Rope - bondage...if I could get that on every letter I would. I love bondage and love the feelings it creates when tied up. So I am thankful for the rough hemp rope that cuts wraps around my body when Master does bondage on me. Yum!

Holly Hobby - My room as a little girl was decorated with Holly Hobby. It was so pretty. It was really my first real bedroom decorated set where everything was matchy matchy. I had the bedspread, dust-ruffle, pillow shams, curtains, a lamp and pretty little holly hobby dolls sitting on a baby blue shelf. I really liked it. It is a good memory as corny as the matchy matchy sounds but that was something we didn't ever get as we just couldn't afford it. So it was very special to me.

Hair - I have a thing about my hair it is wrapped up in my identity too. When Master had me get it cut - a much different shorter hair cut - it was really hard for me to accept. I like it now but I think I wrap myself in my hair as I get lots of compliments on it. So although I should probably get past it I am grateful for my hair.

Humor - I love to laugh...who doesn't...and so good humor is important. Master has a great sense of humor and we laugh quite a bit such as tonight when he asked me why my panties were on the kitchen floor. I have a microfleece robe that I had in the dryer and I guess the panties stuck to it so when I shook it out to fluff it up the panties fell out and I didn't see them lol We had a lot of laughs over panties lying in the kitchen floor and I am sure it is much funnier to us then anyone else.

Hugs - Hugs are good. I am grateful for hugs and the people that give me hugs! Such as Master earlier this evening when I was crying...because I found out my triptych did sell. A mix of happy tears that it went home with someone who from the sounds of it really appreciates it...and nostalgic tears because it won't be here again and I had it hanging in my studio for quite some time.

- I have a thing for hands and maybe it is the artist in me to notice other artists hands. They are so beautiful but also I love hands for kinky reasons. Master gives the most delicious spankings EVER! Plus all the other wonderful things he does with hands....OMG! Yum! I also am grateful for my hands....drawing, cutting, creating. So grateful for hands!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Positive Monday

5 good things in my life...

1. Inspiration - Lots of inspiration being sent my way right now. I am very grateful for that.
2. Connections - new and old friends.
3. Energy - We watched some of the Nuggets game tonight together and there was lots of energy on that court and I could feel it all the way through the tv.
4. Words - so many wonderful words I read on various blogs tonight
5. Comfort food - yep that has to make it again...we had a new dish tonight that was omg almost junk food like comfort. I will explain it more tomorrow...right now very tired.

I hope to get to a longer post tomorrow...(crossing fingers and toes).

Friday, January 19, 2007

Quote by J. Mikael Togneri

"A dominant basically has one single responsibility toward his slave: to provide her with the wherewithal to serve and obey to the best of her ability. Any other responsibilities that exist within such a relationship are invariably hers."
- J. Mikael Togneri

She Looked Distracted...

  • Thank you all for the well wishes. I am doing better then was earlier in the week but still fighting the migraines. I looked back in online, offline and paper journals this week and found that January seems to be a tough month for me and the hormones every year. Next month might be kind of tough also but not as bad a January if I follow the pattern in my journals.

  • I did get a little cleaning done yesterday and today so far. But not the task of Master's office. I did go in there yesterday but then got a little nervous I might throw or move something that was important so I am going to ask if he has a free day sometime next week so he can kind of help me out with it. It would probably be better for many reason including that one.

  • I got some art camera so no pictures of it right now. And then I did the next steps on a couple tins and a couple canvases. I am doing a new technique on a few things and anxious to see how it turns out.

  • Last night something happened that really doesn't bother me when I think of it. But what it did was tap on a situation that happened when Master and I were still in that kind of umm courting phases I guess is the closest I can call it. Anyway I got upset last night, but really I was getting upset about the past thing because those were the emotions that flooded back. I hate when things like that happen....was upset last night making it seem like I was upset about the thing that happened last night but really it was just emotions from the past. Clear as mud? It did tell Master and I that we need to be clearer on this kind of issue because it was a misunderstanding because we didn't communicate clearly.

  • I didn't sleep well last night plus stayed up really late reading and I am paying for it today. My mind just is having some problems focusing. I feel overtired and emotionally sensitive which happens when I don't sleep well.

  • I have been updating our website this week...something I haven't done in a long long time. Anyway, last night I cleaned up the Kinky Blogs link list. I couldn't believe how many were dead links, not updated in over a year, or had good bye notes saying they were stopping the blogging thing. I added a few that I hadn't had on there, but are my daily reads. If you want your blog listed, please leave me a comment or email me.

  • I just got a phone call as I was doing this blog from my friend DM - she is in charge of the art show. She had a question about my pieces. I got so excited and nervous just thinking of them hanging up for all those people at the SWLC to see. WOW!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Ice Pack on Head

Day 2 of migraine from hell. It disappeared about 3am and came back at 8am with a vengeance. I know it is all hormonal - I just had such plans for this week. I really want to deep clean Master's office (the brightest room in the house of course) while he is out of it. He needs reorganizing badly. I know he has been really frustrated with the lack of space in there and I know if I got in there I could really do what I do...I am really good at organization (despite how my studio looks at the moment) I could free up some space. So asking everyone to please send some healing thoughts this direction so that I might get rid of this evil migraine and get to Master's office later today or tomorrow. Thank you!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Gratitude Tuesday - G

During the holidays I got out of doing Gratitude Tuesday and so I am glad to be getting back to them. This list is a little shorter then my usual because I have had a migraine from hell today.

~ G ~

giggles - you know giggles just make me feel good. Master can get me giggle so hard that I can't catch my breath.
girlie - she and I have known each for 5 years(?). I love her to pieces. She is one of those people that I can truly just be myself with *always* - I don't have to put on a smily face for her when I am down. I don't have to hide my excitement about something that others might not understand because she always accepts me for me. She is kind, smart, snuggable, and so beautiful. I am truly blessed to have her and her Sir as my chosen family.
geisha - mysterious and beautiful they intrigue me.
good friends - I am grateful to have many good friends. Each and everyone of them give me more then I can put into words. Thank you!
grace - it is something I strive for. I have a friend to me epitomizes this word. And she inspires me to handle situations as well as she does...with such grace.
gustav klimt - my nickname danae comes from one of my favorite Klimit paintings but I like almost all of Klimits works. I think as a little girl I saw the Kiss and that is when I became even more interested in art.
girls - I like girls *blush* 'nough said.
girly girl - I am a girly girl. I love to dress up and wear make up. And I am happy that I turned out to be a girly girl.
google - saved my butt on many ocassions.
garlic - I enjoy cooking and garlic is pretty much a staple in the a lot of flavor.
Good Search - a search engine that gives to charity of your choice every time you use it!
Groovy Girls - They are dolls Daddy bought me a long time ago that I adore. I am thankful that Daddy spoils his princess! They are pretty and soft and huggable and oh so fun to play with!
green beans - They are my favorite vegetable. I love love love Green beans! I could eat them every night. So I am thankful for green beans!
german chocolate cake - I love the cake with the frosting. I haven't had it in years. Master doesn't like it. It is one of my Dad's favorites so I think of him when eating it.
Grandparents - I have/had great grandparents that gave me lots of wonderful memories

Monday, January 15, 2007

Positive Monday

I wanted to get back to my Positive Monday and Gratitude Tuesdays. So here is the Positive Monday just a little bit before Monday ends.

5 Good things...

1. That Master arrived over in Denver safely.
2. That it is cold outside but I have warm soft slippers and robe.
3. That I got to have fish for dinner.
4. That the mulled cider candle that I got for 49 cents is making the house smell good.
5. Licking hot fudge off a spoon
6. That I am going to be able to sleep in tomorrow

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Not all here...

Today started out good, but has not kept going that way. Blasted period. Sometimes I am not all that affected...light cramps, a little tired and so on. But other months it is this month. I am so freakin tired. And coordination....
none available blinking in huge neon lights. Mental capacity is also on the same blinking neon sign not available.

A run down of what happened today...I woke up with dreams of Tipping the Velvet (read some of it before I went to bed) so was ummm a little turned on. Master was up already so I grabbed the Hitachi and had a wonderful orgasm. After I went to unload the dishwasher and I kept dropping things...nothing broke thank goodness. I go to put a bowl up in the cupboard and miss the cupboard even though I am looking right at it. It is just like I can't judge the amount of space between here and there. That happens several times. So that was my first problem of the day. Next the cinnamon rolls were not rising - not that had anything to do with my period coming on but it did frustrate me more then usual.

Last night Master and I noticed when I made meatloaf that - there was a burning smell - when I looked in the oven I didn't see anything that had spilled in the bottom but today when I went to preheat the oven it was there again. I looked in the oven again. Please feel free to laugh...really I am being serious...there was a potholder in the oven. I made garlic cheesy bread early in the week to serve with pasta and I think when I put the cheese on it after toasting the bread the potholder I had set it on - stuck to the pan so when I put it back in the oven to melt the cheese the potholder went in too. Anyway, I didn't see it when looked last night because the meatloaf pan was blocking it. So took some tongs and pulled the charred potholder out and stuck the cinnamon rolls in. But there was a problem. They weren't baking. I then noticed the oven was off. When I saw the potholder in the oven I must have turned the oven off. Finally got that resolved but the cinnamon rolls you know where rising before and so they still didn't look much better after baking so I was again frustrated.

Next I went to get Master's coffee and took the creamer out of the fridge. I pressed it open and in doing so it slide off the counter, toppled over, spilled and splashed all over. It is of those flavored creamers. I cleaned it up...and the floor feels slick. So I clean it 3 more times and it is still slick. Master had an appointment and shortly after he left I just became incredibly tired so had to lay down. I hate the tiredness of it...barely able to keep my eyes open. I guess I should be thankful there haven't been any other klutz moments. But I know I have been forgetting things all day. Like laundry in the washer to put in the dryer. Leaving the cheese out on the counter after dinner. Oh this one is good...I put brown sugar in the fridge last night too and found it today. And I tried to put the tums in the microwave instead of the cupboard above it. Blasted period!

I just hope that is gets better instead of worse as the week wears on with Master out of town i
t would be horrible if I broke my toe
while moving furniture to steam clean the carpets this week. I better scratch that out so I don't create my own reality.

SM Toys...

kaya just posted some pictures of her birthday presents (not work safe pictures just in case anyone decides to check them out). And she was talking about the evil stick which is one of Master's favorite, but made me think of Master's other favorite toy...

Hamel Conducting Baton

It might not look bad - just as the evil stick doesn't but it does make hurt and makes very pretty marks.

Over on livejournal someone also made me think of the other ouchie toy....Master was a drummer. He has all his sticks and mallets for drumming still and uses them on me. But the one that ouchies the most is similar to this one. But his has a white ball on it.

Friday, January 12, 2007

I'll Take It

  • Chocolate - I think I should do a post eating a Godiva sometime...or maybe not! lol Master gave me a box of 10 chocolates in my Christmas stocking and I had the will power not to open them until last night. And oh my....there is just something about Godiva chocolates that taste just....oh so decadent. I had one of my favorites tonight - the white chocolate star with raspberry jelly. Oh oh oh! The moans is what made me think....I should have done a phone post but that might make me blush way to much!
  • Busy - Life this week has been busy. Master is getting ready to go on a week long trip and had a ton of work to get done before going. He has wanted to also spend as much time with me so had me go with him on errands and appointments so that we could hang out in between stops. It has been so nice to have that time with him. I am going to miss him like crazy next week after being together 24/7 (because he works from home) and then to not have him here....will be very odd for each of us I am sure.
  • Kissing - Tonight I was making dinner (meatloaf, homemade mac-n-cheese, mixed veggies - comfort food at its best) and Master gave me a kiss that lasted 3 minutes. I had the timer on for the veggies so that is why I know how long it the kiss lasted. It was one of those kisses that made me get all fuzzy and weak in the knees.
  • Michael's Arts and Crafts - Today Master had a meeting and offered to drop me off at Michael's Arts and Craft while he did his meeting. They have 90% off their Christmas stuff. I found some silk holly and berry garland that was marked 9.99 and I got it for 99 cents. Master had said that he thought some garland hanging from our dining room cupboard with ornaments hanging off it would look nice so when I saw that I thought that would be really perfect. It is actually even more upscale on how it looks then what I had in mind so I was thrilled. I also got some art supples - micron pens, a rubber stamp that is all writing, a couple foam stamps (for doing texture on backgrounds) and then just some other odds and ends for art. Oh there were some mull cider big jar candles - that were 49 cents so I got one for us and one for Master to bring to his parents next week.
  • Wrapping it Up - I have quite a few comments and emails to reply to and I hope to get to those next week. I also have a ton of other stuff on my list for next week but I don't sleep much when Master is gone so I will have lots of time.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Just as it is....

This might be a tmi post....talking about urinating on myself/golden showers.

We have protocols that are there always....they are there just part of us and our movements. They don't alter or hesitate...they are just there. Such as I have to wait for Master to give me permission to eat. I walk on Master's right side (because that is where he can hear me better). I have to ask permission to get a diet coke or eat anything while he is at home. Of course it took time for them to just be part of my movements but now I do them almost without thinking. As I said they are just there.

So Master and I have a shower ritual* that we haven't been able to do in a while, but when we weren't able to do that he started kind of another one that is pretty much not a ritual but a standard part of my day. It is that as soon as the shower turns on and I step in...he liked to watch me piss on myself and he likes how I react to it. Often he would piss on me at the same time. So I now almost as soon as the shower turns on I am ready to - go.

A few weeks ago I was doing dishes and noticed that every night I almost always have to go the bathroom when doing dishes and thought it was just the running of the water. But when I do dishes early in the day it usually doesn't happen so I didn't quite understand. But then a few nights ago I was doing the dinner dishes and noticed that....they require the use of the sprayer. As soon as I turned the sprayer on I had to go. It then clicked into place...that it is the sounds like the shower.

I hands on hip, stomp into Master's office saying..."You're evil, just evil!" He turns to look at me like this better be good...knowing I am saying it in a playful voice. I then proceeded to explain that I using the sprayer sounds like the shower and thus I have to go to the bathroom. I then said, "May I go the bathroom?" And he smiled that smile that said he has sadistic thoughts going through his head and said, "Well an evil Master would say no." And I started to say...."bbbuuutttt...." Master said, "Maybe you should tell me how nice I am....." I proceeded to of course tell him what a wonderful Master he is because at that point I really really had to go! He said yes to me after my sucking up...thank goodness!!

* shower ritual description is in this link towards the middle of the post

Saturday, January 06, 2007

the Unexpected Box

Okay I finally got around to getting a new layout made tonight. So the holiday one is down. If anyone is interested in my icons/avatars, wallpaper and such I started a new community on Livejournal - The Unexpected Box. The negative though you need a livejournal id but if you have one and care to see what I do please feel free to join.

For some reason I am still struggling with something that happened last week. I know it will take time but I am still having a lot more problems then I think I should be.

Not sure what else I should write about tonight. Just been really just a few...Questions and Answers from Hellbent Queer:

Punishment- What have you found is most effective? What are common infractions that warrant punishment in your dynamic?

Master does not really believe in using punishment in our relationship because of how the structure is set - if I were to blatantly disobey it would mean there is something seriously wrong in the structure of the relationship. He would be looking at to see what want wrong and if it is worth it to repair. So when I say it might not be worth it - I don't mean if I said something with a little attitude or was hesitant on something that he would end. It does not mean that at all. If I were to do something minor - such as some attitude then I would most likely get a look or a comment.

For Master punishment means I have blatantly disobeyed and he can't see that happening so no need for punishment.

(I wrote an essay that is on our website about Discipline and Punishment a long while ago that is just something more if anyone cares to read it.)

Is a masochist who only enjoys some types of pain, but not others still a "true" masochist? Same question for sadist, are they still "true" sadists if they don't enjoy giving all types of pain?

True is one of those words that to me is hard to take...because who really is a true anything.

For me craving pain to suffer and feel the pain is different then getting enjoyment from pain. As they seem so different in my mindset that it seems like they should be different states but really looking at the definition of masochism they could be the same thing. And then to throw more complexities into I enjoy both at times but still I don't get any enjoyment from stubbing my toe, getting teeth pulled or being poked and prodded at the doctors office and yet know people who do get enjoyment from those types of pain too.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Past Memories Fading....

The 31st of December is another one of those dates that I hoped I would heal from one day. Each year with Master my memories of that date don't seem so hard and don't haunt me as they once did. It even was to the point....that this year they didn't haunt me at all...and I didn't even think about them on the 31st. It was tonight when I realized it had passed without thought. I came and told Master and he said he remembered and watched for signs of it bothering me. And he is happy that those memories aren't hurting me as they once did.

I have passed several of those kind of dates in 2006 that are an after thought now. And that makes me feel really good!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Keepsake, Upkeep, Keep Up....

OMG Ebay is horrible! LOL Very addictive just looking at it!

I have mentioned my house ornaments* a couple times I believe. Well today I was packing up Christmas decorations** and decided to write down which of the ornaments I am missing....only 2 as I thought. I went to ebay, after quite a lot of searching, found both. One being more expensive then the other. After further research tonight I found out that one ornament I am missing is the highest valued one in the set and now valued over $300. The other one I am missing is more available then the first one I am missing. And priced under retail on ebay but worth just a little more then retail at this time. I have some Christmas money so am thinking of getting the 2 I am missing.

I talked to my Mom today and I mentioned a few things that I didn't really realize that I had never told her but it should have been a duh! She took it reasonably well on the surface but I wish I wouldn't have told her as I know it upset her. It is over and done long ago but she will fret about it again. My ex husband sent her a box of stuff several years ago - the year he was remarrying - and she has always meant to send it to me. She came across it again and is going to send it to me. I do hope it has some missing Christmas stuff from childhood. If it doesn't then that means, they were things that got smashed by someone I was involved with once upon a time. He threw the Christmas tree against the wall knocking it into a table - both ornaments and Christmas decorations were broken beyond repair. And that is what I said to her. And she was clearly upset that person did that to my Christmas things. Obviously I was too - but that is in the past and I can't fix the things he broke. After I realized I upset my Mom, I got upset. Master wasn't home so when he called I pretty much broke into tears and he told me it was okay wished he had been home when she called. He came home soon though and gave me lots of hugs.

Let's see...what else....not sure if there is anything. Master has been crazy busy and that isn't going to let up this month but perks of working from home is at least when crazy busy I get to see him more then when he worked his previous job.

* I have these hallmark keepsake Christmas tree ornaments that are little houses and shops. I don't put them on the tree I set them up as a little village and have trees that I got from things that get for train set scenery

** usually take decorations down the 7th of January but we found out we are shooting a wedding this weekend and so I know I won't have time this weekend and Monday I am sure I will want to crash after running around and being around so many people all weekend

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

If I were....

1.- If I were a fruit I'd be...a peach
2.- If I were a colour I'd be... purple
3.- If I were an animal I'd be... a soft fluffy kitty cat
4.- If I were a domestic appliance I'd be... blender
5.- If I were a book I'd be... The Forgetting Room
6.- If I were a clothing item I'd be...cuddl duds
7.- If I were a jewel I'd be...opal
8.- If I were an object I'd be... paint brush
9.- If I were a car I'd be... well used and loved
10.- If I were an element I'd be... air
11.- If I were a tree I'd be...willow
12.- If I were a drink I'd be... diet coke... or lady earl black tea
13.- If I were an ice cream flavor I'd chip
14.- If I were a person I'd be...who i am
15.- If I were a planet I'd
16.- If I were an insect I'd be...spider
17.- If I were public transport I'd be...can't imagine being public transportation
18.- If I were a song I'd be...something by John Lennon
19.- If I were a movie I'd be... Frida
20.- If I were a season I'd be... fall
21.- If I were a flower I'd be... calla lily
22.- If I were a job I'd be... an artist
23.- If I were a cartoon I'd be... Howl's Moving Castle
24.- If I were a place I'd be... a museum
25.- If I were a gift I'd be... something just what they were wishing for and always wanted
26.- If I were a memory I'd be... a blissful one
27.- If I were a city I'd be... Santa Fa
28.- If I were a sense I'd be... sight
29.- If I were a game I'd be... texas hold'em
30.- If I were a candy I'd be... godiva chocolates
31.- If I were a time of the day I'd be... midnight
32.- If I were an invention I'd be... the internet
33.- If I were a bodypart I'd be... a hand
34.- If I were a country I'd be... europe
35.- If I were a flavor I'd be... chocolate almond
36.- If I were a sport I'd be... mud wrestling? I am not really a sports person
37.- If I were a smell I'd be... clean cotton yankee candle or just that clean soapy smell
38.- If I were a subject I'd be... art
39.- If I were a flag I'd be... flagging a hanky (grey or black) or a leather pride flag
40.- If I were a building I'd be... torii gate (not a building really I guess but entry to a spiritual place)
41.- If I were a month I'd be...October
42.- If I were a perfume I'd be...none...they give me headaches
43.- If I were a gummy candy I'd be...bear
45.- If I were a toy I'd be...a groovy girl
46.- If I were a textile I'd
47.- If I were a shape I'd
48.- If I were an answer I'd be...right
49.- If I were a common licorice I'd twist
50.- If I were a word I'd

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! I actually have been sick for most of the day. I have what I feel is cold symptoms coming on but I have been airborning it for 2 days now and maybe *crossing fingers and toes* have chased it way. So now it just residual hanging on. Today I slept quite a bit because of not feeling well.

I don't do New Years resolutions but I do have some goals in mind that I want to work on...that the came about right at the same time the new year happened might make them close to resolutions. But I am very organic on my goals....I keep them in my mind and just let it happen. Or let things find their way into my life to help me facilitate them. Like Daily Om - I remember around the same time that I found it was when I was working on inner awareness and someone I read mentioned them. Things like that happen to me quite a bit that things that I am needing fall into my lap.

This year ended on a very good note after having a bumpy year we are both looking forward to the new year. I see good things for us in our individual dreams as well as our dreams as a couple.

I hope everyone has a bright and beautiful New Year!

A Look Back....December....

So my final month of my version of winter count for 2006....

Master is sick tonight so we kissed at midnight and then I tucked him as he wasn't feeling well at all. And I decided to come in and do this final winter count of the year.

December was a good month....I reread my entries and all of them had special meaning...

Master's birthday was December 6th and I made him a little banner for my blog.

And another really important entry for me was the magical little things entry that described some memories from growing up. It is an entry that will probably disappear from my blog as it is so personal. Still thinking about it though.

Anyway this is my first entry of 2007...and my last winter count of 2006. Happy New Year Everyone! I hope that 2007 is full of magic and love!
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