A little Adventure

This week has flew by…

Master and I had to take a little trip Wednesday for His car. And it ended up being an adventure of sorts.

We started the day by stopping off at Borders. Master had gotten an email reminder from Borders and so He got me 2 early Birthday presents. A book of Georgia O’Keefe’s art and then the new Laurell K. Hamilton book Incubus Dreams. It is from a series of books by Hamilton that I enjoy.

After that, we got on the road. Master got a new car in April and has had a few little things go wrong with it. He bought the car in a town about 2 ½ - 3 hours away from us. Instead of dealing with the dealership here in town about these things, He decided He would bring it back to the dealership where He bought. And besides they have much better customer service then the one here.

We arrived in the small pretty town and dropped the car off. The flowers in this little town are beautiful. I wonder how much of their summer budget goes to the keeping those flowers looking so beautiful. They have probably every 10 to 20 feet 3 huge planters all along the main highway. Then downtown the lampposts have hanging baskets. But these are not just filled with a few flowers. The flowers in the planters and baskets cascade down the sites. You can’t even see the planters. The ones clumped in the planters just look like a big dome of flowers. Anyway, I love how they look.

Across the street from the dealership was the Field House of Natural History. So to kill time we went and checked it out while the car was being looked at. I really enjoyed it. It had been while since I had been in a Natural History Museum. I felt like a little girl with Daddy…I was following Him around pointing at all the Dinosaur bones and fossils. It was interesting. We had a nice time. I look forward to seeing Master’s pictures.

We could see the car sitting out so we knew it was done….so we headed back over to the dealership. All the men working there were….going on and on about Master’s car. How much they liked it. How loaded it is and they bet it drives really well. And it does. It was a big male testosterone thing going on.

After getting the car, Master decided we would take a different way home. The drive there is always nice, but of course seeing another scenic view would be nice too. So we got on the back highway.

As soon as we pulled off on the back highway Master stuck His hand into my dress and bra. He was pinching, squeezing, twisting and pulling my nipples. It hurt. He then would stop and put his hand over my mouth and nose. And then would stop and go back the nipples. Every once in a while He would mix some punching to my breasts.

Along the way, Master saw a sign for a power plant. Now we are way out by nothing. You drive and drive and all you see is oil well pumps, dessert, mountains and tumble weeds. You hardly ever - if not pass a car. He passes this power plant and then finds a back road off behind it. He has me get out or the car. He tells me where He is going to want me and informs me that He is going to have me take off my clothes so that I am just in my bra and panties. He really liked the bra I was wearing. It is really what inspired His sexual sadism streak Wednesday.

Of course, though just as I was about to pull my dress off…here comes a truck. First truck we have seen. Master just has me posing on these rocks until the truck is out of view. He then had me take my dress off and He snapped pictures. Behind me were a power plant and a junkyard of old cars and trucks. He liked the juxtapostioning of my soft curvy body next to the industrial look.

We then got situated again and back on the road. We drove for a bit and then came to a turn off for a dirt road that went down by a river. It had an old bridge that was standing, but a new bridge went up and over it. So the concrete base of the old bridge was there and Master had me get completely naked and stand next the concrete base. It was casting shadows across my body….so that I was half in the sunshine and half in the shadows. He took quite a few more pictures there then at the power plant. He liked them, but I looked at them started crying. Body image issues came right to the surface.

We drove for a little while more and then saw the turn off for what would head us back towards home. We were taking some back back (insert dirt) roads. They were curving and going on and on but of course, it was beautiful scenery. Anyway, we drive and drive and drive. We curve on these dirt roads. And eventually we then hit a gate across the road. The road that we need to go on is closed. So that meant we had to go all the way back out to the little highway to find another way through, as we were not getting through that way.

During this time we are on all these back isolated roads, Master and I start talking about isolation and other fantasies. Such as being locked away in a cabin. Chained, pissing in a bucket, alone, cut off from people, internet, news, phone and such. Being just this object of captivity. How Master described it made me wiggle in the car seat.

We talked about our life and things He wants to do….such as more closet isolation. More extreme isolation periods….restriction to internet, people, TV and phone. So, I feel that will be coming up in the future. We talked about where the line was for abuse in M/s relationships. We talked about home projects such as landscaping the yard. We talked all day and it was nice to have that kind of time with Master.

We finally did get to where we could meet back up with the main highway that we always take there. Because I had taken my bra and panties of early…I had never put them back on. It was getting late and so Master suggested dinner. Well we are in small towns that me going in looking like I was….would probably not be very acceptable. He pulled over onto another little side dirt road so that I could get my bra and panties back on.

When we finally got home and went to bed that evening, we had more fun in the bedroom. It was a very nice day of some fun SM, sex, and just good quality time with Master talking about so many things during our ride.

Just to note...we are going out of town...leaving soon and then won't be back until Sunday. Probably won't have an entry until Monday.

Quickie....Life Update and Books

Quick entry….again….long one coming tomorrow!

This week has been hectic and it has gone way too fast. There has been something going on everyday. Tomorrow we leave for a little get away. We are going to go do some things we have wanted to museums, shopping and such. But we are also going meet up with some friends for dinner. I am looking forward to it a lot!

We have a couple nights of free stay at a hotel so it will be nice. And I was told to pack toys! It will be nice since Master has been working so hard and it just feels like our quality time has been null and void lately! (Except for yesterday, which I will write about in the long entry tomorrow.)

A couple of lists I am on have been talking about lifestyle books….so I thought I would post a list of some of my favorites….

(* is all fiction works)

~> The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou* - This is one of my favorites. I have not read The Reunion yet but have it. The Marketplace is a fictitious setting but many of the feelings the slaves go through to me are realistic. And I very much relate to the feelings described in the books.


~> To Love, To Obey, To Serve by Vi Johnson - It is also a favorite of mine. My review of the book taken from our website: As people can tell from this website's very name, reality is important to us. And this book is reality. It is in the pure raw form. This book is a diary of Vi Johnson's life as a slave. It is from before the days of SSC and it will most certainly shock some when reading it. It is not for those seeking romantic masturbational fodder as it is far from it. It is an important book on consensual slavery.

I do need to say though that because it is in diary format, the writing style is hard to follow at times. And we don't get all the blanks filled in at times where it would have been useful because it is a diary. So it can be confusing at times, but again it is the reality of a slave. And an important read for those going into a Owner/property type dynamic.

~> The Story of O by Pauline Reage* - Of course a classic that I read a few times long before I new that people lived in BDSM relationships.


~> Different Loving by Dr. Gloria Brame & Jon Jacobs - this is the first BDSM book that I read - It has a little bit of everything in it and also was the first time I had read anything about D/s 24/7 and that really resonated with my desires.

~> Sleeping Beauty Series by Anne Rice* - Very much erotic fantasy. But I remember masturbating to it a few times! LOL No realism in this book. Just good masturbational fodder.


~> The Passive Voice by G. C. Scott* - It was erotic fiction with of course BDSM as a theme throughout. And it is terrible but I can't remember lots of it. I mean I think it starts of kind of vanilla and a girl wanting to explore her submissive side. But I can't remember the real plot of the book except that I enjoyed it. It was one of those first BDSM erotic books that I bought when I was specifically looking for BDSM type novels. G.C. Scott has written many more BDSM novels also. His Mistress Voice was another that Scott wrote that I read. Because it came in a 2 pack from the book club I got it from.


~> The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori - Beautiful book to look at and read. Really pretty how to on bondage.


~> The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt - Not really a lifestyle book but great if you are in a poly relationship. Talks about issues that come up when in Poly type relationships.


~> Hand in a Bush by Deborah Addington - It is a book on fisting and it is very good. It is practical as well as just a good book to read. And of course Deborah is great!


I know there are more...I just can't think of them at the moment.

Also listing a few I would like to read and might ask Master if I can buy a few with my birthday money.

Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin

The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella


Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual by Christina Abernathy

Like I said a longer entry tomorrow! Let me know any good books you would like to recommend, please!

Also kind of a ps...Master bought me Laurell K. Hamilton's latest Anita Blake book!

Quickie

Just a quickie tonight...

Of course I have all sorts of thoughts floating through my head that I want to blog about and of course I can't right now. I don't have the time. That is how it always works. When I have time, nothing comes to mind. When I don't, I have all sorts of things I want to write about.

I have been busy working on websites the last two days and so that is why I have not been able to blog. I will be away from the computer most of the day tomorrow, but am hoping to get in a journal entry when we get home tomorrow. And also catch up on the comments.

The last few days I have felt very down and depressed. Maybe it is my upcoming birthday. I feel birthdays should be special and a cause for celebration. But this year I feel very down about it.

Oh well I need to get to bed....as I need to get up early tomorrow.

But a quote first...

"It has taken me all my life to understand it is not necessary to understand everything." - Rene Coty

Quizzes

You're a vinyl/fetish corset. Grrrrowl.


What corset are you?
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What Season are you?



You Are Fall!
Thoughtful
Expressive
Creative
Poetic
Smart

Lotta Various Stuff

Art and Life
Today was very casual. Master had to work most of the day. So I did come cooking - I made quiche for breakfast and then we just had a light snack for lunch. I made Chili for dinner. We watched Bill Maher while Master took a break from working. I surfed and did just some clean up on the website while Master worked.

As I surfed, I came across several artists’ sites that was like looking at things I see in my head. And it gave me a little push to get me thinking about art again. I put it down a while back when we were busy with other things. And today made me realize I really need to make an effort to get a few things done so that I can give art more attention. Our spare bedroom has a lot of art supplies and such in it. But it is right now a storage room.

Oddly enough, I already had 2 projects dealing with the spare room included on my list for next week. And then the other realization that I want to make happen is I need to make time at least once a week to just work on something creative. I don’t need to be doing full-scale works of art and often you know that is what I think well I should do…this huge time consuming piece of work. Or I think I need to work on it until it is complete.

In this moment, it made me remember the book The Forgetting Room. The book is very good. It is a good lesson on self-awareness mixed with creating art. It is about an artist whose Grandfather dies. He goes to go through his Grandfather’s things…his Grandfather was an artist. It to me is about letting the real art inside a person come out. Recognizing one’s own identity as an artist. And at times that is how it is with me. I draw one thing and it ends up completely different…letting the true piece out. And I also don’t always recognize myself as an artist.

So next week I am going to work on getting those projects done and also draw some next week.

Notorious
So tonight, Master told me I could turn the TV on here in the office, as it was way too quiet in our house. So, I am watching an old b&w movie…Notorious. Devlin (Cary Grant) is making Alicia (Ingrid Bergman) move out of the driving seat at the beginning of the movie because she upset and drunk. And they are struggling and he is holding her down and has her by the wrists. Master then says I know why you like this movie…as Devlin is pushing Alicia down on the seat of the car.

Now….watching…Alicia is telling Devlin why he does not believe in her and why he does not like her…so she goes on how she is a little drunk and a no good girl and she is really digging at him about it and he finally GRABS her and kisses her passionately. Yum!

Ice Cream
Master and I have a guilty pleasure it is no sugar added ice cream by Dreyer’s (Edy’s on the East Coast). They have several flavors…but the one we have bought the most of is Triple Chocolate. And last time we got it – it was $3.68 and last night we did our grocery shopping it was $5.88. Can you believe it? It is a good tasting ice cream….low in fat and not bad on calories. But way too expensive! We still ended up getting some….Cookie Dough…but I need to look out for it being on sale.

Masturbation
Last night I was restless when I went to bed, so I asked permission to masturbate. There are sometimes I am just horny and ask. But last night I could just not get my mind to slow down and so I thought that would distract me. Sometimes it is just feeling the sensations but other times I think of fantasies. Last night a fantasy did pop into my head – it was of Master on a date and then bringing her home to have sex with her. And all the while I was locked in the closet! Of course, there were more details, but that was the gist of it. It was a hot fantasy for me. And did wonders to help me sleep soundly!

Unconscious Mutterings

Free Assocation...this is last weeks....i was able to free associate with it faster then i was this weeks.

1. Pointless:: a waste of time
   
2. Sadistic:: Master
   
3. Bunny:: Ayna from Buffy
   
4. Betrayal:: someone from my past..when I think of the word betrayal she is always the one that comes to mind
   
5. Oliver:: the Teddy Bear that Moni now has
   
6. Star Wars:: Trilogy
   
7. Let it ride:: Gambling
   
8. Ray of light:: Madonna song
   
9. Tight:: clothing
   
10. Gadget:: Gidget
    

Regarding Some Recent Posts and Life Update

I want to thank everyone who has commented on recent posts!

Regarding the Domestic Abuse looks similar to M/s post…

The NLA’s statement bothered me because it is putting a standard out there that is false. The thought of this being brought into a court of law or even maybe if someone has some overly concerned vanilla friends that happen on to it….could cause some problems. Because it is saying if you do any of these things then you are abused and if you don't then you aren't doing BDSM “right.”

And that is bothers me a lot! These type of statements are there to make vanillas think better of us instead of really being an useful tool. So I believe there is an agenda behind it that is not for helping those in the lifestyle and that is why it bothers me.

I believe if you are in an abusive situation, you wake up on day and figure it out. Or maybe that is how it was for me.


Regarding the Isolation post…

The thread was started on my favorite yahoo group about isolation (it spun off a thread on the NLA statement). I was asked for examples of isolation in my life and I was just going to cut and paste the ones I used in my journal entry. But then as I was rereading them and realized that many are not ones *I* view as isolation and more from what people have said is isolation in my life.

It is kind of odd because some of our just day to day stuff I have had people tell me is Master isolating me, but really with the context of our path and life it isn't isolation to me.

So these are the things that have been isolation in our M/s relationship…

seeking permission to make phone calls.

being restricted only to answer phone calls from Master

not having any contact with anyone via online chatting, phone or in physical person for a day to a week

being restricted in my movement - such as I have been chained to a the bed for a day or morning before. The chain reaches the bathroom just enough to go in a bucket or other times it has reached the toilet.

there has been various forms of SM type of isolation – being chained to the bed as I mentioned, being locked in the cage. being hooded, restrained, gagged for a longer period time then just "play" - but to slow me down, discipline, meditations and such.

When I first came to be with Master, He did more isolation to help me slow down and refocus my attentions. I was not allowed contact with anyone (just to let them know I got here safe and then nothing after that for a while). I was not allowed to get into my things, I was naked all the time, chained, hobbled and it was...really effective in getting me to a more serene place of going to be serving 24/7 instead of doing the long distance thing. It helped me slow down and start changing my focus and mindset.


Regarding Life…an Update…

Last night Master and I had a marvelous dinner….steak that I rubbed with garlic, peppers, coarse salt. And then green beans sautéed in soy sauce and a little onion and garlic. And we started with a salad that I made a dressing from light olive oil, red wine vinegar, a little Dijon mustard, basil and pepper. Master has been working evening so I know He really enjoyed having a nice dinner before having to focus on work.

Today Master worked from home. After breakfast, Master was coming through the kitchen and asked me what I was going to do. I said, “I thought I would take a shower.” We were being playful and he said, “what are you going to do in the shower.” I said, “umm duh Master” very playfully. Master took me by my hair and pulled my head kind of back baring my face to Him and He slapped me very light and playfully across the cheek. So He releases me and I patted Him on the bum. He grabbed me by the hair, turned me around, pulled my panties down very roughly and spanked me! We then stood in the kitchen kissing very passionately in that raw very primal sexual way people do….and soon ended up in bed fucking. Where he grabbed and twisted my tits. It was very hot and yummy!

Those impromptu times that are just caught in a mixture of passion and sadism is awesome.

I will probably have one or two political posts soon. They will be marked for those you who want to skip those.

Life Update and Isolation

Well life has been positively wonderful lately…. Master had a couple days off and we took full advantage of it. We had hot SM and sex on Friday and Saturday. And even some on Sunday too. The Domestic Violence looks similar to M/s post sparked Sunday’s fun. Yum! Yum!

Isolation seems to be a topic that I has come up in a lot lately. It actually is a dark desire of mine to have more extreme and semi-permanent isolation. Moving here to be with Master has been a big change to my state of isolation. I was very social before I moved to be with Master. I did things with friends a lot and was active in the BDSM community. I lived in Ohio and he lived in Colorado. I have friends and family all over the country, but I have some very good friends in Ohio that I was sad about leaving. I was very close to some people and so it was hard. I miss them a lot, but I do keep in touch. My family though was all out of state so I was not leaving them directly.

I have people I knew and also friends that were upset with me moving and expressed concerns about me moving across the country to be with Master. For years, I have heard concerns about the relationship that I sought. And of course heard concerns before moving to be with Master.

But through it all I knew what I wanted and knew that when I had the life I was seeking I would be very fulfilled. There was always this little piece of zen-like calmness that knew the things I wanted in a M/s relationship was what I have always wanted for my life. And of course, I found that with Master. So even through all the warnings and comments that I was insane, unsafe and not acting with consensuality in mind, I had to do what was best for me. I had faith in myself. And following that has landed me in a wonderful relationship with my Master that has been like no other for me. I am blessed and grateful that he found me.

I do have to say I did not listen to the people that attacked my beliefs. I always appreciate my friends thoughts but did not let their thoughts influence my beliefs. I did not let their negativity doubt my faith in what was best for me. Even before Master and came to be together, I stayed strong in my faith of knowing what was best for me. And then of course after coming to be Master’s….I had strong faith in my relationship and my slavery to my Master.

Okay so back on to the topic at hand….isolation…

I am happy and fulfilled in my relationship with my Master and the isolation he has used on me in our relationship has not damaged me, has not created boredom and has not made me lose my personality.

I think there are fine lines with isolation equating abuse. I have been in abusive relationships before and one even used isolation as means of control. But M/s relationships can look like abuse does not mean it is abuse. The feelings in the relationship are what make it abusive or not.

I like to be isolated by Master as it helps me feel centered. It also helps me know my place as property when I am struggling with submission. I know Master does it so that I can feel those things. He enjoys the mindset I get from it. But he also does it because he likes the control of it. And well as most people know, Dominant’s generally like control.

Isolation can come in varying degrees. There have been times where I have not been allowed to talk to anyone but Master. But it was not done 24/7. It was done for a day or week.

There are times in my life that I am isolated that I think some would think – I am extremely cut off and isolated. But I don’t feel I am and would like to be more extreme at times. I am not sure how realistic that is for our lives though.

Some examples of my isolation…
- I don’t work outside Master’s home
- I don’t drive even though I have a drivers license (that is in Master’s wallet)
- I seek permission to make phone calls or chat online at times
- I don’t have any local friends that are mine. All my friends are his friends and they are not close like they were in Ohio as I can’t be “out” here like I was in Ohio
- I don’t leave the house without Master – to do grocery shopping, errands or anything – I am always with him when I leave the house.
- Then there is he SM type of isolation – being chained to the bed for more then a night. Being locked in a cage. Being hooded, restrained, gagged…

All those things can and do happen in our relationship and I am perfectly happy and healthy. And even after periods of isolation (be it an afternoon or a week or whatever) I can still carry on conversations, express my personality in those conversation just as I did before…I was owned. I did not lose my identity - in fact I am finally able to be me. I feel now everything is better. As I am more happy and fulfilled and that comes out now.

Domestic Violence and M/s look similar?

Okay so the other night I was surfing and came across this website…
NLA Statement on Domestic Violence

And I was kind of amazed by answering the questions I believe…scratch that…I know they would consider me abused. Do M/s relationships and Domestic Violence look similar? Because after answering these questions I think they might! But I am not abused, so I think that list needs be seriously reworked. I am sure many will read my answers to the questions and feel I am in an abusive situation.

Before I get to the questions/answers…

For as long, as I can remember I have wanted to be in a relationship where I was used and abused. But the abuse that I want is a fine line to the abuse that this domestic violence statement was formed. If you have read this journal for any length of time you will have seen me talk about wanting to be treated like nothing or broken down. You will have seen me talk about my dark desires. You will have seen me describe experiences that some would consider abusive and I thought they were down right hot! The desires are not for everyone. And the type of relationship I am in is not for everyone. My desires are not the “norm” in SM or maybe majority is a better word. But they are *my* desires. I own them.

That being said have I been in abusive relationships? Yes, ones where it was not being broken down and fulfilled, but broken down and harmed. And that it difference to me, but still I own the relationship. I put myself in the situation. I can see some coming to the conclusion that – “okay she can’t distinguish a healthy relationship verses an abusive one.” But I am in a healthy fulfilling relationship for me. My relationship with Master is very healthy for me. It is the first time I have went into a relationship getting to know the person…making sure we were compatible to have a long term relationship. I have never been in such a wonderful M/s relationship. We have a solid foundation. We are compatible and know what path we want for our relationship. And that has not been true in the other relationships…especially the ones that I consider abusive.

When applying these questions to a few former relationships, the feelings attached were different – it was feelings of abuse. I was harmed in those relationships.

My past relationships that I feel were abusive were not positive for me. My relationship with Master is positive. And I guess that is probably the only way I see to explain it.

The answers to these questions are very honest for my relationship with Master and I stress: I am not in an abusive relationship. So one more warning these answers probably will look like abuse to some of you out there….but again I stress they are not abuse in *my* relationship.

Here are the questions from the NLA statement and then my answers...

Physical:
Does your partner ever hit, choke, slap, or otherwise physically hurt you outside the context of a scene? Yes, but we don’t scene that often - we play during sex. But we have SM elements in our relationship that are not part of sex or SM play. Master has slapped me when He felt I was out of line with something I said. And I don't see anything wrong with that within our relationship.

Has he/she ever restrained you against your will, locked you in a room, or used a weapon of any kind? Yes and I think if the deadbolt lock was on the closet again it might happen a little more. :)

Are you afraid of your partner? No I am not afraid of him in general. There have been times when I have been afraid, but it was rightful and appropriate to me.


Sexual:
Rape and forced sexual acts are not part of consensual S/M. - I disagree with that statement. I have known people who have been forced to be with members of the same sex or with multiple partners and it was consensual. And it would be consensual if it happened in our relationship too. Plus not like I always want to have sex and I have to just suck it up and deal (no pun intended okay maybe it was.)

Battering is not "agreed" upon; there is an absence of "safe words." - No safewords in our relationship.

Are you confused about when a scene begins and ends? - We don’t really scene per se. Master has created mindsets that have lasted beyond the sex or SM play.

Does your partner ever ignore your safe words or pressure you not to use them? - Don’t have any to ignore

Has she/he ever violated your limits? - My limits are now what his limits are and he probably had more then I did so that really does not affect me either.

Do you feel "trapped" in a specific role (e.g. top/bottom)? - It is not role to me. So, I am not sure how I would feel trapped. I don’t feel trapped in our relationship - I feel very fulfilled.

Does your partner constantly criticize your performance, withhold sex as a means of control, or ridicule you for the limits you do set? - He has used humiliation and degradation in our relationship in regards to many things – performance included. But I don’t see this really applying to our relationship because our whole relationship has Him controlling and me submitting.


Do you feel obliged to have sex? - Yes at times but that does not make me feel abused in my relationship.

Does your partner use sex to make up after a violent incident? - No violent incidents that would be considered abuse in my eyes - in our relationship so this would not apply. But I know we have had times where others would consider it violent and had sex after. But I think it is just hot sex after hot violence!

Isolation:
Does your partner isolate you from friends, family, or groups? - Yes he has. He just commented on the other day he left me alone with his co-workers and that is the first time he had done that. Every time I have been around his co-workers, he has been there. He was wondering if anyone found it odd. We didn’t though.

Property:
Has your partner ever destroyed objects or threatened pets? - No but he has talked about destroying some of my things and it just makes me feel more owned. He would not threaten pets….as the kitty cats are his and even if they were mine he would not do that.

Economic:
Does your partner limit access to work or to material resources? - I don’t work because that is what he wishes…so I guess that could be construed as limiting my access to work. He does limit at times my access to internet and has talked of limiting my access to news and such…cutting me off from society.

Ever stolen from you or run up debts? No he has not.

Emotional/Psychological:
Are you or your partner emotionally dependent on one another? - I am emotionally dependent on Master. But I think in intimate relationship vanilla or not we all come to some sort of emotional dependency.

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close? No, but there are times Master does distant himself from me but again I don’t define this as abuse.

Is your partner constantly criticizing you, humiliating you, and generally undermining your self-esteem? He has criticized, he has humiliated and he has degraded me but again I don’t consider this abuse in our relationship.

Does your partner use scenes to express/cover up anger and frustration? Master has used me to get frustrations out. He has also hit me in anger and I still don’t feel this is abuse in our relationship.

Do you feel you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you? Yes I do feel I can discuss anything with Master.

8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude

From the Daily OM...

These to me were so on it...I had to post them here!


8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude: There Is No Obstacle Too Great

1. Become mindful of your thoughts and let them occur without judgment. As you recognize self-limiting beliefs and feelings, eliminate them by focusing on positive thoughts about the present and future.

2. The author Charles Dickens advised, "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Don't brood over mistakes, carry grudges, or harbor hate.

3. Worrying is a wasted effort and the breeding ground of doubt. It will lead you to contemplate potential losses rather than effective solutions. The antidote to worry is positive action.

4. Adversity comes to each of us in time. Expecting rather than dreading this adversity can make challenging periods seem less daunting and will allow you to accept that you possess the strength to conquer each obstacle as you have conquered obstacles in your past.

5. Assume that hidden in every setback there is a lesson. Consciously choose to think of the challenges you face in a positive way: as a learning experience, an opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, or the first step on a new path.

6. Think about what you desire, not what you fear. Visualize future successes with the belief that you will achieve them, and then take action. When you are working diligently toward a goal, there will not be time to ponder the obstacles.

7. When negative thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm you, take a "time out" and do something that makes you happy. Letting yourself be swept away in a favorite activity or meditation will inspire well-being.

8. Be confident that no matter what adversity you face, you will be strong enough to remain positive and optimistic. Knowing that there is no obstacle you cannot overcome will give you that strength.

Him!

Master is home!

I won’t be able to find words that will describe how extremely proud I am of Him. He made a video – something He had never done and He did an incredible job. It might even be put on public TV. I am so proud of Him.

And then to top it off…He won an award. Every year he and his peers nominate a person who was the most valuable to the team and Master was the person that got it this year.

He is proving repeatedly how technology helps their field. And more and more people are coming to Him for it. I think he is really heading on a great path for his career and I am so happy for Him and so proud of Him.

We are taking a day trip today to see the colors changing! I think it is appropriate for the time in our life….autumn equinox was yesterday and lots of changes coming to this fall for us.

Lotta Links...

Everything...news, political, wine, lifestyle and more....a little bit of everything!

Swaggart wants to kill gays.... Uggghh!

Country Singer Banned.

Judge oversteps the line in a BDSM Case

Find Local Wine Events!

An oldie for me but a goodie...Internal Enslavement

Hobble Skirts

Eternity Collars

Laylah Martelli Archives

Michael Moore not going for the Oscar

A message from Michael Moore for those who are told to give up and just vote Bush

Daily Om and Daily Zen

Birthday Wish....

It is a friend's birthday today and she does not celebrate it. I guess I feel that birthday's should be celebrated. I look at her life and think of all the things she has accomplished. All the people she has touched and I feel that is worth celebrating. So, tonight I wish her Happy Birthday and light a candle to celebrate her....because I am grateful she was born....as she has blessed my life as a friend.

So....

Happy Birthday!

Tarot Reading...

I did a simplified celtic cross tonight....

1. Ace of Cups – Your experience to date
2. The Devil – Where you are now
3. Seven of Cups – The Near Future
4. Ten of Wands – You in the environment of the Future
5. The Tower –Best you can hope for
6. The Fool - Outcome

Busy

So, this week has been very hectic. Master has been beyond busy and my job has been trying to make everything go smoother for Him.

I don’t even remember what we did as all the days are smushed together. Thursday afternoon though I went with Master to work. We ran errands for His work. And then I helped them get ready for this big meeting. It was nice to chat with His co-workers. Two bad things – I started getting a migraine (but kept on working) and I saw a mouse (BIG fear of MICE – BIG!). We left about 10pmish, but got several projects done.

Then Friday Master woke up to emails wanting more changes to the major project He had been doing and thought was done. He had about 10 projects that people wanted Him to help with…as He is the tech guy that can make things pull together with style. As the tech part kind of stumps a lot of people in His office. So He had several projects but one project was IT. It was the thing He was enjoying the most even with the headache of it. It was producing a video. And it turned out GREAT! And I am very proud of Him. He did an amazing job! I found out today that His big big boss thought it was incredible.

Master left this morning for the conference and will be back Tuesday. He already had a busy day but He sounded totally pumped after His boss’s comments and others after seeing it today.

I actually went back to bed for a bit after He left as I am exhausted too. I know He is too. After I got up, I did some cleaning that did not get done this week with helping Master. I then did some cooking. We had more tomatoes left this week with all our running around we did not eat dinner at home much this week. So, I decided to make some sauce and freeze it. It was the first time I made homemade sauce…it seemed like it turned out.

I then spent the afternoon watching TV. Do you know how long it has been since I have just sat in front of a TV without doing something? I mean even when I watch TV I am usually doing something – folding laundry, getting bills ready for Master, filing, clipping coupons, and so on. But today I just vegged in front of the TV. I watched a strange assortment of movies…On A Clear Day You Can See Forever with Barbra Streisand (which truthfully I had on while making the sauce it was not until the next one that I sat down and vegged), Somewhere In Time with Christopher Reeves and Jane Seymour, and then Mannequin with Andrew McCarty and Kim Cattrall. So, you can see it was literally vegging in front of the TV as it was not anything that involved thinking!

My Dad is irritating me…I have been getting political emails from Him. Tonight was about praying for Bush. He knows I will not be voting for Bush, so why does he feel the need to annoy me so! I started an email to him, but I want Master to read it before I send it.

Tomorrow I want to clean the office while Master is not in it…as He has been in it a lot lately. It needs some serious cleaning. I have a few other projects to do while He is gone. And emails…I still am not caught up on my emails.

Well I am going to veg some more before going to bed.