Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Holidays!

This year has been the least I have blogged. But I don't want to give up writing here so I hope those of you that read will keep hanging on with me. And I hope that I will be able to write more this next year.

We have had an incredibly busy but good year. I am very thankful for all we have in our lives...especially each other. Master and I recently were saying we might not like where we live and need a bigger home but we are blessed we have a roof over our head with so many out there struggling to make mortgage payments. We have a business that keeps growing. It pays our bills and allows us to do some fun things. It allows us to be together all the time. I remember when I was nervous 2 years ago that we might have problems adjusting to being around each other all the time but it was quite the opposite. We enjoy all the time we have together...whether during work or play it is all time we have together we count as one of our blessings.

Some simple pleasures of right now...

A white Christmas - snow on the ground and more coming our way
Christmas carols playing
Cookies and candies on the table
the tree all decorated even added an Obama ornament to it today
Hot apple cider in a cute Christmas mug

And tonight we will have dinner and then do one my favorite traditions with Master...go look at Christmas lights.

I know these are just a few things but recognize that I have many things to be counting as blessings in my life.

I wish all of you Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 08, 2008


Maybe some of you noticed but I am not participating in Holidailies this year. One reason being that I know this month is going to be busy especially with us being gone last week. So I just didn't feel I could commit to it as I am going to be playing catch up the rest of the month.

But I wanted to pass the link on to read some posts from others participating...vanilla and a few kinky mixed in there. Adult entries are marked.

Here is my posts for years past...
December 2005
December 2006
December 2007

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The Incredible Escape

We are out of town for the week but I wanted to do a quick update of our overnight escape we went on last week.

It was fabulous! We had such a great time.

After we loaded the car to get started on our journey, Master had me take off my skirt. Master has a tight fetish where he likes pantyhose and tights. He likes things that are shiny and cling to the body. So I rode all the way to our destination with a sweater and then just tights. Oh and a collar and leash that he periodically would tug on. Our drive there was beautiful. When we got to the town we were staying Master showed me some of the sights before we headed to our hotel room. Then we had a picnic on the bed and the rest of the night was lots of fun....with sex and playing.

Master was in a sadistic mood where he just wanted tears. So he kept doing these surprise slaps on me that were the kind that would knock me off my feet. He had me standing with my wrists cuffed behind my back. And he was punching me and just hurting me in general and then all of sudden would bring his hand back slap these hard slaps that would send me tumbling back into the wall. It was quite delicious.

One round of playing for the night was rope bondage. I love the hemp rope that some friends gave us. So I was in heaven. It isn't Master's favorite thing so I was happy he indulged me.

So even just for one night it was quite a wonderful time. We needed that time to just escape and unplug from the business/work.

Our drive back was even more incredible. I truly give thanks to the Universe for creating such beauty. Colorado just doesn't do ugly. Every place we got is beautiful and just often takes my breath away with the greatness of the mountains and beauty.

We actually hope to do one more overnighter before the end of the year. We have still some points to use from hotel rewards. So I am crossing my fingers we find the time as I am sure it will be just as incredible.

Monday, November 24, 2008


We are leaving in a little bit to go out of town over night. We are doing it on the cheap - had free hotel night and made sandwiches and snacks to bring with us (just remembered forgot to pack the brownies so need to do that after I sign off here). We will have a beautiful drive. Oh and we also packed quite a lot of toys! Yay!

Be back tomorrow night!

Thursday, November 20, 2008


Warning a rant tonight...and it might be just because I am not feeling well.

Okay, tonight's come on -- hit that level of one too many. I usually don't answer them. But on FetLife I do as I am greeter there and often the people that send me come on replies are people I have greeted. It happens less now that I changed my greeting making it very clear in the beginning I am just the one of the people from the welcome wagon. But it still happens. And so I usually politely reply to them saying I am just there to greet them and happily in a relationship. I also get those that friend me because I greet them. And I don't mind that but sometimes they are friending me to come on to me.

One reason I like FetLife as it has cut down on the HNG's for me. Whenever I signed on to - it was moments and I was getting a message asking to chat or having a rude come on. And on FetLife people can't see when you are online and it is meant to be more social networking than a hook-up place like or so it has been nice.

Anyway tonights email had so many problems and most message of that sort are similar...but I really want to know if it works for them? It must at some point or they wouldn't keep doing it right? It is sad that someone would reply to it. Makes me wonder about why they respond - what about it works for them.

So tonights said he read my profile on FetLife (which most of them say that)....

This is my profile:
So I have been trying to come up with a more personal about me blurb. As I say on my bio on our website I always hated standing up and introducing myself on the first day of class. And the same is true now. I never know what to say.

Just a few things.... I am wired for domestic service, to obey and be property. I am bisexual, masochistic and sexually submissive. I consider myself poly although Master and I aren't actively seeking outside relationships at this time.

I am a long time blogger - blogging about my life and thoughts/beliefs of the lifestyle. We have a website that is called within Reality because although we are a kinky Master/slave couple we believe in keeping our feet firmly planted in reality. It has our thoughts on the lifestyle as well as various resources and essays. I also have a group here on FetLife devoted to Domestic Servitude.

Things I like... coloring, breath play, slapping, reading, intelligence, collecting quotes, baking, Buddhism, green beans, purple, anything by Joss Whedon, being punched and kicked, Alice in Wonderland, Carbon Leaf, typography, Frida Kahlo, Paulo Coelho, autumn, summer rain, art history, hoods, fresh pineapple, cookbooks, Eat Pray Love, tea, thrift stores, simple pleasures, gratitude, domestic service, Breakfast at Tiffany's, free speech, icons and digital graphics, mail art, Asian food, progressive politics, museums, the word yes

I am.... a mixed media artist, passionate, serious, strong willed, emotional, open-minded, procrastinator, loyal, shy but outspoken and just a complex mix of things that shouldn't go together.

And last but certainly not least....I have been owned and in service to Michael for 5 years. I am very proud to His.

So this person took one thing I enjoy and pulled it out and asked about him and I doing that together. Of course this thing was a BDSM thing and of course they just skipped over the fact I am property. Now I get some people don't understand what that means. And they just think everyone is poly or in an open relationship or that they just don't care. But I guess if I was going to come on to someone who was in a relationship - I might scope out first if they able to see others or how it works for them and so on. Might become friends with that person and ask how they handle playing with others if that is what I was wanting. Anything other then hey baby want get together and do such and such.

An odd coincidence I just went to FetLife and there is a thread on a group about a man that did a test on doing polite introductory messages and the rude one liners that many of us say we don't like and the rude one liners got more responses. He felt it was because submissive women wanted a rough man and the polite message comes off effeminate. Do you think that is true? It isn't true for me. I really don't get it.

I just mentioned recently how it was an anniversary for Master and I - it was when he sent me his first message and I replied to him. The reason I replied to him is because he was so real, honest and that came off confident and strong to me. And that is what made me want to reply to him right away.

So the one-liners and lets get-it-on type emails just don't do it for me. They turn me off and annoy me.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I am here...

Just thought I would do a little update since I have been quiet lately....

Master and I have had colds. So been trying to nurse us back to health. Because I am sick I am extremely tired so not much energy for much besides work and stuff around the house.

We have a family member has been having serious health problems and rough time so we have been doing lots of phone calls, waiting and figuring out what is going on there. And will probably be spending a lot of time in Denver in December.

I dyed my hair - it was suppose to be purple but didn't come out that way. I mean if you pull a few strands out - they look purple but all together they look more dark...maybe more a red plum. But I will try it again - I am sure.

Master and I hope to get away over night next week to the same place we went November 2003. I am really looking forward to it. Not only is it incredibly beautiful - we had just a lot of fun last time and I know we will this time too.

November 2002 Master wrote me for the first time. So I have been kind of being nostalgic and remembering that recently. Very good memories.

Really not much else I can think of to write about - at least at this moment. I just don't have the energy. My cold making me extremely tired. I hope to get some energy to do a post of substance soon.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Yes We Can!

I have no words for what I just witnessed...I am just so very happy. I have been through a half a box of kleenex from happy tears.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Simply Service Holiday Issue

Bootpig announced that the special holiday issue of Simply Serivce is out. 28 pages of amazing "holiday goodness" sums it up!

It is online at Sensual Service - Simply Service Archive. But you could also subscribe to it at And you will be subscribed for all future issues plus receive the Holiday Issue automatically.

A big thanks to Bootpig and Porkchop for putting it together! It looks absolutely amazing!

(couldn't resist the holiday icon with pigs!)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Don't Believe In It Anymore

About a month ago or two ago I was looking through our website and updating some things. And started to think about pulling some of the essays I have written because they don't really fit with what I believe anymore. Does it matter I don't believe in the essay anymore? It is my words and I did believe it once. It is something some still relate too even if I don't. So does it matter if I don't like it?

Ignoring as a form of punishment is one of those essays I don't believe in anymore. In the essay I really come out against it. I say many things in it that I just don't believe are true or frankly I don't find accurate. And ignoring as a form of punishment is something I believe in now. Master has done it to me early on in our relationship. Not to the extent that most think of when thinking of it as a punishment but it still was ignoring. In some situations, I can see it being not a good thing for a relationship but it our relationship I accept it as I understand it suits Master. If he is mad at me, he doesn't want to talk to me. So ignoring me works for him. And I survive and work hard so that it doesn't happen again.

That essay isn't the only essay that I don't believe in anymore or like or wonder if I should pull. I go back and forth on them. And so for now they stay there.

Also what got me started on this topic again though really was because someone used several of my essays without my permission - posting them to FetLife without credit. And the Ignoring as a Form of Punishment was one of them and it generated A LOT of comments. It made me cringe just seeing it and all the comments.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Gigi Paraffin Wax

Today we were in Sally's getting me PURPLE hair dye but I noticed on their flyer they have right in the store a coupon for $3 off for Gigi Paraffin Wax making it on sale for $1.99. That is a great price! I love the stuff for wax play.Melt it in a crockpot pour it on to your subject/victim with a little ladle. Although paint brushes work too but what I would really like to try some of those silicon pastry brushes/bbq brushes. Those would work great I bet. Oh yummy wax thoughts!

Here is a link to the eucalyptus one on Sally's website (but it doesn't look like it is on sale there). Peach is my favorite scent. But I have used Eucalyptus and Vanilla too and liked them.

I have a very fond memory of using wax on a very good friend. She called me mean. :) Oh now just thinking of wax makes me think of many people who laid on our living room floor (when I lived in Ohio) and had hot wax poured on them. It was so fun! I miss you all!

Don't Make Me into THAT Girl

This is from season one of the Sarah Connor Chronicles. I can't remember what episode it is from but it one where Charlie (Sarah's former boyfriend) is talking to his wife. An FBI agent had been there questioning him about Sarah Connor. It just reminded me of when I was in the poly family as I was made into that girl.

Charlie's wife says: "You know why you love me? I am going to tell you. You love me because I am not that girl. I am not that jealous girl. I am not that insecure girl. I am not that petty girl. So don't make me into that girl by lying to me."

I never was jealous, insecure or petty when I lived in the poly family but then I was lied to. So I learned to question and often seemed jealous, insecure and petty because I had been lied to so often. It was the lies that upset me. Otherwise I was always happy when he was out with others or I could hear him having fun with another in the next room -- it gave me warm fuzzies. But lying to me made me into that girl. I didn't like being that girl and wouldn't have been upset if it weren't for the lying.

Monday, October 27, 2008

8 years of....

blogging about my thoughts and just life. Always amazes me each year comes about and I wonder how it is possible to have blogged and shared my life that long. I look back at entries and cringe, laugh, cry and remember with fondness many wonderful moments. I know my blog has changed throughout the years. I used to share a lot more of my life and just emotions. But frankly now I am pretty damn happy and owned by an extraordinary man. I am grateful to have the chance to share this journey with Him. So it isn't my first thought to blog and get whatever out because I am there with him sharing and experiencing life and the emotions that come with it. But I am thankful for everyone that reads and has read throughout the years. I thank you for your wonderful emails and comments. I count myself blessed because not only did my blog help me keep true to myself but it lead me to meeting some really wonderful people and creating some great friendships. Thank you!

And always ending on my tradition...
The Velveteen Rabbit:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Tagged - Random Facts

I was tagged by Kitten.

The Rules: (and as usual I am not tagging so striking those rules out - play if you want!)
* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog
* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I love little notepads, memo pads, sticky notes and scratch paper. Right now I have about 7 different ones sitting on my desk.

2. I like candy corn and got a cute candy corn candy dish for my birthday.

3. Fall is my favorite season with spring second, winter third and summer last. I prefer to be cold then hot.

4. I got a new skirt for my birthday. A black and brown tweed skirt that Master really didn't like when he saw it just hanging on the hanger. I put it on the other night with a pink blouse and he really liked it. He said I can be his secretary ANYTIME.

5. When I put red panties on, no matter really the look of them, I feel sexy. Red just makes me feel sexy.

6. Although I can't have kids, if I could I would still remain childfree. I just don't feel I would make a good Mom and I feel I am much to selfish to have kids.

7. Todays kinky thoughts have been about wax play thanks to kaya for a picture she posted on FetLife.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Iron Rose Store

Iron Rose Store is closing and holding a closing sale!

"The doors will close on October 31. But in the meantime, 50% off all merchandise currently in stocck EXCEPT BOOKS. When we sell out, we sell out, so there's a chance you won't get everything you want if someone finalizes an order ahead of you.

All you have to do to take advantage of this opportunity is to include the word "FIRE" in the special instructions during the ordering process. Remember, books are NOT on sale. The shopping cart does not work with Firefox. Please try IE."

More info:

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Slut in the Woods

This month doesn't look like it is going to be a good month for blogging. We were out of a few days at the beginning of the month. And then I have been having computer problems that make me not want to be on here very long. And now this week I have been cleaning to prepare for out of town guests. After they leave we have a few days at home before we go out of town for several days - business related. So October is pretty much burnt up.

So I will share a story that I think I have shared before but I don't know where it is in my was before I was with Master. There was this gentleman that I was friends who was dominant. We would met for coffee, lunch, hang out and such but never played. Anyway we had talked about having some kinky fun but never just could get the timing right. So finally it happened...he told to dress in a short skirt, thigh highs, no bra or panties, sexy blouse and heels. I put on a short short black skirt, black thigh highs that had a wide black band on top instead of lace, a chiffon poets blouse that was floral print. It plunged deep and had a few keyhole buttons on it. It was a little bit see-through.

It was beginning of March so still cold, but not really any snow on the ground at that time. But it was not dry out, as it had been rainy and cloudy that day. I got in his car and he immediately starts in on me with his words and touches. He pulled my tits out of my blouse and started squeezing and slapping. He had me spread my legs wide apart and slapped and inner thighs. He called me names and I knew I was getting wet right away.

We drove to a wooded park with trails. We sat in his car while he bound my tits with bungee cords and then added nipple clamps with a lead chain on them. He pulled the lead out through one of the little keyholes in my blouse. You could see my tits point straight out like I was wearing a bullet bra. You could see them bound if you looked close enough at the blouse.

He told me to stay, as he got out of the car. He walked down the parking lot and disappeared on a trail as I sat in the car for a bit. It was mid-day and kind of cold so there were not many people out there. He came back and pulled me out by my hair roughly. He pulled me close and slapped my tits as he whispered into my ear that I looked like such whore. He picked up the lead chain and yanked. I let out a moan of pain. My breasts had already become very sensitive from being bound and clamped.

He pulled my coat off. He pulled my skirt up so it was barely covering my bum. But showing off the tops of my thigh highs. He pushed my thighs open and slapped my thighs hard over and over. And rubbed lightly over my cunt to tease throbbed right away. I moaned. He laughed at me "slut" in a low and wicked voice that gave me shivers. He wrapped and tied my wrists up with a scarf and draped my coat over my tied wrists.

He then took the lead chain coming from the clamps and started to walk. We were walking fast and it was hard at times to keep up with him. We started off on a trail and then he pulled me off the trail. I had to walk over tree limbs and past bushes. He would stop and push me against a tree roughly slapping my tits that throbbed with pain from being bound so tight. He would hurt me and then start walking again - pulling me to follow. I would feel the twigs grabbing at my ankles and calves. Then suddenly he would stop and push me into a tree again and pull my skirt all the way up spanking me. And just as suddenly as we stopped we started walking again him pulling me along again. He would tell me to speed up. He would laugh at me as I struggled in my heels walking (more like tripping) through wet leaves and dirt. I got caught on fallen branches and would stumble and again he would laugh at me just speed up making me practically run. Which of course with my bound tits made them bounce and jiggle causing me to wince and moan in pain. He then would stop and push me against a tree and slap my tits again. He hit them so hard I let out a little scream so he slapped me across the face telling me to be quiet. Being rough with me - seeing the sadism in his eyes knowing I needed to be quiet.

He then pulled me along making me fall on my knees. He came behind me and spanked my ass and kicked at me. He laughed at my clumsiness. He told me to stay on my knees. He took my coat, undid my hands from the scarf making me crawl - following him on my hands and knees. I crawled in the wet leaves and dirt. I felt the twigs ripe into my thigh highs snagging them and scratching against my skin. It then started to sprinkle rain again soon. He laughed at me again saying how desperate I must be to crawl after him. That I must be a wanton slut that would hump a tree to get off.

He pushed my face down...near the dirt...he didn't push it in the dirt but got really close. He told me that I belonged in the dirt. He made me say it. He then said you are a piggy in the mud. He went over and over how dirty I was and that I was a slut in the mud. He finally pulled me up by my long hair roughly. Then he pushed me against a tree and pulled my tits out of my blouse...squeezing them telling me that I was a pig, a slut, a whore, a cunt and so on. He slapped them hard over and over before removing the bondage and clamps.

Soon we were walking again and he pulled my skirt down and guided me by my neck with my hair covering his hands. He then leaned into me and said someone is following us. He had me turn and sure enough back there through the trees I saw someone. He said keep walking. We turned to get back on the trail. We walked a bit and soon the man was not there. B thought he got bored when we started behaving so left us alone. We then walked a ways and went off the trail again. He stopped and pushed me against a tree to spank me. Then walk a little bit again - stopping soon to play with my tits. And then walk for a bit soon stopping to play with my cunt. He slapped, rubbed and grabbed my cunt hard. Being rough with it. And I squirmed and moaned. This repeated a few times...walk, stop & spank, walk, stop & play with my tits, walk, stop & play with my cunt. Finally he stopped and had me start stroking his cock...which shortly was followed by me being pushed to my knees in the dirt and giving him a blowjob. After he came, he told me to get straightened up and we walked back to his car. We sat there and talked for a bit before he took me home.

I remember being so wet and turned on. It even turned me on thinking someone had been watching me. Of course later I worried that the person thought I was being "abused" or "forced" but it still turned me on to think of someone watching me be used that way.

It was exciting being outside. Being all dressed slutty but in the woods. Being in heels walking around in the dirt just made me feel more slutty for some reason. Soft sexy see through poets blouse against the rough bark of the tree. Crawling around in the dirt in my thigh highs and short skirt. It was....a rush of emotions....exciting and very much a turn on.

ps: this is a true story - someone asked me if it was true. It happened when I lived in Cleveland.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

It hurt....

The other day Master and I were engaging in some kinky fun. It started off as our usual kinky sex but quickly moved to some heavier SM. And it was just one of those days I couldn't get my mind there. I hate when it happens but it does happen. I started to cry. It was sobs where I was gasping for air (had the gas mask on). He moved from pretty intense/rough punching to the delrin cane. And oddly enough I started to calm down somewhat. But of course my brain just wouldn't shut up and I lost it again. And then started to beat up on myself for not being able to get in the right mindset. I would calm down and then lose it and calm down and lose it over and over.

Although I didn't have much fun, Master did. And then after of course I totally erotized the fact that I didn't enjoy it. That he just kept going. I know He could have gone longer but I couldn't breath with all the tears and snot in the gasmask -- yes lovely image but the truth. So I have been turned on by the thought of him keep on beating me even though I was so not there.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Two Knotty Boys Videos

Luna posted this link via her twitter about the Two Knotty Boys offering their videos free. They were pulled from YouTube.

So yes I am a downloading fool right now!

Edit: Adding this link there is a petition to Youtube to get the Two Knotty Boys videos back.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Feeling Sad...

So last nights post ended up affecting me all day today. I don't talk about her hardly at all even to Master. I mean Master knows what went on with her but I don't ever talk about her since those first initial conversations about her. Not even on anniversaries. I think of her almost daily but I don't talk about her as it just hurts too much even all these years later. I am thankful for the good memories...I just wish I could not feel everything so much sometimes because it brings good and sad memories.

Turning off comments because...well I just was writing to get it out and hopefully not feel it so much tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My First....Morgan

There is a thread on FetLife about first sexual experience with a woman - posted in a group for women. I don't belong to the group but have seen many friends replying to it and it got me thinking about my first sexual experience with a woman...

When I was young, I did not get that it wasn't accepted to be with or attracted to the opposite sex . I just thought it was not talked about like sex wasn't talked about. But I remember clearly being attracted to both men and women at a very young age. I just never said it out loud. As I got older approaching my teens, I still don't think I knew it was not accepted, but I tended to have crushes on males. When I entered high school, I then had crushes on girls and boys but never really named what I was feeling for girls as a crush. The first time I acted on feelings with a girl was at a slumber party. It was because of truth or dare - I know she sensed I had a crush on her and dared me to go into the next bedroom with her and do what she told me. (We just kissed nothing more.) I had not told anyone about my desires for women up to that point because by high school I realized it was not accepted to be attracted to both males and females.

My first relationship and sexual experience with a woman were when I was a freshman in college. I met a beautiful girl the first day of orientation by running into her. I was juggling books - looking for the piece of paper that told me where to go next and I literally ran into her...a beautiful girl with long wavy red hair, pale skin with freckles and green eyes. She was one of those people that walks in a room and the whole room stops talking and looks -- she was that beautiful.

I, of course, wanted to sink into the crack of the sidewalk and melt away because I was totally embarrassed. But she was so nice. She made me feel at ease telling me not to worry about it as she remembered what it was like trying navigate the campus for the first time. She introduced herself....Morgan. We stood there and talked for a bit and before we parted she insisted on trading info so that she could check in on me make sure I was finding everything. She was a year older and there on campus that week helping out with freshman orientation.

That night feeling overwhelmed and really wondering if made the right decision about being there when the phone rang.  She called and insisted I meet her for coffee. It became a regular thing....she and I met up between classes, after dinner and so on. I thought it was so nice of her to be spending time with me and making me feel welcome and at ease with the big college experience.

One day we while studying in the student union she asked if I would go to dinner with her that night. She said that we could get all girly and sexy. Her Mom had sent her money to go have a nice dinner instead of campus food. I told Morgan she should be asking a cute boy to dinner but she said she wanted me to go with me...a very cute and sexy girl. Again I just thought she was just being nice to me.

At dinner I asked her why she didn't want to invite a guy....she said she liked spending time with me. I asked if she was interested in someone. She told me she was and I can still see the gleam in her eyes. But I was not getting -it- and went on to ask her who she liked. She looked right into my eyes and said, "you." I know I blushed a million shades red. I know I probably did that thing where I pointed to myself and looked around like she might mean someone else near us. Yes I am a dork.

She told me she liked me from that first day we bumped into each other and that she had been thinking about kissing me. She went on to describe kissing me in detail. Again I was a million shades of red. I started out being flattered, then the mixed feelings set in of "I shouldn't like her...she is a girl." She saw it set in. After dinner we went to her place and talked about some of those feelings I went through during dinner.  She made me feel completely comfortable and I relaxed so much that she made the move to kiss me.  We made out for a long time. It was hot...body tingling, breathless, heart beating fast - hot.

We started to date and it was amazing. I should say I was still involved with my boyfriend from high school (he was a senior in high school when I was a freshman in college) and is the same guy that ends up being my ex-husband. He never knew about her but she knew about him. It was a sore spot and area of long frequent discussions.

But on to the first time we had sex....It was hot also with her pushing me up against a stall of a bathroom in a club. We were kissing and touching as we danced.  It felt electric - such energy flowing between us that it needed to go somewhere - else.  She lead me to the bathroom - into a stall and pushed me against the wall of the stall and pushed my shirt up and then pulling my tits above my bra.  She teased, kissed and squeezed my breasts.  She unzipped my jeans and worked her fingers into me. She told me to beg her to "let me orgasm." The place was a club - grimy but it just made it even that much better. I begged and she brought me close many times but would always stop. Finally she stopped and told me I only got an orgasm at home where I would undress for her. I had been being shy to this point not wanting her to "see" me. So she worked me up so much that  she of course got what she wanted. Because she brought that slut side out - I wanted to do anything she asked and was willing to spread my legs or whatever she wanted me to do because I was so turned on. We went home and I undressed for her....more like striped for her. She told me what to do when I started letting the shy side start to creep up she just seemed to know what to say and do to bring my slut side back quickly. We ended up kind of sex where the sheets somehow end up not on the bed.

Sex with her was always amazing and brought me to tears a few times too because it scared me it felt so right. The whole relationship was like that...that is why I was crying -- it just wasn't the sex. It was just that I would feel these intense feelings and during sex I often exposed that vulnerable side and would react to the feelings then.

Here is what I wrote about her for my whose who page...
She was a great, intense, deep love of my life. She and I were involved when I was 18/19. I met her when I went away to college. We connected on this level that I have never really experienced quite the same since. Her and I clicked together like perfect pieces of a puzzle. Time was lost in her....because we were in our own world. If I would have just let go and not cared about what others would have been so incredibly easy with her. Because with her things were quiet and still because all my heart, soul and mind were full of her. She was spontaneous and exciting. She acted from her heart more then from her mind....just like me. And even though we had pain, tears and regret....I love her because it was right. I could write a book just on her. She died while I was involved with her -- when I was 19. And I will always love her.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Maintaining Friendships...Revisited

In 2005, I wrote a post that as a slave it is very hard to maintain friendships. And nothing has changed -- it is still hard. Only 3 years later -- I think it is even harder for me.

A while back I mentioned to someone that I like FetLife because it is giving me some interaction through "chatting" with others of like mind. Well I used the word chat but I really didn't mean it in the usual way -- I meant that private messaging each other on Fetlife has been much like it is on LJ and commenting for me -- a conversation without having to sit down and be focused on a chat program for 30 minutes or however long a person wants to chat. When I check mail, I might see another message and answer and then go back to doing chores or work yet it is giving me some interaction that I wouldn't get otherwise.

But even though I enjoy those interactions on FetLife and LJ, I still have trouble maintaining friendships. Last night I had a list of things I wanted to post to on FetLife, comments I wanted to reply on LJ, blogs I wanted to read and reply to, personal emails to finish that I have had sitting in draft for a week -- and yet I just don't have the brain power/energy. By the time I do things around the house and do business related work -- I just don't have what is needed to give anything the proper attention. I don't want to reply to someone when I am half aware of what I am doing and I feel more and more lately that is what I am doing because it is all I have left to give.

The last 6 months of Master's business has had increased work for me as it is utilizing my skills. And I am here to serve Master and that this skill is helping us pay bills and is becoming a successful part of the business so I am happy I can help. But everything in my life has taken a back seat -- keeping in touch with my family and friends, my art, the house, keeping up with other domestic things such as making menus and keeping up with the grocery list -- nothing is like it was before. And I don't see that changing anytime soon.

There is a handful of friends that have similar type of Ownership/slave type relationship so they accept it and understand or even are in the same situation. And we are thankful for that for the times we can hook up but don't anticipate it being very often. And then there are some friends - even those in the lifestyle - that don't quite understand and I have hurt their feelings by not being around or they feel I don't want to be friends with them. But it isn't that at all. And I am deeply sorry that I upset friends or hurt their feelings. But on the other hand I am a slave and my duties to Master always come first. And I have lost friends because of it. But am thankful for those that do stick it out with me as I am thankful for your friendship.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Movie Night with the Parents

I have been pretty busy so lack of posting. I have about 4 posts started but just not finished because I haven't had the time or brain power when I do have the time. Master's parents were here for Labor Day so was busy being hostess.

Last night we decided to watch a movie. Oh it was the WRONG movie to be watching with Master's parents. Oh my! The first 2 minutes of it were pretty umm graphic and I had to wonder if we were watching X-rated movie. It is of 3 people (2 girls and 1 guy) kind of playing in the water. One girl is topless and the other had a bikini. It shows some grabbing and groping in the water. It then moves inside to a bed. And you see a man come to the window to take pictures...what is going on in the bed is reflecting off the window. It is OBVIOUS that one girl is going down on the other girl. I mean very obvious. Right after that scene is done and moving to the next....Master's Dad pipes up and said "well this is starting off slow."

The first 30 minutes involve a strip club so pasties and panties seemed to be the theme there. Then a brothel where all the girls were naked....well they were wearing garter belts and stockings. And in the brothel a man goes off with 2 women and it is a SM scene (man in cuffs, collar with a woman that looks like a dominatrix). Oh then a man and woman at a dinner party go off and have sex where she gets all the way naked except for wearing her high heels and the man is full dressed just unzipping his pants and bends her over a table. They don't show much of what goes on after she is bent over the table but again more naked women. The movie was the Bank Job by the way for those wanting to see it. It wasn't a great wasn't a horrible movie but it was a movie if we had known what it was like we would have said no to watching it with parents. Master's parents didn't seem embarrassed by it. Master's Mom even fell asleep during it -- although it was during the second half when there weren't as many tit shots or even sex. I joked with Master that after you have seen 13 sets of tits that 14th just puts you to sleep.

So just a tip for all of you out there...don't watch The Bank Job with your parents.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Internet Ruined the Community?

Over on FetLife there was a thread basically saying the internet has harmed the lifestyle community because of the people who want free rides and hide behind profiles....and asked if others felt the same way.

My reply slightly edited to take out name of someone I agreed with and to help clarify my view...

I think with or without the internet there are people who want a free ride. Even vanilla people. I don't think that it is exclusive to the internet community or just the lifestyle community. Yes it is annoying people hide behind profiles but again we can find people that lie face to face so it isn't much different to me.

If it weren't for the internet I am not sure I would have known there were others out there with similar kinky thoughts and interests.

I moved to Colorado from Cleveland, Ohio where there was a BDSM community and now I live in a smallish town now with NO lifestyle community. So online interaction with others in the lifestyle -- I value.

Also Master and I first started communication via online.

So yeah I value the online community.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Website Down....for Tonight

within Reality is down tonight as our host is moving the servers. It should be back tomorrow. Also will be the reason why some images here on my blog will be missing because I host them on our website -- such as the background to my blog.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Battlestar Galactica Deleted Sex Scene

I have several posts started but my brain hasn't been able to finish any of them. I do hope to at least get one done this weekend. But for now a deleted scene from Battlestar Galactica - Maelstrom. It is a sex scene between Leoben and Kara. It is HOT!

He is pulling off his belt and telling her to to tell him...she loves him. I hear him slipping it off -- it just makes me hot. The rest is hot too but that part really gets me.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Catalina Loves Her Daughter

I know I won't have the words to accurately get across what is going on so it is best just to go read her story here. But needless to say I annoys me that a school would use a child in such a way to punish her Mom, Catalina and also that they are a Christian school just makes it hypocritical. Like I said I won't be able to get it across what is going on please go and help her.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Feet Not Planted in Reality?

I have been going through my archives and trying to label/tag more of the entries. I came across this entry early in my blogging days. I didn't list the website. I tried to google it and not even my blog came up for it so it must be a dead website.

I came upon a site and I cannot believe all the things that I disagree with on it. I know I took it very literal but to me you need to be CLEAR on what you are meaning in D/s because we each have our own ways and views of how to do life. I disagree so strongly I am writing about them. I wonder if this person has ever done Real Life D/s. Or if it has totally been online. Because going from my experiences – I would say he has only done online.

I am going to cut and paste and then commented on each thing.

"If he is not happy or content with a slave or a slave is not happy and content with their MASTER and it cannot be resolved within a reasonable amount of time he must release her. If he does not release her she has the option to seek another even while enslaved and when another MASTER claims her she is owned by him from that point on.”
[Read the rest of the entry]

Saturday, August 09, 2008

She didn't kill puppies she washed the dishes wrong

Over on the Domestic Servitude group on FetLife we were discussing washing dishes. And a good friend of mine was talking of doing the dishes with someone - as she is involved in a poly situation. It made me think of when I was slave in a poly household...doing chores with someone was one of the things I enjoyed about poly. One of the other slaves sang. And she had a great voice. And together we harmonized really well. We would get to doing dishes, cleaning, folding clothes and sing. And just having that other person helping out made everything go quicker and was more pleasant.

I recall an elist I was on some years ago and a slave's Master had another girl coming to live with them for a trial basis. And the slave was complaining about how the girl did the dishes and how she cleaned things. My first thought was if that was all she could find to complain about then she was lucky because that could be fixed. But in reality, it seemed she wasn't comfortable with the poly situation so she was misdirecting her feelings on little trivial things instead of addressing the problems she had with being poly. Cleaning and washing dishes -- are things that can changed. It wasn't that the girl was killing puppies -- she washed the dishes differently then the slave did. If her Master didn't like the way the girl was washing dishes or cleaning he can change that. But major personality clashes that is harder to fix in poly situation.

Another similar situation was from a blog post I read long long ago about a poly family where there was a new girl and she put the laundry away wrong. And the slave was really really angry in her blog. You would have -- again thought the new girl was killing puppies instead of putting laundry away wrong. She went on and on how the girl did the laundry and she really cut her down basically saying that the girls "service" would now make extra work for the slave. It was as I said very angry blog post -- which I might add the new girl had access to -- so read it. Ouch!

Anyway, both those situations to me were again misdirection of feelings -- they were really uncomfortable about being poly so made big deals out of little things -- just to get their anger out. Even though those weren't really the true issues...doesn't mean they still weren't problems that needed resolve. If Master goes to his dresser drawers and his socks aren't where socks are suppose to be, who do you think he is going to be yelling for? Me. So solution -- go to the new girl and say, "Master really likes it when it is done this way." If it still isn't done right the next time then there might be other issues. Maybe the new girl felt I was being bossy or that it wasn't "my place" to show her how to do something. So it is done wrong again.....blowing up in anger still isn't going to fix it and again this is to me a problem that still can be fixed. This time though it is Master's. Master is the one in control - so well it is not my problem it is his problem. But blowing up in anger seems to be wasted to me. Either I help the situation with just redoing it or helping the new girl by showing her how to do it, but letting that anger well up to the point of being hurtful does not seem a productive use of my time.

Also another tip in showing someone how to do something -- ask. Say "May I show you how Master likes his laundry put away?" If you are asking then it isn't coming across as you - telling/ordering/demanding - her.

When it comes down, my thought would be how would Master like that kind of situation handled? We all get frustrated. We all need to vent at times, but there are still ways to vent that are a better reflection of Master. And that are still being productive in getting feelings and issues out. I guess...what I am saying I would think before acting or speaking - think of how Master would like me to handle the situation.

Thursday, August 07, 2008


A reply to a series of question from a FetLife group....

Does a slave have a right or even an obligation to explain something to her Master when there's a misunderstanding? Does she have a right to be heard?

Master allows me to explain at times. But it is totally up to him if he allows me that right or not.

I do have to state that Master is partially deaf and so there are times I don't feel he has heard me correctly and part of my service is being his ears -- and explaining anything he misses. And that even means with me. But when/if he acknowledges he understood me -- it is my queue to drop it.

If she should explain, how does she go about doing this with respect and maintaining her "place"?

If I am allowed to explain....I have a good friend that calls it thinking from her knees. She pictures herself on her knees. I take a few breathes and then think of myself look up at him and telling him what I need to tell him. It helps me remind me not to raise my voice or keep my emotions in check because they can color things.

Also if I am livid inside, I just do what I can to acknowledge his questions and then if I need to I will write later to get the emotions out and I just open a word document let myself type out what I felt and then often don't even save just delete because it is my way of saying okay you got your emotions out now I can let it go.

Have you ever been in a discussion with your Master in which it escalated to an argument and what did you do? How was it handled?

I am human. Master is human. We have yelled at each other. Not that either of liked it or felt it was appropriate but it has happened. When that has happened, it happens. We try to get it back on solution/topic again and if we can't we walk away and cool down. And come back to it.

There has been a few instances where if it was getting into a heated argument -- Master has slapped me. I haven't always handled that with grace either. But I understand why he did it.

At what point does the Master just shut-it-down and ultimately He's just RIGHT, no matter if He's "not"? To what degree, if ANY, does a slave have the "right" to express her opinion, or explain something to her Master?

If Master shuts it down -- and wants no further discussion/opinions then I need to drop it. Going on about it will just get him more upset and most likely I will get slapped. As I stated above I don't have the right to explain unless he has given it. If he does and then shuts the discussion down -- I hope I was able to get what I needed to say into that time and if not then well - I need to let it go.

Is this a matter of "the Master's always right"? If so, how do we slaves "deal" with that?

Yes, pretty much it is. I can tell myself he is wrong all I want inside. But once he has ended the discussion - it is ended. Again if I need to get the emotions out I will write about it -- and then hit delete and when I do --- it is my way of letting it go.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Often Master and I will get in a discussion about something I read on a blog or elist. Sometimes there are people I refer to quite a bit as I like their writings/thoughts/beliefs. And often those people were from one of two elists/or both that I joined early in my days of being online. My first elist encounter was with a group called MDOM ran by Carter Stevens. I started with the group late 1998. (Another elist I have mentioned having a lot of influence on my shaping my beliefs was J. Mikael Togneri's Absolute BDSM elist -- and again many of the people I knew on MDOM where on Absolute too.)

MDOM had massive amounts of mail a day. I want to say 500 to 1000 pieces a day. There were good discussions. There were debates from every angle of a subject. Of course there was the my kink is better then yours but as I have said many many times we just won't get away from that - vanilla groups even get the my way is the one true way folks.

Every elist I have been on for the last oh 5 or more years hasn't felt the same as as they did back then (1998 - 2000.) It is sad that those days of elist are gone. They are a thing of the past and things like blogs and social networking have taken their place.

The other day I signed into FetLife and saw one of the people I "met" through MDOM years ago joined a group called MDOM Alumni. Just a few of us there now. But it brought back some good memories.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


This a journal entry from January 07, 2004....

If you have read my journal long enough you know that I dress for my Master every night when He comes home from work. A few weeks ago Master mentioned something about He wanted to rip into a pair of pantyhose and fuck me through the hole in them. Anyway, He did not want to do it to a good pair (I have hose that I wear that are hard to find here on the Western Slope in Colorado) so one night He came home and I was wearing a pair of pantyhose and informed him that the hose I was wearing were hose that if He wanted to rip and fuck me in He could. Well that gave Him enough inspiration that He took me to the bedroom to play!

He put the leather hood on and laced it up very tight. Probably the tightest it had been before that night. He played with my breasts caressing them softly at first - almost giving me the impression he wasn't going to be sadistic - and then of course he began to be more harsh on them. He slapped and punched. He then turned me on my stomach and spanked me. A nice erotic spanking mixed in with some sadistic punching to my ass also. I was very very turned on and moaning. He ripped a hole in the pantyhose and then used my vibrator on me while spanking me. I had a very intense orgasm! Finally He pulled me to the edge of the bed and fucked me hard. I was screaming and moaning and writhing with pain and pleasure. mmmmmmmmm It was a good night!

The hose that I chose for Master to rip into are not pretty hose as they are a pair that have a big crotch area that is re-enforced. And thus they are very strong in that area so they did not run. So I washed them to see if they would survive and they did because last night....

I put them on while getting dressed and made up for Master. I waited for Master in a black shirt flowing shirt with ONE button done so it was flowing open to expose my breasts and the other thing I was wearing....THAT pair of pantyhose. Master loves pantyhose so he saw the silky nylon stretching around my belly and bottom and was very pleased when He came home. He told me that I looked delicious and I said..."oh one more thing you might like about this pair"...I turned around and bent over. And He smiled and said, "Looks like my girl is begging to be fucked."

Well I helped perk Master up...that is my job right? *grins* someone has to do it...such a hard job! :) *blushing*

So we had dinner and talked about the class we are doing at SMART Fest. I then started to clean the kitchen. While cleaning, the phone rang. It was girlie. I had called on Tuesday, but she was not home and instead I talked to Grumbler Sir for a little bit. Anyway, girlie called me back last night and we talked. And I said, "do you want me to tease you?" She of course being the slut she is....*grins* said yes and I told her what I was wearing. Master calls them my fuckhose so I told her I was wearing a pair of hose that Master refers to as fuckhose. I then told her about the scene we had that created them. She was squirming. She can't say swear words. So she told me I would have to tell Grumbler Sir sooooo I told him and Master watched me and chuckled as I blushed and squirmed because it was far more embarrassing telling Grumbler Sir that then it was girlie.

After the phone call, Master and I chatted some more and watched some tv before heading to the bedroom where He again proceeded to put the leather hood on me, but He laced it up so tight that when we took it off I had a seam line on my nose and chin lol He had me on my back and He was very cruel to my tits. He really was squeezing, twisting, pounding and slapping them hard. It felt like He was trying to rip them off! And the same with the nipples. He then got out one of His favorite toys - that Katrina gave me. It is a music baton. It is like a little cane and hurts....a sharp intense pain. It is one of those that feels like it pierces the skin and then spreads out and then kind of goes away - like a cane does. But how Master uses it - the pain does not stop as He does not let it disappear - so it just seems to increase!

So He used that on my tits. I was VERY wet and turned on before He got the vibrator out and used it on me. But for reasons He and I talked about - I was not able to have an orgasm. He was VERY turned on so He took me, used me, fucked me. :) It was hard and rough - just the way I like it. *blushing* After He used me, we snuggle and talked. When He took the hood off and saw the seam, He was happy.

While we were playing - when He was abusing my tits - I snuggled up against Him. It is such a paradox....He is the person I feel safe with yet He was hurting my tits...abusing them...torturing them so I snuggled against Him to feel safe. But yet He was the one causing me to suffer. So where is the logic in me snuggling up against the sadist causing me this pain? LOL

He did stop a little bit when I snuggled up against Him - though not for long - as it gave Him a whole another set of of emotions to want to use me. His hooded girl being so close - the leather rubbing up against His skin and Him knowing it was His animal - His nothing really turned Him on even more. I think that is about the time when He got the baton out. LOL

Friday, August 01, 2008

I'm Human!

yay! I am not spam! I signed into blogger this morning to do a post and there was a note telling me that my account was on hold for possibly violating the terms of service by being a spam blog/bot. I have had my blogger here for almost 8 years so it seemed a little odd to be tagged as spam with such a big archive. But they had me fill out a form to prove I was human and the hold was lifted tonight. yay for having my blog back!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Grown Women Playing with Dolls

So I was looking through stats and found that a German blog was linking to my Daddy's Princess post. Basically the post was saying they don't understand grown women playing with dolls and coloring. That kind of made me sad.

Because although I feel like I just naturally have this little girl in me that wants to play. I just think grown women who don't have a little would still have fun playing.

Master's Mom is not a "little girl" she is a old woman with grandkids, but she likes to color. My Mom when she was here for my birthday went to the playground to swing with me. A friend of mine likes to jump rope and skip but she is an adult woman and not even aware of this type of lifestyle. It is fun to let loose and just play. Grab some markers, construction paper and stickers and create. To go back to those innocent days of make believe - by playing with paper dolls or barbies. To make forts in the living room with blankets and hang stars inside it. To make truck paths on the living room floor for little matchbox cars. To paint a picture of a sunny day and bright colored flowers. To get lost in a wonderful children's storybook.

I enjoy paper dolls, coloring books and crayons, construction paper, glitter, markers, stickers, blowing bubbles, groovy girls, stuffed animals, swinging, watching Disney movies, reading children's story books and I hope that I always allow myself to play and have fun! Sometimes we need to reclaim those innocent moments - even for just a second - to feel how we felt when we were young. That's why I feel sad for that person's blog because I believe it means that innocence is lost.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Naughty Tops...Oh no I mean...Naughty Shirts!

My friend Princess Mandy just shared this website -- they have lovely tops with naughty embroidery on them!

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Because I like to pimp good things....

Carrie Ann and her Owner have started selling video clips and well....they play hard and they will make you breath heavy and get all hot and bothered!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Maintaining Our Dynamic in Public Settings

One of the questions that I get asked quite a bit how do we maintain protocols and relationship dynamic in front of others.

Last week we were out of town and we were around many vanilla people but as I mentioned in other posts we were around friends who are in the lifestyle. And it occurred to me that not even our lifestyle friends probably noticed that I asked permission of several things while with them. I did it all without saying anything. It was just my eyes and hand gestures. And Master nodded to them.

We are so used to being around non-lifestyle people that our way of doing it has become almost invisible or at least subtle enough that I don't think it is usually recognized. We don't get many looks for some things that we do in public. I walk on Master's right side about a half a step behind (and that is because he is hard of hearing so likes me in a place he can hear me). He orders for me in restaurants.** And most of the time people just think he is being "gentlemanly." I don't carry a purse anymore with him - he keeps my id with him in his wallet. So if I want something I have to ask permission and most people see I am not carrying a purse so understand why I am asking. I don't eat without permission even in vanilla settings he just gives me a head nod when I can eat. I can't leave his presence without "telling" him. I put telling in quotes because at home I ask permission in public vanilla settings I say I was thinking of getting a diet coke would anyone like one? That way I am informing Master and he usually gives me a little nod as permission And he has said no in public in a way that is subtle enough no one knew. I asked for diet coke and he said, "we are going to have soda with dinner." And that was my queue that I shouldn't have one then. So there are ways we keep our normal everyday life out in public settings.

** This has variations to it -- for the most part I don't open a menu or order for myself. When we haven't been to a restaurant before Master just finds it easier if I look at the menu, pick out what I want and order it. I still need permission though even in that setting to open the menu because there has been the rare occasion he has just went ahead and ordered for me. When we were out with our lifestyle friends in Denver last week -- I got permission to look at the menu and order because it was a new restaurant - it was done with gesture and eyes.

Friday, July 25, 2008

BDSM book meme

Same rules apply...

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ/blog if you like

1. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller
2. The Ethical Slut: Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton
3. Story of O, The by Pauline Reage
4. SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
5. The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance (Erotic) by Lorelei
6. Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-By-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage: A Step-by-step, Illustrated Guide to Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage by Two Knotty Boys
7. Story of O by Pauline Reage - This is a dupe!!
8. Burlesque and the Art of the Teese / Fetish and the Art of the Teese by Dita Von Teese
9. Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame by Lee "Bridgett" Harrington
10. Marketplace, the: Book One (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
11. Different Loving: A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G Brame
12. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton
13. The Art of Sensual Female Dominance by Claudia Varrin
14. Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman
15. The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
16. The Master's Manual: Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella
17. The Reunion (Marketplace) by Laura Antoniou
18. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 1by Alazar
19. Bondage for Sex: v. 1 by Chanta Rose
20. Trainer, the: Marketplace Book Three (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
21. "Justine", "Philosophy in the Bedroom" and Other Writings by Marquis de Sade
22. Academy, the: Tales of the Marketplace (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
23. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 2 by Alazar
24. The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
25. The Pleasures All Mine: A Sexual Memoir of a Submissive by Joan Kelly
26. Woof!: Perspectives Into the Erotic Care and Training of the Human Dog by Michael Daniels
27. Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex by Gloria Brame
28. Sex Tips from a Dominatrix by Pamela Pierce
29. Flogging by Joseph Bean
30. Diary of an S&M Romance by Dollie Llama
31. Female Domination by Elise Sutton
32. The FemDom Experience by Elise Sutton
33. Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine by Claudia Varrin
34. The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay (Toybag Guide) by Miranda Austin
35. How to Be a Dominant Diva by Georgia Payne
36. Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples by Violet Blue
37. Mr. Benson by John Preston
38. Playing With Pain: Stories from My Life in Leather (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
39. Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment by Hardy Haberman
40. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton
41. MORE FAMILY JEWELS (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
42. Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella
43. Mummification: Down at the End of Bondage Street with DVD (S/M Tech) by Joseph W. Bean
44. Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave by Robert J. Rubel
45. Consensual Spanking: An Essential Guide to Adult Spanking Games and Techniques by Jules Markham
46. Painfully Obvious: An Irreverent and Unauthorized Manual for Leather/SM by Robert Davolt
47. The Fetish Fact Book by Paul Scott
48. F**k Fashion by Ben Westwood
49. The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating by Luna Grey
50. Beauty and Submission by Maria Isabel Pita
51. Histoire d'O / Retour à Roissy by Pauline Réage
52. The Better Built Bondage Book: A Complete Guide to Making Your Own Sex Toys, Furniture and BDSM Equipment by Douglas Kent
53. Rope Bondage: Precision and Persuasion with Rope with DVD (S/M Tech): Precision and Persuasion with Rope (Dem-lab Presents S/M Tech)by Scott Smith
54. Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
55. My Private Life: Real Life Experiences of a Dominant Woman by Mistress Nan
56. The Loving Dominant by John Warren
57. Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia-Rice
58. The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle [Complete]: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella
59. A Hand in the Bush: the Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington
60. Play Piercing by Deborah Addington
61. Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play by David Walker
62. Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy
63. Look into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life by Peter Masters
64. The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play (Toybag Guide) by Spectrum
65. Dances with Werewolves (Memoirs of a Spanking Model) by Niki Flynn
66. The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex: The Complete Resource for Women and Men by Karlyn Lotney
67. Venus in Furs (Penguin Classics) by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch
68. Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude by Guy Baldwin
69. The Real Bettie Page: The Truth About the Queen of Pinups by Richard Foster
70. The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies & Supplies (Toybag Guide) by Jay Wiseman
71. Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play by M.R. Strict
72. Becoming a Slave: The Theory and Practice of Voluntary Servitude by Jack Rinella
73. The Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend
74. The Toybag Guide to Clips & Clamps (Toybag Guide) by Jack Rinella
75. The Toybag Guide to Canes & Caning (Toybag Guide) by Janet W. Hardy
76. Latex and Nudes by James
77. Betty Page Confidential by Bunny Yeager
78. Erotic Bondage: Art of Rope by Edward Lee
79. Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton
80. Philosophy in the Boudoir (Penguin Classics) by Marquis De Sade D.A.F.
81. Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual and Entertaining Essays by Midori
82. When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton
83. Beauty of Fetish, The by Steve Diet Goedde
84. To Love, to Obey, to Serve by V. M Johnson
85. The Toybag Guide to Medical Play (Toybag) by Tempest
86. Slave, the: Marketplace Book Two (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
87. Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
88. Compleat Spanker (Complete & Spanking) by Lady Green
89. The Art of Spanking by Jacques Enard
90. Fetish 101: Celebrate Your Fantasies by Peter Czemich
91. Ask Larry by Larry Townsend
92. Asia Bondage by Steven Speliotis
93. Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage
94. Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/S Household by Machele Kindle
95. Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely by Bill Henkin
96. The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence (S/M Tech Educational) by Christina Parker
97. Soaked: A Watersports Handbook for Men (Boner Books)by Joseph W. Bean
98. The Female Dominant: Games She Plays by Claudia Varrin
99. The Control Book by Peter Masters
100. Ties That Bind: The S/M/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style by Guy Baldwin
101. The Catalyst by Laura Antoniou
Adding a new book that I want to read....102. The Forked Tongue by Flagg

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Under My Skirt

Under My Skirt

From their website: "Under My Skirt is a pansexual adult eZine dedicated to the very special and unique Daddy/little girl relationship. Through Under My Skirt, we hope to inform those who are curious, and provide a resource for those who love the Daddy/little girl dynamic as much as we do."

They are taking submissions for the eZine! So if you are interested in Daddy/little girl relationships please take a look at their submission page!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Seeing Friends and Daddy's Princess

We were out of town and then came back and got sucked into work again so I haven't had time to post....

I had the immense pleasure of seeing my long time friend DM and her slave. It was great to see them! The time went to quickly for me though. I wish I could have spent more time with them. It was my first time meeting boy but it felt like I had known him for so long. It was great though meeting him in person.

Really again I will say there wasn't enough time. I felt like I wanted to talk about so much and time just kind of got away from me. But I am still thrilled that I was able to see them even for that short of time. Getting time with them both made my week!

It also brought home again my missing out on lifestyle friendships here - here locally. When I lived in Cleveland -- I was out to everyone I met. Even vanilla friends/acquaintances eventually got told of my lifestyle. Most people I would call my friend - were in the lifestyle. Then I moved here to Master and I am now in the closet. We can't tell our friends here of our lifestyle. Our work and our friends are too closely mixed -- to make it possible. DM asked why we haven't moved to Denver. I mean now that Master owns his own business he could really pick it up and move it to Denver. But we don't want to live in Denver. 1) We would be too close to Master's parents 2) Master's business couldn't compete in the bigger market of what Master does now. 3) Master can't stand big city life -- he gets so fed up with traffic and just the busy-ness of it all.

While in Denver, we were out in a store that has things that often appeal to my little girl side. So Daddy told me to go look and then he bought me several little things! Crayon's with princess' on them! And little princess notepad and notecards that say Princess of Quite A LOT!

DM, boy and I were talking about little side. I think Master really didn't realize he had a Daddy side until me. I became little and he was like lets get that little girl some crayons and coloring books. He was all for it. He just naturally has that Daddy side. He like to buy me pretty little girl things, he like to hold me and give his girl hugs and wipe away my tears. He likes to tuck me into bed with my teddy bear.

As soon as I let that little girl out he plays right to that side of me (*there are reasons he doesn't usually do Daddy without me doing little girl first but not getting into that in this post but can come back to it sometime). And so I can in my little voice ask for ice cream and Daddy decides. I will say most of the time Daddy indulges me. But there are times Daddy says no. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I like that he says no. I like that he spoils me but it is good to have it balanced. In Denver with DM and boy I "almost" said I could get Daddy to do what I wanted. I stopped myself but DM caught what I was going to say. I stopped myself because I knew it wasn't true...I can't get Daddy to do what I want. Yes sometimes he indulges me. But as I said other times he says no. But more importantly I couldn't do it....I can't ask for things even as little girl often. I can't manipulate situations either -- it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel just awful when I have done that in past relationship. I just feel if Master/Daddy wants me to have something he will get it for me.

Like when we went to the store Daddy told me to go look - I didn't really think I would be getting anything. Daddy was standing with the people we came into the store with - in line at the check out while I looked. Just as they were finishing checking out I was about to head that direction and Daddy came to me and told me to pick out a couple things! I squee'd and wanted to jump up and down but just gave Daddy hugs and thanked him and then picked out a few things. yay for Princess things. But it wouldn't occur to me to beg or pout for things as little girl because it isn't me. It would make me feel uncomfortable and bad.

So although Daddy adore me and I can bat my eyes, giggle and give Daddy kisses -- I don't try to wrap him around my finger. I know it wouldn't work and it would make me feel like a bad little girl. I like being Daddy's Princes and don't want anything to ruin that!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Silence is Golden

I know I am guilty of saying all, never and should. I try to be careful to not do it. But of course I don't always manage it. Most groups online or offline, tend to get some that feel their way is the one true way. The "You should never...." or "All dominant should..." and FetLife hasn't been any different.

But over the years I have found that I don't always need to state my opinion. It has become a matter of letting go of the need to be right, need to prove myself or whatever the feelings were at the time.(They are hard things to own up to and of course I don't always succeed at it but try hard.) So I try hard not to feel like I need to state how it is in my relationship just because the original post doesn't fit how we do things. I try to stay on topic.

If I do feel I can add something to the discussion, I can disagree politely without putting another down. There is a difference between stating how it is in my relationship and implying everyone who doesn't do it our way isn't doing it right. There is a difference between sharing my experiences and preaching to others that don't do it my way that they are unsafe, wrong or insane. There is a different between "this is how we do it" and "this is how everyone should do it." There is a difference between saying, "in my relationship I have to...." and "as a slave we all should be....fill in blank... and if you don't you aren't really a slave.".

When someone posts something I wouldn't do and is asking for advice, I don't feel the need to tell them they are wrong. Because for their relationship obviously it isn't wrong. Plus I know that opening up and sharing can be hard so making others feel bad just closes them up. If I want to help others through my experiences - closing them up won't accomplish that.

So when someone asks for advice for something I wouldn't do or disagree with I try to do one of a few things -- stay out of it since it doesn't apply to my relationship. Or I try to give them suggestions on how it applies to their relationship. Or I share my experience in relating to the topic in a very clear factual way without emotions and without making judgments on how they do things. Maybe I can suggest a link, a bit of advice or a book that might help them. But if I don't have actually anything useful to say - well then I am not going to say anything. I try to remember even though I might not agree with it or would never do it in my relationship doesn't mean I always need to chime and state that because there are so many posts eventually a topic that is fit for expressing my opinion (despite if I agree or disagree) will come up for me to reply to. Because if my reason for wanting to post is to share my experiences for others to learn from then eventually I will be able to state that opinion in a relevant post that deals with the topic. Which will make it more receptive to people. And hopefully then others will read it and get something from it. But I doubt saying, "well I would never do that because as a slave disobeying just never crosses my mind and anyone who does that isn't really a slave or is just a wannabe" helps anyone. It doesn't state anything worth anything to anyone. Not even myself. It is offensive, condescending, negative and implying that others that do anything different then I do -- is disrespectful not only to the original poster but to Master. It isn't a good reflection of him to be feeling the need to be so superior.

I really try to remember to treat people how I want to be treated. If I asked for advice on a forum and everyone was telling me I am doing it wrong, I know how that would make me feel so I try hard not do that to others. I try to remember that just chiming in to chime isn't a good reflecting on Master. Because he wouldn't want me to make others feel inferior or bad that they did something another way. And really it is a just a lot of a wasted time and energy that could be focused elsewhere - like on Master and my service to him.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Motivations for Service

There is a good post on fetlife about motivations of service. (You have to be a member to see it.)

I related to these motivations for service....

Devotional Service - It for me is that sense of worship - where I am so caught into serving that I only see his needs and wants. Finding the things that enhance and make his life better I think can go here but also in positional and anticipatory service.

Positional Service - It is my station and place to serve so I serve -- there isn't anything other to do whether I like the service or not. I serve from positional service A LOT.I am owned and it is my place to serve Master - period.

Parental Service vs. Celebrity Service -- like the original poster I am not sure I see parental as service but I am trying to think outside my comfort zone. This is something that goes on in our relationship quite a bit but it is mixed with celebrity type service. The example used in the post for celebrity service is that the submissive would order the dominants food - making sure it is his/her preference, open doors, be a chauffeur - that sounds like a personal assistant to me almost. In our case often Master holds the door open for me, he orders my food, he drives (he likes to control of those things) and those are parental type service. But then I fix his ice tea when we are eating out. I make sure there is creamer on the table. If he is needing/wanting something like more water or a side of bbq sauce or extra salad dressing, I usually am the one that flags the waitperson. At home, I serve him dinner, I get anything he might need but try to have it all ready for him before hand. I set out his clothes. I don't see myself doing just one or the other. It is a mixture.

Anticipatory Service vs. Micro-managed service - when I first moved here there was definitely micro-managed service going on so that Master could teach me what he liked. He told me what to do and I did it. But I now do quite a bit of anticipatory service/assumptive service. I have learned through his training and observation what he wants or needs and do it without his active control or micro-management. I can say anticipatory service is an area of service for me that has slipped. I haven't been as good at it since Master started his own business. My service has changed slightly as I do more with the business. But it is something I would like to get better at again. There are some things that are second nature. I just do it without thinking because it is so automatic for me. But lately it feels like my brain can hold only so much and there are things that get missed at times.

The one that I didn't relate too -- is transitional service. But I can see looking back on my life that I did that one at various times of my life. Wanting sex, affection or a beating and serving to get those things. And that often feels like I am control because I know if I do such and such I will get something in return. It feels manipulative. And I know I wouldn't make me feel good over all.

Anyway it was good food for thought. And would be interesting to hear/discussion the talk in person.
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