Losing My Identity....?

So I have been Master's for over 3 years. And I have been doing this....this thing we do for even longer so you would think I would get some things BY NOW! But of course not....

Lately I have been plagued by the thoughts of losing my identity. Now I hate it when people come to me that don't understand the lifestyle and tell me if a person becomes a slave they lose their identity and that it is just about the dominant breaking the submissive down to be a mindless robot. Or those that are wanting to be in the lifestyle and think being a mindless nothing is all hearts and flowers SM. Neither really work for me in reality!

But that does not change the fact that I feel like I am losing parts of myself...

I believe we develop and progress in relationships and that in those changes I am becoming more me - shedding the layers to get - me. I think back on past relationships and this one is much different and that is not a bad thing, instead it is a very good thing. But I do at times wonder although I am gaining much from the relationship I do feel at times I am losing parts of myself.

I am so much more shy then I was before. I don't like going places without Master. I don't seek outside friendships and I used to be a social butterfly with many friends.

I have been doing the whatif...whatif Master releases me...whatif something happens to him and I am now too shy or can't go someplace without him and so on and so forth. I would have to but could I...and that is what has been going through my brain. Could I start over. I remember the days of having to not be shy because of my job but it just all seems so different now...after being his.


And so that has been bouncing around in my brain for weeks...I have been worried that I was losing my identity. But really I am just changing and evolving and identity and labels are not that important. Although that is a hard fact so swallow at times - it is true. Only thing that matters in my world is that I am serving and obeying Master. And I am.

I am not losing my identity. I am changing. And I am sure I will again.