Abandoned Toys

I asked yesterday on Twitter "does anyone have BDSM toys in their collection that they really like but they just don't use that often? Why does that happen?"

We have quite a few toys we don't play with and my take on why that happens with us is that we get caught up in the heat of the moment and just grab what is on/in our nightstand and Master uses his hands A LOT....spanking, grabbing, squeezing, slapping and punching. So we just don't make it to the bigger type toys like floggers, cane, whip and so on.

I asked the question because Master used a toy on me recently that we rarely use but I LOVE. It hurts like hell but I love it. Master and I both talked about how we need to play with those toys more. Oddly for us it is setting aside time to play in that manner. We play with sex always but to "scene" per se we don't do often so need set that time aside.

We both talked about how much fun we had and how relaxing it was for both of us. And with Master's busy schedule he really could use some down time and getting frustrations out by beating me - well I am all for that.

Pleasurists

rough 02 by freakshow9

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists 137? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 139? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday July 17th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• BodyWand Massager Giveaway Deadline: July 15th @ Midnight Eastern.


• Curvelicious Giveaway Deadline: July 15th.


• Giveaway! Deadline: July 15th @ Midnight Mountain.


• First Mate Silicone Dildo Giveaway Deadline: July 24th.


• Shay’s Contest! Deadline: July 30th.


• Crystal Causes $12,000 sex toy giveaway & community fundraiser Deadline: July 31st.


• Buy Short Erotic Story PURR And Win A Free Sex Toy! Deadline: July 31st.


• Giveaway! Deadline: August 7th.


• Fetish Fantasy Pink Passion Bondage Kit Giveaway Deadline: August 10th @ 11:59pm Eastern.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

• Marble 5″ by Mistress Kay


• Doc Johnson Alumination by The Nymphomaniac Ness


• Little Secret Kiss by buzzvibe


• BodyWand Rechargeable Massager by Mistress Kay


• WetForHer’s Three Luxe by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew


• Dual Action Hummingbird by Kit O’Connell


• Curvy Toyfriend by Bzzingbee


• BodyWand by Bzzingbee


• Tantus Tease by Wilhelmina Wang


• Black Magic Pleasure Kit by Mistress Kay


• Now & Again by Kisses and Kinks

Dildos

• The Devil by Bzzingbee


• Rainbow Amor by Kitty Stryker


• Bree’s Colossal Cock by PandaDementia


• Amethyst Dildo by LadyToyBox


• Glass Pleasure with Swirls by the bedroom blogger


• Icicles No.17 by Toys in Love


• Captain by Red Vinyl Kitty

Anal Toys

• Tantus B-Bomb by Danae


• Vixen Tristan 1 by Beanfiddler

Sleeves, Cock Rings, & etc.

• Cyberskin Pussy Stroker by LadyToyBox

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Wet Naturals Silky Supreme by Pixel


• Sliquid Swirl by The Nymphomaniac Ness


• Romance Pleasure Kit by Teagan Shepard


• Sliquid Swirl Blue Raspberry by The Nymphomaniac Ness


• Shunga Divine Oral Pleasure Gloss by CLP


• LELO Flickering Touch by LadyToyBox

BDSM/Fetish

• Spartacus Fleece Lined Blindfold by Pixel


• Green Lightning Double Trouble Acrylic Cane by Mistress Kay


• Marilyn Wrist Cuff by Red Vinyl Kitty


• Pinwheel by K__

Adult Books & Games

• Miss Vera’s Crossdress for Success by Mistress Kay


• Sex at Dawn by Kit O’Connell


• Pandora: An American in Prague by Mistress Kay


• Carnal Machines by Kitty Stryker

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Behind The Red Door by Ginger Leigh


• Songs in the Key of Sex by J.D. Bauchery


• Addicted to Pleasure by Ginger Leigh


• Nowhere Angels by J.D. Bauchery


• This Ain’t Happy Days XXX (Disc 1) by Ginger Leigh

Sex Furniture

• Liberator Black Label Wedge/Ramp Combo by True Pleasures


• Liberator Escape by the bedroom blogger


• Liberator Wedge by Beanfiddler

Lingerie

• Anais Light Up Stappy Chiffon G-String by The Nymphomaniac Ness

Miscellaneous

• The Understudy Kit by Kitty Stryker


• Fun Factory Teneo Duo by Pixel

Review: B-Bomb Anal Vibrator

My first impressions of the B-Bomb Anal Vibrator were it's color, a pretty deep purple and the moderate shape and size in comparison to other anal vibrators. When Master lubed me up to insert it, I didn't need to stop and catch my breath or relax my ass muscles. The silicone has flexibility that ensures it sliding in very easily. Inside the base of the anal vibrator is a small battery bullet that contains three small watch batteries which were included. Once the batteries are installed in the sealed bullet, it fits very snugly inside the silicone base. A small button at the bottom of the bullet springs the vibrator to life. When inserted, the vibrations are not overly powerful where they numb you out, but they were just perfect stimulation to keep me turned on. Master spanked me with it in and it was a very nice combination of sensations - both vibrations of the B-bomb anal vibrator and spanking together.

There are a couple of things I didn't like about this anal vibrator. Due to my latex allergy, I need silicone based products. This B-bomb anal vibrator is silicone but it is a tacky (as in sticky) one. However it's not completely sticky but it is just a little tacky to the touch. For instance, when I lay it down (as it can't stand which I will get to in a moment) on the bed or a towel it comes away with some fuzz on it. Not much but a little - I just know I will need to be careful not to lay it on anything that it can come away with a lot of lint.

My other problem is the vibrator doesn't go all the way in. I can see by the design, it's good because it makes it easier to open the vibrator to replace the batteries and to pull it out of the base of the plug, however it sticks out a bit and thus making it very impractical. After we were done playing, I turned the vibrator off but didn't take it out. When I rolled over and sat flat, the B-Bomb turned itself on again due to the on/off button that's located at the base of the bullet. This isn't the type of plug you could wear while just sitting around the house as it would turn on and off as you move, but during sex and having fun in bed - it did great!

One thing I read about AFTER using the B-Bomb was the instruction to use a little water based lube on the bullet before putting it into the base of the plug. Then that way it won't be so difficult to take out and put back in after cleaning it. If you don't lube the bullet, it is very hard to get the bullet back out of the plug. This bullet is waterproof so just a little water based lube on it is suppose to be okay and help with that problem. I haven't tried it yet but I will be NEXT time for sure.

The B-bomb did give me the sensation that it wanted to fall out. After it was inserted, the plug came back out a little but not all the way. During the entire time we played with the B-Bomb, it just wasn't snug in my ass but I don't think that is a big deal. It still felt very good even though it wasn't snug. I still felt the fullness of it in my ass and the vibrations to be quite pleasurable. However, I did find it starting to be pushed out when I had an orgasm, but I've had my vaginal vibrators do that too. But I really again don't find this to be a big problem as I am having the orgasm so I am really done with the anal vibrator anyway.

I think this anal vibrator is good for those who have already started out with a small butt plug and might ready for the next step. This is a good toy for those who are experienced, but who have not tried a vibrating anal plug. It isn't overly big but does have a moderate full shape to it. The silicone composition makes it nice to slide in and it has nice vibrations sending wonderful little tingles of sensation through the ass. The B-bomb has lots of options when cleaning it - you can use it with soap and water, toy cleaner, a ten percent bleach solution, wipes or you can boil it or stick it on top rack of your dishwasher to sterilize. Since it is a silicone toy it is best to use a water based lube. And not to store it next to any other silicone sex toys. Over all I really do think it is a nice anal vibrator and I am sure we will be breaking it out in our play often.

Connection

* I got my hair cut - almost 11 inches off. I haven't had it this short probably since I was in high school. I wanted something different and decided it was hair and if I didn't like it - it would grow back out. And well I don't really like it. I think I will like it a bit better when it just grows out a bit more. But right now it is too short. All this was with Master's approval. He likes it but knows it wasn't what I was going for when I went to get it cut.

* The hair stylist was asking me how I wanted my bangs. And I said to the side and longer. I told her I usually did shorter straight across but since I am going to part on the side I wanted longer to the side. And she said well since you are so young you can pull that off. And I kind of laughed. I said, "I am 43 - is that young?" Because she had to have been in her late 30's so calling me young made it seem like she thought I was I was younger then her. And it turns out she did. She was stunned. She kept repeating that there was no way she would have guessed I was 43. She thought I was really young. She never said how young but I am guessing younger then her. So that was a nice compliment. But I thought the whole bangs comment was weird that having bangs on the side was only for young women. When did that happen?

* I don't have pictures of my hair yet - because I don't like it.

* I am happy to report though Master can grab my hair and get a good grip into it. Because the other day he came home from an appointment and came in the door grabbed my hair and bent me down...just kind of wielding me which way he wanted and then finally kissed me. Kissed me long and deep and hard - all while his hand was still pulling my hair. Made my knees weak.

* Master's girl aria came to the house for the first time on Sunday. This will be a more regular thing now which is a good thing. But it stressed me to the max. I am obsessive about the house and guests. And this is her first visit - so she is a guest even though she is becoming family. I know that probably doesn't make sense but I am neurotic.

* Right now the business - has been taking my time full-time. And so I just don't have time to keep the house up. I was cleaning the bathroom the other day and dusting the tops of these lights we have at the very top of the ceiling that need a step stool to clean - and they hadn't been cleaned in I don't know how long and it bothered me A LOT. I thought about when Master didn't have his own business and worked outside the home - and I was basically a domestic slave full-time - the house was really clean. And now it gets to be too much. I don't know how other slaves do the full time job and all the domestic stuff. And it isn't just time - I mean I know I can manage my time better but it is also energy. By the time I have done all the work for the business I am so mentally exhausted that I feel physically exhausted as well.

* I mentioned in a post a while back a couple that might move to the area and then decided against it - well the are moving to a nearby town. So we are very excited to have them close. They are in town before moving into their new home and so we got together with them for breakfast yesterday morning. It was so nice to catch up with them. And so great that they will be closer to us now.

* We went to a local munch. It was our first and I know it will get better once we get to know people. I also know I was really spoiled by my Ohio friends - they made it easy to make friends being so warm and welcoming. I miss them so much.

* Just had a movie night with Master and aria - watched the first Harry Potter movie. Gearing up for the final movie. During the movie Master reached over and just grabbed one of my breasts like he has a vice grip instead of a hand. Damn it hurt. Just sitting here typing it - makes my breast throb from pain again.

Master and aria are having some quality time now. Master and I are spending tomorrow together. I got my period last night and right away I thought that might ruin our plans and it was like he was reading my mind because he said to me that is not going to ruin our plans. Unfortunately I did hurt my knee today so I hope that doesn't ruin anything. Did get a chance to play with a new toy recently and will have a review up on it in a few days. Sunday aria will be back over to spend the day with Master.

Well I am going to take some time to just do some emails and work on my review. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Review: The Violet Ripple Anal Plug

Master and I went out to dinner one night and on the way home we picked up our snail mail. In the mail box was package. Neither us could recall ordering anything, so I puzzled over the return label to see who it was from. It was so discreetly packaged I couldn't figure it out. My eyes lit up when it dawned on me that it had to be the anal plug from Eden Fantasys!

We had just talked that morning over breakfast about setting aside time the next morning to play because our weekend was going to be incredibly busy and we wanted time to connect and enjoy each other. So the plug arriving the day before we were going to play seemed to be perfect timing.

I was really surprised by how pretty the anal plug is. When I took it out the package and set it on the table it looked so pretty just sitting on the table and well - it is sexy looking too. That made me want to play with right away. Every time I look at it sitting on my night stand I think, "oh yes lets play" - it just is so pretty and sexy. The Violet Ripple Anal Plug is an attractive color and elegant design. It is made of incredibly smooth Pyrex glass (no sharp edges, no seams, nothing that might cut or scrape) and it can be cleaned very easily. You can even put in the dishwasher. I washed it with hot soapy water - just like I was washing dishes (but just washed it alone of course.) It comes with a little drawstring bag to store it in. I like that as it gives it a little protection instead of just rolling around in the drawer that I store many of my sex toys.

I am not new to anal play. I really enjoy it even though it is something we don't do that frequently. Even though I'm not a beginner - I don't feel I am just able to slip a plug in and go. So when it came time to play, Master put plenty of lube on me and the toy. He slipped fingers in and out before trying the plug to help me relax a little bit.

The Violet Ripple's caused some uncomfortableness when it reached the widest point upon insertion. I would have to ask Master if he could stop for a moment. After taking a few breaths, I could relax and then he can continue pushing the plug in. After it slides in, it just feels heavy inside. It's made from solid glass, so it makes sense that it will be heavier than a rubber or silicone one. There is no give to the plug. Heavy feels good to me, like it won't come out as some of the other plug products I've experienced before.

I had it in for about an hour the first time just sitting and doing things. I even had an opportunity to wear it out in public and had no issues. The hardness of the glass might be difficult for some people to take but I do have some extra padding on my bottom so that might make a difference. I do notice the plug inside, but that isn't a bad thing to me. I actually notice it is there more because where it stretches and goes thin around the neck of the plug. I just feel that stretching even after it has been in a while. I become very sensitive to the feeling of it in me, so walking around, sitting or tending to things - I notice it. It is a good sensitive sensation to me where it turns me on.

After reading some of the reviews and comments on Eden Fantasys, there has been the worry about the base being too small. I LOVE it! I absolutely love the fact it doesn't have a wide base to it. I didn't have any problems with it slipping all the way in, nor do I get the sense I would ever have a problem with it doing that. I love how close it fits on my anus opening. Many of my previous anal plugs had a wide base on them that had a square or oddly shaped such as the one pictured below.

With previous butt plugs, the square base usually sat between my ass cheeks. When I walk with the plug, what does that do to the plug? It moves that base....moving it back and forth, back and forth - just like you are unscrewing it ... and yes that is exactly what ends up happening so that they come right out. It wouldn't matter what size the plug was either. I've had larger sizes than the Violet Ripple and they would almost always start to pull it out when I walked because of the movement of my butt cheeks moving the base and eventually pull it downward and out. Thankfully the Violet Ripple isn't that way. Although the hardness of the edges made me fully aware the plug was there - it never felt like it was going to fall out when I moved - even though it was heavy. One would think that with the additional weight of the plug, that there would be a greater tendency for it to fall out, but I didn't get that feeling.

Because of the smaller base, the Violet Ripple was harder for me to insert and remove by myself. Mainly this happened because my fingers get slippery with lube. So once I finally get my ass and plug lubed up, I have to make sure to clean off my fingers so that I can get a good grip on the plug to insert it. Because the plug is made from glass and has a smaller base, it kept slipping from my fingers when I had lots of lube on them.

When I found out I was allergic to latex, I was very disheartened as I had to throw out a bunch of my sex toys where I wasn't positive if they were silicone or not. Anal plugs weren't something I had replaced - yet. So I was really excited to have an opportunity to try out the Violet Ripple anal plug and I can tell you that I am not disappointed in the least. I can't wait to use it again and again. It is a sexy and a pleasure to use. I know it will get a lot of use.

*photos in the post are mine. To see better photos of the Violet Ripple Anal Plug please go to Eden Fantasys

I'm Coming Out

Is there any way to come out without having the Diana Ross song I'm Coming Out in my head? I don't think so....



Last year when both my Uncle and my former Master died, my depression really took a downward spiral and I sat in my doctors office and started crying. He called in the therapist from down the hall. And since that day - I have been seeing a therapist. I am so thankful for it. It has helped so much not only for my grief but just helped me with other issues I had going on.

I have not outted myself to her about the M/s relationship I have with Master, but I have told her about some of my past relationships - that I enjoyed kink and that I have been poly in past relationships. I also told her I was an escort. But she doesn't know anything about my current relationship dynamic. Master has been in support for me coming out to her about our relationship. But I just haven't been comfortable with it. Although I adore her and trust her to be very open-minded as she has been about everything I have told. I know bottom line if she feels something is harming me she will tell me. And I don't want to hear it if she thinks that some of my problems stem from our dynamic. Yes, we do think that some of my problems do stem from it because of the isolation and the dynamic creating co-dependency issues that cause a chain reaction of other issues such as I now have social anxiety issues that I have always had but now are amplified because of the isolation and because I do everything with Master.

A little history, I have done therapy in my late twenties to mid-thirties. Every therapist I came out to was very uncomfortable with the kink and D/s. It was the reason I stopped going as I felt it was making my relationship with my therapist too uncomfortable and I was sick of feeling judged by it so I stopped going even though I felt I still needed some help to sort through some things.

So there is that little voice sounding off inside me that I might be judged. The hard part is that I like my current therapist so much that I don't want to do or say anything that might hurt that connection I've made with her. While I realize she isn't like any of my past therapists the insecurity remains.

Bottom line, I am so thankful I finally gave in to seeing someone. My doctor had asked me repeatedly over the years if I wanted to go to see someone. I have been on anti-depressants for the last couple of years. So when we have our yearly review of medications, he asks if I want to talk to someone and I've always said no. Too many bad experiences and the feeling of being judged I had to wrangle the thoughts in my head about starting over with my life history with someone new. As it was, it took almost 2 sessions to just do the intake with her.

But with last years events...I needed help. I am so thankful that my doctor pulled in my therapist and I am so fortunate that we've clicked. I mean really instantly I felt comfortable with her and I just started spilling. She made me feel comfortable and she is really good at giving me a perspective that works for me - in a way that makes me be able to see it. She gets inside my head really easily - knows how I tick. It is really amazing sometimes she knows what I am thinking when I feel I am sitting there straight faced but having an "Oh Shit" moment. She knows it too. She has helped me in communicating in difficult situations like with my father who is so hard to talk to - who has a knack for pushing my buttons. It's been incredible how she's helped me in so many ways.

So skipping ahead a bit. Several months ago Master started seeing someone local and it is hard to not talk about it - in therapy. It was hard not mention Master's girl. (I don't have a name to call her in this blog yet - something we will work on though) I've had some issues. Issues I felt my therapist could help me sort through. So with Master's blessing, I came out to my therapist about the poly.

WOW!

She handled it AMAZINGLY!

It was that moment where I wished everyone was like her! Really every issue - the kink, the escorting - she has always handled so well. I asked her if she knew what poly was and she gave me the definition without having to go to a book or to the web. When I had told her about Kam and poly (early on in our sessions), we just went over things briefly. Ever since then I didn't know if she even knew what I meant when I mentioned poly before. I had explained to her that when I moved in with Kam, he was involved with more than one woman with all of our knowledge and consent. I discussed that I enjoyed it but also some of the issues I had with it. I told her towards the end of that relationship, I dated multiple men and women - again with everyone's knowledge and consent.

She told me that whatever is done between consenting adults she felt was fine as long as everyone was okay with it. (Insert gaping mouth expression.) No ridicule, no condemnation, no criticism. Then when I told her about Master seeing his girl, the same thing. No qualms, no judgment, no problem. She has really great views about poly. How I feel she gets it, stems from some of the things she has said to me about poly are the same things I've said to others who have approched me for advice. I guess sometimes it is hard for me to take my own advice, but hearing it from her has been good. She has a different perspective on other things though too, so that helps too to hear another view. She just in general has a wonderful view on poly which makes even more relaxing to open up and share. We had a whole rant one day when we were talking about sex and poly - and she said "Americans are just to uptight about sex."

She has some different views though that just wouldn't work in my dynamic so I've had to just politely nod. Will I out myself someday that I'm in the M/s, bdsm lifestyle? I really don't know. Master says I will. But I do know she has been great about everything else I have told her so part of me thinks she'll get it. Of course there is the other part of me that worries about how all of this will be seen in the big picture. I just know that there have been times when I just sit there looking at her like wow are you for reals? I have lucked out to have such a great therapist and glad I have come out to her about the poly.

Tug & Slap

After suckling Master's cock for a while last Saturday, he pulled my head up by my hair - pulling on it fairly hard. And it instantly hit that spot in me....where it turned me on from my head to my toes. My nipples went from soft to hard and I had little goose pimples on my body from just that sensation. Master and I hadn't had any other SM play so it had just been that pull on the hair that made me wet instantly.

Master tugged on my hair just a little harder and then slapped me HARD. An orgasm ripped through my body fast. I haven't had that happen in a while where I came just from my hair being pulled and one single hard slap to the face. But damn it was good. And it kept me dripping wet all day long and so needful that I masturbated about 5 times.

Master's Moods

There is a thread on FetLife about how slaves pick up and react to their Owner's moods. This has always been a problem for me with Master. When he didn't have his own business and worked outside the home, his hours were insane and he was always stressed so he would come home cranky quite a bit and whatever he was feeling quickly became how I felt too. It was hard for me to not to take his moods personally too. I often felt as though he was mad at me even though logically I knew it was his job. But his demeanor along with the mood just made it feel like he was mad at me. So it was hard for me to shake off.

At one point I started to try be so cheerful and happy that it would help his mood but it didn't usually help his mood. And just frustrated me and made me cranky too. I only found 2 things that helped make get him out of that mood but both are hard to accomplish when he is cranky. It took a lot of clever and cunning work on my part and timing - timing had to perfect - and that was to make him laugh. And I am not a funny person. I just don't make people laugh so it takes lot thought on my part and timing to get it done right. And when Master is mad not a lot of things seem funny to him so again takes just the right things to make him laugh. And the other thing that will work but again timing has to be right is to coax him out of his pants so I can give him a blowjob. A blowjob does wonders for his mood. :)

Now that he works at home - he is cranky less often but when he is, I am still a sponge soaking up his mood. He gets up before me and if I get up in a good mood and he is in bad mood - it can ruin my whole day even if he gets in a better mood by the end of the day. I have had depression on and off my whole life and unfortunately sometimes that mood can make me sink. I just get really spiraling into it. And again even though he might get out of the mood - doesn't mean I do. I just have trouble pulling myself out at times.

We also have to add in that we are in a poly relationship because it of course works that if he is having problems in his other relationship that can bleed into ours. And that is hard to deal when he becomes distracted and moody because of it. And vice versa - he and I are having a problem and it bleeds to them. And is distracted and moody with her. So it becomes a chain reaction.

I think it common that those in relationships feel the moods of others in the relationship. I know that Master at times feels my moods too. For us though we try to be open and clear about what we are feeling so that the other person knows it isn't there stuff. Master will tell me that he isn't mad at me that he is having a bad day with work things and that helps me not soak those emotions up as much. Or I just ask what is going on to see if I can help and then help and if not it helps me take a step back from it. Of course it doesn't always work as I said above I have a history of depression so I can get caught into the spiral of emotions. But trying is what matters. And keep trying is what matters. And sometimes it works.

Fast

A list as my life is going all too fast these days.....

* We have lots of work and I am so thankful! Our business is going good. And that is very good. We are however very tired and stressed because of all the work.

* I am thinking of doing Eden Fantasy reviews :)

* Master is seeing someone kind of localish. He has known her for over a year. We have all 3 spent time together...but I am still in the getting to know her phase.

* We (as in all 3 of us) went and had a day trip on Sunday together. We packed a picnic and had it next to a waterfall up in the mountains. I made a pasta salad that I will be posting the easy recipe on domestic servitude next week.

* Last Friday was the year anniversary of my Uncle dying. And I did okay.

* Sunday will be a year since Kam died. I have processed a lot of anger and unresolved feelings with Kam in this last year and am thinking that I should do a little ritual or at least sit down and do something for me...for us to help let that go more formally.

* I downloaded photos from my camera the other day and found quite a few photos for recipes I need to post to domestic servitude.

The Nun's Story

The Nun's Story is a movie which stars Audrey Hepburn. I checked it out from the library when I decided I wanted to do an Audrey Hepburn movie extravaganza one weekend. The Nun's Story was one of the few Audrey Hepburn movies I hadn't seen though.

I have always had a fascination with nuns even though I am not catholic. On A&E years and years ago there was a mini-series called Brides of Christ that aired late at night. I happened to have insomnia the first night it aired so that worked out good for me. I stayed up watching it and knew I wanted to see the rest of the mini-series so I taped it it (back in the ages of VHS). And I ended up watching it over and over again. I am not sure what happened to the tape when I got divorced but I do remember for a very long time watching that tape with great fascination and I think the word I want is longing. I felt a longing to feel what they felt...that devotion and dedication.

Like Brides of Christ, I watched The Nun's Story many many times before I returned it to the library. Today as a slave, I relate to The Nun's Story in the same fascination but also with a knowing knowledge now - even if coming from a different form of devotion and dedication. And The Nun's Story I was particularly drawn to because not only her devotion but her inherent struggles that came with that devotion - even seemingly walking side by side with each other.

In the Nun's Story Sister Luke struggles between her passion to be a nun and her passion of being a nurse and helping sick people. It is explained to Sister Luke that no matter if she is with a patient or not that she has to stop when the bells toll to go to her prayer services. And it often frustrated her because here is in the middle of helping this patient - doing something so important for someone and she has to stop. She doesn't understand why God wouldn't understand that this is important. But when she is transfered to the Congo she often calls and gets excused so that she doesn't have to leave her nursing duties to go pray. She calls more and more to get excused to stay with her nursing duties over her duties as a nun. A doctor there calls her a Worldly Nun. One who is devoted to God but has curiosity of the world. And I think that accurately described her.

In the end she finally leaves her life as a nun when the war breaks out as she can't reconcile her feelings of helping one side of the war when the nuns are suppose to remain neutral. The ending and how she has to leave as a nun was very interesting - very much alone as though this family she had for year in the abbey has disowned her. And that is really what they did I guess.

I am always Master's slave, but I do have a curiosity for things that I feel I am missing out on because of being Master's slave. And it isn't that I want to give up being Master's slave. Just as Sister Luke tried to work between being a passionate about both being a nun and a nurse and not having it work, I am just not sure it is possible for me to have both. So I struggle.

I love being Master's slave. I just wish after 8 years I could find balance. I think it actually gets harder for me to find that balance the longer I am in service. Odd as that sounds. When I was first in service, everything was bright and shiny and cleaning Master's toilet was the center of my universe and I smiled joyfully at the thought of cleaning his toilet. I am sorry but 8 years later - it is just cleaning his toilet to keep it clean and knowing it will enhance his life with that service so he doesn't have to do it. No smiling joyfully while cleaning it anymore....just keeping it real folks. I know that it might be different for others just as in the Nun's Story and in the Brides of Christ some nuns seem to not struggle as much others but I am someone who questions and looks at the world around me with exactly what the doctor said in the movie - curiosity. I like being of the world. And often with M/s it seems it becomes the world. The M/s relationship is the world for the slave. But just like the nuns that struggle who still want to be nuns - I still want to be a slave. I just wish to find balance. And maybe that isn't possible. That is something I have really been trying to find this past year.

Friendship

We were in Target on Saturday - one of my favorite stores! And several of their employees had t-shirts on that say:

"real passion
real commitment
real difference"

And it reminded me of the couple we had lunch with just moments before.

A week before we met a like-minded couple that were thinking of moving to our town. We had coffee with them and talked for over 2 hours. It was such a pleasure to get to know them as they were so nice. And that slogan from Target made me think of them as they have a passion for the lifestyle, they have a commitment to each other and they have made a real difference in each others lives and now ours - even in just 2 meetings.

After coffee, we set up to have lunch and had lunch that lasted just as long as coffee the week before. When we confirmed lunch the night before, we were told they weren't moving here. And it was such a disappointment. I teared up.

It was really nice to share with like-minded people again. We don't really have a community here (yet*). And one of my things all along in living here has been that I don't have any like-minded friends. In Ohio, I had a lot of FANTASTIC friends! I miss them all so much. And I know I will never be able to replace them but I would love to have some like-minded friends here. So the thought of having this couple here made me very happy. I just felt us connect in those two meetings so it was sad to hear they weren't going to stay but I totally understood their reasons.

And even though they are not moving here we will keep in touch and are glad we made friends with such a great couple.

This couple has read our blogs. And although I have met others that have read our blogs, it always a little un-nerving to know that they know all these words. Not that there has been much here in the last year or so. But I know this couple has follow our blogs quite a long time as they knew quite a lot about us.

* yet - our town has had a few munches none of them we have been able to attend due to work. They aren't consistent yet either.


What else can I tell you....I always have well meaning intentions to write here. I have a lot of posts in my drafts. I just never get time to come back and finish them. But always hope. I had a few people even write me - with some questions in March hoping I would be doing March Questions. And I really wished I could have done them. I love March Question month. But I have just been so busy with work. So no promises on posting.

I need to get a recipe up on domestic servitude soon as I made the most amazing bars a few weeks ago. I am still dreaming of them.

If you don't follow Master, he has had some really good blog entries. Especially the most current one on poly. I suggest you take a look at them - pretty please!

Holiday

This is will be a list of life...

* Master hand wrote me a love letter last weekend. I feel very blessed to be owned by such an amazing man. We really get the mushy romantic times and the fun sick SM too. It is having our caking and eating it too! yay us!

* I have been having a rough Christmas season. My Christmas spirit has been lost. But I know that is normal after such a hard year of loss.

* But finally last night I started to get into it. Excited. I went through the motions for weeks - doing baking, making just a few things, getting the house decorated but it wasn't until baking one final batch of cookies that I started singing with the holiday music and smelling the aroma of warm cookies baking that I started to feel excited about the holidays.

* Master and I are going to go look at lights tonight - one of our favorite holiday traditions. We grab starbucks and then drive around looking at lights. We got a little preview the other night that was good but also funny. There were 2 houses with lots of lights and the the house before it only had a few lights in the window but as we were going past it I noticed the lights were shaped into an arrow and a word above the arrow. I couldn't make the word out. You know those optical illusion posters - I never see it. And that is how I felt trying to figure out the word so I pointed it out to Master. He figured it out - it had an arrow pointing to the 2 festive houses with the word DITTO above it.


* Someone left a comment yesterday and then deleted their comment. They linked me to a thread about me. It was the usual things I have heard before and won't give it anymore time then I just did by reading the thread. But I would love to chat with the person that left me the comment. Please feel free to email me at danaewhispering@yahoo.com


* Not sure if you have noticed yet but I have reposted a few older posts. I am basically reposting some of my favorites. And I am going to continue to do that through 2011.

* It is one of my good friends from Ohio's birthday today so sending her birthday love! I love you Moni and hope you have a beautiful day celebrating YOU!


Wishing you and yours holidays filled with joy and love!

Favorite Client

A repost of 5/25/09 post:
So I watched a movie this afternoon while doing other things and it made me think of one of my favorite clients.

For those of you that don't know...I was an escort. Yes, it was sex. And yes I enjoyed it.

There was a whole community - just like the BDSM community - there was a sex industry community. We had forums, parties, socializing and such. There was a man that kind of rallied the community. And he did interviews and a "date" with the escorts and then after he would basically write up a review along with the interview and post it to the escort forums. When he would do this the girl would get a lot of good advertising. Well this man did one of me with a little bit of a BDSM twist. I was out about my BDSM interests but it was also known I didn't really engage in it unless I got to know the person really well. And even then I really was selective. I did some rough sex type of things and light spanking but that was about it.

So after the interview I got quite a few gentlemen that would see me several times and then mention the BDSM and their interest in it. Some from the bottom and others from the top. I had one gentleman that talked about the interview in his initial email to me...and that was usual as they usually were to shy to bring it up. He had a reference for me and he gave me all of his info that I required and so I checked him out and set a date.

Our first date he showed up at my hotel room with a couple of diet cokes and said he wanted to talk first. Again not something that was really a usual thing. So we sat down and he proceeded to tell me he wanted something specific and that if I could provide it he would be seeing me very regularly.

He was an older man...almost 70. He wasn't from the states although he had lived here a very long time but still had his accent. Oh so nice...shiver! He told me that he hadn't really been able to find the type of date he wanted from anyone. Basically he didn't want to talk. He said his wife, his girlfriends over the years and the escorts he hired all wanted to talk before, during and after and he just wanted to come in get down to business and have fun without talking and all the emotional things women do. He said he liked noise or talking dirty during sex but he didn't want to talk before or after. He also liked it a bit rougher. I felt very comfortable with him. And after a little more conversation about what he wanted I told him that I felt I could provide him with what he needed. And then we had some fun before he left.

After that all other dates went to no talking. And so this was a typical date with him...

I would be dressed in something slutty sexy....often thigh highs, heels, and some type of lingerie. Occasionally he would ask that I greet him in just thigh highs and heels or a special type of outfit/costume (such as a school girl). He would show up and I would open the door and not say hello or anything. I just open the door and let him come in. He would take care of business - pay. Ad then he would undress and put a condom on - all without saying anything to me. After he was done he would come to me, grab me and kiss me...usually while pull off lingerie (at least panties or bottoms). And then it was straight to sex....often a blow job to start. He would push me to my knees and then move to sex - vaginal or anal. He was often rough he would dig his fingers into my breasts and ass. And at times do some spanking. He would talk dirty too. After he had an orgasm, he would lay there for a few minutes, then get up, clean up, get dressed and then say good bye. And that was it. I always got follow up emails from him telling me that I did great and he had a great time. And I am glad he did that as it would probably make me wonder if he had not had a good time. And that submissive part in me does like to please!

So for some randomness about him...

* Wow, wow, wow, he knew what to do sexually. I usually orgasmed with him multiple times during our appointment. Not only with sex (which is a very rare occasion) but with just the little bit of spanking and digging his fingers into me. He combined it in just the right way to send me over always.
* He was the first older man I was with that liked to role play Daddy/little girl. He liked it when I dressed as a school girl. He would say I was a naughty girl while we were having sex and I always knew that was my only time to talk. I never thought with someone just random - no emotional connection - I would be able to get off on doing that type of thing but I was able too. Plus again he was older then me and all of my Daddy/little girl experiences had been with men only slightly older or slightly younger then me so this felt umm much hotter in a way for me. And I never expected that because of my past.
* He was the first uncut guy I had been with and also the largest man I had been with. He was a short man - he was maybe an inch or two shorter then I. He would get undressed, have wrinkly skin from age and then expose this big smooth uncut cock all hard and ready to go. And it just always amazed me to look at him...this little man that looked like a sweet innocent Grandpa and here just moments after he undressed he would be fucking me and making me moan with pleasure.
* He turned me on...him...how he looked - naked even more of a turn on, how we didn't talk except during sex, how he fucked me, how he spanked and dug his fingers into me...it was all very hot for me and I always looked forward to our appointments.

Out of Touch

I know I have a ton of emails to reply to but I just can't get to them all right now. Please know I will - as soon as I can. I just didn't want anyone to think I am purposely ignoring them. I am just very busy - as it is that time of year.

Bruised

Repost from July 26, 2003

Well, I am officially pmsing...I cried more today then I have in the last month lol

Master just made a comment last week that I was not crying as much....I cry really easy and lately I have not cried much..unless I was crying from pain He was inflicting on me - those tears He always welcomes.

The day had a rough start. And I think I am still processing some of it. But over all weekends with Master I always love. I like having ALL day with Him. And we had a good day of use and abuse. I feel like a well used slut.

Among the many highlights of my day with Master...He came on my face today, then used my hair to wipe up access - then after that He spit in on my face. Then of course we had our ritual shower where I drank some of His piss.

Another highlight of today....that is at times a controversial subject...in some circles.

I have a bruise on my face plus a split lip. The bruise is much littler then the one I had with M. But this one is actually more noticeable. My split lip though is only noticeable at this point when my mouth is open. The things we do...always amaze me how well I take them when coming from Master. I do admit though when we were first together every time He raised His hand near my face I flinched. Now I really don't seem to do that anymore. Usually though we are playing and so I think I expect it. But even then I used to flinch. I don't now though. He slaps me lots so --- it something that I can pretty much guess will happen when we play. He enjoys slapping me and I enjoy it too. It does seem to put me in a very docile and even more demure headspace.

I like looking at all the marks on my body...I have them on my breasts and arms and now my face.

I got a little worried for a moment as Master and I are going to a wedding tomorrow morning. A co-worker's wedding, so several of His co-workers will be there and see me. Master told me not to worry about it. So, I am not going too.

Tonight as dinner time was coming about - I was tooooooo fuzzy to make dinner so Master took me out for dinner to a place we went in February - where He and I discussed me moving to be with Him full-time. It is so odd that He mentioned that tonight in the restaurant because I had just been thinking of that day early in the morning.

I am very glad Master asked me to come here...I am home. I love Master so much....I always amazed the feelings that go through me each moment of the day with Him.